• Do You Truly Accept and Understand Your Underlying Personality Traits?
    Jun 22 2018
    Many people wish they were different. They compare themselves with others and think that life would be better if only they had their traits, gifts, and confidence. They struggle to accept their nature, and in so doing fail to enjoy everything their uniqueness brings. “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” - Howard Thurman Think about it for a second. What the world needs is for you to conform to its own needs. It needs you to buy the stuff it says you need. It needs you to be predictable. What the world needs is for you to fit in and be like everyone else. In other words, it needs you to rely on the stuff it paints as important, and neglect the stuff that actually matters to you. Perhaps this is better described as what the world "wants". Because as Thurman says, what the world actually "needs" is people who have come alive. A world of people who have come alive is a world of love, creativity, and acceptance. It's a world where people live at peace with themselves, and in full acceptance of the aliveness of everyone else. Stop asking what the world wants from you. Forget trying to change in order to fit in better. Look at what brings you joy, and accept those parts of yourself. What brings you to a place of flow? Do those things and the wants, comparisons, envy, and unhealthy competitiveness will naturally drain away. In this episode of the podcast we look at these ideas in more depth. We examine the first of three disciplines that come from Stoic Philosophy, which is a great help to us as we think about how to thrive as introverts and sensitive types in the modern world. How can you accept who you are? We consider the Big 5 Personality Traits, and what they can teach us about how who we are is both fixed and flexible. By accepting what is fixed, we are able to develop our temperamental flexibility. I share why personality is like a bead on a rubber band. It's my hope that by the end of the episode you will see that you have more control over your personality than you might otherwise think.
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    34 mins
  • The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Still Has a Lot to Teach Us (a chat with Bo Miller)
    Apr 1 2018
    You may well be familiar with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. It's one of the most recognised and used personality tests in the world. It is based on the psychological theory of Carl Jung along with Katherine Cook Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers. In this week's podcast I chat with Bo Miller, who is an author, blogger, podcaster, introvert, and certified Myers-Briggs practitioner. He helps people identify and maximise their unique gifts through his website, iSpeakPeople. It's a site for INFJs (a Myers-Briggs personality type). However, Bo publishes great stuff for introverts of all colours. You can download his free ebook, The INFJ Personality Guide, which is a fantastically in depth look at life as an INFJ. Criticisms of The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator I loved talking to Bo about the MBTI, and its use in our lives. Over the years of working with introverts and sensitive types I have come across various critics of the test. It was lovely to talk with Bo though, who recognises that while it is not perfect, it carries a huge amount of value. It helps us better understand ourselves, others, and maximise our own impact on the world. Escaping Tribalism and Reductionistic Language Conversations about introversion can be deterministic; a pre-determined set of characteristics and values. Introverts have no control over what they are capable of...and what they are incapable of. We are good at building walls around ourselves, using labels to justify the behaviours and attitudes we want to get away with. But this is not helpful, necessary, or healthy. What I love about Bo Miller's approach to this topic is that he sees the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator as a tool we can use to free ourselves. It's not a tool to label and thus restrict our self-understanding, but one to help us better understand who we are and how we can create conditions in our lives for the best way of being. It's important for all of us to embrace this approach. To enjoy the validation of recognising ourselves in a certain personality profile, whether that's as an INFJ. But then to use it as a way to understand ourselves within the context of the richly spiced variety of humanity, of which we are but one small speck. In the interview you will learn: Why the MBTI is still relevant today What it helps us understand about ourselves and other people Why Bo wanted to be a licensed practitioner Bo's favourite kind of resources to create (as a podcaster, writer, YouTube creator etc) What advice Bo would impart to his younger self if he could How Bo balances family, work and business life, without burning out Over to You What did you enjoy about this interview? Has it changed anything in your understanding of yourself as an introvert? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. Support the Podcast and get bonus extras:
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    48 mins
  • 58 | Is Artificial Intelligence a Friend or Foe? (with Marc Winn)
    May 23 2024
