The problem for Samantha Boss wasn’t getting divorced; it was surviving the post-divorce abuse so many suffer when leaving a narcissistic ex (in her case the ex was diagnosed), or even just a deliberately cruel person. Many of us can relate. It took the moment of her own son holding a mirror up to her face that snapped her into a realization which changed her life: If she wasn’t willing to examine her own participation in the unhealthy dynamic, and wasn’t willing to stand up to her abuser…she could never expect her children to. And that changed everything.

Her four year long divorce complete with 300 court filings was just the beginning, and Sam has been through it all. Now together with her grown children she shares the hard won, no nonsense lessons she wishes she’d known, through her podcast, guidebooks and coaching services. Whether its the parenting plan, mediation prep, or her parental alienation response guide, Sam has your back. Because she was the only one who had her own.

Does the hobbling of every marriage follow a similar path? Can one spouse themselves manage to change the tide? Is every marriage actually worth saving? After three decades in marriage therapy and coaching, Dr. Lee Baucom has seen firsthand how shifting mindset and personal responsibility not only helps repair struggling marriages, but can also protect children from ongoing pain, whether or not a couple stays married. And even if only one partner is willing to lead the way. His works centers on empowering folks to see themselves and their patterns clearly, and address them hopefully before the worst cycles take hold. The creator of the Save The Marriage system, author of seven books, and founder of the Un-Pause app, Lee has dedicated his life to helping people help themselves, inside of marriage and beyond.

And no, he does not think every single marriage is worth saving. But if you’re willing to reflect…he certainly thinks that you are.

Neeki Motabar is an influencer known as "the baddest b in the building," a powerlifter, A recovering shy girl, and the author of "How To Hack The Patriarchy." A modern take on some of the 48 laws of power through a feminine lens, her book describes 20 ways to find what Neeki calls the blindspots in the patriarchy…and then exploit them in your favor. She wants women and girls to learn for example how to spot manipulation early, how to handle interruptions and credit-stealing, and how to set boundaries without guilt. She says it's time to stop performing free emotional labor, beginning perhaps, with our deeply socialized need to make everyone around us feel comfortable...by filling the silence. For more on Neeki Motabar and her book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0G2P2F53S?tag=bk00010a-20&th=1&psc=1&geniuslink=true

Where does your confidence really come from?

Have you ever taken the time to consider the small parts of you that are not so confident and what you could do to make yourself feel better in those dark corners? Simone Knego has. She's a keynote speaker, an author, and a podcast host who tries to encourage people to lead with purpose and live without limits. Her focus is on building what she calls unshakable confidence from the inside out. Simone helps high achieving women build as she says, real confidence, from the kitchen table to the boardroom, by allowing them the space to really query what it is that's happened to them, who it is they become as a result, how they got where they are now, and what it is they're still afraid to look back over their shoulder and make peace with.

Because until you look back at the past, can you really make peace with who you are to be able to move freely, totally confidently forward? I think not.

What would possess a person to choose to put themselves in the middle of the maelstrom of stress that is modern divorce negotiation, on a daily basis?

For Joe Dillon, the founder of Equitable Divorce Mediation, it was personal. A child of divorce at a time when it was far less common than it is today, Joe can recall sitting in the courtroom as a teen, witnessing his parent’s strife at close range, and then withstanding the near total loss of any relationship with one parent after the fact. Years later, amidst a successful business career as a negotiator, it was in fact his mother-in-law who suggested he consider a new path. And it stuck. The firm which he founded and runs to this day with his wife 17 years later, far outperforms the industry standards metrics on settling via mediation before costly litigation. The impact of prolonged litigation is deeply clear to Joe, which is why his goal is always to get it done as soon as possible, and in the best interests of the kids.

The problem, unfortunately, is usually just teaching the soon-to-be-ex-spouses how to get out of their own way….

Joe is a former board member of the Chicago chapter of the Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR), the Pennsylvania Council of Mediators, the Southern California Mediation Association (SCMA), the Academy of Professional Family Mediators, the NY State Council on Divorce Mediation, and the Washington Mediation Association. And he’s got some hard won advice that anybody even contemplating divorce should consider.

They say that divorce is an earthquake for the people leaving a marriage, but a chronic condition for the children who have to survive it…but in truth that’s only if at least one parent refuses to fix their mindset and prioritize the children. Sadly, for many healthy folks, their coparents can’t keep their side of the street clean. From mockery to outright mental and physical abuse, what they inflicted on you while married will likely be visited upon the children during their time with that parent as well, and that’s a painful surprise for many.

So what can a protective parent do? 

Well, for one, listen to this week’s podccast with Dr. Christine Cocchiola, whose specialty is Coercive Control (also the topic of her viral TED talk) in relationships, post-separation abuse, the weaponization of the family court system by abusive parents, and most importantly…the best strategies for protecting our kids. More people than ever are opting out now of abusive marriages, and awakening to the tactics being used to punish them and their children, often for years after the leave. Dr. Cocchiola knows all too well after 3 decades as a domestic violence counselor and a survivor of a 27 year toxic relationship & marriage as well, that there is hope. If you can get into the right mindset, and get clear on the coercive control as a consistent pattern in the abuser’s playbook…there is always always hope.

Divorce may be an earthquake….but high-conflict coparenting can feel like a marathon (without water through a jungle that is sometimes on fire), not a sprint. And few people are working as hard to refocus coparenting on the children, than Michelle Dempsey. Michelle Dempsey is a trauma-informed co-parenting expert helping to protect our kids in divorce, by centering their experience. She's also the founder of the Moving On Method and the author of Moving On. After a childhood where she experienced a very high conflict and drawn out divorce between her own parents, she grew up, got married, and realized she needed a divorce herself. Now happily remarried and co-parenting her own daughter while step-parenting her bonus daughter, Michelle has lots of hard-earned wisdom to share. On this week's podcast, we are talking about what it takes to set the right tone, how you can message positively about hard things without gaslighting your own children, why labels like narcissist don't often serve us, and how hard it is to get it right. Michelle has some ideas. And from where I sit, she's definitely one of those who is in fact getting it right.

What is at the root of the shift in giving? Beyond Melinda Gates and Mackenzie Scott, the numbers of women in philanthropy are soaring. And it might not be for the reasons you think.

Nancy Griffin has learned a few things about the ways of women's minds...when they set their minds to giving. Her company, Women Worth & Wellness (and the related seminar series) grew out of a career as a wealth advisor where she was led after a successful early stint at Proctor & Gamble, when women weren't exactly commonplace in the boardroom. She's developed an eye for how women navigate the connection between net worth and self worth, and the line between giving and impacting.