Advanced planning isn’t always possible because if the decision to divorce wasn’t yours then you have had no time or opportunity to prepare. And this is true for so many of life’s challenges as these tend to land into our lives with us not being ready.

But that’s life right? As John Lennon said - Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.

Today I want to talk about some of the specifics around planning around and preparing for your divorce, your healing and your new life.

You are here, so this is happening and whether you wanted it or not. Dwelling on that you didn’t want this is counterproductive. Understandable but not helpful. If you just want me to tell you that you don’t have to do anything then you have chosen the wrong episode.

Did you notice that I mentioned planning your divorce, your healing and your new life?

Yes - this is not just a financial and legal road map. It is important to focus on all areas of this journey. And while the financial and legal can feel the most daunting and also the most important - it is likely the easiest as there are so many who can help you and there are specific steps that need to be taken.

The scary factor is the unknown results, the potential emotional chaos and hostility and our own fear of working our way through these legal and financial avenues that most of us had no understanding of leading up to this time.

Let’s start with the financial and legal. If you are listening to this then you likely are going through or have gone through divorce. If you are done then you might want to skip ahead to the part about planning your healing and your new life starting at 16:50.

Legal and Financial Planning

• Gather your team
• Learn as much as you can
• Become clear about what your best and worst outcome is and plan to land somewhere in the middle.
• Be fair
• Keep a level head (more on that in the healing planning)
• ** And join the Rising Free membership

Plan to heal

• Gather your team and your people
• Be honest with yourself
• Lots of self-reflection, self-compassion, self-love and patience
• Learn who you are and what you want out of your life
• Spend time around people who lift you and don’t drag you down. Plan for this
• Expect healing

Plan for your new life

The focus tends to be so heavy on the scary stuff and the negative things that happen and may happen. So few talk about the good. It’s like we are afraid to feel good or feel guilty feeling anything positive at all. Enough of that!

• It’s time to map out a beautiful life for yourself and start making some plans to get you closer to that - Retreats, Vacations, time with people you love
• Work you find satisfying, and a home life that is balanced and easy

This is all within your control so make it happen.

LINKS MENTIONED AND MORE

💃🏼 RE-LAUNCH OF RISING FREE Divorce Support Community - Join the waitlist now to be the first to know about all the launch specials and events. www.theseparationclub.com/risingfree

💃🏼 Join our 2025 retreat in Costa Rica, Feb. 22 - March 1, 2025 https://www.theseparationclub.com/costa-rica-retreat

💃🏼 BUY THE BRAND NEW JOY JOURNAL: https://www.theseparationclub.com/the-joy-journal

💃🏼 I would love to work with you towards your healing, self-discovery and in creating your new life. Working with a coach is a great way to discover your purpose, your path forward while gaining clarity on your beliefs and core values. I have openings in my calendar for some new clients. https://www.theseparationclub.com/coaching

💃🏼 Also make sure to download the Free Separation Checklist: https://theseparationclub.com/separation-checklist

💃🏼 Join the private and free Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theseparationclub

💃🏼 You can also find me on Instagram @elisabethjoy444 where I share daily inspirations and tips as you navigate your divorce.

💃🏼 And the brand new Instagram account for The Joy Journal: @thejoyjournal444

There are many parts to a healing journey during and after separation and divorce. That's why I started this healing series and here is part 4. So manke sure to check out the previous 3 and the introduction to the series in episode 83. Having high or unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others can really get in the way of the healing journey because you are essentially giving your power (and peace of mind) away to the person you expect something from. And for self-expectations - they are often tied to how we want others to react based on our actions etc. All in all it's a messy business that can cause us a lot of pain. So let's dive into this together and as always I will have some great insights and tools for you.

LINKS MENTIONED AND MORE

• RE-LAUNCH OF RISING FREE Divorce Support Community - Join the waitlist now to be the first to know about all the launch specials and events.
• Join our 2025 retreat in Costa Rica, Feb. 22 - March 1, 2025 https://www.theseparationclub.com/costa-rica-retreat
• BUY THE BRAND NEW JOY JOURNAL: https://www.theseparationclub.com/the-joy-journal
• I would love to work with you towards your healing, self-discovery and in creating your new life. Working with a coach is a great way to discover your purpose, your path forward while gaining clarity on your beliefs and core values. I have openings in my calendar for some new clients. https://www.theseparationclub.com/coaching

• Also make sure to download the Free Separation Checklist: https://theseparationclub.com/separation-checklist
• Join the private and free Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theseparationclub/
• You can also find me on Instagram @elisabethjoy444 where I share daily inspirations and tips as you navigate your divorce.
• And the brand new Instagram account for The Joy Journal: @thejoyjournal444

Grief after a divorce can be particularly intense and persistent, and many people find themselves stuck in their grief and ruminating on the past for several reasons.

