EP199 – Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire in the Swingers Lifestyle

In this episode, Cate and Darrell dive into the psychology and practicality of spontaneous vs. responsive desire — and how this can make or break your experiences in the lifestyle. Whether you're the one who’s ready to go at the first flash of lingerie or someone who needs the right mood, connection, or even lunch before feeling sexy, we explore what it all means for swingers navigating clubs, hotel takeovers, and multi-day events.

We also update you on the notorious dildo from the last episode — yes, Cate used it. Was it sexy? Science-y? Did it cause a UTI? (Spoiler: yes to all of the above). Plus, you’ll hear about Cate’s surprise visit to a Canadian club, her puffed-up chipmunk face courtesy of the Dutch healthcare system, and a viral Facebook video that got her slapped with a ‘bullying’ violation. You can’t make this stuff up.

Finally, we tackle a fantastic listener question: Why are we pickier on dating sites than in real life? Is it about spontaneity, judgment, or just too many filters?

The Dildo Debrief – Cate puts the giant toy to the test (with help) and shares the honest, messy aftermath

Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire – What it means, how to spot it in yourself or your partner, and how it plays out at lifestyle events

Desire Mismatches – What to do when one partner is ready to pounce and the other needs time to warm up

Listener Q&A – Why are we all trolls online? Cate reflects on being pickier in apps than IRL, and what that says about connection

Be A Better Swinger Tips – Learn your desire style and how to meet each other in the middle (without pressure)

Website: www.wanderlustswingers.com YouTube: Wanderlust Swingers on YouTube Libertine Events – Texas Takeover: https://libertineevents.com/sanantonio Email: email@wanderlustswingers.com Support us & see the uncensored dildo pics: patreon.com/swingingdownunder

Tell us what turns you on, how you navigate mismatched desire with your partner, or what you’ve learned in your own lifestyle journey — we love hearing your stories and insights.

Spontaneous Desire, Responsive Desire, Swinger Podcast, Hotwife Lifestyle, Non-Monogamy, Lifestyle Events, Ethical Non-Monogamy, Hotel Takeovers, Sex Toy Reviews, Open Relationships, Lifestyle Club Tips, Group Play, Swingers Communication, Wanderlust Swingers Podcast, Desire Mismatch, Cap d’Agde, Sexual Compatibility

Wanderlust Swingers – A Swinger Podcast & Hotwife Lifestyle Stories EP198 – Cap D Agde Desires, What’s in the Box and How to Small Talk

Cate’s fresh back from Miami (just her this time!) and while we only touch on that wild weekend, we’re diving deep into what’s really heating things up: our return to Cap d’Agde in 2025, a brand new sex toy, and Darrell’s spicy fantasy.

In this episode, Darrell receives a mystery box that leaves Cate both suspicious and very curious. Spoiler alert: it’s a new toy — but it’s not one we’ve ever used before. Unboxing it live kicks off a conversation about impulse sexy buys, techy pleasure, and how this toy might play into fantasy fufillment.

We’re also answering a great listener question from a hotwife couple in New Zealand: How do you make small talk in the lifestyle when talking about work and kids feels out of place? From flirting in loud clubs to deep connection at weekend events, we’ve got practical tips, sexy one-liners, and a few hilarious fails to share.

And finally — we’re going back to the Naked City! Cap d’Agde 2025 is on the horizon and we’re already fantasizing about beachside play, group massages, and balcony sex in the hot Mediterranean sun. This isn’t just a trip — it’s a sexual state of mind.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

• Mystery Box Reveal: Darrell’s new toy arrives and Cate’s imagination runs wild

• Lifestyle Small Talk: Flirty questions, fun energy, and how to connect without asking about someone’s 9–5

• Cap d’Agde Desires: Why we’re going back and what (or who) we want to do when we get there

• Darrell’s Fantasy: How we're fulfilling it without putting anyone at risk

• Be A Better Swinger Tips: Mindset matters — whether it’s packing for Cap or chatting up couples at a club

Links:

Website: www.wanderlustswingers.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@WanderlustSwingers Libertine Events – Texas Takeover: https://libertineevents.com/sanantonio Email: email@wanderlustswingers.com

Are you coming to Cap d’Agde in 2025? Do you have a fantasy you’re dying to try? Or want to see what was in the box? Drop us a line — we love hearing from you!

