Welcome back to another episode! If you'd like to receive my weekly newsletter, please sign up here. And you can also sign up for my free monthly book club here. I'll be talking about how to raise kids who aren't spoiled this Wednesday, July 17 at 12 PM PST, presenting Ron Lieder's excellent book "The Opposite of Spoiled".

In this final episode of season one of the Parent Doctor Podcast, Dr. Marissa Caudill reflects on the common mental health issues children face that she discussed earlier in the season. She then goes on to highlight a significant shift in her healing approach over recent years. Traditionally, medical training, particularly in mental health, focuses on diagnosing and labeling problems. This practice is driven by the healthcare system, where a diagnosis is essential for insurance billing. Consequently, doctors often feel compelled to find a diagnosis to ensure payment, even if it means overlooking deeper, underlying issues.

This system is especially problematic for children. When children display symptoms like behavioral issues or anxiety, there are often underlying reasons, but the current system prioritizes assigning a diagnosis and prescribing medication rather than exploring familial and environmental factors that may contribute to a child's symptoms.

Dr. Caudill provides examples to illustrate her point. She has treated children of undocumented immigrants who live under constant fear of deportation, leading to immense stress. Such situations might be mislabeled as anxiety disorders when the real issue is the family's precarious situation. Similarly, children who have lost a parent experience profound grief, which might be incorrectly diagnosed as depression. In these cases, addressing the family's emotional dynamics and providing appropriate therapy can be more beneficial than merely prescribing medication.

A key insight Dr. Caudill shares is the importance of recognizing that our true selves are separate from our bodies and minds. Despite physical changes over time, our core identity remains constant. Our true self existed before we were born and will remain after our bodies die. Our true self can never be "ill".

Mental illnesses stems from an overactive "downstairs brain"—the part of our brain responsible for survival instincts (amygdala and limbic system). This overactivity can and often does dominate our thoughts and behaviors, leading to various mental health issues.

To manage this, we need to learn ways to shift control to our "upstairs brain" (prefrontal cortex) or, ideally, even beyond that, to the awareness of our true self. Practicing mindfulness and connecting with our true selves can help us recognize and manage the signals from our downstairs brain.

Dr. Caudill emphasizes four pillars of empowered parenting, achieved by connecting with our true selves, which provides a source of infinite patience and endless love:

1. Defining Direction: Leading families with clear values and goals, involving children in this process to help them form their identities. Helping our kids connect with their true selves will help them so much throughout their lives.

2. Emotion Regulation: Demonstrating control over our emotions to set an example for our children. By connecting to our true self, we tap into a resource of infinite patience and love.

3. Practicing Gratitude: Regularly recognizing and sharing our abundance, which fosters a sense of security and happiness. In doing so, we further embrace our safe true self, and disengage from the survival brain.

4. Embracing Failure: Failure is fertilizer for growth. When we are sure of our true self, we don't have to be afraid of failure.

These principles help parents and children manage stress and reduce the risk of mental illness. Dr. Caudill invites parents to engage in future episodes by sharing their challenges and experiences. Recordings for season two will resume in August. If you’d like to join me on an episode, please email hello@theparentdoctor.com.