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This week we are rounding third and talking about episode thirteen of Firefly, “Heart of Gold,” and boy is it a weird one. We’re visiting yet another desert locale in space, but this one has a brothel covered in tin foil, run by former companion, Nandi; and a local land owner, Rance Burgess, who must have seen Road House at some point (J.C. Penney is coming here, because of me!). Rance shows up at the brothel looking for one of Nandi’s employees Petaline. Petaline is pregnant and Rance is determined to prove the baby is his. Nandi video calls Inara, asking for help (much like when Dalton called in Wade Garrett for back up when dealing with Brad Wesley). Inara volunteers the Serenity crew and since they have nothing else lined up, they agree. When they get to The Chicken Ranch, Jayne makes a beeline for the girls, Shepherd tries to make a sandwich, Kaylee asks Wash to tell her she’s pretty, and Simon (with River in tow) goes to examine Petaline. Nandi explains the situation to Mal, Zoe, and Inara—that Rance keeps the people in the town poor, so he can live out his Road House fantasy. Later, Mal and Inara meet Rance at a local theater (and if we weren’t already clear on how Rance views women, this part helps clarify: he hates them). Mal and Inara leave, and Mal realizing Rance is a monster tells Inara that everyone should pack up and leave this hellhole. Rance gets a call from Maury saying “YOU ARE THE FATHER.” Nandi can’t be convinced to leave and Mal in a moment of ‘stupid recognizes stupid’ agrees to stay and help fight. The main bullet points after this are: Zoe tells Wash it’s time to start trying for a baby; Mal sleeps with Nandi; Inara cries when she finds out; River doesn’t know where babies come from; and we meet a winner of the local Lacey Chabert look-alike contest. We end on a bit of a cliffhanger, which neither of us are sure will even be mentioned in the fourteenth and final episode.

Plus, George and Meaghan workshop their Firefly spinoff about Shepherd Book; George regales us with the trials and tribulations of getting the best burger in NYC; and by the end of the episode, Meaghan can’t stop laughing.

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(Recorded on September 29, 2024) This week we’re discussing episode twelve of Firefly, “The Message.” While at the local mall, the crew stops by the post office (convenient!) to see if any of their Amazon orders came in. Jayne gets a letter from his mom (that he either struggles to read or she struggled to write) and a homemade hat. Mal and Zoe get a crate a with a body inside! We flashback to seven years prior and learn that the body is of a former independence soldier named Tracey that fought alongside them. Once they're done reminiscing, the post master reminds them that it’s illegal to transport a body through the mail (still!?) and they need to GTFO. Back on Serenity the crew discover an ancient device called a sony minidisc player containing a message (or THE message) in Tracey’s crate. Now, if you think this message is going to lead into sensitive discussions about readjusting to life after war, you’re going to be disappointed! The message is good, but the follow through is bad. Tracey fell in with some bad folk and now other bad folk are looking for him; like some alliance feds at the post office threatening to light the post master on fire (the best of the threats, seriously) if he tells Mal they're looking for that crate. They track Serenity down and Mal figures this a good time to cut Tracey open to see what’s inside - but guess what! Tracey’s actually alive and just smuggling lab grown organs in his own body that will then be removed and replaced with his own (we’re not kidding). Mal has Tracey hide—Kaylee volunteers her room because she’s got a crush and is very mad at Simon! Shepherd sniffs out some sneaky behavior on the alliance officer’s part and helps devise a plan. Unfortunately, Tracey only hears half that plan and goes off the rails and tries to take down everyone with him.

Plus, Meaghan talks about her love for Tropic Thunder; George comes close to getting canceled; and we discuss the perils of tripping on the sidewalk at our advanced ages. (Original network air date July 15, 2003)

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(Recorded on September 22, 2024) **Promo for The Delicious Recap podcast included in this episode** Up this week we are digging into episode eleven of Firefly, “Trash.” That’s right folks, we are in the home stretch! Mal is doing business with his old war pal, Monty (sans soup catcher, gag) when he’s introduced to Monty’s wife Bridget. But listeners, Monty’s wife Bridget, is actually Mal’s wife—that’s right Saffron is back (loud boos and cheers). Mal and Saffron scuffle while Monty stands by confused but not at all bothered by Mal beating up his wife. Eventually Monty realizes that Bridget is not who she says she is and kicks her off his ship, unfortunately sticking her with Mal. Saffron teases Mal with a ‘million square job’ while he tries to get away from her. On Serenity, Inara tells Mal she’s in dire need of work and if he could stop doing these tiny jobs that make them no money, that would be great. Mal digs Saffron out of a bin in the cargo bay (what was she doing all that time!?) and asks her about this job. We get a bit of the same stuff as in ‘Ariel’ (but not as good) with Saffron explaining the job—stealing an antique laser pistol from rich a-hole Durran Haymer—while showing how it could work. Everyone is like, “what’s she doing here?” but in the end they all need money and agree to work with her. While in the middle of stealing the pistol, Durran walks in, shocked that he’s being robbed, but even MORE shocked that his wife Yolanda has returned. That’s right, Saffron is Yolanda! Keep up everyone! She turns on Mal, but then Durran comes back and she turns on him and is back to being partners with Mal long enough to try and screw him over. BUT the Serenity crew is playing some 4-D chess and Saffron/Bridget/Yolanda ends up stuck in a dumpster, where she belongs. Also, Simon finally realizes that Jayne tried to sell him and sister out—about f’ing time!