Tags: Cap d’Agde, Swinger Podcast, Non-Monogamy, Hotwife Lifestyle, Sex Toy Reviews, Fantasy Play, Open Relationships, Swingers Club Tips, Lifestyle Small Talk, Hotel Takeovers, Ethical Non-Monogamy, Wanderlust Swingers Podcast, Libertine Events, Voyeurism, Group Play, New Sex Toys

How does sexual trauma affect your lifestyle journey?

Trigger warning: This episode includes discussion of sexual trauma, abuse, and emotional triggers. Please take care while listening.

In this vulnerable and powerful episode, Cate is joined by trauma-informed coach Meshai from Expansive Connection to explore what happens when past trauma meets lifestyle play. Cate also shares her personal experience with sexual trauma — opening up publicly for the first time.

Whether you’re navigating your own healing, supporting a partner, or just want to be a more compassionate and informed member of the lifestyle, this conversation is essential.

What we cover: ✔ What sexual trauma looks like in lifestyle spaces ✔ Common triggers during play or events ✔ What partners and playmates need to understand ✔ Cate’s story ✔ How to create trauma-aware swinger environments ✔ Supporting survivors without needing every detail ✔ Why trauma must be part of the conversation ✔ Real tools for safer play and stronger connections

Resources & Support: 1800Respect – www.1800respect.org.au | 1800 737 732 RAINN – www.rainn.org | 800-656-HOPE Rape Crisis UK – www.rapecrisis.org.uk SurvivorsUK (for men) – www.survivorsuk.org

Let’s talk about it. Share this episode with your partner, club community, or friends in the lifestyle. The more we talk, the safer we all become.

Join us in Texas https://libertineevents.com/sanantonio/

Website: www.wanderlustswingers.com Instagram https://www.instagram.com/swingingdownunder Twitter https://twitter.com/swingdownunder TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@wanderlustswingers YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/ShamelessNonMonogamywithSDU

Tags: Sexual Trauma, Swinger Lifestyle, Trauma-Informed Play, Non-Monogamy, Consent Culture, PTSD and Sex, Ethical Swinging, Open Relationships, Trauma Support, Wanderlust Swingers Podcast

Wanderlust Swingers – A Swinger Podcast & Hotwife Lifestyle Stories

Cate and Darrell revisit soft swap play for the first time in seven years — and it happened at none other than Fun4Two, the iconic swingers club in the Netherlands. What started as a night out turned into a wildly sensual experience filled with connection, chemistry, a six-handed massage… and yes, some cum on the floor.

We explore the dynamics of soft swap play, the assumptions people make about it, and whether full swap couples are missing out by skipping over these intimate encounters. Cate also makes a hilarious faux pas, and offers a boss-level club tour move, and together they reflect on how chemistry can totally eclipse categories.

Here’s what you’ll hear:

🔹 The Night at Fun4Two: From flirting at the bar to hands-on tantra and one unforgettable group experience 🔹 Soft Swap Revisited: Why it felt complete, hot, and unexpectedly fulfilling — even without PIV 🔹 Redefining the Rules: Thoughts on how vague soft swap definitions can create confusion and missed connections 🔹 Club Tips: How to stand out in a room full of lingerie and boots 🔹 Red Flags, Green Flags & Play Pitfalls: Advice for newbies and seasoned swingers alike 🔹 Listener Reflections: Juicy comments from the community about the pros and cons of soft swap dynamics

Plus, life updates! Cate’s heading to Miami, Darrell’s off to South Korea, and someone just turned 40… but we’re not talking about that, okay?

Links:

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@WanderlustSwingers Website: www.wanderlustswingers.com Join us in Texas this October - Libertine Events : https://libertineevents.com/sanantonio

Is soft swap the underrated gem of the swinger world? Rediscover it with us in this sexy, playful, and thought-provoking episode.

