Discover extra content in the blog post – JAIL!

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In 2010, I was arrested. I felt like the problem in my family, their strong beliefs made me feel like a failure.

Have you ever disappointed someone? How did it make you feel? These are the questions I had as I went through the jail’s intake process.

I felt really lonely and sad, even unable to cry. Life before this was busy, but now I was stuck and powerless.

The next weeks were about writing letters and waiting for mail, getting a letter felt special.

Eliza, who seemed like someone I wouldn’t connect with, surprised me. She promised to write me, and her letters became my support. She was the first of many unexpected friends who changed how I saw the world.

In this episode I’ll talk about unexpected friendships, and how everything can change. This is “Jail”.

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Credits:
Music from #Uppbeat
https://uppbeat.io/t/david-bullard/broken
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https://uppbeat.io/t/oliver-massa/this-blue-marble
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https://uppbeat.io/t/dorian-pinto/recollect
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https://uppbeat.io/t/brock-hewitt-stories-in-sound/a-journey-of-love
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https://uppbeat.io/t/ben-johnson/leap-of-faith
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Discover extra content in the blog post – BAIL, SENTENCING & PRISON INTAKE!

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Imagine your life on hold for a year, every day another day closer to a prison sentence. I might get only probation. Or I could get a 12 or even 30 year prison sentence. I pled guilty. Sentencing was up to the judge. The wait was terrible; the outcome was devastating. This is bail, sentencing, and prison intake.

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Credits:

Music from #Uppbeat:
https://uppbeat.io/t/braden-deal/exertion
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https://uppbeat.io/t/philip-anderson/lost-souls
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https://uppbeat.io/t/monument-music/notes-from-the-past
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https://uppbeat.io/t/dan-phillipson/making-progress
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https://uppbeat.io/t/hey-pluto/the-summit
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https://uppbeat.io/t/all-good-folks/one-moment-in-time
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https://uppbeat.io/t/all-good-folks/a-beautiful-mind
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https://uppbeat.io/t/kaleidoscope/by-my-side
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https://uppbeat.io/t/braden-deal/inquisitive
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https://uppbeat.io/t/light-patterns/exploratory-nature
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https://uppbeat.io/t/dorian-pinto/recollect
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https://uppbeat.io/t/dan-phillipson/making-progress
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Discover extra content in the blog post – ORIENTATION!

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In March 2011 I entered prison and was placed in an orientation class. After 2 weeks I was given a job and prison life began. Life outside of prison continued for my family as well, and as I sought to redefine my role as a mom of 5 children I would also experience the loss of my grandmother.

I share my struggles with depression and how strict prison rules and challenging prison personalities affected me my first year. Are you overwhelmed? Are you experiencing a lot of changes in your life? Do you need strength to get through? I discuss steps we can take today to see us through to tomorrow.

I had believed I was a good person, but I sought to improve. Can you relate? I struggled with serious depression, making stability and holding a job challenging. I felt the weight of other people’s expectations. In prison I tried adjusting to a new normal, but I would learn entering prison wasn’t rock bottom. Life can get even worse. What does life look like before transformation? How can change happen for you? This is ORIENTATION (CHANGE, SHOCK & AWE, SUICIDE WATCH).

I’ve mentioned before that I didn’t realize I needed to change. What do I mean? I believed myself to be a good person or at least a person who understood what good is, even if I couldn’t do it consistently. If I could tell you what is right, doesn’t that make me …right?

Do you think of yourself as a good person? If you know what’s right, then are you right, even if you don’t do the right thing?

I had always been interested, though, in improving myself and my life. I didn’t need to change my beliefs; I wanted the skills to perform well!

One of my biggest struggles began in my teen years. I began to suffer from serious depression. I felt disinterested in things that gave other people joy. I was easily irritated.In a 2016 Psychology Today article by Gregg Henriques Ph.D. called The Behavioral Shutdown Theory of Depression, Dr. Henriques does an excellent job of explaining this enigma. He describes depression as a defensive strategy. If one sees little return on their behavioral or emotional investment eventually, they’ll lack the desire to expend that effort. In short – why do things that don’t work?

Medication helped, but it wasn’t a cure. I agonized about my failure to do things I saw people do every day. I was just barely surviving, even with meds. Eventually I was prescribed extremely high doses of anti-psychotics, anti-depressants and mood stabilizers. I believed my depression symptoms said ugly things about me and made me unlikable (or they would if people knew about them. I worked hard to rid myself of these symptoms and hide them. Fake it until you make it was a motto I lived by.

Does this sound familiar? You are not alone, and there is hope!

