Episode 153

Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed listeners of our humble podcast, it’s time for me to eat a slice of humble pie. Or, in this case, a whole bakery's worth. I've been banging on for weeks about how England didn’t stand a chance in the Euros. I mean, I’ve been more negative than a grumpy cat in a rainstorm. And now, here I am, being made to eat my words by none other than Ollie Watkins, who's just fired England into the final.

Ollie, mate, I owe you a pint, a pizza, and possibly my firstborn. Seriously, folks, I was convinced England’s chances were as dead as my nan’s social life. But, Ollie Watkins decided to take my skepticism, wrap it in a nice package, and kick it straight into the back of the net.

Let’s get real for a second. I was more certain of England losing than I am about gravity keeping my beer on the ground. I was out here saying things like “England? Win? Yeah, and pigs might fly.” Turns out, the only thing flying was Watkins’ shot into the goal. I’ve been more wrong than a man showing up to a nudist beach in a three-piece suit.

So, here I am, hat in hand, eating crow, and any other idioms that describe the glorious sensation of being utterly and completely wrong. Ollie Watkins, if you’re listening, I hope you’re enjoying this as much as I am. Actually, probably more because I’m not enjoying this at all. I’m a comedian, not a bloody psychic.

To my loyal listeners, I apologize for my negativity. Clearly, my crystal ball was cracked, and my tarot cards were drunk. I’ll try to be more optimistic moving forward, but no promises. I’ve still got trust issues from all those missed penalties in the past. But hey, if England brings it home, I’ll happily eat my words again. And this time, I’ll wash them down with a pint of victory ale.

Here's to hoping the final is as fantastic as Ollie Watkins making me look like a complete idiot. Cheers, folks!


Music:

Primal Scream - Moving on Up
Pulp - Do you Remember the First Time

4o

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