Tags: Soft Swap, Swinger Club Play, Full Swap vs. Soft Swap, Fun4Two, Swinger Podcast, Ethical Non-Monogamy, Hotwife Stories, Open Relationships, Lifestyle Tips, Wanderlust Swingers Podcast, Non-Monogamous Adventures

In this important episode, Cate speaks with Steve Gagne, owner of Wicked Fun Club, a private members-only lifestyle venue in Connecticut that has recently been issued a cease and desist order by the Town of Plymouth.

Only five months into a three-year lease, the club is now in the midst of a legal and political battle that raises serious questions about privacy, zoning laws, and stigma against non-monogamous communities.

Steve shares what really happened, how it’s affecting the club and its members, and what the community can do to support. This episode goes beyond local politics—it's a wake-up call for everyone in the lifestyle.

“This story isn’t just about one club in one town—it’s about how adult freedom, privacy, and community values clash in the real world. Whether you're in Connecticut or California, we all have a stake in the lifestyle's right to exist safely and respectfully.” ~ Cate, Wanderlust Swingers Podcast

In this episode, we cover:

• What Wicked Fun Club is and who it serves

• The zoning issue and cease and desist order

• Tensions between the club, the landlord, and the neighboring church

• The broader impact on lifestyle members and safe spaces

• The current appeal process

• What support is needed from the non-monogamous community

• How this story affects the lifestyle space nationwide

Links and Resources: Wicked Fun Club Website: https://wickedfunclub.com News article on the shutdown: NBC Connecticut Reddit review thread: r/Swingers discussion Learn about club rights: https://ncsfreedom.org

Stay Connected: Instagram: @swingingdownunder Twitter: @swingdownunder Website: https://wanderlustswingers.com

Enjoying the show? Please subscribe, share, and leave us a review wherever you listen. Your support helps amplify important conversations like this one.

Wanderlust Swingers – A Swinger Podcast & Hotwife Lifestyle Stories

In this thought-provoking episode of Wanderlust Swingers, Cate and Darrell dive deep into the Scarcity vs. Abundance mindset in the swinger lifestyle. Are your decisions driven by FOMO, settling, or a fear of limited options? From personal stories to juicy Reddit replies, we’re unpacking how scarcity might be shaping your lifestyle journey—and how to play smarter.

Here’s what you’ll hear:

• Scarcity in Action: We explore real-life examples of scarcity driving decisions, like late-night hookups or compromises in smaller communities. Is it really scarcity, or just circumstance?
• Reddit’s Take: Hear insightful comments from the swinger community, from taking one for the team to how the internet changed the game.
• Cate & Darrell’s Journey: Personal stories about early scarcity-driven decisions and how they’ve embraced abundance over the years.
• Playing Smart: Practical tips for shifting your mindset, setting boundaries, and finding joy in the journey—whether you’re new to the lifestyle or a seasoned swinger.

Plus, life updates! Cate’s got new boobs, travel plans to the USA for Christmas, and some cheeky listener messages that’ll make you smile.

Links:

• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@WanderlustSwingers
• Wanderlust Swingers: www.wanderlustswingers.com
• Miami Libertine Event: libertineevents.com/miami

Ready to overcome FOMO and embrace abundance in your lifestyle journey? Join us for another sexy, fun, and insightful episode!

Tags: Scarcity Mindset, Swinger Couples, FOMO in Swinging, Ethical Non-Monogamy, Lifestyle Tips, Swinger Podcast, Open Relationships, Wanderlust Swingers Podcast, Swinger Events, Non-Monogamous Adventures.

Wanderlust Swingers – A Swinger Podcast & Hotwife Lifestyle Stories

Join us for a cheeky bonus episode of Wanderlust Swingers! Darrell has been up to mischief, creating a Feeld dating profile as Cate, and now he’s sharing all the juicy details. This hilarious and insightful episode uncovers the secrets to navigating Feeld for hotwives in the swinger lifestyle.