On my second day in prison, I was placed in an orientation class lasting 2 weeks. We were called R&O’s. One purpose of this class is to teach the rules and consequences of breaking the rules, consequences like LOPs (Loss of Privileges), DLOPs (Discipline Los...

Discover extra content in the blog post – A PADDED ROOM!

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In October 2011 everything I thought I knew was turned upside down. My husband fled the state with our children, and still facing 7 more years in prison, helpless, I threatened suicide. While I’d suffered serious depression for years, I became mentally fractured.

I share the emotional journey of hitting rock bottom and finding it’s not the lowest point, experiencing the world as shattered and questioning your own identity, your own ability to understand the world.

I discuss Acute Stress Disorder and its symptoms. Are you facing a rock-bottom moment? Are you looking for hope? Find out about the good life God has waiting for you right now, and how you can pursue it today.

Even after many years, I remember the moment I felt fractured. I had become familiar with suffering, but now life took an unexpected plunge.

Join me on a raw and authentic journey through the prison system, exploring themes of despair, separation, and the relentless pursuit of hope.

Where do you turn when faced with profound self-doubt? Have you faced a rock-bottom moment? And how can you learn about the amazing life God has waiting for you right now?

Suicide watch in Shakopee takes place in the seg unit. While inmates are usually taken to seg for disciplinary reasons, seg is also used suicide watch and health concerns.

It was October 2011. Seven months had slid by since I arrived at prison. I felt my life hit rock bottom when I entered prison. No. So far, I’d only been given a painful life lesson- a new place to live with ugly new clothes in a laundry bag. Rock bottom can be redefined.

How do you define rock bottom? Was there a time in your life when you felt a need to “redefine” it?

In the months since orientation, I had become sick from the constant trauma. My sense of security eroded. I found myself with competing feelings of disbelief and agitation over the reality of my situation. Simple things like TV commercials showing a happy family together easily blindsided me. I missed my family so much. My stress became so acute I wet my bed at night.

At least my children were safe, I told myself. They were living with my parents. Everything was about to change, like a disaster movie.

My husband’s mental health really declined the year before I went to prison. He lost his job, started drinking heavily and did drugs. He became suicidal and threatening.

for the safety of myself and our children I was given an Order for Protection, which is like a restraining order. My husband was allowed supervised visits. I passed custody on to my parents When I was incarcerated. I felt good knowing my children were safe with my parents.

One Thursday night in October I called my parents, and a new nightmare began. “Your husband told us he’s moving to Washington,” my dad said. “He’s picking the kids up on Monday and taking them with.”

Taken completely off guard I shouted “What?! You can’t let him do that! Call the police if he shows up!” Trembling started in my stomach and began working its way out towards my arms and legs. Tensing, I tried to stop the shaking I knew was coming. “Dad! Don’t let...

Discover extra content in the blog post – WoW!

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In October 2011 my definition of rock bottom was redefined when my husband left the state with our children. After 2 weeks on suicide watch the prison transferred me to a mental health program named Woman of Wellness. The social isolation of prison was made more complete by the distance from my children I now experienced as they moved across the country.

I share the surprising living conditions at MCF-Shakopee and the unusual rules such as the “No Touching” policy that caused additional emotional trauma while it tried to prevent the same.

I discuss social isolation and share comparisons between COVID-19 lockdowns and prison policies that lead to severe loneliness and physical illness. Are you lonely? Are you isolated or looking for connection with others? I share insights for having a personal experience with God and how this can lead us to deeper human connection with others.

Listen today to discover intimacy with Jesus, overcoming adversity, fostering personal growth, and finding hope in every situation!

Despite my difficult experiences in seg, I found solace in a mental health program. I reveal the surprising living conditions at Shakopee prison and show parallels between my experience of isolation there and the broader social impact observed during the COVID-19 pandemic.

How can we apply these insights to have a personal experience with God, appreciate human connection, and recognize the potential for transformation in any circumstances? Listen until the end, you won’t want to miss it! This is Wow!

October 2011. I waited to be released from seg.

recent experience had left me drained. Sitting in seg on suicide watch had been demoralizing. Forced to wear a padded gown, watched by cameras always, having to ask for squares of toilet paper each time…I was not even allowed to wear underwear or use tampons. Helpless, I bled on the gown and myself, messy and embarrassed, alone and shaken – my dignity taking a beating. Now, I wished to feel any measure of control. Finally released from seg I was transferred to Monahan, the prison’s mental health living unit.

Have you ever experienced a difficult time that felt really lonely? Do you know someone who has?

At my website Hollybot.me you’ll find pictures of the MCF-Shakopee prison campus, inside and out.

