What if the very place you went for safety, love, and divine wisdom turned out to be the scene of the crime? Today we’re diving headfirst into the world of spiritual abuse.

This week, I’m joined by Katherine Spearing, founder of Tears of Eden, trauma recovery practitioner, and author of a new book, A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts.

If you’ve ever been told that “God doesn’t want your happiness, He wants your holiness” while you were slowly disintegrating inside, well, friend, you’re in for a ride. Buckle up, because we’re talking:

• Why spiritual abuse is often so subtle you won’t realize you’re bleeding out until you’re halfway through a panic attack
• How high-control religious environments get you to abuse yourself (sick, right?)
• The toxic theology that turns God into a cranky toddler with a lightning bolt

Key Takeaways:

• Spiritual abuse is real, complex, and often normalized. Just because it’s subtle doesn’t mean it’s not wrecking your soul.
• You’re not wrong for wanting peace, freedom, and autonomy. That’s not “selfish.” That’s survival.
• Religious trauma isn’t just in your head. It’s in your nervous system, and it needs gentle care to heal.
• You get to get your mail from God. Not from your pastor, your husband, or some elder board in polyester pants.
• Patriarchy is the backbone of most spiritual abuse. If your theology only benefits dudes, it’s not the gospel, it’s a con.
• There’s a whole beach of freedom outside that toxic church sandbox. And God’s not mad you left.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Grab a copy of Katherine’s book, A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts
• Connect with Katherine on Instagram
• Hop on Katherine’s mailing list and get some free resources while you’re on her site.

Katherine Spearing MA, CTRC is the founder of Tears of Eden, a nonprofit supporting survivors of spiritual abuse, and the former executive producer and host of the groundbreaking podcast Uncertain, a podcast that pioneered pivotal conversations around spiritual abuse. She also is a Certified Trauma Recovery Practitioner working primarily with clients who have survived cults, high-control environments, spiritual abuse, and sexual abuse. Katherine is a huge advocate for the power of art to help us on our healing journey. She participates in improv theater both as a performer and coach and is the author of one novel. A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts, her new book on spiritual abuse, addresses the survivor’s recovery journey. She has been a guest on a number of podcasts, including IndoctriNation and A Little Bit Culty, is the author of several nonfiction articles, and writes regularly at katherinespearing.com and tearsofeden.org.

Has your inbox turned into a dumpster fire of accusatory texts from your abuser?

In this episode, I hand you a step-by-step strategy to shut down the inner emotional chaos without getting dragged into the mud pit with him. It's not just about survival. It's about winning (for YOU!)

What We Cover in This Episode:

• What to do when your abuser won’t stop texting lies, and the courts won’t let you block him
• How to stop reacting and start playing offense with your own sanity-protecting strategy
• Why your emotional reaction is his favorite snack (and how to starve that monster)
• The magic of radical acceptance. No, he’s not going to wake up one day and be Prince Charming
• Why sarcasm is satisfying but not strategic (sorry, my fellow sass queens)
• A game-plan that builds a rock-solid paper trail, perfect for court receipts and your peace of mind
• How to rewire your nervous system before you even read his garbage texts

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Check out Aimee Says for help wading through the word salad your abuser is throwing at you.
• Listen to some other Flying Free episodes, including “Winning Child Custody & Divorce Battles” and “How to Respond to Emotional Abuse Tactics.”

“He doesn’t hit you, so it must not be abuse.” Yeah, no. That tired old line needs to die.

This week, I sat down with Dr. Christine Cocchiola, a powerhouse expert on coercive control, the kind of abuse that doesn’t leave bruises but instead, destroys lives. Christine breaks down how abusers don't need fists to dominate; they weaponize EVERYTHING from the court system, to churches, to your very own kids.

If you’ve ever been dismissed, disbelieved, or labeled “too angry,” this episode is a masterclass in seeing the invisible, calling it what it is, and taking your power back, even if you have to fake it ‘til you make it from the ICU of your life.