• The Feeld Experiment: Darrell dives into his surprise project, managing Cate’s profile on Feeld and filtering through over 1,300 likes. Learn how he whittled down the matches and what got some users instantly unmatched.
• Top Tips for Men: Darrell shares the do’s and don’ts of crafting a Feeld profile that stands out, from avoiding boring bios to ditching the gym flex shots.
• The Hotwife Dynamic: With two dinner dates lined up for Cate, the couple reviews the remaining suitors to decide who’s worth chatting with, dating, or more. Did Darrell nail Cate’s taste? Tune in to find out!

• YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@WanderlustSwingers
• Wanderlust Swingers: www.wanderlustswingers.com
• Miami Libertine Event: libertineevents.com/miami

Want more sexy stories and lifestyle tips? Check out our events and podcast for your next non-monogamous adventure!

Tags: Hotwife Lifestyle, Feeld Dating Tips, Swinger Couples, Ethical Non-Monogamy, Hotwife Adventures, Feeld Secrets, Open Relationship Stories, Wanderlust Swingers Podcast, Lifestyle Dating Apps, Non-Monogamy Profiles.

Wanderlust Swingers – A Swinger Podcast & Hotwife Lifestyle Stories

Join us for a jam-packed episode of Wanderlust Swingers as we dive into the highlights from the Libertine Events San Antonio Senses takeover! This episode features three incredible interviews with special guests who share their unique perspectives and experiences from the event.

• Jason and Sarah: Midwest-based hosts who joined Libertine for the first time as guest hosts. Hear about their role in hosting mingle games, how Sarah embraced a daring electric play demonstration with over 100 participants, and their tips for resetting energy at high-energy lifestyle events.

• Ed and Phoebe from Swinger University Podcast: Reflecting on Libertine's growth since Palm Springs in 2022, Ed and Phoebe share their impressions of the event's vibe, their favorite playrooms, and what sets Libertine Events apart in the lifestyle community.

• Kel from Expansive Connection Coaching: A specialist in coaching for non-monogamous individuals, Kel and her partner Meshai hosted an engaging edutainment session on crafting elevator pitches and handling rejection with grace. We discuss balancing work and play at lifestyle events and preview their upcoming jealousy workshop in January, focusing on dynamics with play partners.

From electric play to meaningful connections, this episode offers a deep dive into the experiences that make Libertine Events so memorable. It’s a longer episode filled with insights, laughter, and a touch of sensual energy, thanks for hanging in there and listening to us!

• Jason and Sarah: [01:58]

  • Mingle games and crowd energy
  • Electric play demonstration highlights
  • Tips for recharging your "power bar"

• Ed and Phoebe: [00:33:31]

  • Libertine Events' evolution since 2022
  • Event atmosphere + the feel of the group
  • Their favorite playrooms

• Kel from Expansive Connection Coaching: [1:00:35]

  • Crafting elevator pitches and handling rejection
  • Balancing hosting duties and personal enjoyment
  • Sneak peek into the January jealousy workshop

Links

• Jealousy Workshop with Expansive Connection https://mailchi.mp/2116d78e5e3b/jealousyworkshop

• Swanky Unicorn Lifestyle Shirts https://swankyunicorn.com/
• Swinger University website https://www.swingeruniversity.com/

Upcoming Lifestyle Events & Links:

Want to connect with like-minded couples? Check out upcoming Libertine Events in the USA, UK, and Canada! Learn more at: www.libertineevents.com

Join us in Miami from May 16-19, 2025: https://libertineevents.com/miami/

Wanderlust Swingers Podcast: Keep up with more sexy stories and lifestyle tips! www.wanderlustswingers.com

Join us at Casual Swinger Week at Hedonism Resort from March 29 - April 5, 2025: http://www.casualswingerweek.com/

Tags: Swinger Lifestyle, Libertine Events, DTF Couples, Electric Play in the Lifestyle, Swinger Boundaries, Open Communication, Sex-Positive Adventures, Non-Monogamy Coaching, Wanderlust Swingers Podcast, Playroom Etiquette

Thank you for listening to Wanderlust Swingers!