The Science of Trust

Emotional Attunement for Couples

By: John M. Gottman Ph.D.

Narrated by: J. Charles

For the past 35 years, John Gottman’s research has been internationally recognized for its unprecedented ability to precisely measure interactive processes in couples and to predict the long-term success or failure of relationships. In this groundbreaking book, he presents a new approach to understanding and changing couples: a fundamental social skill called “emotional attunement,” which describes a couple’s ability to fully process and move on from negative emotional events, ultimately creating a stronger relationship.

Gottman draws from this longitudinal research and theory to show how emotional attunement can downregulate negative affect, help couples focus on positive traits and memories, and even help prevent domestic violence. He offers a detailed intervention devised to cultivate attunement, thereby helping couples connect, respect each other, and show affection. Emotional attunement is extended to tackle the subjects of flooding, the story we tell ourselves about our relationship, conflict, personality, changing relationships, and gender. Gottman also explains how to create emotional attunement when it is missing, to lay a foundation that will carry the relationship through difficult times.

Gottman encourages couples to cultivate attunement through awareness, tolerance, understanding, non-defensive listening, and empathy. These qualities, he argues, inspire confidence in couples, and the sense that despite the inevitable struggles, the relationship is enduring and resilient.

This book, an essential follow-up to his 1999 The Marriage Clinic, offers therapists, students, and researchers a detailed intervention for working with couples, and offers couples a roadmap to a stronger future together.

©2012 John M. Gottman (P)2012 Brilliance Audio, Inc.

This book is fascinating!

Yes it is like a textbook. It was hard to understand the first time I listened to it. I have listened to it so many times now I practically have some of it memorized. The reader is amazing, the book is densely packed with information and dialogue, but he very clearly reads it all. I almost thought it was John Gottman reading it. It is almost a compilation of all his writings, which are amazing good sense, plus more info gained by years of experience.

The Key to relationships gold 🥇

The science of trusts is exceptional on the relationship between people truth and Trust. if you can handle the heavy clinical verbiage it is for everyone.

excellent couples relationship book

great relationship book with practical changes you can make to relate to your significant other more positively

Not kidding when they say its the science of trust

There was a lot more math and philosophical theories in this book then I was anticipating. At times I felt like I was reading the scientific journal of the experimenter. Overall, this book has a lot of phenomenal information that will help anyone build trusting relationships if they apply the principals.

Good research lacking some practical.

I wish there were more practical aspects to be applied from reading this book. It was good. There were some practical aspects. But I was looking for more ways of applying with the research was saying. I did find the narrator to be a little bit annoying when he was reading quoted text. Particularly when he said the word “yeah” it always came out like a long drawn out question. “Yyyaaaahhh???”

Eye opening

It's pretty dense with a lot of math an science, but it's something that appeals to me as a reader and helps me connect with the ideas. But, the advice is invaluable. It helped me see my behavior and my partner's behavior in a new light and gave me hope that it's something that can be fixed.

Trust: the most important dynamic of a full life.

This book is one that I will recommend to every person I know who has any interest in securing and thriving in a long-term intimate relationship. I will also recommend it to all of my colleagues who want to succeed with their clients. In fact, unless you are a robot, then I would recommend this book! Trust is everything, so why not dig in deep to understand the most essential ingredient for a full and meaningful life? Gottman did not cut corners in this work, nor did he prevent himself from admitting the limitations of his research. I consider this book an immensely powerful tool as it is engaging and entertaining, while still technical: taking it far beyond the scope of the classic "Self Improvement" content one may shy away from digesting. I'm glad I invested my time, money, and energy in this book!

An eye-opening book

John Gottman did to the science of psychology what Sir Isaac Newton did to the science of physics. He's figured out the underlaying laws and has expressed them in mathematical models. He then uses the models to analyze,  explain, predict and treat relationships in ways that no-one else can. I'm sure this book will have a long lasting positive impact on my relationship.

Life changing insights

I absolutely loved every aspect of this book. it's heavy, youll want to take your time with this one, part by part. Let the chapters sink in before going on to the nexr. Life changing insightfulness. Thank you Gottman!

Good info, a bit tedious

This is my first Gottman book. I'm curious to see if they are all so tedious. While I appreciate the science and the steps inhis research, it got a bit exhausting to listen to at times. He balances this with some nice humor.