    Can Artificial Intelligence help us embrace, explore, and celebrate our human creativity and sensory sensitivity even MORE deeply? In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I speak with Marc Winn about the impact of generative AI on our creative spirit. We step beyond the unhelpful binary debates that tend to view the complex tangle of technology adoption as all good or all bad. We begin with the most important starting question: What do we want to use it for? And how can it help us become more human, more playful, more attuned to our senses, and less mechanical and robotic? https://youtu.be/TjGD4kWjGbw How Can Artificial Intelligence Help Us Become More Human? Marc has dedicated the past 14 years to helping people find their way in a rapidly changing world. He focuses on AI and how embracing it isn't just about technology—it's about people. Through AI Adoption groups, Strategy Days, and long-term Partnerships, he focuses on the human side of digital transformation. Marc is also the author of The 50 Coffee Adventure: A Fun, Light and Easy Way to Build Connections—One Magical Conversation at a Time. In the episode, Marc and I Discuss: The role generative AI can play in giving people who have always struggled simple ways to express themselves Why art is deeply misunderstood (and often overlooked) in its role in changing the world How art has a role to play in helping us meet the significant challenges of our time The link between burning out and building things in other peoples' image rather than your own (and what it means to live from that authentic place within us) Why Marc believes you have more of a chance of changing someone's life by making mistakes rather than delivering perfection Fears and hopes about the post-consumption age of creativity and how mass participation will become a new normal How AI supports and can enhance creativity (rather than replace it) I enjoyed this conversation a lot. It gave me a fresh perspective on things I hadn't considered before. Over to You What were your takeaways? How do you feel about this stuff? Share your response in the comments or drop me a message. Marc's Links Book a Coffee with Marc Moving Fast Together - The Human Side of AI Adoption (Marc's Presentation) 45 Minutes of Marc's Life That Got Out of Hand Marc's Website | Marc's Blog
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    Less than 1 minute
  • 57 | Coach or Marketer? (with Adam Kawalec)
    May 17 2024
    If you're a freelancer or solo practitioner, you likely need to wear many different hats to keep your business going. It can be tiring and confusing at times. An understandable trend in the age of algorithmic social media is people donning the social media marketing hat more and more, sometimes at the expense of their core craft. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I chat with my friend, Adam Kawalec. He explains what he means when he says he's a coach, not a marketer or social media influencer. He describes how he's intentionally built his business through word-of-mouth referrals and relationship marketing. https://youtu.be/JpViYWqPN7w?si=4KcI4tj8PjFq_jcS In our conversation, Adam demonstrated what happens when we shift our focus from persuasion, traffic, and engagement to depth, connection, and potency. The invitation to find more meaningful, gentle, and person-centred ways of building a sustainable business left me feeling hopeful and enriched. This goes against the growing trend where the drive for social media influence trumps professional training and development. This is why I wanted to speak with Adam about the ethicality of coaching and how to remain focused as a coach not a marketer. Ethics For Coaches and Marketers It's a companion to the episode with Megan Malone when we considered the cost of reputation damage to coaching as a trained skillset due to a series of documentaries and exposés highlighting nefarious, manipulative, and abusive practices performed by people calling themselves coaches. It often happens when the focus on developing skills as a coach is gradually eroded and replaced by marketing and sales. During our discussion, Adam mentioned the Ethics For Coaching project. It's a crucial initiative to educate consumers and support coaches in practising their craft with integrity, safety, inclusivity, and professionalism. This project's four pillars serve as a guide, highlighting red flags to watch out for and expectations you can have with a safe and competent coach. Much of it speaks to the question of whether someone is a competent coach or simply a persuasive marketer. Stay tuned for my conversation with Margarit Davtian, a board member of EFC and a consumer rights expert, who sheds light on the project's mission and her role in it. In the episode, Adam and I explore: Why marketing doesn't have to feel like marketing when you approach it in the right way Ways coaching differs depending on the setting (and the stakeholders) The difference between traffic marketing vs relationship marketing Ethical responsibilities when marketing and practising as a coach The importance of slowing down if you want to speed things up What it means to be truly remarkable, and how to be so good they can't ignore you Finding the sweet spot in your daily rhythm to commit to growing without burning out Over to You What are your thoughts on the topics we discussed? I'm eager to hear your takeaways. Feel free to share your comments or drop me a message. Connect with Adam Website: https://adamkawalec.com/ Inside The Comfort Zone Podcast
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    1 hr and 12 mins
  • 56 | Does Your Voice Sound Like You?
