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Today we're taking up a topic that will likely be familiar to all of you who have spent more time dating than you thought you would: am I too picky? We invited our friend, Benjamin Harrison--whom both of us have gone on dates with--to join us in the conversation. We discuss some of the reasons, both silly and serious, that none of us pursued second dates with each other. Were we being too picky?

The question tends towards circuitous thinking; the answer is often opaque, and the resulting confusion leads us to wonder if we're doing something wrong. Spencer W. Kimball infamously taught that "almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price." What is the price he's referring to, and is it worth it? Are we not good, if we find this difficult to implement?

On the other hand, modern dating culture has us convinced that we can spend all of our youth screening and testing out potential partners with the result that we may spend years of our lives off the mark from where we want to be, forever delaying decisions due to anxious decision-making.

We draw on our own experiences to try to find anchors and guideposts in answering this question, am I too picky? Let us know what resonates with you by joining the conversation! You can email us at hello@thesoloists.org, or talk to us on instagram, @the.soloists.

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This week, we're sharing a conversation we had with Tim and Aubrey Chaves from Faith matters about why we wanted to launch this podcast, The Soloists. It was fun being interviewed by a married couple with kids; we focused the question on how married people sometimes--with the best of intentions--miss the mark when talking to singles in the Church.

We discuss how being single can be an isolating experience, especially in a culture that often views marriage as the ultimate milestone. We share deeply personal stories about what it’s like to navigate a church community where singleness sometimes feels like a problem to be solved rather than a valid and whole way of being, and season or situation of life that all of us, no matter our marital status, can authentically relate to in some way.

We hope you enjoy this conversation, and let us know what you think!

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Welcome to the Soloists! We're here to talk about connection and beauty in this lonely world of ours, using the existentially-chaotic experience of being single Mormons as our launch point.

This week, we do a deep dive on the Latter-day Saint singles ward. Love them or hate them, the LDS singles ward might be the most elaborate experiment with singles-exclusive religious community that is out there, anywhere. Since the LDS Church recently raised the age limit for singles wards, now is the perfect time to assess their legacy.

A singles ward is a Latter-day Saint congregation made up only of single people. These wards don’t just provide a religious experience, but also a wrap-around social system for these singles. While it’s not a requirement, it’s culturally encouraged for all single people, previously between the ages of 18-31 and now between 18-35, to go to a singles ward until they get married or until they age out. Once you’re in this singles system, if you don’t get yourself hitched, you could go a long time without being around married people or children or the elderly at church. The question we’ll be asking in our conversation today is how the constant focus on marital status affects our belonging in the Church community.

Presumably, singles wards help singles feel a sense of belonging during what might be an isolating life phase, especially in such a family-centered church. But when it comes to belonging, how do you highlight what might be an obstacle to belonging without constantly reminding people that they don't belong? How do you build special venues to support a group without ghettoizing them from the broader community? Is it possible that in shining such a blinding light on marital status, people are made to feel more vulnerable than they might otherwise feel?

To answer these questions, we'll be talking with a scholar--BYU English professor Sharon Harris--who researched and published on the history of singles wards.