1. Loss of Identity
2. Emotional Attachment
3. Unresolved Issues
4. Fear of the Future
5. Habitual Thinking Patterns
6. Societal and Cultural Influences

LINKS MENTIONED AND MORE

• The Healing Heart: https://www.theseparationclub.com/healingheart
• Join our 2025 retreat in Costa Rica, Feb. 22 - March 1, 2025 https://www.theseparationclub.com/costa-rica-retreat
• BUY THE JOY JOURNAL: https://www.theseparationclub.com/the-joy-journal
• I would love to work with you towards your healing, self-discovery and in creating your new life. Working with a coach is a great way to discover your purpose, your path forward while gaining clarity on your beliefs and core values. I have openings in my calendar for some new clients. https://www.theseparationclub.com/coaching
• Download the free Separation Checklist with all the important first steps as you embark on this journey https://theseparationclub.com/separation-checklist
• Join the private and free Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theseparationclub/
• You can also find me on Instagram @elisabethjoy444 where I share daily inspirations and tips as you navigate your divorce.
• And the brand new Instagram account for The Joy Journal: @thejoyjournal444

Last week I talked about understanding and healing our pain story. This week I am talking about the inward journey mentioned last week. It’s a journey that is crucial to our healing and self-discovery journey available to us during and after a divorce.

Healing after a divorce is a deeply personal and multifaceted journey that involves emotional, mental, and sometimes physical and spiritual practices. Here are several strategies and practices to help you turn inward and find healing:

Emotional healing and mental/cognitive healing are closely related but distinct aspects of overall psychological well-being. Understanding the differences between the two can help in addressing each area more effectively.

Emotional healing deals with processing and releasing emotional pain, while mental/cognitive healing focuses on reshaping thought patterns and improving mental clarity. Both are essential for overall psychological well-being, and integrating practices from both areas can lead to more effective and holistic healing.

LINKS MENTIONED AND MORE

• Sign up to be the first to know about the August 1st re-launch of the Rising Free divorce support community happening this summer www.theseparationclub.com/rfwaitlist
• The Healing Heart: https://www.theseparationclub.com/healingheart
• Join our 2025 retreat in Costa Rica, Feb. 22 - March 1, 2025 https://www.theseparationclub.com/costa-rica-retreat
• BUY THE JOY JOURNAL: https://www.theseparationclub.com/the-joy-journal
• I would love to work with you towards your healing, self-discovery and in creating your new life. Working with a coach is a great way to discover your purpose, your path forward while gaining clarity on your beliefs and core values. I have openings in my calendar for some new clients. https://www.theseparationclub.com/coaching
• Download the free Separation Checklist with all the important first steps as you embark on this journey https://theseparationclub.com/separation-checklist
• Join the private and free Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theseparationclub/
• You can also find me on Instagram @elisabethjoy444 where I share daily inspirations and tips as you navigate your divorce.
• And the brand new Instagram account for The Joy Journal: @thejoyjournal444

We all carry a painstory, a personal narrative shaped by our experiences of trauma, loss, and hardship. Understanding and acknowledging this painstory is crucial for healing after significant life events such as divorce, loss, or abuse. By exploring the origins and impact of our pain, we can begin to unravel the emotional knots that bind us to the past. This process of self-awareness allows us to identify patterns of suffering, recognize triggers, and gradually disempower the pain that has accumulated over time. Through compassionate self-reflection and acceptance, we can transform our painstory from a source of ongoing distress into a catalyst for growth and resilience, fostering a deeper sense of inner peace and emotional freedom.

Triggers of the Pain-Body:

1. Negative Thoughts and Emotions: Negative thoughts and emotions can feed the pain-body, causing it to grow stronger and more influential over an individual's state of mind and behavior.
2. Relationships: Close relationships, particularly those involving conflict or intense emotional interactions, can activate the pain-body.
3. Stressful Situations: High-stress circumstances or situations can trigger the pain-body, bringing old emotional wounds to the surface.

Healing the Pain-Body:

1. Awareness and Presence: The first step to healing is to become aware of the pain-body's presence. Recognizing when it is active allows an individual to disidentify from it. Practicing presence and staying in the "now" reduces the pain-body's power.
2. Observation Without Judgment: Observing the pain-body without judgment or reaction can weaken it. By acknowledging its presence without engaging with it emotionally, an individual can prevent it from gaining more energy.
3. Acceptance: Accepting the pain and understanding it as a part of the human experience can help in the healing process. This acceptance involves not resisting or trying to escape the pain, but rather allowing it to be without feeding it further.
4. Inner Body Awareness: Focusing on the physical sensations in the body can help in grounding and staying present. This practice can diminish the influence of the pain-body.

