Are you dating a narcissist, or is your partner just a jerk? Find out in this episode of “Next Up: Narcissism,” where Dr. Z, a licensed clinical psychologist and narcissistic abuse expert, outlines the key, underlying differences between behaviors that may be toxic in nature, versus those that are consistent with narcissistic abuse. Listeners will gain a better understanding of these differences along with practical strategies for how to navigate these behaviors.

Dr. Z stresses the importance of understanding the underlying "why" of people's behaviors. While many unhealthy behaviors may look similar on the surface, she explains that the specific purpose of narcissistic abusive behavior is to obtain power and control over the other person.

To help listeners identify narcissistic abusive behaviors, Dr. Z introduces the "boundary test." She suggests canceling plans, especially with a new dating partner, then observe their reaction. Healthy reactions would include appropriate disappointment or expressing understanding. However, when dating someone with NPD, you may see extreme anger, even more boundary violations such as showing up at your house unannounced, or other manipulative tactics such as ghosting.

Dr. Z points out that the majority of people, when confronted with their mistakes (yes, even a "jerk"), will take accountability or at the very least be empathetic about any harm they may have caused others. A narcissist, however, will not only refuse to take accountability, but they will lack empathy for those they have hurt.

If you're looking to better understand toxic relationship dynamics, or seeking tools to navigate them more effectively, tune in to this episode. Dr. Z offers essential insights and practical strategies that will empower you to make informed decisions about your relationships.

Quotes

• “When I say function of behavior, what I mean is the underlying ‘why.’ Why did that person do X behavior? Why, at this very moment, did the person do what they did? Because we know with narcissistic personality disorder—the behaviors that they engage in—the underlying reason behind them is for power and control.” (01:47 | Dr. Z)
• “You don’t need to have a reason. And that reason does not need to be narcissistic abuse to leave the relationship.” (04:19 | Dr. Z)
• “The function of a narcissist’s behavior is always going to have to do with power, control, manipulation, right? We talk about all those three things—getting supply, getting attention, having the focus be back on them, having them be relevant, or having them feel big and powerful. That’s the function of their behavior.” (16:40 | Dr. Z)

Links

Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman:

https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/

https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/

https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/

https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist

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