Ever felt trapped in the "machine" of high performance?! Is that machine raging against you?! Today we explore the complexities of high performance in family dynamics, particularly in the context of youth sports with our ambitious, high achieving teen athletes and performers. We will discuss the risk that is present with ambition but also why you as parents should not necessarily run away from it. Communication and agreements will help you mitigate the risk--they are two critical components to help you avoid the traps in the high performance "machine." Through metaphors of ocean waves and lifeguarding, we will illustrate the need for proactive parenting and the value of regular check-ins to navigate the challenges of highly competitive environments. Let's gooooooooooooooo!

The Timestamps!

00:00 Raging Against the Machine: High Performance and Family Dynamics

03:25 Navigating the Waves: Understanding High Performance Expectations

05:56 The Silent Tension: Communication Gaps in Parenting

09:00 Preparing for the Unexpected: Conversations with Teens

11:45 Lifeguard Parenting: Being Proactive in High Performance Situations

Takeaways

-High performance creates pressure and expectations.

-Parents often unintentionally place their teen athletes in challenging situations.

-Communication gaps can lead to silent tensions in relationships.

-It's important to prepare teens for potential risks in high performance.

-Regular check-ins can help parents understand their teens' pressures.

-Expectations should be replaced with agreements for better understanding.

-Understanding the risks and underlying dynamics of high performance environments is crucial for effective parenting.

-Parents can act as lifeguards, helping their teen athletes navigate challenges.

-Being proactive can prevent kids from getting overwhelmed.

Hey there Most Valuable Parents! We are creating a world-class podcast for parents of teen athletes and performers on YouTube. We can also be found on the other usual places you get your podcasts like Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

New episodes drop every MONDAY.

We would be most grateful if you would SUBSCRIBE to our YouTube channel where our unique show for parents of teen athletes and performers resides. The name of our podcast is the same name as our YouTube channel: The STOP PARENTING & START COACHING Podcast!

We're also posting valuable content on LinkedIn. Please follow us and connect with us: LinkedIn Steve Galley

And, there’s more–there always isn't there?! If you’ve read this far you probably are totally nerdy and giddy about helping teen athletes and performers to excel. Click here to pick up our 100% Free Thinking Tool: The Question Only Conversation. Give it a whirl today and watch your relationship with your teen athlete or performer trend upward!

-Nate & Steve

NOTE: This is Part 2 of our conversation with Andrea. Check out Episode 121 for Part 1! In this episode with Dr. Andrea Mata we knock out gentle parenting and expose it's major flaws while exploring and defining how to parent well in this Gen Z world. Andrea ("Dr. Dre") spells out the simple ways we can authoritatively parent and lead better.

If you are the ambitious parent of a go-getter teen athlete or performer, this episode is custom built for you. We hope you enjoy it--let us know what you think by commenting or sending us feedback at createtransformbecome@gmail.com. THANKS!

All the links and places to find and connect with Dr. Andrea Mata are listed after the show notes below!

The Timestamps!

00:00 Intro -- This is Part 2--listen to EP 121 for Part 1

02:31 Emotional Regulation Strategies for Teens

12:20 The Debate on Gentle Parenting

18:45 Balancing Authority and Connection in Parenting

21:41 Common Pitfalls in Parent-Teen Connections

26:08 Embracing Natural Consequences in Parenting

27:26 The Impact of 'Be Careful' on Child Development

29:37 Understanding Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in Teens

31:47 The Importance of Allowing Struggles for Growth

32:39 Connecting with Dr. Andrea Mata: Resources and Social Media

34:38 Thriving with the Stars--Charity/Dance Experience!

37:18 Ohio State Football & Michigan '24: A Diehard Fan's Perspective

43:52 Encouragement for Overwhelmed Parents

Takeaways

-Emotional regulation is essential.

-Emotional regulation skills is best taught during calm.

-Modeling behavior beats lecturing.

-Gentle parenting is not the way.

-Setting high expectations is the way!

-Listening beats lecturing!

-Natural consequences are critical.

-"Be careful" can hinder children's ability to assess risks.

-Parents can always develop new skills to improve their parenting.

Andrea's TedX Talk--From Murder to Mission: How I Found My Life's Calling

Andrea's LinkedIn

Andrea's YouTube Channel

Andrea on the Tamron Hall Show

The No. 2 Parenting Book: Practical Tips for the Pooped Out Parent

Hey there Most Valuable Parents! We are creating a world-class podcast for parents of teen athletes and performers on YouTube. New episodes drop every MONDAY.

