Delight Your Marriage

De: Belah Rose | Author Podcaster & Marital Intimacy Enthusiast
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  • Resumen

  • Husbands and wives were designed to be different. You want different things in marriage and intimacy on every level (emotional, spiritual, and physical). Whether you're a wife or a husband, whether you're suffering or pretty good... and you're looking for Bible-based insights and scriptural practical guidance on how to transform your marriage, you've found the right podcast! We have "transformation stories" that will inspire hope that putting into practice these principles, by God's grace, can truly change your intimacy completely. If you're looking to see how to transform your marriage sign up for a free Clarity Call, we can hear your story and work with you to determine if we are confident we can help you: https://www.delightyourmarriage.com/cc
    (c) Delight Your Marriage
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Cristianismo Espiritualidad Hygiene & Healthy Living Ministerio y Evangelismo
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Episodios
  • 479-Healing Sexual Sin & Shame through the Cross (and Curiosity): Interview with Jay Stringer

    479-Healing Sexual Sin & Shame through the Cross (and Curiosity): Interview with Jay Stringer
    Apr 18 2025
    Healing Sexual Sin & Shame through the Cross (and Curiosity): Interview with Jay Stringer There is something so incredible about a story of redemption. And, dear reader, I believe this conversation will be a turning point for you, as it has been for so many in our community. I’ve walked alongside men and women wrestling with the deep pain of sexual brokenness- the battles they face in their marriage beds, their thought lives, their past, and the weight of shame. I’ve seen firsthand the power of God to restore what seemed utterly lost. And this conversation with Jay Stringer is an invitation to that very healing journey. Jay is a therapist, minister, researcher, and author of Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing. His compassionate, curious approach offers a fresh lens: that the very behaviors we hate are not random. They are clues. And they point us to healing. On this Good Friday, as we reflect on the sacrifice of Jesus, there is no better time to consider what it truly means to lay our shame at the foot of the cross. Let’s dive in. The Cross and Your Story of Healing We all carry wounds. Some we’re acutely aware of, and others we’ve buried so deeply that they show up in our actions long before we recognize them in our hearts. Jay opened our conversation by pointing us to the profound truth of the cross. Jesus knew exactly what you would do. Every mistake. Every moment of shame. And yet, He chose to take it all upon Himself. He bore your sin and your shame. This is not a journey of trying harder to be good enough. It’s about understanding how deeply Jesus loves you, even in your lowest moments, and choosing to respond to His love with a courageous step toward healing. Unwanted Behaviors: They Are Not Random One of the most freeing truths Jay shared is this: our unwanted behaviors are not random. Through his extensive clinical work and groundbreaking research, Jay discovered that the specific ways we struggle are deeply connected to our stories of origin. Jay explained that in his role as the sex addiction therapist for the city of Seattle, he began to see patterns. Men arrested for soliciting sex were not making random choices. Their actions were connected to predictable stories of pain and trauma. Whether you grew up in a home of neglect, where your heart longed for connection and was left empty, or in a home of rigid control, where you felt powerless and unseen, these early experiences shape the way you cope and the behaviors you pursue as an adult. Your brain, your body, your desires are all responding to unhealed wounds. Understanding the Root: Family Systems and the Power of Priming Jay described two primary family systems that often set the stage for future struggles: The Disengaged Family System: Parents were physically or emotionally absent. Your longing for connection was never fulfilled. When you first experienced the neurochemical bond of pornography or sex, it felt like the deepest connection you had ever known. The Rigid, Authoritarian Family System: Parents were hyper-controlling, using performance or religion to shape you. You felt powerless and suffocated. Pornography, in contrast, offered a false sense of control and power over your environment. Both systems prime you for certain temptations. And recognizing this isn’t about blaming parents or excusing behaviors. It’s about gaining understanding. Because understanding is what allows us to grieve. And grieving opens the door to healing. As Jay says, “You can't just try to stop an unhealthy behavior. You have to understand why you were drawn to that behavior in the first place.” Shame Keeps You Stuck. Curiosity Sets You Free. As Christians, we know the seriousness of sin. But too often, we try to hate our way to holiness. We believe that if we punish ourselves enough, we’ll finally change. But, the Apostle Paul tells us that it is God’s kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4). Not our contempt. Not our loathing. Not our self-hatred. Jay encouraged us to replace self-contempt with curiosity. Ask yourself: Why am I drawn to this behavior? What is the pain underneath my actions? What does this reveal about my longing to be seen, known, and loved? When we approach our story with curiosity, we give God space to reveal the roots of our pain. The Shark of Shame: Swim Toward It Jay also shared a fascinating metaphor that I just love: Professional shark diver Andy Casagrande was once asked what to do if a great white shark is swimming toward you. His answer? Swim toward it. If you swim away, you act like prey. But if you move toward the shark, it confuses the predator, and it backs away. Shame operates the same way. When we run from it, it devours us. But when we confront it — facing it head on, sharing vulnerably in trusted community, seeking counseling, and naming our wounds — we rob shame of its power. Swim toward the shark of shame. Face it. Name it. And ...
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    54 m
  • 478-How 20 Years Of Painful Miscommunication Became Beautiful Unification: Stephen's Story