Plus, George gives us another white guy on his mom’s list of approved white guys; Meaghan wonders which episode made execs at Fox go, ‘ENOUGH!”; and we wonder if Christina Hendricks still has her syfy genre award from 2006. (Original network air date July 21, 2003)

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(Recorded on September 15, 2024) Up this week we’re discussing episode ten, “War Stories,” of the cult class Firefly. Shepherd is back (yay!) from is monastic vacation and he seems refreshed. Simon is still trying to cure his sister’s…broken amygdala? Not sure if that’s something that can be fixed, but you do you. Jayne’s maybe feeling a little guilty for almost getting everyone killed and bought the crew (checks notes) a crate of apples. Inara tries to keep everyone from gawking at her client, “the councillor, although she might have better luck if her client wasn’t a woman! There’s a lot shocked faces and Jayne keeps talking about how he’ll be in his bunk (please make it stop). And you can all rest assured that this storyline is written with grace and not at all in a way for the 13 year old boys watching in 2002 (that’s sarcasm, in case you were wondering). While all of this is going on, Wash and Zoe are fighting because Wash is insecure and Zoe shares too many stories about her and Mal. Wash forces his way into a business excursion with Mal and immediately regrets it once they're kidnapped by Niska’s men. Yes, Adelai Niska is back and he has a torture chamber—very 50 Shades of him. Unfortunately Niska’s fun is ruined by Mal and Wash arguing about who Zoe loves more—way to kill the vibe guys. Zoe realizes something is wrong and puts two and two together to realize that both of her husbands have been taken. She rounds up some money from the rest of the crew to buy them back, but Niska only lets her choose one. Zoe chooses Wash, knowing that he is not a man built for days of torture. Do they go back to rescue Mal? Well there’s 4 more episodes and a movie so it’s an obvious yes, but they all mount up like Regulators to do it, so that’s fun!

Plus, George tells us about his bowling tournament; Meaghan talks about her favorite Catfish episode; and if you’ve ever wondered what happened to Shan Yu from Mulan, boy are you in for a treat this week! (Original network air date December 6, 2002)

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(Recorded on September 7, 2024) No Season Two is back from our mid-season break and we’re talking about episode nine of Firefly, “Ariel.” The Serenity crew is heading to the allied world Ariel, so Inara can get her government mandated physical exam to renew her companion license (the future sounds awful! but also familiar, womp womp). Before they can touch down on Ariel, River slashes Jayne across the chest with a butcher’s knife (you go girl!) and Jayne does not take it well! Mal realizes River is getting worse and has her confined to her quarters. The next day while the gang is playing a game of horseshoe and bemoaning their lack of money-making endeavors, Simon waltzes in with a proposition for them: get him into the hospital in Ariel City so he can find out what’s wrong with his sister (diagnosis: A LOT) and they will have access to all the pharmaceuticals they want to resell on the black market. Ladies and germs, we have a heist! And not the sad heist that was in “The Train Job.” This a bonafide heist with an Ocean’s 11 montage. Things go perfectly at first—Simon finds out that the alliance turned River’s amygdala into mush, and Zoe and Mal are able to snag all the drugs. Unfortunately for everyone, Jayne is a part of their crew and he called the feds to turn in Simon and River for some reward money. Of course Jayne didn’t think (big obviously here) that this plan would backfire, but it does spectacularly. The blue glove guys show up turning people's brains into pools of blood, but before they can get to Simon and River, Mal and Zoe come to the rescue. Back on the ship Mal pulls a “you did it to me!” with Jayne while threatening to have him sucked out into space. But does he do it? No. But it’s fun to watch Jayne think he’s a goner.

Also, George shares one his favorite summer past times; Meaghan won’t shut up about the tv show OZ (trust us, it will make sense); and we both try to figure out what is going on with the hospitals in the 26th century (Seinfeld voice). (Original network air date November 15, 2002)

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(Recorded on August 4, 2024) Up this week is episode seven of Firefly, “Jaynestown.” The crew are headed to Canton, a town who survives on the export of mud and slave labor. Who do they think they are, Shein? Jayne disguised as the REI Lawerence of Arabia, doesn’t want to go because he previously robbed the town’s magistrate—a man named Higgins, whose sole focus in this episode is getting his 26 year old son, Fess, laid (weird!). While Mal, Wash, Jayne, Kaylee, and Simon journey to town, Zoe and Shepherd stay on the ship with River. After meeting the foreman of the mud plantation, the crew stumbles on a statue of Jayne, made out of what else, mud. Simon seems most dumbfounded, making some of campiest shocked faces we’ve seen in the serious so far. They visit a local tavern and while imbibing in mudders milk (I hope it’s pasteurized) they’re treated to a musical performance by a local. The song, Hero of Canton is about Jayne—describing how he robbed from Higgins and then rained the money down on the towns people. Obviously that is only half true, as Jayne only dumped the money so his ship wouldn’t crash (and that’s not the only thing he dumped!). The mudders discover Jayne is back and boy are they happy to see him. Higgins, while waiting for his son to lose his cherry (his words, not mine) to Inara finds out that Jayne is back in Canton. Higgins, unlocks Encino Man from a wooden box and is like, “go on, git! you know what you need to do!” Ladies and germs, that man is Stitch Hessian, Jayne’s former partner who he also dumped from his ship. Obviously he as an axe to grind! There’s a pretty good fight scene (I’ll give them that) and then Jayne holds a republican press conference telling everyone to stop waiting for a handout and get a job! They have a job, they just don't get paid, Jayne!! While all of this is going on, Kaylee is trying to flirt with Simon (awkwardly). And River is being kind of racist??

Also, George implores Meaghan to watch the movie Heat; Meaghan is offended that George questioned her boyband knowledge; and they both encourage everyone to listen to Give It To You. (Original network air date October 18, 2002)

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