    May 10 2024
    In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we delve into the intriguing concept of voice, the third element of our creative spirit that we've been looking at recently. Check out the episodes on Sound and Noise if you haven't already done so. What do we mean when we talk about creative voice? Is it something we are born with or something we develop? https://youtu.be/cUpv9_mrik0 Character is inadvertently forged in our workshops of adversity.Performance is intentionally forged in our workshops of necessity.Voice is the taste we leave for others.Character can be flexible or brittle.Performance is a wall or a window.Voice is sweet or bitter. I intuitively wrote down those words when preparing and attempted to untangle their meaning during the episode. Other Things I Explore In The Episode: How art transcends anyone else's desire for it Ways we lose our voice in the pressure to fulfil, please, and satisfy an external demand Voice isn't easy to describe, and it can't be contrived Performance as shaping, forging, fabricating, embodying (and how performance can be a window or a wall - deepening or alienating our relationship with our voice) Mr Rogers described Voice as "something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person." Ways to find your voice after losing it What other people can tell us about the sound of our voice So, what does voice mean to you? I'd love to read your reflections. Share them in the comments or drop me a message. The Fireside Membership | Sound, Noise, Voice The Fireside Membership offers a unique opportunity to step back from life's distractions and disturbances. It's a place to reconnect with who you are and consider how you would love your life to look in the future. The membership materials, between session reflection questions, and personalised coaching calls are designed to support you in your endeavours. Whether you have a particular challenge you want to overcome, a project you would love to complete, or you're looking for a clear way forward. I designed the program to help you come home to your innate creative spirit and accomplish your aims on YOUR terms and in YOUR way.
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    43 mins
  • 55 | Making Sense Of The Distractions, Disturbances, and Noise
    Apr 12 2024
    The noise we encounter can significantly impact how we perceive the world and what we believe about it. This can be multiplied tenfold for sensitive types who naturally absorb and respond to subtle environmental shifts and sensory disturbances. So, how do we learn to acknowledge and address the noise that can otherwise derail and distract us? I explore that question in this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, which follows from last week's exploration of personal sound and the idea of "coming to our senses." https://youtu.be/elTJHlIUslk The Difference Between Noise and Buzz Buzz is not a technical term, but it helps us differentiate different types of external stimulation. In the episode, I discuss how noise disturbs the senses, diminishing our capacity to enjoy while buzz enriches the experience, adding to the atmosphere and energy. Distinguishing between noise and buzz helps us gauge whether an environment supports our objectives and desires in any given moment. We might recognise how the same stimulation can be met differently by people. For example, some find silence distracting and seek sensory input to create a buzz to concentrate, while others lose focus if anything is happening around them. This highlights the subjective nature of these perceptions, which requires understanding and negotiation, especially in shared spaces like open-plan offices and living environments. Sources of Noise Noise reaches us through our senses, our thinking, and bodily sensations. We can perceive and feel disturbances in many ways and from various sources, some more overt than others. Sensory Noise Sensory noise is stimulation that directly enters our senses: noisy sounds, tastes, smells, touch, sights etc. Input becomes noisy when our ability to process sensory data or receive information through other senses is impaired. Cognitive Noise We might not notice how noisy our thoughts are when we are habituated to an overthinking mind. Thoughts might include the voice of the inner critic and the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, one another, and the state of the world. Digital Noise I wasn't sure where to put mobile technology but it certainly belongs on this list. In fact, we might find it under every item. But rather than being a direct noise source, it tends to act as an amplifier for many other noise sources. The phone brings sensory noise through the sights and sounds of relentless news feeds and reels. It can also amplify cognitive noise, triggering internal judgements based on comparisons as we glimpse images, videos, and updates flying past our eyes, not to mention exposure to the relentless flood of real-time information that we wouldn't get in such abundant volume without technology. Cultural Noise Current events, news stories, and social trends