WE ARE ALIVE!

After spending 15 business days in the skies, the final wrap of the 2024 Paris Olympic Games is here.

We cover off the totally normal closing ceremony, before delivering our recap of our much anticipated meeting with the IOC.

In a wonderful case of things coming full circle, the final edition of Apocalympics Now ends exactly where it started - in the poo-infested tip that is the Seine. It also covers some incredibly arrogant decisions by the LA 2028 organisers.

As the ridiculously hot Paris sun sets on the games, we take a look at the final minnow medal tally to crown our Major Minnow of these Olympics, which feature some bold mover on the last day of competition.

And speaking of bold, it’s been an absolute pleasure to have our Riggustani Supreme Leader, Carrera Eyewear, along for the ride this games. Remember to access your discounted pair of sunnies at au.carreraworld.com/discount/medallica

We now look towards Milano Cortina 2026 in 18 months time. We will be dropping content until then so make sure to stay up to date with the journey here and at www.gusandrig.biz

Till then, A River Derr Chee

HOPE YOU’RE BEHIND THE WHEEL OF YOUR STORY AND HAVE GOT A DRIVE AHEAD OF YOU BECAUSE HERE’S A BLOCKBUSTER WRAP OF DAYS 12 AND 13

We have been at the front of a now very full Teboggan as we ride Letsile Tebogo’s 200m gold medal for Botswana and we don’t wanna get off.

The Refugee Team also gets off the mark in a huge way, with a bold display that Carrera Eyewear would be proud of.

Apocalympics Now covers a breaking performance that will live in infamy, while we go over the fact that we have a lot in common with the bronze medals, as we too are falling apart.

While there are some disappointments in Minnow Watch, we are buoyed by the possibility that there may be one more golden duck broken before the games end, courtesy of one Central Asian boxer.

It’s crunch time in the Minnow Medals, which will be coming down to the absolute wire.

To join us as a citizen of The People's Republic of Riggustan, visit www.gusandrig.biz to pick the citizenship tier that suits you, or to claim 35% off the entire Carrera range thanks to our supporters and voting citizens at Carrera Eyewear, visit au.carreraworld.com/discount/medallica

IT’S DAY 11, SO GET IN THE CAR, WE’RE DRIVING OUR STORY TO CRÉMEVILLE

We welcome our newest Riggustani Public Servant before launching how our bid for Riggustan 2036: It’s Liechtenstein-time is looking ahead of our meeting with the IOC.

Apocalympics Now brings a cautionary tale from the Elephant’s Graveyard that is the 9th arrondisement, and a run-in with Big Cheese.

Minnow Watch is as bloated as Rig after a fistful of crémes, so we touch on all the minnows that are still a chance to grab medals. And finally, we turn to the Minnow Medal Tally, which is coming right down to the wire in the final days of competition, with an unfamiliar presence threatening the old guard for minnow supremacy.

Jump onto www.gusandrig.biz if you'd like to support us and join up as a citizen of The People's Republic of Riggustan, or head to au.carreraworld.com/discount/medallica to grab yourself a 35% discount on Carrera's entire range of eyewear.

IT’S DAY DISS AND RIG IS BREATHING LIKE A PUG THAT’S WALKED FIFTY METRES

It was a huge day of action, but mostly off the field/track/bouncy floor.

Apocalympics Now covers an entire country spitting the dummy and threatening to boycott, while a noble French company offers to help out the most popular pole vaulter and pole owner in the world.

We also cover the underdogs bringing home some decidedly impressive yet ‘not gold’ medals as things heat up at the top of the Minnow Medal Tally.

It’s got liquefied medals, ice cream for breakfast and more, and it’s hot and ready like a Parisian night with no air con.

IT’S CHAMPAGNE FOR US, REAL PAIN FOR THE ATHLETES IN THE VILLAGE

With guts full of champagne and espresso martinis, we are back with a wrap of Day Nerf of the Olympics.

We cover off the most undeserved invitation we have received to date to a brand party, while simultaneously laughing at the fact that we are living better than the athletes in the village.

Apocalympics Now is back with stories of the most bizarre list of “perks” that a Filipino gold medallist can expect on his return home, as well as apparently the best sleeping arrangement on offer at the village.

Minnow Watch sees a feature athlete advance and our favourite band narrowly missed out.

Visit www.gusandrig.biz to find out more about supporting us and becoming a citizen of The People's Republic of Riggustan.

ALL THEY DO IS LITERALLY WIN!

Dominica and Saint Lucia get off the mark in a huge way, claiming their first ever medals, which are gold, and we are absolutely on fire for it. Cape Verde also joins them in breaking the duck with a bronze in boxing for their first ever medal.

Apocalympics Now sees us revisit our Stade de France trauma and the worst power tripping by a security guard since Rig’s 21st in the mid 2000s.

We finish with Minnow Watch, which looks back on a fallen Albanian steeplechaser and turns toward a hurdler from the British Virgin Islands.

CALL US BEURRE GRYLLS BECAUSE WE ARE SURVIVING PURELY ON BUTTER ON DAY 6 OF THE GAMES

France’s bizarre idiosyncrasies have reached boiling point for us. If no air conditioning wasn’t enough, turns out they’ve got the world’s dumbest recycling scheme going at the Stade de France and are obsessed with showing us fencing against our will.

We persevere however, because we’re battlers who don’t sweat the small stuff but sweat literally every other thing and every other time because god it’s hot and humid here.

Apocalympics Now covers the IOC’s easiest missed layup in the Women’s 100m that could be solved with an extra pair of socks, while the mystery of the little boxes that athletes on the dais receive is solved.

We finish up with Minnow Watch, where a little known swimmer from the Cayman Islands has a chance to bring his first ever medal home, and we assume receive some sort of exorbitant tax-free prize.

Visit our instagram at www.instagram.com/riggustan to find our linktree, that has links to allow you to both get a 35% discount on Carrera eyewear (sponsor of the Riggustan National Olympic Team) or join us as a citizen of The People's Republic of Riggustan.

GUATEMALA GUAT-A-GOLD-A!

We are absolutely up and about for Guatemala’s first ever Olympic Gold courtesy of Adriana Ruano in the Women’s Trap. We discuss hers and Guatemala’s rise to the top, and their subsequent fall from the Minnow Medals.

On the Apocalympics front, the Triathlon from Hell went ahead as the IOC confirmed that they do in fact hate athletes, and we are suitably and hilariously disgusted. We also go through all the incentives that countries are offering, from hot milk to housing.

We keep tabs on one of our feature athletes, Bosnian butterflyer Lana Pudar, and welcome a new and welcome addition to the Minnow Medal Top 5.

If you love what you hear and don't hate fun, consider becoming a citizen of The People's Republic of Riggustan by visiting www.gusandrig.biz, and supporting the people's eyewear Carrera who are offering a 35% discount at au.Carreraworld.com/discount/medallica