    478-How 20 Years Of Painful Miscommunication Became Beautiful Unification: Stephen's Story
    Apr 11 2025
    If you have ever felt disconnected with your spouse- particularly in the area of communication- this episode is especially for you. Steven and his wife, Tracy, walked through more than two decades of disconnection. Twenty-five years is a long time to feel lost in your marriage. To feel like no matter what you try, you just can’t find your way back to each other. They loved God. They were raising six children together. They wanted their marriage to thrive. But somehow, they kept missing each other. Their communication felt off, and it wasn’t just about words—it was about how every part of their life as a couple felt misaligned. Marriage Problems After 25 Years: Feeling Stuck and Disconnected Steven and Tracy did what many couples in their situation try to do. They sought help. They met with counselors and pastors. They heard wise advice. But for some reason, it just didn’t seem to stick in their day-to-day lives. They felt like they were doing all the right things, yet their relationship still felt strained. The alignment they hoped for—spiritually, emotionally, practically—kept slipping through their fingers. It’s hard to describe how wearying that becomes over time. You start to wonder if it will ever change, or if you’re destined to just live alongside each other, rather than truly enjoy the beauty of partnership that marriage is meant to be. Signs of Hope: When One Spouse Begins to Change What began to open things up wasn’t what Steven expected. He started to notice a softness in Tracy. A new warmth in her communication. She seemed more open, more willing to engage in conversations in a way that felt safe and inviting. And that tenderness in her sparked something in him. He realized, deep in his heart, that he wanted to experience that same kind of shift. He didn’t want to keep circling the same frustrations. He wanted his heart to change too—not just so things would feel better, but because he longed to love her well. There’s something so beautiful about that. Sometimes, it’s the gentle transformation in one spouse that awakens the hope in the other. And that’s exactly what happened for Steven. How Focusing on Personal Growth Can Transform Your Marriage What truly began to move the needle for Steven was recognizing where his focus had been all along. For many years, like so many of us, he had been looking at his wife’s responses, her choices, her attitude. But when he started to reflect more deeply, he realized the bigger breakthrough would come from within himself. That shift—from focusing outward to focusing inward—was a game changer. Instead of waiting for Tracy to change, he opened his heart to the changes God wanted to do in him. He began to see how his own patterns of thought and communication were shaping their dynamic. And as he leaned into that growth, the atmosphere of their marriage began to change. Learning to Communicate Better in Marriage Steven described it as learning to dance. For years, he and Tracy were moving to different rhythms. Even when they had good intentions, they kept stepping on each other’s toes. When you don’t know the steps, no matter how much you love the other person, the dance feels clumsy. Missteps are frustrating and discouraging. But as Steven grew in understanding and grace, he began to move in rhythm with his wife. He learned how to lead with humility and gentleness. And as he did, Tracy responded. She became more willing to follow his lead—not because she was forced to, but because it felt safe and loving to do so. Their dance transformed from awkward steps to something fluid, connected, and beautiful. Why Humility Is Key to a Stronger Marriage What I find so deeply inspiring about Steven’s journey is the way he embraced humility. He didn’t cling to pride. He didn’t stay stuck in frustration, demanding that his wife change first. Instead, he knelt before God—both literally and figuratively—and opened his heart to being transformed himself. That posture of surrender made space for God to work powerfully in his life and marriage. And it’s a reminder for all of us: no matter how broken things feel, when we choose humility and invite God into our hearts and homes, He begins to weave a story of redemption that’s more beautiful than we could have imagined. What a Healthy Marriage Looks Like After Healing Today, Steven and Tracy still face challenges, but what’s different now is how they handle them. What used to take days, weeks, or even months to resolve now takes minutes—sometimes even seconds. They’ve learned to recognize when they’re drifting out of alignment and come back quickly to unity and connection. Their marriage isn’t just surviving anymore. It’s thriving. There’s joy. There’s intimacy. There’s a deep excitement about what God is continuing to do in their relationship. It’s a miracle of grace, truly. There Is Hope for Your Marriage, Too Friend, if you find yourself where Steven...
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    41 m
  • 477-How to be a Good Sexual Man: Interview with Sam Jolman