flow into our conscious awareness from outside. They take up capacity for thinking and feeling and become noise when we don't have a creative outlet to process and release them. Cultural noise also flows through the values and beliefs we absorb from society and judge ourselves by. Somatic/Physical Noise We might feel noisiness in our physical beings. It can be experienced as pain, tension, tightness, aches, throbs, tenderness, etc. On the one hand it is where we might hold unprocessed thoughts, emotions, and experiences. But on the other hand, it can also become a source of noise itself. Emotional Noise Unacknowledged and unprocessed emotional responses to environments, situations, encounters, and experiences can build up inside us as noise. The louder they get, the more they influence our perception of reality. What We Hear is How We See I use the role of music in film and TV to highlight this. There are some fantastic examples of how music can completely change what you believe you are seeing in front of you. Check out these examples: The Power of Music in Film Breaking Bad The Sitcom
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    41 mins
  • 54 | Coming To Your Senses (How To Find Your “Sound”)
    Apr 5 2024
    We can lose connection with our "sound" if we experience over-empathy, people-pleasing, and an "I'm OK if you're OK" filter. This can happen if the nervous system learns to perceive danger and safety by taking responsibility for the well-being and reactions of people (and things) it can't control. Our creative spirit gets stifled when these patterns settle into our systems. It gets harder to locate our preferences, opinions, and desires. And choices become filtered through their potential social consequences rather than their intrinsic value and importance to us. Creative spirit has three core elements: sound, noise, and voice. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we explore the role of sound in each of us and how we can find our way home if we're out of connection. What does it mean to have a personal sound? Why does it matter? How does it feel? Where is it? How do we find it? What causes us to lose connection with it? As thinking, feeling, and consciously self-aware creatures, creative spirit flows through our very beingness. It is the invitation to shift the trajectory from what would have happened without us into what COULD happen with us. It stems from the faintest aromas and grows through the slightest cracks of light. While voice is how we express ourselves in the world, our sound is how we perceive, sense, and notice the world. Sound is the intuitive, creative instincts that precede the interference and noise that clouds it out. In this episode, we will consider how to attune to this natural and personal part of our being as humans. Coming To Our Senses We often talk about someone coming to their senses when they return to sensible compliance and conformity with how they ought to act, think, and approach things. Sometimes, this is necessary, but often, it's a way to keep our sound hidden. It keeps our creative spirit squashed and unable to breathe. Truly coming to our senses is about recognising our first perceptions, noticing what we notice, including what we are drawn towards and away from before the noisy filters kick in. Filters like social pressures, expectations, and cultural injunctions leave us doing, chasing, and valuing things that don't matter to us and fearing, avoiding, and hiding from the things that do. If This Isn't Nice, I Don't Know What Is Kurt Vonnegut's uncle Alex had a saying: "If this isn't nice, I don't know what is." He says, "What Uncle Alex found objectionable about so many human beings is that they would seldom notice when they were happy." Happiness is a fleeting encounter with something that catches the sleeve of our attention and brings us into harmony with the moment. The mind isn't caught up in rumination and worry. It is present, aware, and alive. It can't be experienced anywhere or anytime other than here and now. We connect with our sound when we pause to say, "If this isn't nice, I don't know what is." In her book Anchored, Deb Dana says that "glimmers are all around us, but from a state of protection, they are very hard to find." For many sensitive souls who have developed deep defensive patterns that seek safety by avoiding threats, it can be challenging to notice glimmers. When our nervous systems are stressed, busy, or numb, we are less attuned to the points of connection around us. Catching Our Sleeve On Our Sound In his book Several Short Sentences About Writing, Verlyn Klinkenborg writes: “Is it possible to practice noticing?I think so. But I also think it requires a suspension of yearning. And a pause in the desire to be pouring something out of yourself.Noticing is about letting yourself out into the world,Rather than siphoning the world into you…Noticing means thinking with all your senses.So what is noticing?A pinpoint of awareness,The detail that stands out amid all the details.It’s catching your sleeve on the thorn of the thing youNotice” What catches your sleeve?
