Plugging into the Power (of Pausing)

Pausing is a great way to invite an adolescent (or, okay, anyone!) into a conversation. Pausing when you are interacting with a preteen, teen or young adult can be hard, they move fast! How do you plug into the pause depends upon the situation and the individuals.

Feeling like a Pushmi-Pullyu, pushing and pulling and going nowhere? Have you tried pushing back- not pushing back to what your child is saying, but just pushing back from the conversation, pushing back from the table and saying “Thank you. I’m full.”, rather than “I can’t take another minute of this!” Pushing back does not have to be pushing away, it can just be the pause that the moment needs.

Pushing back can give space, and the space between is where we connect. When we’re in our children’s face it’s hard to actually connect, ditto if we’re on their back. Holding on by stepping back may not feel intuitive. Face to face, with space, is a good place to be, and to pause to let others feel seen and heard.

Plugging into the pause is where the change can happen, and things can be brought to light.

PRACTICE: practice using the 5 second rule. When in conversation, pause for 5 seconds. Just try it. It may feel like an eternity, but try it. Savoring the moment.

Resources

SAMHSA recovery statistics

NPR: There is life after addiction: Most People Recover

CRAFT

Flyawayproductions “Tell me where it hurts.” Is not in this clip, but, honestly, this brief video will give you a beautiful, heartfelt, real pause in your day, and you deserve that.

“They speak of my drinking but never of my thirst.” The Menzingers

C.O.P.E. Consider Other Perspectives Exist (craving easy to grab reminders? Acronym Aides)