LINKS MENTIONED AND MORE

• Sign up to be the first to know about the August 1st re-launch of the Rising Free divorce support community happening this summer www.theseparationclub.com/rfwaitlist
• The Healing Heart: https://www.theseparationclub.com/healingheart
• Join our 2025 retreat in Costa Rica, Feb. 22 - March 1, 2025 https://www.theseparationclub.com/costa-rica-retreat
• BUY THE JOY JOURNAL: https://www.theseparationclub.com/the-joy-journal
• I would love to work with you towards your healing, self-discovery and in creating your new life. Working with a coach is a great way to discover your purpose, your path forward while gaining clarity on your beliefs and core values. I have openings in my calendar for some new clients. https://www.theseparationclub.com/coaching
• Download the free Separation Checklist with all the important first steps as you embark on this journey https://theseparationclub.com/separation-checklist
• Join the private and free Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theseparationclub/
• You can also find me on Instagram @elisabethjoy444 where I share daily inspirations and tips as you navigate your divorce.
• And the brand new Instagram account for The Joy Journal: @thejoyjournal444

**INTRODUCTION TO SUMMER HEALING SERIES**

I am really excited to bring you this healing series. I will be talking about what holds your healing back and what can make it happen faster. It's kind of the same thing. A true lesson in perspective.

So, join me for this illuminating, healing and potentially transformational summer series.

Today is the introduction to the series and I will be touching on the following six areas of discussion that are coming up.

1. Identifying with the pain story
2. Grief/loss and ruminating on memories
3. Inward focus - A self-discovery journey
4. Unrealistic and unmet Expectations
5. Your fear story
6. Lack of planning for the future

I am also relaunching the Rising Free membership community. I took a hiatus and restructured to meet your needs better. I'm so excited to bring you a whole new experience and support opportunity as you navigate your separation and divorce.

The launch date is July 1st, but make sure to sign up for the waitlist (see below) so you will be the first to know about launch specials, discounts and other exciting events.

Also make sure to check out our upcoming retreats that also provide an opportunity to do this work in person with me and other women exactly like you. Something so powerful happens when women gather to do this work.

Upcoming retreats:

• Umbria, Italy, June 22-29th, 2024 - https://www.theseparationclub.com/italy2024
• Ontario, Canada, Sept. 12-15th, 2024 - https://theseparationclub.com/lake-retreat
• Nosara, Costa Rica - Feb. 22 - March 1, 2025 - https://www.theseparationclub.com/costa-rica-retreat

Upcoming retreats:

• 🇮🇹 Umbria, Italy, June 22-29th, 2024 - https://www.theseparationclub.com/italy2024
• 🇨🇦 Ontario, Canada, Sept. 12-15th, 2024 - https://theseparationclub.com/lake-retreat
• 🇨🇷 Nosara, Costa Rica - Feb. 22 - March 1, 2025 - https://www.theseparationclub.com/costa-rica-retreat

*JOIN THE RISING FREE WAITLIST* : https://www.theseparationclub.com/rfwaitlist

OTHER RESOURCES:

• BUY THE BRAND NEW JOY JOURNAL: https://www.theseparationclub.com/the-joy-journal
• Work with me - https://www.theseparationclub.com/coaching

• Free Separation Checklist: https://theseparationclub.com/separation-checklist
• Join the private and free Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theseparationclub/
• You can also find me on Instagram @elisabethjoy444 and @thejoyjournal444

Getting through divorce without feeling like you’re losing your mind, sanity and self-respect

• Stop caring what others think
• Stop caring about whether others think you are right or justified

First - We need to get solid with our core values.

• What are our values?
• Are we making decisions that are aligned with them?

Second - If you don’t feel good then you are out of alignment with your values, beliefs or boundaries

• Values - example: integrity, kindness
• Beliefs - What you have been taught to believe vs. what is real and what is fear
• Boundaries - what are your boundaries? Why are you reacting to this in this way? What feels wrong? DO NOT PLAY THIS DOWN AND MINIMIZE

Then we need to stop caring what others think

• Everyone walks through life with their own set of beliefs, values, issues, wounds, fears etc - we will call it our bag of goods.
• And then they impose their opinion based on this foundation or framework. The advise is always what “they would do” in your shoes. But first, they don’t know unless they have walked the same path. And second, they are giving advise based on their own personal bag of goods.
• When I became a parent which is often the first time we really start reaching out for advice - I made sure to ask someone who parented the way I would like to. Who had similar values and who cared about me from an unselfish place.
• The other thing to be mindful of is how you ask questions or what questions you ask.
  • What would you do?
  • • Instead: What are some things you would suggest I consider?
    • Knowing what you know about me and the situation, what stands out that I might not be seeing.
    • In this way you are asking more general opinion questions that can help you with your decision instead of asking them “what you should do”.
• I found it the most helpful when I had friends who would let me unload my mind and vomit my thoughts and then maybe ask a few questions while I was still ruminating. Very often, more often than not, I would answer my own question by the time I was done talking or venting.

