jD is back and he remembers the name of his new drug!Transcript:Track 2:[0:21] Hey, it's JD here, back for another week of introspection and reflection on.[0:26] Grief, depression, and the pathway to mental wellness.All the while nourishing my soul with the music and poetry of the late, great, indie rock singer-songwriter, David Cloud Berman.How are you doing, motherfuckers?I am cold as all living fuck. I'm recording this on Sunday.Yesterday was one of the coldest days I've experienced. Taking the dogs out was absolutely brutal.Today, however, the sky is shining blue looking out my window right now.There are no clouds in the sky, but there is some sunshine that is warming it up and this cold streak is supposed to snap.And we're supposed to get up into the pluses this week above zero so there's that I find that weather is so is so important to the way I'm feeling whether or not it's that I get outside more oreven just sitting here at my desk looking out the window into a blue sky rather than a gray ray, abyss, really, truly does help.I have been told I should be getting a mood light.[1:48] It's not something that I've thought about very seriously.If you have experience with a mood light, shoot me an email, jd at mediumalchemist.com.I would love to hear about your experiences and if you think it made a difference.I am, other than cold, I'm in a reasonably good place right now.[2:13] I do think that this drug, this new drug, lamotrigine, lamotrigine I believe it's called, is doing something.I don't know if it's doing enough, but it is doing something. I feel different.However, my eyes are leaking all over the place.Now, I don't know if this is related because there are fucking weird side effects with mental health drugs.Lots of stuff dealing with erections and ejaculate, quite frankly.And I don't mean to laugh if you've experienced any of those things.I, years ago on Paxil, it took away my sex drive completely and I couldn't, you know, get it up as they say in the penis business. So there's that.I think that tomorrow I have therapy, and that's a good thing.It's been several weeks without talking to my therapist, Emma.[3:16] It was a decision I made early on in the month that I would see her toward the end of the month.I was doing okay.I was doing okay.You know. I mean, you listen to the episodes. episodes, I just thought I could swing it without her, and if it could save me a little bit of money, well, then that would be good too.Now, the funny thing is, I get all the money back. I have benefits, and they cover a good deal of therapy.They cover $5,000 in therapy for a year, so that almost gets me through the year, which is just tremendous to be able to swing that, even without working, um, is great.So there's that. I.[4:09] My hands are tucked up in my sleeves right now. That's how cold I am. My knees are knocking.I have a window, not a window air conditioner. It's a portable air conditioner and it's permanently set up in the window.So there are some nooks and crannies that are letting air in and I need to buy buy some filler, some of that foam filler and get that shit sealed up because otherwise it's, just too cold in here.[4:40] You know, I was thinking today, I was watching TikTok, believe it or not.I was looking at TikTok and one of the videos that came up was, I don't think it was Pearl Jam. I think it was just Eddie Vedder and his band, and they were covering The Cures, Just LikeHeaven.And it was so weird to see Eddie Vedder dancing about on the stage in a way that is very Eddie Vedder-like.Pearl Jam, I find, are a very serious band. Very, very serious.There's not a lot of jovialness in their music. music.Maybe Dirty Frank, you know, that might cut it.But to see him doing Just Like Heaven was really fabulous.It was really, really quite tremendous. I enjoyed it a lot.But more than that, it made me realize how much I love Just Like Heaven and how emo I am.Because the connection that I have to that song is very emotional and it's I, used to I used to think about it a lot when I thought about dating when I wasn't dating I used to think abouthaving a connection with somebody that that.[6:05] That I could sing about. And I don't think I've settled.I don't think I've...