What You’ll Learn:

• Why coercive control isn’t a form of abuse, it IS abuse. Period. Full stop.
• How abusers hide behind charisma, charm, and a well-timed Bible verse.
• The horrifying way the legal system often rewards abusers and punishes protective moms.
• How abuse affects children, even when it’s subtle, and especially when it’s court-sanctioned.
• Why your anger is holy fire, not a character defect.
• How to start healing and parenting differently, even while walking through hell with a diaper bag.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Check out Dr. Christine Cocchiola’s website.
• Connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.
• Read FRAMED: Women in the Family Court Underworld, Dr. Cocchiola’s co-authored book.
• Get her free map called Clinical Implications for Children Who Are Coercively Controlled
• Watch her recent TED Talk: It’s All Coercive Control

Christine M. Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW is an expert on the experiences of adult and child victims of coercive control. A college professor teaching social work, she received her doctorate in clinical social work from New York University working under the tutelage of Dr. Evan Stark. She presents nationally and internationally on the concept of coercive control with a focus on educating professionals, advocates, and protective parents, on the experiences of children and best intervention strategies for adult and child victims of coercive control/narcissistic abuse. Her Clinician Certification Training is ASWB approved for 14 CE’s. Dr. C is the creator of The Protective Parenting Program, a therapeutic evidence based attachment focused program for parents of children harmed by abusers and the co-author of FRAMED: Women in the Family Court Underworld.

Have you ever felt like life has you wearing a 200-pound emotional backpack labeled “Christian womanhood”? In this episode, I unpack (literally) the toxic beliefs that are holding us back using a metaphorical story about a woman who wants to run, but can’t. Because, surprise! She's lugging around spiritual abuse disguised as Bible truths.

You’ll meet Sarah, a fictional but oh-so-familiar woman who stands at the edge of a running trail, paralyzed by invisible weights. Enter Elena, the wise older woman who helps her go full Marie Kondo on her belief system. You’ll want to tattoo some of Elena’s one-liners on your forearm. (Okay maybe just put them on sticky notes.)

Key Takeaways:

• Toxic beliefs often come wrapped in spiritual language. Just because it came from a pulpit or your well-meaning Aunt Kathy doesn’t make it true or helpful.
• You’re allowed to question what you’ve been taught. Especially if what you’ve been taught keeps you silent, stuck, or scared.
• Jesus didn’t ask you to carry a crushing load. He said His yoke is easy. Your religious trauma backpack is not that.
• Replacing lies with truth doesn’t mean you’re sinning. It means you’re healing.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Here are some other related Flying Free Podcast episodes: “12 Life-Changing Beliefs That Will Unhook You From Abuse” and “The Beliefs that Keep Christian Women Stuck in Abusive Marriages.”

What if that golden cage you're sitting in was never locked? What if all that “God’s will” rhetoric was just fear cosplaying as holiness? In this episode, I tell you a story, a simple one with birds, bars, and just enough metaphorical mic drops to wake up the part of you that’s been sedated by religious gaslighting. Buckle up, buttercup. It’s time to talk about freedom.

This isn’t just another chirpy motivational talk. It’s a truth-telling, cage-rattling invitation to examine the lies we’ve been fed about safety, love, and obedience, especially in the name of God. You were made to fly, not decorate someone else’s spiritual furniture.

Key Takeaways:

• The cage was never locked. You've been conditioned to think you're choosing it, but that choice was built on fear, not freedom.
• That “protection” they sold you? It's control in disguise. And the house full of golden cages? It’s not a sanctuary. It's a system designed to keep you small, scared, and obedient.
• Even your longing has been demonized. Longing is labeled sin. Discontent? A character flaw. But maybe it’s your soul whispering, “There’s more.”
• Freedom is risky, but it’s real. There are storms and hawks and hard days out there. But there’s also wind, sky, stars, and the exhilaration of living unchained.
• Jesus doesn’t lock cages. He flings those suckers open and says, “Come on out, sister. It’s time.”

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• If today’s episode resonated with you, here are some others you may find helpful: “From Trapped to Free in 30 Days” and “Praying for a Miracle—When the Miracle Might Be You Walking Away.”

In this episode, we're taking a look at the classic emotional abuse push-pull cycle that makes us feel like we’re starring in a soap opera we never auditioned for.

This one's for the Christian woman who’s been there, twisting herself into a holy pretzel trying to keep the peace, hold the family together, and love like Jesus while getting emotionally sucker-punched by someone who claims to love her.

What We Cover:

• The nine mind-warping tactics emotional abusers use to keep you locked in their circus of dysfunction.
• Why your loving heart (and need for connection) makes you the perfect target, and why that’s not a flaw.
• The six empowering, grown-up strategies to unhook yourself from their drama without turning into a fire-breathing dragon.
• Why explanations are overrated, and how less really is more (especially when you're dealing with a manipulative guilt ninja).
• How to set boundaries like a boss while still loving people, but from a safe distance.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Liked this episode? Here are some others you might want to check out: “Your Marriage Abuse Cycle Exercise” and “How to Respond to Emotional Abuse Tactics.”

If you’ve ever second-guessed your sanity, asked Google “Is my husband a narcissist or just an annoying human?” or thought you might be sinning by not cheerfully submitting to your own emotional obliteration, this episode is your wake-up call... with love.