You might be surprised to discover it doesn’t resemble a prison, as you might imagine a prison to look. It was far different than I expected. MCF-Shakopee resembles a college campus with nice dorms and well-manicured lawns.

In 1986 MCF-Shakopee opened at its current location. It was state of the art for its time but almost at once needed renovation to meet its increasing needs. In 2000 Shakopee opened the Monahan living unit and 8 years later expansion began again. A $5.3 million dollar addition to Monahan opened adding another 92 beds for treatment and therapy (for a total of 154), making Monahan the largest living unit at Shakopee.

Shakopee’s “cells” also seemed atypical to...

Welcome everyone! I’m Holly Bot and This is From Surviving to Living, the podcast where raw stories of transformation are told. This is not just a podcast; it’s the power of change!

God is interested in you! My story is not fiction. I am a woman, a felon, a sex offender; I did hard time. I am so awed by Jesus I will risk my reputation and talk about it. He transformed me. He will do that for you. I trust Him. I hope you do too!

Are you hurting? Sick of just surviving? I was too. How does one really, truly live?

God causes transformation. it is possible for everyone. Thank God! I never saw it coming. Let me tell you how it happens.

Get ready for your adventure of faith, and life beyond bars. This is “From Surviving to Living!”

Credits –

Music from Uppbeat:

https://uppbeat.io/track/papercastle/call-us-friends
License code: 8XWFNXJCRKAZU6ES

Discover extra content in the blog post – GENERAL ASSEMBLY!

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Do you desire success, respect, love? Do you feel unconditionally respected and loved?

Eight months into my prison sentence I faced uncertainty. While I waited for employment I considered my failures. I hoped for relief, a better future! Distraction from the truth was easier to find.

Discover God’s perfect will for you and learn how He performs it! We’ll uncover the secret of love as God defines it, and how you can experience it today. Listen to the end, you won’t want to miss it! This is General Assembly.

Credits:

Music by Mike Colefrom Pixabay
Music by Grand Project from Pixabay
Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):
https://uppbeat.io/t/monument-music/courage-inside
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https://uppbeat.io/t/monument-music/majestic-whispers
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https://uppbeat.io/t/monument-music/majestic-whispers
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https://uppbeat.io/t/stan-town/scratch-that
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Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):
https://uppbeat.io/t/soundroll/tik-talk
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https://uppbeat.io/t/braden-deal/its-glowing
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It was November 2011. Incarcerated now 8 months, I finished the WoW program and became eligible to work again. I’d been fired from my last job so I could not choose the next one. Nervously I checked the mail daily, waiting for a job assignment. The prison would assign it to me based on the needs of the prison. It could be anything.

Starting wages in prison varied from 25 to 50 cents an hour and top pay ranged from one to two dollars. A few jobs even allowed for $4-$6 per hour occasionally.

Prior to incarceration I struggled to manage money. I saw this as a performance issue. Financial success that I could proudly demonstrate – and I enjoyed showing off – would give me the approval I craved. So, I struggled with what my apparent failure said about me. I did not budget; I hated the rigidity, the very concept! I sometimes engaged in “retail therapy” whether or could afford it or not. I never really could afford it. If I could, I would attempt to out-earn my over-spending. I had written bad checks in the past and also played beat the bank with a check. the anxiety of such behavior eventually became too much, and I stopped using checks completely.

I remember the first time I saw the inside of a jail cell. My husband and I had moved to a small town and lived on his income. We struggled. It’s not hard to imagine. We had one car, used food shelves, saw our utilities frequently turned off, and were pretty skinny. On the flip side, we both smoked a pack a day.

To purchase food, I’d written a check I was sure would clear…eventually. I spent it at the local grocery store. It did not clear, and we couldn’t afford to make it good. This wasn’t the first time this had happened. It was the first time I was arrested fo...

“From Surviving to Living” is a both a serialized audiobook as well as a hybrid podcast, splitting out of its standard format monthly to interview guest in a studio setting. The serialized format uses the blog at www.hollybot.me for episode content, chronicling Holly Bot’s journey through prison and reentry in community.

“From Surviving to Living” with Holly Bot resonates with individuals who have faced personal challenges such as incarceration, financial struggles, addiction, or relationship difficulties. It’s for also those seeking stories of resilience, redemption, and spiritual growth, particularly those interested in exploring the role of faith and personal transformation in overcoming adversity. Additionally, it appeals to anyone looking for inspiration, encouragement, and practical insights on navigating life’s obstacles and finding meaning in difficult circumstances.

Credit:

Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):
https://uppbeat.io/t/papercastle/call-us-friends
License code: VGBZCPVDHBNZCNZU