There’s a lot of talk out there about self-care and rest.

We all experience stress and dysregulation in this world, and rest is essential for our emotional and physical well-being.

Yet sometimes, when we’re stressed and agitated, it can be challenging to realize that we desperately need a break and even harder to figure out how to do that.

This is where one of my favorite tools comes in: the Menu of Refuge.

Today, I want to share what refuge is, why you need and deserve it, and how to empower yourself by creating your own personal Menu of Refuge.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• Defining refuge, literally and metaphorically, and why it’s more than simply retreating from the world
• How a Menu of Refuge helps us take positive steps to resolve stress and dysregulation
• How refuge addresses our fundamental biological need for emotional and physical safety
• Why refuge also needs a sense of growth, wonder, or expansion
• How refuge restores our sense of dignity and self-worth
• How to craft your own list of activities and places that serve as refuge for you

Learn more about Valerie Black:

• The Change Agency
• Becoming Power Newsletter
• Coaching

What rituals and practices do you turn to when you need refuge?

In a recent conversation with my friend and former colleague, Darcy Constans MD, I realized that we had a cherished childhood touchstone in common that Darcy still uses when she needs a respite from the real world.

In this episode, Darcy and I delve into her journey of managing her energy, exploring the spiritual and energetic aspects of healing, and her unique understanding of patients' dark nights of the soul. Her journey is insightful and inspiring, and I hope it motivates you in your own path of self-care.

Darcy Constans MD is a physician and community advocate with a focus on behavioral health, psychedelic medicine, and treatments for PTSD and substance use disorders.

Content note: Discussion of mortality, psychedelic use, addiction, and mental illness

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• Why Darcy finds it essential to tend to her spiritual and energetic worlds in order to do her work as a physician
• How Darcy’s grounding practices have evolved through different clinical environments
• How Long COVID challenged Darcy’s sense of control in the world and forced her to step back with intention
• How television provides refuge and comfort for Darcy, and how she maintains awareness of it as a tool
• How Darcy manages screen time and technology with her kids with values and goals at the center

Learn more about Darcy Constans, MD:

• Website

Learn more about Valerie Black:

• The Change Agency
• Becoming Power Newsletter
• Coaching

Picture this: you’ve just completed a big project. All the work (and stress) is over, and you can breathe a sigh of relief. Right?

So, how quickly do you start itching to know how others think it went?

Perhaps you’re a student constantly refreshing your email for your professor’s thoughts. Or maybe you’re in the workplace, compulsively checking Slack for comments from your boss. Do you ever find yourself anticipating criticism, trying to get ahead by guessing what flaws others will pick out?

This begs the question, did you ever stop to ask yourself how you thought it went?

How we assess our performance on things that matter to us can strongly impact our mental health and self-esteem, not to mention the progress of our work.

Today, I want to pull back the power from the process of self-evaluations and building self-trust. Even if you’re not in an environment where you get formal feedback or have to complete self-evaluations, the method I will share has something for you, too. This method helps you create space for self-reflection that serves the impact you want to make in the world without losing yourself in self-doubt and other people’s opinions.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• Why developing the ability to discern your own performance is a critical skill set
• How self-assessment became so embedded in our work lives, and how the process has lost its meaning
• Two simple tools to help you center your own voice when considering your performance

Learn more about Valerie Black:

• The Change Agency
• The Change Agent's Handbook

Have you ever felt like your brain was being a real jerk?

Our inner worlds can be brutal. But it is possible to intentionally cultivate a gentler, more generative landscape that offers us strong roots to ground us so that we can stretch out into the world with courage and support.

Sara Lawson joined me to share her journey of silencing the harsh, unforgiving voices in her head. She also revealed the practices she adopted to create a kinder, gentler inner world, a testament to the power of intentional change.

Sara Lawson brings 20+ years of leadership experience to support organizations and individuals with ambitious dreams and meaningful goals. Sara is a consultant, facilitator, executive coach, and the creator of Gauge Leadership Lab. She particularly loves supporting leaders and teams working to foster a culture where each person has the opportunity to belong, contribute, and thrive.

Sara has worked with organizations in all sectors, from video game makers to state-wide early childhood programs, higher education to community radio, architectural firms, and organic farming incubators. Sara’s guidance offers leaders the tools and inspiration to address significant challenges, do their best work, make a meaningful difference, and find satisfaction.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How Sara realized that tending to the state of her inner world was necessary and worthwhile to her professional roles
• How she developed a practice and mindset of “scanning for what’s going well.”
• The process Sara has developed for evaluating her work and projects that value her perceptions along with external feedback
• The creative practice that helped Sara find and hone her voice
• How Sara has learned to lower the bar for being “good” at drawing through her daily-ish practice
• How she’s bringing more overt playfulness to her practices for herself and her clients post-COVID

Learn more about Sara Lawson:

• Shorthand Consulting
• Connect on LinkedIn

Learn more about Valerie Black:

• The Change Agency
• The Change Agent's Handbook

Lynda Barry Resources:

• Drawn & Quarterly
• Syllabus
• Making Comics
• New York Time Interview
• Vox Interview
• Lynda Barry on Instagram

Power—what a complicated word.

What does it take to become powerful? Money? Fame? Connections? Or perhaps just being born into the right kind of body?

I believe power—true power—results from deep roots, an inner life that keeps us grounded, inspired, and connected to what matters most. Power emerges from practices that help us transform and evolve and serve as a foundation for our work in the world.

I believe we become powerful when we nurture those deep roots and the people that matter most to us.

I'm Valerie Black, an applied behavioral scientist, coach, healthcare entrepreneur, and helpmate to the brave builders of the future. And I'm a bit obsessed with learning how change-makers of all kinds cultivate the rich inner lives at the root of their power.

On Becoming Power, I talk with powerful people about the practices that nourish them most. From writers and business leaders to activists and athletes, we dig deep into process and strategy.

As your personal behavioral scientist, I analyze their insights and turn them into meditations, visualizations, and bite-sized experiments for you to integrate into your own life.

Becoming Power is your unprecedented access to the inner lives of people doing great work.

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