Transcript for EP1Welcome to the Warrior Goddess show. I’m Lina and in this episode, I will be sharing with you my personal story.I’m a curious child. Since the day I can walk, I have wandered thru villages and into people's homes. I got lost often but I always ended up safe and happy with strangers.But my childhood is a bit challenging. My parents were divorced when I was 10. We had to move into my grandparents’ home, a 3 room flat where me, younger brother and mom squeezed in with 7 other aunties and uncles, alongside my 2 grandparents.Growing up, I was often rejected by friends. I desperately wanted to belong and so I became a people pleaser. But I wasn’t happy. I ended up going my own way after I was betrayed badly. And so since young, I’ve always thought myself as different.My single mom had to work 2-3 jobs to buy a home and to pay for our everyday expenses. I too went out to work at the age of 14 at McDonald's, getting paid 2.80 an hour.So while my friends were busy socialising and hanging out, I was busy serving others in the fast food industry. I hang out with adults and we often shared about our life experiences.My grandfather and mom had great work ethics and I learn to be efficient worker like them. Though my jobs were part-time, I ensure I was on time and fulfil my sales job to my best. Often my employers were happy with me that I was promoted fast and handle more responsibilities.After polytechnic and an advanced diploma certificate in hand, I wanted to pursue my degree and Masters someday but my parents were not able to pay for it. So I work as a civil servant.Mom remarried and migrated to Europe. I was left behind to handle a home debt. Feeling abandoned, I decided to create my own happy family. I married a nice man and gave birth to 2 wonderful sons.I chose to be a homemaker because when I was young, I seldom get to see my parents. They were busy working. I was often left alone at home. I wanted my kids to have at least one parent at home, to witness their growth and get as much love from me. So that they grow up feeling whole and loved.I got restless after 5 years of being a stay-at-home mom. My identity has gotten lost in between serving my family. And I wanted to live life passionately and with a bigger purpose. To be seen, heard and matter to the bigger world. I decided to blog.I blogged about halal food and 6 months after, I got popular. Soon my name rose to fame and many medias wanted to interview me. I became famous and got many sponsorships and advertisements. I was also showcased on local and international TV, radio stations, magazines and invited to write a weekly on a Malay newspaper.After I completed reviewing many halal food in Singapore, I expanded to Malaysia and Thailand. My family went everywhere I go. I was very happy.As my name rose, my partnership with my spouse was not good. Our views and perspectives no longer sync with each other. Eventually we decided to go on our separate but harmonious ways.I went on a solo world tour. For about a year and a half, I covered about 27 countries. I also went on empowering seminars and programs locally and internationally. I even volunteered to give back to others for the beautiful lessons learnt. I’ve created many businesses and failed many times. One of my businesses was to create my own travel show. I had 10000 subscribers and more than 100,000 viewerships in my YouTube and wanted to create an official show of my own. My first attempt was in Singapore. It was not successful and I went to Malaysia thinking, Halal food has a wider audience there. Though a prominent bank wanted to invest in us for our show in TV3, somehow, the whole deal crashed through. And we failed once more. The third time was when a celebrated Indian film director wanted to use my story for a movie in India. But again, it did not materialize.So I came back, feeling dejected and rejected. My childhood memories started to haunt me. I was unable to face my kids. I felt that I've let them down. I wanted to be a role model for them but I failed many times. It was a great downer for me. I've wasted so many precious time, resources, money, energy and tears to these projects but I failed. I also had a team to support. And I went spiraling downwards.I hit upon a dark night of the soul. It was unlike anything I ever experienced. It felt like my body, heart, mind and soul was put into a Universal blender. A spiritual awakening then, occurred. And I decided to go on a new awakened path rather than the halal food blogging I started with.I changed drastically. I remove my scarf. I explore other spirituality options. I wanted to be the real me. I can no longer pretend to be the many identities I've adopted to feel belonged in the world. But I also lost millions of fans, and many more sponsorships and advertisements. Nevertheless, I felt true happiness within. I am being me, regardless of whether the world approved or not. I then went on retreats. On a ...