Please SUBSCRIBE to our YouTube channel: The STOP PARENTING & START COACHING Podcast!

We're also posting valuable content on LinkedIn. Please follow us and connect with us: LinkedIn Steve Galley

-Nate & Steve

"Our bad!" We should've recorded this episode years ago! All kidding aside, "my bad" stinks and we'll tell you why in today's episode where we explore the concept of apologies! Particularly focusing on the phrase "my bad" and its implications. We'll discuss the sincerity behind admitting fault and "apologizing," the importance of genuine change, and introduce "The Repair Loop" as a tool for better, more effective apologies. And it will all come down to the role of parents in modeling sincere apologies for their teens and the need for actionable change following an acknowledgment of mistakes.

The Timestamps!

00:00 The Meaning of Apologies

03:13 The Impact of Language on Apologies

06:18 The Psychology Behind 'My Bad'

09:18 The Repair Loop: A Tool for Genuine Change

12:08 Modeling Behavior for Your Teens

13:14 Real-World Examples of Apologies in Action

15:20 Focusing on Your Standards and Values

17:52 Creating Meaningful Change

Takeaways

-Apologies can often be insincere and merely lip service.

-The phrase 'my bad' is a weak apology.

-Sincerity in apologies is crucial for genuine change.

-The Repair Loop consists of acknowledging, analyzing, and acting to repair mistakes.

-Modeling proper apology behavior is important for parents.

-Teens often mimic their parents' apology styles.

-Concrete actions following an apology validate the sincerity of the statement.

-Understanding the underlying values can enhance the effectiveness of apologies.

Hey there Most Valuable Parents! We are creating a world-class podcast for parents of teen athletes and performers on YouTube. We can also be found on the other usual places you get your podcasts like Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

New episodes drop every MONDAY.

We would be most grateful if you would SUBSCRIBE to our YouTube channel where our unique show for parents of teen athletes and performers resides. The name of our podcast is the same name as our YouTube channel: The STOP PARENTING & START COACHING Podcast!

We're also posting valuable content on LinkedIn. Please follow us and connect with us: LinkedIn Steve Galley

And, there’s more–there always isn't there?! If you’ve read this far you probably are totally nerdy and giddy about helping teen athletes and performers to excel. Click here to pick up our 100% Free Thinking Tool: The Question Only Conversation. Give it a whirl today and watch your relationship with your teen athlete or performer trend upward!

-Nate & Steve

NOTE: This is Part 1 of 2 with Andrea.

What does it take to break cycles, beat the odds, and build something better—for yourself and your family? In this episode, we sit down with "Dr. Dre" a.k.a. Andrea D. Mata, PhD—clinical psychologist, founder of BrightSpot Families, and unapologetic straight shooter. And should I mention, funny as all get out! From growing up in a gang-ridden neighborhood on Chicago’s south side to reshaping how families fight anxiety, Dr. Dre shares the raw truth about resilience, parenting, and mental health. Get ready for no-filter wisdom! Dr. Dre is in the house!

The Timestamps!

00:00 Introduction to Dr. Andrea Mata and Her Mission

02:06 Dr. Mata's Journey and Background

04:01 The Impact of Dr. Mata's TED Talk

05:17 The Unique Approach of Dr. Mata's Book

07:52 Transitioning to Sports Psychology

09:54 The Importance of Composure Training

12:52 Emotional Regulation in Sports

18:38 Managing Parental Behavior at Games

21:26 Modeling Emotional Regulation for Teens

25:42 Navigating the Conversation Flow

LOOK FOR PART 2 with Dr. Andrea Mata, Ph.D coming soon within the next few weeks! In the meantime if you're looking for more from Dr. Dre here is where you may find her (and if you really want the Coop the Poop bookmark, connect with Andrea on LinkedIn and order the book directly from her--you can also get the book minus the bookmark on Amazon ("The No. 2 Parenting Book: Practical Tips for the Pooped Out Parent":

https://andreadmata.com/

https://www.brightspotfamilies.com/

https://www.youtube.com/@drdremata

https://www.linkedin.com/in/andrea-mata-ph-d-278765225/

Hey there Most Valuable Parents! We are creating a world-class podcast for parents of teen athletes and performers on YouTube. We can also be found on the other usual places you get your podcasts like Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

New episodes drop every MONDAY.

