Episodes

  • You Don't Have To Like Everyone And Not Everyone Has To Like You

    You Don't Have To Like Everyone And Not Everyone Has To Like You
    Aug 14 2020
    If you struggle with being a people pleaser or if you feel a need to be liked by many people, it's probably because you've been taught or led to believe that 1. good people are well liked by many and that 2. you therefore need to do and say things to be liked (even if it means compromising yourself and never saying "no"). I fell into that trap before and thought that I had to be well liked in order to validate that I was a good person. The thing is, you don't have to be bound by that frame of mind - it's actually really unstable, unreliable, and unhealthy to base your sense of worth on the opinions of others. Not everyone is going to like you and not everyone is going to agree with you. As much as you try to be nice and try not to offend others, there's always going to be someone who takes offense and someone who has a problem with you. That is just how the world is because every point of communication is susceptible to misinterpretation and distortion. No one can ever truly know or understand what you're thinking, even if you're able to communicate eloquently. That's why explaining and defending yourself is a fruitless desire. It's certainly a good thing to be able to communicate your stance clearly and concisely, but trying to convince others to change their minds and opinions of you is almost always a waste of time. The people who actually want to understand you will listen. The people who don't care or hold firm to a belief will never be swayed by logic or reason. And so, the more you speak up and give yourself permission to be who you truly are, the more feathers that will be ruffled and the more opposition you'll find. BUT, that's actually a good thing! When you are unapologetically you and truly authentic, you'll attract others who are also like you and eventually you'll be able to find your "tribe". There is some worth in being sensitive and considerate in your speech, but you shouldn't compromise your beliefs and convictions to fit the mold that others want you to be. So just be you. Don't mind what the scoffers say and don't worry about others' opinions of you. After all, it's much better to have a small group of really close friends than to have many lukewarm or unauthentic acquaintanceships.
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    15 mins
  • Why “Nice” Guys Will Always Finish Last

    Why “Nice” Guys Will Always Finish Last
    Aug 6 2020
    Here's the thing: If you're doing favors for others, complimenting them, and buying things or making small gestures for them WITH THE INTENT & EXPECTATION OF EARNING THEIR AFFECTION, you are NOT actually a nice guy. If you were truly a nice person, 1. you wouldn't be doing these things with an expectation of something in return and 2. you wouldn't want someone you care about to feel obligated to you. If you're not making your romantic interest clear and upfront, then (at best) they probably just see you as a very generous or kind friend. It's not their fault for not knowing your intentions if you never made them clear. If anything, it's cowardly not to because you're hiding behind the shield of plausible deniability: if they end up catching feelings, then you admit that you're interested in them and you get together. If she doesn't feel the same way, then you say you're just trying to be a good friend. Either way, it's cowardly and manipulative and you only have yourself to blame if you get friendzoned. Frequent "nice" gestures towards an individual (and no one else) can actually be really confusing and can send a mixed message. If the other person isn't romantically interested in you, then it puts them in an awkward position (trying to figure out if you're actually "nice" or if you have some ulterior motive). Friendzoning, especially in cases like this, can actually be a way to subtly communicate the lack of romantic desire, but appreciation of your character and friendship. If you like someone, make it clear. Take the guesswork out and make everyone's lives easier. You'll save yourself money, time, and effort and you won't be that creepy friend or coworker that's harboring a crush but is caught in the friend zone (I really wish I could tell this to my younger self). ALSO, do nice things to be a nice person, not to get something back or in exchange. True kindness is attractive, but manipulation is not.
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    7 mins
  • If You Haven’t Made Your First Video Yet, You Probably Need To Hear This

