Today we’ll talk about one of the most disorienting experiences Christian women in emotionally abusive marriages face: gaslighting.

But we aren’t going to just define what gaslighting is. I’m going to break it down into all the tiny parts and give you some specific stories so you can see exactly what’s going on and WHY.

You’ll learn three specific tactics gaslighters use, why they use them, and what you can do to stay grounded in your own reality when someone is working hard to pull you out of it.

Key Takeaways:

• Why someone can sound completely loving and caring while actually doing something deeply harmful to you
• The hidden reason your concerns keep disappearing from conversations before they ever get resolved
• What a "joke" has to do with control, and why your body's reaction is not a character flaw
• The psychological mechanism you share with a slot machine, and what it's actually costing you
• The one shift that strips a gaslighting tactic of all its power, without you having to win a single argument

Get Today’s Free Resource:

🧐 Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

Tia Levings is the New York Times bestselling author of A Well-Trained Wife and her newest book, I Belong to Me. She survived a Christian patriarchy cult, escaped a near murder-suicide, was excommunicated for telling her own story, and spent 15 years in intensive trauma therapy doing the work to put herself back together. Now she's handing you the map to healing from religious trauma.

In this episode, Tia and I dig into the real mechanics of religious trauma recovery: why your body refuses to believe you're safe even when your brain knows it, what "aftermath" actually means (it's an agricultural word, and it will change how you see your own devastation), why grief work is not optional, and what agency has to do with the entire trajectory of your healing.

Key Takeaways:

• What does it actually mean to "belong to yourself" after religious trauma has dismantled your sense of identity from the inside out?
• Why trauma survivors often write, speak, and even think about themselves in the passive voice, and what that reveals about the agency that was quietly stolen from them
• What the agricultural origin of the word "aftermath" tells us about why the most painful, raw season of your healing is also the most generative
• Why anger and bitterness after religious trauma aren't signs that something is wrong with you, and what they're actually trying to show you
• How complex PTSD can keep a survivor locked in survival mode for years, making life-altering decisions in a state of ongoing shock without ever realizing it

Get Tia’s books:

A Well Trained Wife

I Belong to Me

Follow Tia everywhere on social media! Her handle is @tialevingswriter

Get Today’s Free Resource:

📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

Let’s talk about something called “the subjugation schema.” It's a clinical pattern that secular psychologists are actively trying to help women heal from, and the conservative Christian church has rebranded the exact same wound as godliness, biblical womanhood, and a high calling.

If you've spent your life apologizing for taking up space, smiling when you wanted to scream, or feeling guilty about basic human needs like rest, preferences, and an opinion of your own, this episode is going to feel like someone finally turned the lights on.

Key Takeaways:

• Meet Rachel and Megan: two composite women, two very different engines driving the exact same wound. Find out which one might be running you in the background right now without your permission
• The four specific ways the conservative Christian church installs this pattern in little girls and quietly reinforces it in grown women
• Why "mutual submission," "complementarianism," and "servant leadership" might be the same old subjugation wearing a friendlier nametag
• The story of Sapphira in Acts 5 that quietly dismantles the "always submit to your husband" theology you've been handed
• The one journal question at the end of the episode that might wake up the woman who has been hiding underneath your schema for decades

Get Today’s Free Resource:

🎁 I want to give you a free gift. It’s the audio version of my book, All the Scary Little Gods. It’s a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. You can listen to it FREE by going to scarylittlegods.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

In this episode I’m answering a pressing question Christian women in difficult marriages ask: how do you find a church that will actually support you instead of silence you?

Because not all churches are created equal, and the difference between a safe church and a harmful one can change everything for a woman trying to find her footing. I’ll break down exactly what to look for, what to ask, and what red flags to run from.

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• There's a question you can ask a pastor before ever setting foot in a pew that will tell you almost everything you need to know about whether that church is safe.
• What a church puts on its website (and what it leaves off) reveals far more than you might think about how they actually treat abuse survivors.
• One word in a pastor's answer about couples counseling is a dealbreaker. Do you know what it is?
• The church's leadership page can disqualify them before you ever walk through the door.
• There's a theology that sounds biblical and even beautiful to some women, but I make a case that it's actually setting the stage for harm.

