Birth Moms Real Talk

By: D. Yvonne Rivers
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  • Summary

  • Birth mothers telling their stories of placement.
    Copyright 2024 D. Yvonne Rivers
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Episodes
  • Episode 70 -Two Moms: Adopting Each Other – Carman and Susan – Part 2

    Episode 70 -Two Moms: Adopting Each Other – Carman and Susan – Part 2
    Oct 4 2024

    Carman and Susan continue their story an adoption plan is made . Carman shared of her unique and sometimes funny journey. Carmen “ Knew” what she wanted for herself and her child. She talked about the “ Fear” from both the birth mother perspective and adoptive mother perspective .

    Susan talked about being at the birth of Olivia , Carmen’s daughter . Susan has penned her memoir titles “ One Yes at A Time : How Open Adoption Transformed Our Family “.Birth/First Mothers look forward to meeting their child they have carried for nine months .

    Carmen and Susan had parallel lives intersecting to form an open adoption. Carmen spoke of “ The Best in All of Us”. Carmen and Susan “ Adopted Each Other .

    Communication is the Key to navigation of Emotions and Trauma of Adoption.
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    50 mins
  • Episode 69-Two Moms : Adopting Each Other - Carmen and Susan - Part 1

    Episode 69-Two Moms : Adopting Each Other - Carmen and Susan - Part 1
    Sep 20 2024

    Carmen and Susan share their journey of life . In typical adoption stories, the birth/first mom and adoption mom may never have a conversation, yet Carmen and Susan had “ Real Talk” and conversations about “ their daughter.

    These two mothers grew up in different situations and yet started the journey to “grow and learn from each other “.

    Carmen was an independent college student providing for herself on the west coast . Susan had a Midwest life and journeying through school, work, and marriage . Their story begins when their parallel lives crossed.

    They both came to ‘an adoption plan ‘ from two different perspectives.

    An Honest , Open , Transparent , H. O. T. Conversation is what you will hear on this episode of Birth Moms Real Talk.
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    54 mins
  • Dr.Abby-Truth about the Trauma

    Dr.Abby-Truth about the Trauma
    Sep 6 2024

    Abby is a transracial adoptee as a black adoptee adopted in 1971 by white parents. Her family was interested in adopting another Black child but that did not work out.

    Her family were told by adoption agencies that a Black child would be the“Cheapest and Quickest “.

    Abby started searching earnestly for her “truth” with her mother’s dementia,diagnosis.

    Abby is also a Birth/First Mother and psychotherapist serving clients in the adoption constellation.

    Abby spoke about the “ Real Truth” in Adoption dispels the Blank Slate ,Nurture over Nature that she heard in her family .

    She speaks about her “ Dream Family” for her son placed in adoption.

    The Truth Always Prevails and we need to Talk the Truth about the Trauma
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    59 mins
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Love = Loss

As an adoptee I have issues with the "love" narrative so many birth moms are telling. Love may what you have felt, I don't doubt that a bit. And you surely did what you thought was in the "best" interest of your child with the (lack of) information you had back then in regards to what adoption really does to you and your child.
But: many adoptees will always connect love with loss, and birth moms still justify relinquishing their child in the name of "love". It's actually quite damaging and confusing for adoptees to know they were given up because they were "loved". It's a form of gaslighting (even with good intentions). Yes, you love your child. But telling your child you loved him/her/they so much that you gave up on them, is extremely damaging & confusing.

Also: there's often a lack of honesty among birth mothers: if you really wanna do "real talk", then you should also acknowledge that relinquishing your child was also about your and your families' selfishness. Besides the adverse situation you were in, you and your families had other plans and dreams for you at the time, so as a result you relinquished your child. You did it not just because you "loved" your child so much ...

Stop making heroes out of birth moms. Yes, they experienced trauma as well, and society should finally acknowledge that, but relinquishing a child isn't a noble thing, it's extremely damaging for us adoptees and we have life-long issues because of it.

Besides adoptees, birth mothers and adoptive parents have their own trauma but they're also perpetrators by participating in creating life-long suffering for another human being.

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