It's Hot Now Finally so I'm going to go swim. Write your own god dam episode description. Then please send it to mumsfriendenergypodcast@gmail.com and I'll update the form data.

Go get wet you beautiful pigs

You re-emerge from the treeline, dirty and exultant. A late-afternoon-leisurely-walk through the countryside gone wrong; It was a week ago when you began licking the sap off the bark. You've changed names and personality since then. Enter the workplace with your new found rusticism, or die in transit from complications caused by the city-born pathogens.

Make the best of a mid thing, and no complaining. There are starving children in rural Ethiopia who would love to be able to listen to all the podcasts you do. Be grateful and never, ever hold your favourite creators accountable. For anything.

A late, late, late lunch. On a different day even. When the restaurant is closed. And the friend you were going to meet for a meal died years ago in a boating accident. Does food even exist anymore? Dab some protein wisps under your olfactory avenues and close your eyes, remembering the simpler times, when people were people and cakes were cakes.

A journal entry you found in an abandoned boatshed, on a springtime ramble you turned into a forage. Does that sentence mean anything? I need more sleep and employees. So far I've achieved none of either. Take a page out of my book and eat it with relish. I have more books, and I have a relish guy (I live in Tasmania, you need a relish guy here).

An Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response to being pushed down a stair case.

In the words of Trent Reznor - "I hurt myself today/to see if I still feel" - and in the words of Sophie Ellis-Bextor - "Why does it feel so good?"

An itinerary with no notes; an empty scrapbook waiting hungrily for your content to spill on its high quality card-stock pages. Go on a 3-day hedonistic journey and take this as your treasured journal - as well as being great for writing, the pages are highly absorbent!

Pairs well with a tandem bike ride through an industrial estate, or a meet-cute at a methadone clinic. Throw water on your steaming face and rawdog the reality that is screaming towards you at ludicrous speed, you silent partner of a voyeur pig.