Get Today’s Free Resource:

📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

In this episode, I sit down with my real-life friend Jessica, a pastor's wife whose story intersects with mine: her husband was a pastor at the very church that excommunicated me. What started as a conversation about her story turned into one of the most layered, honest episodes I think we've ever recorded.

Jessica spent decades being told her emotions were idols, her feelings weren't facts, and her needs were sin problems she needed to repent of. In this conversation, she shares what it took to finally see through that, what the long road out of a high-control religious marriage actually looks like, and why freedom sometimes takes many years to arrive even after the divorce papers are signed.

Questions we cover:

• What does it actually take to leave when your abuser is also your pastor husband?
• Why do so many women choose the familiar over the safe?
• Is codependency just a fancy way to blame the victim?
• What does it look like when someone uses scripture as a weapon?
• What does a pastor's wife do when she can't tell anyone the truth?
• What actually happens when you let yourself grieve?
• What does it take to actually push yourself out?

Get Today’s Free Resource:

🧐 Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

This is part four of the High Functioning Christian Women in Destructive Marriages series, and today we talk about a concept that ties the whole series together: sovereignty.

Synonyms for sovereignty include: freedom, autonomy, and independence.

If you've spent years managing everyone's needs, shrinking your own, and building an identity around your capacity to give without limit, this episode will challenge a misunderstood theology that was never meant for women who are already pouring out from an empty cup.

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• There's a critical difference between two things that look almost identical from the outside, and which one you're living in changes everything about how you understand your marriage.
• The "die to self" command you've been handed your whole life? It may have been written for the exact opposite kind of person from you.
• Why does even asking yourself "what do I need?" feel like a threat to your survival, not just a little uncomfortable?
• What Jesus actually modeled about rest, limits, and saying no might completely reframe what you think faithful living looks like.
• The one question you could ask yourself in the mirror every single morning that could quietly begin to change everything.

Get Today’s Free Resource:

🧐 Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

This is Part Three of our series on high-functioning Christian women in destructive marriages. You are the woman people call when something complicated needs solving. You read rooms, spot patterns, and get it right. And yet in this one area of your life, you have been told that your judgment, specifically, cannot be trusted.

Key Takeaways:

• Why the very perceptiveness that makes you exceptional everywhere else has been deliberately turned off in your marriage
• What is actually happening when religious systems tell you to wait, and who is really benefiting from your patience
• How to tell the difference between genuine knowing and fear, and which one you have most likely been carrying all these years
• What "blind adherence" has to do with faith, and why the real version of faith might look completely different than what you have been taught
• The one question that changes everything when someone tells you to wait a little longer

Get Today’s Free Resource:

🎁 I want to give you a free gift. It’s the audio version of my book, All the Scary Little Gods. It’s a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. You can listen to it FREE by going to scarylittlegods.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

This is Part Two of my series on high-functioning Christian women in destructive marriages. In Part One, we explored how the very qualities that make these women extraordinary are the same ones that make them exceptionally vulnerable. Today we're going deeper into one of the most specific and targeted of those qualities: empathy.

If you've ever felt like your compassion is working against you, like the more you understand him, the more stuck you become, this episode will show you exactly what's happening underneath that cycle. And it will start to give you a way out.

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• Why does understanding his pain seem to pull you closer to danger instead of toward safety? The answer will reframe everything you thought you knew about your own compassion.
• There's a biological metaphor in this episode that explains precisely how your God-given empathy gets hijacked, and once you see it, you cannot unsee it.
• What does a "scapegoat" have to do with your marriage? Natalie unpacks a family systems concept that might explain why you always end up holding everyone else's chaos.
• There's a trap that was specifically designed to make every exit feel impossible. Natalie names it, and then shows you the crack in the wall.
• What's the difference between empathy and enabling, and why does that distinction change everything about how you move forward? The answer might surprise you.

Get Today’s Free Resource:

📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.