So if everyone in Port Charles is trying something new, maybe Sonny could too? He would be a great barber. Or maybe he could bottle that marinara sauce. Remember that marinara sauce? Looks like Lois is going to make a splash as a spokesmodel. Willow is going to make a more serious splash as a more serious spokesmodel. Curtis is heading up some muscle-related division of Aurora. Sasha is making bread sandwiches for the Quartermaines. Scotty is filming screen tests with his phone. Dex is going to be a cop. Jason is sitting at a desk in a warehouse all day. And Kristina would sit in her apartment all day if TJ had his way. Huh. What does any of this mean? Seriously, what is happening in Port Charles, and could it maybe be better written?

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Drew seems to be comforting(?) Nina, but who will comfort Sonny now that Laura has dumped him? Ava? She's starting to seem like she's back to being all about Ava. Kristina? She's starting to see Sonny for who he really is (a super generous guy who occasionally beats up or kills people--what's not to love?!). Anna? She's about to throw him in the clink. This is not a good time for a man to be undermedicated. As if that's not enough to keep a town hopping, Dex and Jason are going to meet and....okay, that may not be very exciting. Willow might become a spokesperson for a nonprofit! No, that exclamation point was a lie. Sasha is going to cook for the Quartermaines? Is that interesting? Anyone? Well, there are a lot of things happening in Port Charles, and not just on Drew's desk. But for now mostly on Drew's desk.

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Brook Lynn and Chase may be celebrating their love, but sadly it's not contagious. Other people are throwing hatchets, literally and figuratively. Joss. You do not want to share your darkest secrets with Joss, who will weaponize them (sorry, Kristina). She is really testing Sonny's patience, which was already in short supply (no thanks to Ava). Nina. Who can blame her (what?!)? She is still reeling from Ava's betrayal and losing Sonny. Of course she would add her beans to the ones Joss spilled. Kristina is carrying a baby and a lot of beans. Will she share her beans with Sonny? And the question is not will his head explode, but when. All of this would make TJ very unhappy (who cares). Also, please stop bothering Jordan, Drew. She's way out of your league.

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Emotions are running high in Port Charles! Nina isn't the only one longing for those sweet Tan-O days. Right?!! Poor Nina (wait--poor Nina?). And shame on you, Ava (wait--didn't we like Ava?). Perhaps Ava had us all fooled. Gia still wants to look like her. Good luck walking in those heels, Gia. Carly is broken hearted and frustrated with Sonny, who seems to have erased every positive memory of her, and Jason, and Michael, and Dex, and probably Joss, definitely Nina. Sonny, Sonny, Sonny. Who will save him? From himself? From the law? From Ava? Not to mention Pikeman (we really don't want to mention Pikeman). Well, at least it looks like Amelia will be hitting the pool, and Drew can finally make himself useful by volunteering to teach her to swim.

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Maxie and Felicia are always a treat. Ava and Sonny? Who knows what's going on there. Laura and Cyrus? Hmm. For a minute, Cyrus seemed like the civilized one. Dex and Joss? He missed her smell! That's love. Or Covid. Gregory and Elizabeth? Lovely. Somebody find a cure for this guy. And Elizabeth is, well, Elizabeth. Also, Carly? What are you doing?! This Jagger guy? Of course he's a step up from Drew (who isn't?), but he's no Jason (who is?). She knows this, right? Right?

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So Lucy. It's been established that a little Lucy goes a long way. A lot of Lucy makes us want to die. So why? Why are we being tortured? Maybe it's best just to put the whole Home & Heart ugliness behind us. Gia would rather talk about horses anyway. And saddles. And girth (?!). Speaking of ugliness, what is Ava up to? Nina is already a bit of a trainwreck, so why is Ava piling on? Wouldn't it be smarter to watch from a safe distance, like a barstool at the Metro Court? Between Nina and Sonny, Ava is playing a dangerous game! Is Lucy playing a game too? As long as Maxie comes out of it unscathed, go ahead and have your fun, Lucy. Also, would it be possible to give Scotty a little more camera time? And maybe bring back Liesl while we're at it? That would be delightful. Thanks.

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It's Thursday, which means mid-week mediocrity? Sure, a lot is happening in Port Charles, and that's good, but Gia and Keisha are confused about a lot of things, and this time it's not entirely their fault. Maybe the writers are still decorating their offices and not focusing enough of their attention on the actual writing of General Hospital. Anyway, a lot of behavior or scenes (for instance, Nina and Drew hitting the desk and then carpet, Carly and Jagger hitting the couch and chair and then more of the couch and chair, Ava hitting the pills and then more of the pills) are just a bit sloppy and could have been handled with more care and just plain common sense. Just so the old girls don't have to struggle unnecessarily. Let's hope this is still just a temporary settling in phase and the writing will tighten up, even if the Pikeman stuff is still generally confusing/not interesting.

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Welcome to Gia and Keisha's Solar Eclipse Special! What's special about it? Absolutely nothing. Gia and Keisha ramble more than ever, including a seven minute exploration of the "ride or die" concept, where they come to the conclusion that Keisha will have to keep looking for her ride or die because it ain't Gia. Gia did, however, save a stranger from certain blindness while she was out weed-whacking at the peak of the eclipse. So she could be considered a hero. In the same way Drew is a hero. Mostly, G and K were trying to stick to their Monday/Thursday schedule, so please forgive them for being less than spectacular today.

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