This is the penultimate episode of the third and final season, Callsuma takes us through a recap of why Bereavement Room Podcast was born. TRIGGER WARNINGS ahead of today's episode.

She is joined by today's guest, Writer, Poet and Activist Maya Kalaria.

We open the conversation with racism and microaggressions we both experienced as children growing up in Britain, and the grief that comes with the ramifications of colonization and colonialism. We delve into the deep grief that South Asian communities carry that are passed on through intergenerational trauma.

Maya talks with Callsuma about the colonial trauma she suffered after her mum died when Maya was only 9 years old, having to blend into a white family as her father remarried. She describes this as living a very white life and is now on the long road to decolonizing her mind, body and wider society.

Maya opens up about what bereavement is like for a 9 year old, that there are not enough words to describe seeing your mother in a coffin. Maya reflects on the abuse she suffered, that often abuse is wrapped up in love, this is rife in the family system particularly South Asian families.

For Maya, her identity was stripped away after her mothers death, everything she once knew was no more, she dealt with it the only way she could, a bereaved 9 year old who regularly wrote in her journal to express her grief and rage.

We close our conversation on gratitude, that we are both thankful for safe spaces where we can speak our truth, the sheer freedom and liberation after being silenced for so long.

I personally don't know how much of myself i need to decolonize, so i quiz Maya on this and conclude that decolonizing oneself will vary community to community, some communities will need to decolonize more than others, as a British Bengali i feel very rooted in my culture and identity and believe I live a balanced life thanks to my parents, though i may have had periods and phases where i wished i was white so i could be accepted and included to escape racism and being singled out.

To conclude I don't think i will cut out the problematic popular culture i have consumed most of my life but equally i would agree with Maya it is important to be aware of the context and psychological effects it might have, as for fast fashion, we can't stop buying clothes, what we need to do is call out these awful retailers and corps to hold them accountable for the way they treat garment workers.

I forgot to ask Maya whether she thinks British Indians benefited from colonialism in any way, particularly wealth because I can't help but think that British Indian communities will likely have to decolonize more than others, there is a stark difference between South Asian communities socio-economically.

Of course the answer is largely no however some communities have assimilated more than others, according to research carried out by Runnymede Trust on economic and social inequalities, this is clearly evident when we look at the level of wealth in the United Kingdom, White British and British Indian people hold the highest level of wealth in comparison to Black, Pakistani and Bangladeshi communities.

You can find Maya https://linktr.ee/MayaKalaria

You can find me, Callsuma https://linktr.ee/bereavementroom

Thanks for listening,

Your host

Callsuma Ali

Joining Callsuma in the room today is British Bangladeshi, Shamsul Islam. In light of South Asian Heritage Month, I have chosen to have a uncomfortable and vulnerable conversation about the impact Covid-19 has had on one Bangladeshi family.

A report published by Public Health England (PHE) on the impact of coronavirus on ethnic minority groups, has found that people of Bangladeshi heritage are dying at twice the rate of white Britons. Other black, Asian and minority ethnic groups had between 10% and 50% higher risk of death.

Shamsul talks to Callsuma about his parents and his nephew who all died in 2020. His mum of Cancer, dad of Covid-19 and his 5 yr old nephew from a rare disease. Shamsul also had Covid-19 and recovered from it.

We discuss the difficult decision that lead him to finding a care home for his father who had Alzheimer's, unfortunately his dad had a urine infection and the care home decided to take him to the hospital where his dad during his stay tested positive for Covid-19. Shamsul likely caught Covid-19 during his visits to the hospital when visiting his dad.

He opens up about the impact Covid-19 and their deaths had on his mental health, the lack of right support in the workplace, the stress of juggling different priorities whilst not functioning at 100%.

We delve into our friendships, what it means to show up and that ultimately unless you go through a bereavement you could not possibly know how to support someone during the most difficult time in ones life however we also concluded that grief also shows us where to direct our energy and where not to, as the truth reveals itself.

Shamsul shares that although his faith is important to him, he questioned everything he once knew after the tragic death of his nephew.

Now on the road to recovery and healing, he looks forward to travelling more to aid in his wellbeing and putting ego's aside by spending quality time with his family around the dinner table.

Over 154k people have died of Covid-19 in the United Kingdom, leaving a devastating impact on those directly affected. The Bangladeshi community being one of them, the most marginalised community in the U.K.

You can find Shamsul on Instagram

As always, thank you for listening,

Your host

Callsuma Ali