This is a recording from the Facebook Live on Friday when we had a little story time! I thought y'all would benefit from it too. In the episode, I share a memory from a dark period of time for me (Mother's Day 2017), and then tie it together with this week's theme.

I hope you love it. ♥️

In episode 84 of the Beyond the High Road podcast, host Shelby Milford discusses the challenges and emotions surrounding family-oriented holidays like Mother's Day and Father's Day, especially for target parents of alienation. Shelby shares personal anecdotes about the significance of these holidays and the memories associated with them, reflecting on how such times can be particularly difficult. She emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and validating these difficult emotions but encourages listeners to also focus on self-healing and empowerment. Shelby advises on auditing one's life for negative influences, whether it be people or social media, and suggests making intentional choices about whom and what we allow to influence our mindset and actions. She highlights the distinction between fighting against something versus fighting for something, advocating for a proactive and positive approach in life, including the path toward reconnection with our children. Shelby's message underlines the significance of self-care, adjusting one's mindset, and the power of influence in overcoming the challenges of parental alienation and enhancing one's overall well-being.

01:00 Welcome to Beyond the High Road: Navigating Emotional Seasons

01:22 Reflecting on Mother's Day and Seasonal Memories

03:52 Embracing the Emotional Journey of Motherhood

04:45 Navigating Parental Alienation: Insights and Support

05:58 The Power of Influence: Shaping Your Beliefs and Actions

06:32 Redefining Challenges: Fighting For vs. Fighting Against

08:44 The Impact of Social Media and External Influences

19:52 Auditing Your Life: Identifying and Managing Influences

26:52 The Impact of Social Media on Perception and Action

27:49 Embracing the Role Beyond Alienation

28:26 The Power of Self-Advocacy and Community Support

30:23 Choosing to Fight for Reconnection

31:56 The Long Game: Patience, Persistence, and Unconditional Love

33:22 Self-Care and Inner Work: The Foundation of Empowerment

34:53 Redefining Success: From Immediate Wins to Long-Term Goals

39:31 Influence and Environment: Curating Your Circle for Growth

42:01 Mother's Day Reflections: Beyond Traditional Expectations

44:08 Closing Thoughts and Encouragement

The dreaded deed of forgiveness: the original ”F” word, to an alienated parent.

In this episode, Shelby shares insights on the pivotal role of forgiveness in healing from the pain parental alienation. She discusses the efficacy of family systems therapy over reunification therapy, drawing from advice received from a former attorney. The episode delves into the complexities of forgiveness, including Shelby's personal journey and struggles with forgiving those involved in alienating her from her child. She emphasizes that forgiveness is not about condoning others' actions but about freeing oneself from anger and resentment. Shelby talks about the importance of recognizing the humanity in those who have hurt us and understanding their actions to move towards forgiveness. She also touches upon the concept of resentment being closely linked to envy, rather than anger. The episode guides listeners on a path to healing, advocating for acknowledging and releasing resentment to reclaim one's life and break the cycle of intergenerational trauma.

The two articles referenced:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/5-types-of-people-who-can-ruin-your-life/202305/resistrefuse-dynamics-in-divorce-how-can-they

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/5-types-of-people-who-can-ruin-your-life/202308/treating-child-anxiety-in-cases-of-parental

Mending Fences Book

https://www.amazon.com/Mending-Fences-Collaborative-Cognitive-Behavioral-Reunification/dp/1950057186

00:00 Welcome to Beyond the High Road Podcast

00:14 A Message from a Trusted Attorney

01:47 Insights on Family Systems Therapy

03:25 The Power of Forgiveness in Healing

10:11 Understanding Resentment and Its Roots

13:20 The Journey Towards Forgiveness

23:50 Embracing Forgiveness for Freedom

35:59 Final Thoughts on Forgiveness and Moving Forward

I remember the first time I heard about reunification therapy... I thought, "OMG, FINALLY! There is a reasonable action to counter to all the damage that has been done! " . I was thrilled by the notion that maybe, just maybe, my case would begin to turn around.

After a little research (and a lot of legwork), I was able to have a judge order the therapy for my daughter and me. I was sure that this would be the answer to my prayers. A few sessions, and we'd be right back to snugging on the couch watching movies before bedtime.

Or so I thought...

In this episode:

1. debunking the common perception that reunification therapy is a scam
2. varying success rates due to numerous factors outside the control of the targeted parent and/or the therapist.
3. the importance of managing expectations,
4. the inability to influence the actions of the alienating parent
5. the critical role of self-awareness and empowerment in navigating the difficult journey of re-establishing connections with alienated children.

Don't forget to sign up for the live event on April 27th! https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/NeutralizeMyPain

00:00 Welcome to Beyond the High Road Podcast

00:11 Announcement: Upcoming Live Event

01:04 The Challenges of Target Parents in Alienation

05:56 A Deep Dive into Reunification Therapy

12:55 Empowerment Over Fear: Making Decisions as a Target Parent

24:11 Closing Remarks and Event Reminder

Do you feel chained to the painful memories of your custody situation? Like youre obligated to tell and re-tell the same old stories about the same old incidents in order to make sense of WHY this has all happened?

Even if you made a deciosjojn to drop it and move on, do you find yourself feeling blocked or stuck as a result of the power your ex holds over your life?

I did. I was TERRIFIED of becoming a “has-been” parent. So, I held on to the torturous narrative in effort to excuse myself from being alienated, and oddly, because I felt that without the story, I wouldn’t have a purpose… that I would be letting go of the last hint of connection I had with my daughter. Somehow I thought the pain would keep her memory close… But I would ALWAYS end up feeling MORE alienated as a result.

It became an automatic response. I would cry or get angry on cue (I wasn’t doing it intentionally… consciously… it just became my norm…)

In this episode:

1. Why we hold onto the pain
2. Pain causing thoughts
3. Connection causing thoughts
4. What makes an active parent?
5. Does the pain of alienation rob you of the ability to love?
6. How to change the narrative

7. 
   

Register for the April 27th Event! https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/NeutralizeMyPain

Do You Self-Erase?

I believe that the people and experiences we attract into our lives are a direct reflection of how we think & feel about ourselves on the inside… We can only connect with the same level of energy that we are putting out… you know?

Continuing on from last week, I truly believe that.. due to our individual histories, we already learned to be comfortable with denying ourselves the right to be loved.. that bc of our pasts, we learned the coping skill of hiding our true selves away. As such, it’s rare that we allow other people to actually experience who we are.

As alienated parents, we’ve been denying ourselves for so long, sometimes it feels impossible to get back in touch with who we are and what we want… Our identities were tied up in parenthood. So when our children aren’t home as often (or maybe not at all), we feel lost. We become self-erased…self-isolated …. and to top that off, the other parent is trying to erase us too.

In this episode, Ill share with you my thoughts on why we do this, as well as my own theories… Shelby “isms” .. and of course, what you can do to get back to yourself & overcome the habit to self-erase!

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