    If You Haven’t Made Your First Video Yet, You Probably Need To Hear This
    Jul 30 2020
    Creating and posting your first youtube video can be a scary thing. Trust me, I understand that fear of being judged by people online, fear that people would tear me apart and criticize me for video quality, video edit, professionalism, how well I spoke, how I looked, the fact that I'm Asian, and so on. I used to have GAS (gear acquisition syndrome) and I would spend more time trying to get better equipment than preparing the actual content that I wanted to film. I thought everything had to be absolutely perfect or the video wasn't worthy of posting But the thing is...becoming a new YouTuber doesn't have to be that scary. It's all in your head. We worry about how harshly people will judge our videos, when in reality they don't really care that much (unless you say something incredibly offensive etc). Also, how many people are really going to see your first video? 20? When you first start on YouTube, you're not going to have any traffic going to your channel and your videos other than the people you share your video with. If you're really afraid of people later on going back and seeing your first videos, just unlist or private them later. Honestly though, not many people are going to see it and not many people are going to care enough to hate on your video I know getting started is really difficult, especially if you struggle with perfectionism and you want to do things "right" the first time. The thing is, if you really want to become a major YouTuber, it's a looong game and if you let yourself get stalled, it's going to take you that much longer to make it. You're going to have to want it more than you fear judgement from others. Perfectionism is just a cloak that hides insecurity and a need for anything you do to be perfect because you believe that the quality of your works defines your worth. If you haven't made your first YouTube video because you want everything to look and be perfect, you essentially believe that your ego is more important than the message or content you have to put out into the world. I don't mean to be harsh, but that's honestly what it is and I want you to rewire the way you view yourself and the way you view your content. If you have a great message or story, you owe it to the world to put it out - don't be the person holding you back. Don't wait til tomorrow to start your YouTube channel!
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    15 mins
  • 5 Things You Need To Know About Burning Out

    5 Things You Need To Know About Burning Out
    Jul 23 2020
    For anyone who’s feeling burned out or struggling with creative block: It’s ok to feel burnt out and it’s ok to struggle Sometimes, burning out is part of the growing process You can learn a lot about yourself during this phase If you’re struggling, don’t worry, it’s going to be okay The first step is figure out why you feel burnt out, because there are a lot of different ways it can happen, and you can’t start working on a solution until you figure out the cause of the problem. For some, it may be lack of rest of lack of balance in their life. For others, it might be an overwhelming pressure from themselves or others to perform. It could be that you’re overworked, with too many things on your plate. Maybe there are external influences that are draining your energy, or internal influences causing self doubt. Lack of rest can originate from several things, like not sleeping enough or not taking care of your body (getting enough exercise and nutrition). Often times, it can also come from not giving the mind enough idle or relaxation time. If you’re not giving yourself down time and you’re constantly driving yourself to be productive, you’re probably not doing enough things to recharge and reset your focus. Some ways that you can counteract this is to sleep, eat healthy foods, do some cardio (get your blood pumping) and get bored. Get off your phone and just let your mind wander without the distraction of screens. If you’re struggling from the pressure to perform, you or others are probably putting unrealistic expectations onto you. You don’t have to hit a home run every time you go up to swing - that’s just putting too much pressure on you and very quickly leads to perfectionism and the fear of judgement. Some things you can do to combat this are to just do things for yourself and do them poorly. If you’re struggling to write a song, purposely write a bad one just to get something started. Create a video and don’t post it, just get in the habit of doing things for yourself and not others. There are many more things I have to say about feeling burned out and how to get past it, but instead of typing everything out, I’ll just let you listen to the episode!
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    17 mins
  • Stop Trusting People So Easily

    Stop Trusting People So Easily
    Jul 16 2020
    If you’ve been lied to, taken advantage of, tricked, or betrayed, that really sucks but it’s also partially your fault. I know it’s a difficult thing to hear, but misplacing your trust is something you need to acknowledge and work on if you constantly find yourself being hurt by others in those ways. More often than not, we trust others simply due to proximity, a smile, how they look, how they are dressed, how many mutual friends you have, etc. This is especially problematic when they claim to be of the same religion or cultural practice as you. Because others claim to have similar hobbies or beliefs, we subconsciously project our own identity onto them and it opens up a flood of opportunities for complete strangers to take advantage of your trust. What we need to do is be more discerning and wise with who we choose to trust and confide in. Even in the world of business, we should exercise caution (I’ve heard many tales of people claiming to be Christian just to get a discount on services) because people are always looking for a deal that’s best for them and what’s best for them isn’t always at all good for you. I’m not saying to not trust anyone ever, but rather to just use good judgement and not to make assumptions about the quality of someone’s character just from their words.
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    8 mins