When Simone Woodland dreamed up the idea of creating a co-housing village, she didn’t imagine she’d have to become a developer to make it happen. Simone moved to Aotearoa from the UK in 2018 as a Sir Edmund Hillary Fellow, on a visa programme specifically designed for social entrepreneurs like her. Her initial vision was to build a community that looks after burnt out social entrepreneurs.

When Sarrah Jayne heard about Simone’s idea she was captivated. She gave up her job in Pōneke Wellington and jumped on board the mission. Together with some friends and supporters, they found a plot of land in Takaka, Mohua Golden Bay and started the journey.

The core team was made up of three women, each of whom was pregnant and gave birth during the project. One of the secrets to their success, they say, was the incredible support and understanding they offered each other through these huge life events and the massive challenges of the job.

Their aim from the outset was to create a community - to make it possible to live well together, forge deep bonds with neighbours, share resources, offer mutual support in tough times and tread lightly on the earth.

But stepping into the process was a bit like jumping in a river - the system has a force of its own. It’s designed for large developers to build individual houses and it took a huge amount of energy and determination to hold to their values and create something affordable, communal and ecologically sound. The easiest way to navigate the system, was to start a development company - thus they became developers. It was a race against time and money as COVID struck, building costs soared and they held tight to the trust and life savings of the 30 or so groups who took a leap of faith to join the project. Some ideas - like composting toilets and tiny houses - had to drop away so they could get the job done in time. Explaining the concept of co-housing to banks, councils and lawyers was hard work.

But they made it! Now the first of three clusters of houses has been completed and the villagers have moved in. The plan is to build two more clusters of houses to complete the village.

In our conversation, Simone and Sarrah reflect on the ups and downs of the journey so far, what it’s like to see their vision realised and their hopes and dreams for the future. They see themselves as part of a nationwide movement to make housing more communal and accessible and less commercial. There are so many passionate people working hard around the country on similar kaupapa. They hope their efforts will help to strengthen the pathways in our systems for these important projects to succeed.

Earlier this year I took part in an eight week online course called Gathering at the Gate, created and facilitated by my friend Elli Yates along with her three friends and co-conspirators - Wren (or Tamsin) Blundell, Erin Thomas and Dani Pickering. The aim of the course is to offer a kind and encouraging space for Pākehā or white assimilated folk to come together and explore the difficult questions around our legacy of colonisation and how we show up as responsible treaty partners without being paralysed by shame?

Doing Gathering at the Gate has been a foundational part of my exploration of home and belonging. Through the course we were encouraged to delve into our own family histories and discover the stories of our settler ancestors who first arrived in Aotearoa - Where did they come from? Why did they come? Where did they settle? How did they establish themselves here? We learnt about the racist policies, laws and wars through which settlers were given land and Māori were displaced and disempowered. We were challenged to identify the ways in which we have benefited personally from those historical injustices through inheriting wealth and property and taking the opportunities we’ve had due to being white.

For me, Te Tiriti o Waitangi is a generous invitation to make this land my home. But acknowledging the stories of how I came to be here uncovers a deep well of difficult feelings - shame, anger, sadness and confusion.

Elli, Wren and the other facilitators held a gentle space for us to feel these feelings and make sense of them together.

In this interview I talk to Elli and Wren about how their personal journeys have led them into this work. We explore the massive issue of shame - how it can paralyse us, but how it can also wake us up and help us move into a more compassionate and responsive state. We talk about the richness of relationships and the sense of belonging that can be found amidst the compost of past hurts.

Show notes

If you’d like to find out more about Gathering at the Gate or sign up to one of their courses just go to

https://www.gathering-at-the-gate.org/

A big thanks to Elli, Wren, Dani and Erin for their brave work in this space.

The quote Wren refers to in the interview about shame being the thin lid on top of a well of grief comes from Maegan Chandler, one of the co-creators of “Re-calling our Ancestors” - another Turtle-Island based online program akin to White Awake and Gathering at the Gate.

The other quote Wren refers to is from an amazing documentary about reckoning with slave-holding ancestry called "Traces of the Trade" directed by Katrina Browne. Here it is in full:

“In the Dagara Tribe of West Africa it is believed that the dead do not pass over into peace until the living have cried all the tears that these ancestors did not cry in their lifetimes - for that which they suffered and for the suffering they caused others. May we, the living, find tears that will bring peace to both us and the ancestors.”

Malidoma Patrice Somé

The song I played half way through the show was recorded around the campfire at the Music Nature and Storytelling camp Wren attended in Northern New Wales (Hawk's Nest) with master tracker Jon Young. The singer was Junae Rodgers and the song came to her during her sit spot practice that morning.

The song we played at the end of the show is another song from the same camp. It came to teenager Reminy Holmes during her sit spot practice.

Charlotte Shade is a friend of mine and I’ve watched with interest and admiration as her group of housemate/friends have bought a house, had babies and brought them up together in a loving non-nuclear family group.

In this conversation Charlotte and I explore where the idea of buying a house with friends came from, how her group made it happen and what they’ve learnt in the process. Being a lawyer, Charlotte has a unique perspective and set of skills. She created this legal agreement, which enables the group to navigate potentially difficult situations like someone wanting to leave. They have made this agreement open-source so that other groups can use or modify as needed.

I was particularly struck by one thing that Charlotte said:

“I’ve realised that you can just do things differently if you want. You just have to do it. It's not necessarily going to be plain sailing, but when is life ever plain sailing? It's hard. There's going to be difficult things. So why not do something different?”

It struck me that these different pathways are open to us if we have the curiosity to look for them and the patience and confidence to navigate the challenges. It was clear from talking to Charlotte that the gains of energy, time and connection far outweigh the challenges of owning a house with friends. She call her and her partner “time millionaires” and she feels profoundly grateful for her situation.

If you’d like to learn more about the benefits and challenges of co-buying and how to go about it, Charlotte’s house-mate Rupert has written some excellent articles:

This article describes the process they went through to find their house.

This article provides details on the legal and financial side of the process.

This article describes the process of coming up with shared values.

And this article is about having a baby while buying and co-owning a house.