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    34 mins
  • 53 | The Money Changed Everything
    Mar 29 2024
    Where does your mind go when you read the phrase, "The money changed everything"? In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I want to share points from our recent Haven discussion when we used this prompt to chat and play. Where did the money come from? What difference did it make? Before our gathering, I stumbled on an episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents called "Reward to Finder". The story is about Carl, who finds some money in a gutter on his way home from work. Instead of returning it to its rightful owner (in exchange for an unspecified reward), as he promised his wife, Anna, he keeps it hidden in his attic. Eventually, Anna discovers that he is counting the money and demands a share. She threatens to go to the police if Carl doesn't comply. As she spends the money, the situation escalates. Ultimately, they both decide to take action. This changes everything. It was like poison; it got into our bloodstream.Normal life became something obscene.We couldn’t see straight. I lost you in the haze.Neighbours hear banging through the walls of this doorless maze.A dark cloud hanging like a fur coat.In limbo, awaiting the verdict. Words inspired by Reward to Finder The story highlights a familiar scenario we may have encountered in various situations. The arrival of money can often trigger possessiveness, control, greed, and envy, causing relationships to crumble. This can happen dramatically, as depicted in the story, or gradually over time. Over time, resentments build up, stories take hold in the characters' minds, beliefs shift, values change, and people stop seeing people. Instead, they see obstacles, hindrances, opportunities, and gold mines. But perhaps, instead of bringing about fundamental changes, money reveals what was already there. But The Money Can Make a Positive Difference It was interesting to notice how my personal response to the prompt had a negative flavour. This attitude might be called "Why does money always ruin good things?" There are many examples of this. But I wanted to explore how money can positively change everything. That would be the first place people go in response to the prompt. An unexpected gift that took the pressure off or saved the day, approval for the loan that got the business off the ground, or the grant that transformed the community. What Would You Choose To Do If Money Wasn't an Obstacle? What Would You Choose To Do If Money Wasn't an Obstacle? is a classic coaching question. But it's also an interesting one to dissect. The responses seem to vary depending on whether having a vision precedes the availability of funds or vice versa. On one hand, we may ask, "What is something you would love to do but can't due to a lack of resources?" Perhaps there is a particular project you would love to undertake, a place you would like to visit, or changes you would like to make. In other words, if you had the money, you would know exactly what to spend it on. For me, it's finishing my album. Incidentally, if you have £5000 lying around (or know someone who does), gimme a shout! The other way of reading the question is, "If you suddenly came into a chunk of money, what would you do with it?" It's the "What would you do if you won the lottery?" question. Responses tend to be more vague. We would "probably" buy this or that, replace some stuff, give it away, or invest it. The possibilities are broader, but they are also potentially less focused. A Highly Sensitive Drive To Enable There was a thread in our discussion as we imagined the difference money could make in enabling desirable stuff to emerge in the world around us. Once the bills are taken care of and there's enough yarn to knit with, we might look beyond our personal situation and into families, neighbourhoods, and communities, where money could change things for good. Unconditional Giving This opened a conversation about gifts. Some people love giving but are uncomfortable receivi...
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    39 mins