Support the cast and get lots of other goodness at www.jennitooley.com or venmo a little love to @jenni-tooleyThis episode of Cancer Chronicles is about death. Stick with me. What I’ve discovered is that death isn’t just about the end of life. It shows up in transitions, endings, pivots, and the letting go we all have to do along the way.

I share about sitting in the hospital surrounded by both birth and death. How I walked the hall between the NICU and labor & delivery while patients near me were in hospice. How I was celebrating as much as I could that I was coming to the end of my journey with rectal cancer while my friends mourned the death of someone whose rectal cancer journey had also come to an end. I also reflect on the death of my film dream, the shifts cancer forced into every part of my life, and even how I’ve experienced “wanting to die” in the sense of wanting a life I was living to end.

What I’ve come to believe is that every ending is a doorway into something else. Each transition—whether it’s losing health, identity, plans, pets, or people—is a kind of death that eventually leads to a new life.

So, if you’re in the middle of one of those big transitions, know this: you are loved, always. You’re going to make it through. And while it may not feel good all the time, you can still find moments of joy, even peace, in the middle of it all.

Lotsa love, Jenni

Transcript and captions available and beautifully imperfect! Episodes I mentioned in this episode- all except the poop ones, there are too many to list:)

Note: There’s a 90% chance that all or part of this podcast was produced in my bathroom. Please keep me in toilet paper by becoming a paid subscriber or making a donation via venmo: @jenni-tooley or paypal/zelle: jennitooley@gmail.com.

I’m still recovering from my ileostomy closure- my bowels are very opinionated about the whole thing. I’m glad to be alive and exhausted at the same time so I’m going to keep this short.

Here’s what I talk about in this episode.

* What it’s really like when your bowels have to relearn how to work after ileostomy closure surgery

* The second hospital stay hit harder than expected

* The daily drama of dripping mini-splits and dog diarrhea felt like mountains I had to climb

* Remembering that “fear” is just Future Events Appearing Real

* Getting my priorities straight: 1. wound healing, 2. Bowels working, 3. I’m not even close to #3 yet:)

* Tools I use to consistently bring myself back to the present moment

* The Cancer Chronicles Sanctuary project—soon to be simplified and made doable by a chick who has very little “do” in her

We close with sharing gratitude—because no matter how rough the day, I can still find three things to be thankful for. Here are my three for today:

* I’m grateful I could pay the vet bill.

* I’m grateful my dog only has colitis.

* And I’m grateful for the birds singing as I sit outside.

Please share your three in the comments!

And as always: I’m grateful you’re here. Until next time—love you lots!

Links & Love

* JenniTooley.com — find my Substack, writings, and ways to support (free or paid subscribers welcome!)

* Share this episode with someone who needs a reminder that recovery is messy, human, and worth it.

Stage 3AN1 rectal cancer—gone. Now I’m healing, dreaming, and building The Cancer Chronicles Sanctuary: a space for real, in-the-moment stories, self-care tips, and light for anyone facing a cancer diagnosis. Ways You Can Support:

* Cheer us on and help spread the love* Donate to the GoFundMe or via Venmo @Jenni-Tooley* Share this post* Become a free or paid subscriber at JenniTooley.com

Together, we can make cancer a little less sucky.Love ya!Jenni: