Remember how in the last episode I talked about being a recovering perfectionist?

Well, you’ll never believe what happened while I was in Virginia.

I was asked to apply for a job. And my perfectionism reared its ugly head. I talk about how I’m overcoming it.

What does being a recovering perfectionist look like? I remind myself that it doesn't matter what I did yesterday. It doesn't matter what I did ten minutes ago.

My future isn't written yet. It's not decided by my past. It's decided by what I do today. Right now. Small steps count.

How could a person be tired when they didn’t go to work? When they didn’t have responsibilities. When they spent their days golfing, working out at the gym, hiking, fishing, and happy hour-ing with friends.

It’s taken me two weeks of my husband being retired to remember that feeling tired isn’t odd. It’s part of being human.

What is it about our culture that condones naps only for babies? And children. Or the sick? Rest isn’t O.K. for the rest of us.

I’m learning that being productive is overrated. Being busy. Let’s hear it for sitting still and doing nothing. And letting go of what I make it mean and what anyone else might think or say.

Let’s hear it for balance. For soaking up life. Enjoying the moment.

“You’ve gotten funnier over time.” I was taken aback when my husband said this to me after what I acknowledge was a particularly witty exchange. “I think that’s because I’m more myself than I used to be.” He agreed. And that gave me pause.

What does it mean to be more myself?

I’m not entirely sure, but I remember deciding to stop pretending to be someone else when I pitched projects to potential clients. I decided that I’d show up as myself, and if they didn’t like that, they’d self select out. Why would I want to work with someone who didn’t like who I really was?

Unbeknownst to us we’ve “put everything in place that we needed.” And not only did we save enough money to retire but retire early, and buy a fucking condo. We’re buying a condo! Can you believe this?!

So what else do I want? When you’ve just gotten more than you ever could have imagined, it’s hard to think bigger. Ironically. Right? It feels like we’re climbing Everest and we’ve reached base camp. We need to get acclimated to this height before moving forward. Upward.

I guess I expected everyone would be happy for us when my husband announced that he was going to be retiring next month. Or maybe that they would at least pretend to be happy? I don’t know. But that has not been the case.

In this episode I talk through what I've learned about friendship.

When I rebooked my departure flight to Iowa, called my mother-in-law and canceled the week’s plans, there was also a whole lot of discomfort around the disruption. I mean so much! I felt nauseated in my body, and incredibly anxious. But I figured out how to flip that feeling, and I learned a lot from this visit about practicing being present.

This was supposed to be the episode where I talk about my Iowa trip. What I learned–some of it I’m still unpacking–and an update on my liver. But that’s going to have to wait until next week. Because our landlords have made us an offer to sell the condo to us, and I am shooketh.