Christian counselor, Kris Reece, is back on the show for part two of our convo about the toxic mind games that keep Christian women stuck, particularly when Jesus is used as the emotional ball-and-chain.

Together, we unravel gaslighting, guilt, spiritual manipulation, emotional immaturity, and why you’re not selfish or sinful for walking away from garbage disguised as godliness.

Key Takeaways:

• Label-Schmabel: Stop obsessing over whether he's a narcissist or just "difficult." The real question is: does he take responsibility or make excuses? That’s your answer.
• Jesus Isn’t Your Abuser’s Alibi: Jesus didn’t die so you could stay trapped in a soul-sucking relationship.
• Guilt is a Control Tool: Toxic people weaponize your good-girl guilt to keep you stuck.
• Change the Dance: You can’t make him change. But you can change the steps you’re taking, and that alone can shift the entire dynamic.
• You’re Not Powerless: If everything hinges on him, you’re trapped. Shift the focus back to YOU: your choices, your growth, your freedom.
• Truth Bomb: It’s Not Your Fault: You’re not responsible for his tantrums, beliefs, or abuse. You are responsible for how you respond and whether you keep playing along.
• Rebuilding Takes Time: Gaslighting screws with your reality. Healing comes as you reconnect with truth, reclaim your identity, and learn to giggle (a little) when grown men act like kindergartners.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Listen to Part One of my interview with Kris.
• Grab a copy of Kris’ new book, Breaking the Narcissist’s Grip.
• Get her FREE Narcissist Survival Guide.
• Check out her YouTube channel.
• Connect with Kris on Instagram and Facebook.

Kris Reece is a Christian counselor, author, and speaker who helps believers break free from toxic relationships and codependency biblically and practically. With over 30 years of combined personal and professional experience, Kris has guided thousands through the emotional wreckage left by narcissistic and manipulative relationships. She blends deep biblical truth with real-world strategies to help others reclaim their identity, rebuild confidence, and walk in the freedom Christ offers. Kris is the author of Breaking the Narcissist’s Grip and host of a fast-growing YouTube channel where she equips Christians to set boundaries, overcome manipulation, break trauma bonds, and heal after toxic relationships.

Is it ever okay to walk away from your own mother… or your husband? (Cue the gasps from the peanut gallery clutching their pearls.) If you grew up in church culture, you probably heard that honoring your parents and submitting to your husband meant swallowing abuse with a smile. But guess what? That’s not actually what Jesus had in mind.

In this episode, I sit down with Christian counselor and author Kris Reese (yes, the YouTube powerhouse with over 476,000 subscribers) to dismantle the toxic myths that keep Christian women chained to destructive relationships.

Together, we talk about:

• The big guilt trip – Why Christians confuse “honor” with “obey” and how that keeps grown women stuck in parent-child dynamics with their 70-year-old mothers.
• The covenant conundrum – What makes walking away from a spouse more complicated, and why wisdom (not religious rule-keeping) is the real key.
• The fog machine – Fear, obligation, and guilt: the trifecta abusers use to keep you running in circles like a hamster who just discovered Peloton.
• Boundaries ≠ lack of forgiveness – FACTS: You can forgive your mom and still not show up to her guilt-drenched Sunday dinners. You can forgive your husband and still not share a bed with him while he weaponizes scripture against you.
• Manipulation tactics 101 – Victimhood and scripture-twisting are the go-to moves of toxic moms and spouses everywhere. (“You’re not being a good daughter/wife” translates to: “My control over you is slipping and I hate it.”)
• Trauma bonds and porcupines – Why you might be clinging to the emotional equivalent of a barbed-wire teddy bear, and how to finally put it down without losing your sanity.
• Why Christians stay too long – It’s not because they’re lazy or selfish. It’s because they’ve been conditioned to confuse holiness with masochism.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Grab a copy of Kris’ new book, Breaking the Narcissist’s Grip.
• Get her FREE Narcissist Survival Guide.
• Check out her YouTube channel.
• Connect with Kris on Instagram and Facebook.

Kris Reece is a Christian counselor, author, and speaker who helps believers break free from toxic relationships and codependency biblically and practically. With over 30 years of combined personal and professional experience, Kris has guided thousands through the emotional wreckage left by narcissistic and manipulative relationships. She blends deep biblical truth with real-world strategies to help others reclaim their identity, rebuild confidence, and walk in the freedom Christ offers. Kris is the author of Breaking the Narcissist’s Grip and host of a fast-growing YouTube channel where she equips Christians to set boundaries, overcome manipulation, break trauma bonds, and heal after toxic relationships.