And finally - stop caring about being right

• Being right or wrong lives inside our ego identity. It’s us wanting the world to know the truth. We want to scream from the roof tops, yell on social media and tell everyone
• Ask yourself why? Why does it matter that they “know the truth”? What is the real benefit in that? Who stands to gain from this knowledge?

LIKS MENTIONED AND MORE

• I would love to work with you towards your healing, self-discovery and in creating your new life. Working with a coach is a great way to discover your purpose, your path forward while gaining clarity on your beliefs and core values. I have openings in my calendar for some new clients. https://www.theseparationclub.com/coaching
• DON’T MISS THE ITALY RETREAT: Step into a dream and join us in Italy June 22-29th for a week of sisterhood, Italian wine and ancient towns with cobblestones and beautiful shops selling olive oil and pottery. It's the ultimate girls' trip https://www.theseparationclub.com/italy2024
• EARLY BIRD PRICING IN EFFECT. Join our 2025 retreat in Costa Rica, Feb. 22 - March 1, 2025 https://www.theseparationclub.com/costa-rica-retreat
• BUY THE BRAND NEW JOY JOURNAL: https://www.theseparationclub.com/the-joy-journal

• Also make sure to download the Free Separation Checklist: https://theseparationclub.com/separation-checklist
• Join the private and free Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theseparationclub/
• You can also find me on Instagram @elisabethjoy444 where I share daily inspirations and tips as you navigate your divorce.
• And the brand new Instagram account for The Joy Journal: @thejoyjournal444

Anger is a massive emotion that can take us over and make us do and say things we later regret. Most of us have also been subjected to other's angry outbursts. But anger can also be a productive and constructive emotion that can move your healing forward, empower you and help you gain confidence. Join this conversation to learn how.

You will also hear me talking about the upcoming group coaching experience that starts on May 13th. I am so excited to be running a course again as it has been almost a couple of years since the last one. This is different and has been created to embrace the new times that are present since the grip of Covid ended.

It's called THE HEALING HEART:

https://www.theseparationclub.com/healingheart

During the 6 weeks we will:

1. Understand the source of your pain - it might not be as obvious as it seems
2. Connect with your inner story and being honest about what we are saying to ourselves
3. The biggest thing that holds us back is fear. We will work on letting go of fear and empower ourselves and each other to let go of our inner victim. We all have one.
4. Now you are ready to let go of your inner victim and to release your old pain story.
5. It’s time to rewrite the story
6. And then we celebrate and make plans.

• Mindfulness practices like meditation, visualization and pranayama (breathwork).
• Group conversations, Q&A and relevant exercises.
• Worksheets and other suggested "homework" activities.

You will walk away from this experience feeling stronger, happier and more confident as you continue to navigate your divorce and life in general.

Some might feel hesitant to put themselves out in a group, but it is exactly the group dynamic that is so powerful. Knowing you are not alone, and having the support and friendship of others who are on the same journey is incredibly powerful.

We will put the techniques you learn into practice during group coaching sessions. This is a safe place where everyone is working on their own self-love journey.

AND JUST FOR THE NEXT 48 HOURS: Enhance your experience by having a coaching session with me before we get started (May 13th) so I can help set you up for success and hit the floor running.

LINKS MENTIONED AND MORE:

• The Healing Heart: https://www.theseparationclub.com/healingheart
• DON’T MISS THE ITALY RETREAT: Step into a dream and join us in Italy June 22-29th for a week of sisterhood, Italian wine and ancient towns with cobblestones and beautiful shops selling olive oil and pottery. It's the ultimate girls' trip https://www.theseparationclub.com/italy2024
• EARLY BIRD PRICING IN EFFECT. Join our 2025 retreat in Costa Rica, Feb. 22 - March 1, 2025 https://www.theseparationclub.com/costa-rica-retreat
• BUY THE BRAND NEW JOY JOURNAL: https://www.theseparationclub.com/the-joy-journal
• I would love to work with you towards your healing, self-discovery and in creating your new life. Working with a coach is a great way to discover your purpose, your path forward while gaining clarity on your beliefs and core values. I have openings in my calendar for some new clients. https://www.theseparationclub.com/coaching

• Receive our new and free Monthly Moon Journey Calendar showing you how to work with the phases of the moon and each phase’s unique energies to create the life you want. https://www.theseparationclub.com/moon

• Also make sure to download the Free Separation Checklist: https://theseparationclub.com/separation-checklist
• Join the private and free Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theseparationclub/
• You can also find me on Instagram @elisabethjoy444 where I share daily inspirations and tips as you navigate your divorce.
• And the brand new Instagram account for The Joy Journal: @thejoyjournal444