We would be most grateful if you would SUBSCRIBE to our YouTube channel where our unique show for parents of teen athletes and performers resides. The name of our podcast is the same name as our YouTube channel: The STOP PARENTING & START COACHING Podcast!

We're also posting valuable content on LinkedIn. Please follow us and connect with us: LinkedIn Steve Galley

And, there’s more–there always isn't there?! If you’ve read this far you probably are totally nerdy and giddy about helping teen athletes and performers to excel. Click here to pick up our 100% Free Thinking Tool: The Question Only Conversation. Give it a whirl today and watch your relationship with your teen athlete or performer trend upward!

-Nate & Steve

If you’ve ever said, “My teen needs to be taken down a notch,” this episode is your wake-up call. We break down why that mindset crushes confidence and how a coaching approach actually develops humility, strength, and real independence. You’ll learn how to use love, challenge, and questions—not control or shame—to raise high-performing, emotionally healthy teens.

In this episode, we dive into how humiliation, even when subtle, can derail your teen’s confidence and passion. Instead, we offer some powerful questions to guide your teen’s growth through thoughtful challenges, encouragement, and conversations that fuel both their character and their performance (even if they're a bit defiant!).

The Timestamps!

00:00 Introduction to Parenting Philosophy

02:15 The Concept of Taking Down a Notch

04:48 The Emotional Cost of Humiliation

07:40 Challenging Overconfidence in Teens

10:18 Healthy Alternatives to Humiliation

12:49 Encouraging Growth and Confidence

15:14 Conclusion and Call to Action

Takeaways

-Taking your teen down a notch can be harmful.

-Humiliation has staggering emotional costs for kids.

-Parents should foster confidence in their children.

-Redirecting defiance is more effective than punishment.

-Asking questions can help teens reflect on their behavior.

-Love is a stronger motivator than fear.

-Modeling humility is essential for parents.

-Encouraging service can teach gratitude and humility.

Hey there Most Valuable Parents! We are creating a world-class podcast for parents of teen athletes and performers on YouTube. We can also be found on the other usual places you get your podcasts like Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

New episodes drop every MONDAY.

We would be most grateful if you would SUBSCRIBE to our YouTube channel where our unique show for parents of teen athletes and performers resides. The name of our podcast is the same name as our YouTube channel: The STOP PARENTING & START COACHING Podcast!

We're also posting valuable content on LinkedIn. Please follow us and connect with us: LinkedIn Steve Galley

And, there’s more–there always isn't there?! If you’ve read this far you probably are totally nerdy and giddy about helping teen athletes and performers to excel. Click here to pick up our 100% Free Thinking Tool: The Question Only Conversation. Give it a whirl today and watch your relationship with your teen athlete or performer trend upward!

-Nate & Steve

Think your teen’s success starts with better training or coaching? Think again. It starts at home. The strongest teen athletes and performers come from families that operate like teams, playoff teams centered around clear communication, shared accountability, and mutual respect. Today we explore practical ways to build that kind of culture: from a united front to weekly huddles and making repairs in front of our teen athletes and performers. Because if your family functions like a playoff team, your teen will thrive wherever they play.

The Timestamps!

00:00 Family as a Playoff Team

03:25 Contradiction Audit in Family Dynamics

06:16 Modeling Teamwork in Parenting

08:57 Non-Negotiables for Effective Parenting

12:05 Implementing Family Huddles and Debriefs

Takeaways

-Approaching family dynamics like a playoff team can enhance overall well-being.

-Parents must model positive behavior for their children.

-A "contradiction audit" can reveal harmful family dynamics.

-Team sports serve as a foundation for life skills.

-Parents should focus on controllables in their teen's sports.

-Weekly family huddles can strengthen teamwork.

-Modeling reconciliation teaches children valuable lessons.

Leading discussions without blame or victimhood is a must!

Hey there Most Valuable Parents! We are creating a world-class podcast for parents of teen athletes and performers on YouTube. We can also be found on the other usual places you get your podcasts like Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

New episodes drop every MONDAY.

We would be most grateful if you would SUBSCRIBE to our YouTube channel where our unique show for parents of teen athletes and performers resides. The name of our podcast is the same name as our YouTube channel: The STOP PARENTING & START COACHING Podcast!