    477-How to be a Good Sexual Man: Interview with Sam Jolman
    Apr 4 2025
    How to be a Good Sexual Man: Interview with Sam Jolman Men, have you ever wished someone had sat you down and given you the sex talk you really needed—not the awkward, surface-level version, but a conversation that spoke to your heart, your masculinity, and how all of that relates to your sexuality and how God designed you? That’s exactly what therapist and author Sam Jolman offers in his book The Sex Talk You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality. I was deeply honored to have him on the Delight Your Marriage podcast for a conversation I believe every man and every wife needs to hear. Below are some highlights from our conversation—rich truths that stirred awe, healing, and even some tears. We hope you can listen in on the podcast and check out his newest book, available everywhere books are sold. What Does It Mean to Be a “Good Sexual Man”? Sam shared how the term “good sexual man” often sounds like an oxymoron in our culture. If someone says a man is “very sexual,” we usually don’t take it as a compliment. But what if masculinity and sexuality are meant to be good—designed by God, filled with honor, love, and even awe? Sam invites men to recover their God-given sexual goodness, not by ignoring the brokenness, but by acknowledging it and moving through it—through experiences of shame, silence, even possible harm into healing, wholeness, and holiness. He said, “The issue isn't too much sexual desire—but too little heart.” Your heart was meant to be connected to your sexuality, and it is something that many of the men he speaks with have trouble bringing into their sexuality. Masculinity Reclaimed: More Than Behavior Management Too often, conversations around male sexuality in the church revolve around “behavior management”—Am I behaving or not? Am I sinning or not? But Sam urges men to ask deeper, more hopeful questions: What kind of lover am I?Do I pursue my wife emotionally, not just physically?Have I honored the wounds in my story that made me vulnerable?Have I mistaken my brokenness as only sin, when it’s also about being wounded? This is not about making excuses—it’s about seeking healing and becoming the kind of man who loves deeply and well. Awe, Sensuality & the Glory of a Woman’s Body This part of our conversation brought me to tears. Sam quotes author Mike Mason who described his wife’s naked body as glory. And Scripture supports this—glory is what is veiled in the Bible, not hidden out of shame, but out of reverence. What if we, as wives, were seen like that? What if our husbands truly beheld us as the masterpiece of God—with awe, wonder, tenderness, and joy? It is what every wife is truly longing for. And what Sam beautifully points out is—this isn’t about trying to say something simply to please your wife. It’s about opening your eyes to the beauty God has already placed in front of you, for your pleasure, for your joy, and for your worship. Jesus: The Model of the Sensual and Strong Man Jesus was the manliest of men. He endured the cross, the lashing, the pain, all without complaint. But He also wept over the death of His friend. He was moved with compassion.He made excellent wine for a wedding! And as Sam so beautifully brought up, he received tenderness from a woman washing His feet with tears and perfume. Jesus was both strong and sensual. He didn’t run from beauty—He embraced it. And Sam encourages men to do the same. Sex as Play, Not Pressure One of my favorite parts of Sam’s book is the idea of sex as play. (As you know, we LOVE playfulness at Delight Your Marriage!) In the story of Isaac and Rebekah, Scripture uses the word “play” to describe their intimate interaction. Not “duty.” Not “obligation.” Not even “intercourse.” Just play. How different would sex feel to wives if it was simply seen as an invitation to play? To connect? To enjoy one another—without pressure or performance? When sex becomes play, there's less fear and more room for freedom and creativity. It becomes mutually joyful and it draws both hearts closer. We also both acknowledged that if sex is the only area right now where you play as a couple, it may not come as naturally or even feel awkward. Make sure to build a culture of play outside of the bedroom- go on playful dates, have playful jokes throughout the day- so that you can bring it into the bedroom more naturally. A Message to Men Carrying Sexual Shame Sam shared that many men, in the privacy of his counseling office, have revealed deep sexual shame—some of it stemming from trauma, abuse, or early exposure to sexuality that felt confusing or violating. The enemy wants men to bury those wounds in silence. But healing comes through truth, and through Jesus, who already knows, already sees, and already loves you. As Sam reminded us, your brokenness is not just your sin—it’s also your wounding. And it was wounding. If this is you, you’re not ...
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    1 h y 9 m
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Wonderful resource!

Biblical wisdom that makes practical tools to transform marriage. Wisdom and hope in every episode.

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insights, enthusiasm, hooe

Belah has been given a gift from God to help many with their marriage- to improve it even if only one spouse does the work- i know! I did her men's coaching class nearly 4 years ago. I am a transformed man, in my 39th year of marriage. our marriage has Never been better! we are truly growing old together in our 60s. so many understandings have been opened for me, and I am a different person

click onto and listen to several podcasts! Some are her teaching and insights like 472. Others are an interview with a client. once in a while she'll have a special guests. They all offer hope, gold nuggets to make your marriage better, and encouragement to draw near to God. may you and your marriage be blessed!

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