This week’s episode features a discussion on narcissistic mothers with Dr. Karyl McBride, a licensed marriage and family therapist, consultant, expert witness, and author. Note for listeners: this episode is not a substitute for professional treatment, but rather an open and knowledge-based conversation.

When describing adult mother-daughter relationships, Michelle explains that
daughters who lack mothering often grieve an idealistic form of their relationship. This can especially be true for daughters with narcissistic mothers. These mothers' lack of empathy can be seen through entitlement, exploitation, and constant disapproval.

Dr. McBride notes the term narcissism is used loosely in society, when in reality narcissism disorder is far more serious. Sharing personal experiences from their own lives, Michelle and Karyl reference the all too familiar “family rule” of maintaining a perfect image, despite the dysfunctional dynamics that persist behind the scenes. Dr. McBride compares the narcissistic family system to that of the alcoholic, identifying key familial roles including the narcissist, the enabler, the scapegoat, the golden child, and the lost child. Although there is no such thing as a perfect family, Dr. McBride emphasizes the importance of having someone to lean on throughout one’s child development.

Connections, like the mother-daughter relationship, inform one’s sense of identity from an early age. In her books ("Will the Drama Ever End?: Untangling and Healing from the Harmful Effects of Parental Narcissism") Dr. McBride provides tools and a five-step recovery framework to help adult children process their dysfunction (see below).

Tips from the hosts, Dr. Allison Alford and Dr. Michelle Miller-Day

1. Find a trained, licensed therapist to help unpack relationships with narcissists.
2. Think about contact levels with a narcissistic parent, weighing one’s options.
   • Measured contact may include limited interactions and healthy boundaries (bandbacktogether.com).
   • Estrangement results in no contact at all, which may be healthy for certain circumstances.
3. Follow the recovery steps outlined by Dr. Karyl McBride in her books
   • #1 Acknowledge trauma and healing.
   • #2 Individuate and separate from the dysfunctional relationship.
   • #3 Become the person you really are.
   • #4 Understand how you will re-enter the family system
   • #5 Meaningfully integrate information and healing into your new life

Find More
Books: willieverbegoodenough.com
Clinical Practice: karylmcbridephd.com
Expert Blog: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love
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“A lot of people are told the past is the past, get over it. That's not true. If we don’t embrace the trauma and do recovery, we won’t get better - it’s an inside job” -K.M.

“There is a lot to think about for daughters of narcissistic mothers. Be safe. Be healthy. Be Loved.” -M.M.D.

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