We're also posting valuable content on LinkedIn. Please follow us and connect with us: LinkedIn Steve Galley

And, there’s more–there always isn't there?! If you’ve read this far you probably are totally nerdy and giddy about helping teen athletes and performers to excel. Click here to pick up our 100% Free Thinking Tool: The Question Only Conversation. Give it a whirl today and watch your relationship with your teen athlete or performer trend upward!

-Nate & Steve

Parents, here’s the hard truth: growth doesn’t happen where honesty is avoided. In Episode 118, we dive deep into why facing the truth—especially the uncomfortable kind—creates the breakthrough moments your teen athlete or performer needs. You’ll quickly learn how to apply our “3 Reframing R’s”—Reflect, Refocus, and Recommit—to transform your approach from typical parental reacting to coaching with clarity and power.

Moms and dads--we believe in you and we believe you CAN handle the truth!

The Timestamps

00:00 The Importance of Truth in Growth

02:15 Keys to Confronting the Truth

07:59 Personal Stories of Truth and Growth

12:46 The Three Rs: Reflect, Refocus, Recommit

Takeaways

-When you uncover more of the truth, the faster you grow.

-All progress starts with the truth. Rinse and repeat that!

-Be curious, not judgmental, when confronting the truth.

-Specificity helps focus on facts, not feelings.

-The 3 Reframing R's: Reflect, Refocus, & Recommit are a must!

-Consistency wins in all areas of life.

-Coaching can help identify blind spots.

-Accepting the truth opens doors for growth.

Hey there Most Valuable Parents! We are creating a world-class podcast for parents of teen athletes and performers on YouTube. We can also be found on the other usual places you get your podcasts like Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

New episodes drop every MONDAY.

We would be most grateful if you would SUBSCRIBE to our YouTube channel where our unique show for parents of teen athletes and performers resides. The name of our podcast is the same name as our YouTube channel: The STOP PARENTING & START COACHING Podcast!

We're also posting valuable content on LinkedIn. Please follow us and connect with us: LinkedIn Steve Galley

And, there’s more–there always isn't there?! If you’ve read this far you probably are totally nerdy and giddy about helping teen athletes and performers to excel. Click here to pick up our 100% Free Thinking Tool: The Question Only Conversation. Give it a whirl today and watch your relationship with your teen athlete or performer trend upward!

-Nate & Steve

PARENTS—your words carry weight. If you're coaching a high-achieving teen, "linguistic intentionality" isn't optional—it's essential. In this episode, we break down why how you say something matters just as much as what you say. The way you communicate can build confidence, resilience, and trust—or do the opposite. This one’s packed with practical insight to help you level up your parenting (ahem, coaching) game. Let’s get into it.

The Timestamps!

00:00 Understanding Linguistic Intentionality

00:37 The Importance of Words in Communication

02:52 The Story of Finn: A Teen Athlete's Struggles

03:44 E + R = O: Event, Response, Outcome

04:40 Introducing The Controllable Compass

07:47 Role-Playing: Finn's Dad's Perspective

10:42 Emotional Responses and Self-Talk

13:07 Focus Management in Conversations

Takeaways

-Linguistic intentionality is crucial for effective communication.

-Words have a significant impact on relationships.

-Self-talk influences our emotional responses.

-E + R = O: Event + Response = Outcome.

-The Controllable Compass helps focus on responses.

-Clear purpose is essential in conversations.

-Maintaining a big picture perspective is important.

-Emotional awareness aids in better communication.

-Focus management helps prioritize what matters most.

-Preparation is key for intentional conversations.

Hey there Most Valuable Parents! We are creating a world-class podcast for parents of teen athletes and performers on YouTube. We can also be found on the other usual places you get your podcasts like Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

New episodes drop every MONDAY.

We would be most grateful if you would SUBSCRIBE to our YouTube channel where our unique show for parents of teen athletes and performers resides. The name of our podcast is the same name as our YouTube channel: The STOP PARENTING & START COACHING Podcast!

We're also posting valuable content on LinkedIn. Please follow us and connect with us: LinkedIn Steve Galley

And, there’s more–there always isn't there?! If you’ve read this far you probably are totally nerdy and giddy about helping teen athletes and performers to excel. Click here to pick up our 100% Free Thinking Tool: The Question Only Conversation. Give it a whirl today and watch your relationship with your teen athlete or performer trend upward!

-Nate & Steve