I'd Like to Play Alone, Please

Essays

By: Tom Segura

Narrated by: Tom Segura

From a massively successful stand-up comedian and co-host of chart-topping podcasts “2 Bears 1 Cave” and “Your Mom’s House,” hilarious real-life stories of parenting, celebrity encounters, youthful mistakes, misanthropy, and so much more.

Tom Segura is known for his twisted takes and irreverent comedic voice. But after a few years of crazy tours and churning out podcasts weekly, all while parenting two young children, he desperately needs a second to himself. It’s not that he hates his friends and family — he’s not a monster — he’s just beat, which is why his son’s (ruthless) first full sentence, “I’d like to play alone, please,” has since become his mantra.

In this collection of stories, Tom combines his signature curmudgeonly humor with a revealing look at some of the ridiculous situations that shaped him and the ludicrous characters who always seem to seek him out. The stories feature hilarious anecdotes about Tom's time on the road, including some surreal encounters with celebrities at airports; his unfiltered South American family; the trials and tribulations of parenting young children with bizarrely morbid interests; and, perhaps most memorably, experiences with his dad who, like any good Baby Boomer father, loves to talk about his bowel movements and share graphic Vietnam stories at inappropriate moments. All of this is enough to make anyone want some peace and quiet.

I’D LIKE TO PLAY ALONE, PLEASE will have listeners laughing out loud and nodding in agreement with Segura's message: in a world where everyone is increasingly insane, sometimes you just need to be alone.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2022 Tom Segura (P)2022 Grand Central Publishing

Great book.

Tom is hilarious. This book is full of great stories. The fact that he reads it himself makes all the difference.

10 out 12 Benadryl

Tom does an amazing job providing the tone and feel for for his stories here. Rarely as listeners do we get to experience an audio book that’s preformed by its author, and even rarer than that is an author that can actually preform well on mic!

An excellent collection of stories, laughs, an insights from the water champion himself.

Keep Featherin' it Brother!

T Bunz always delivers 🙌 The Audio book version makes it real. Loved hearing more stories of Top Dog and Charo. Good job Buddy!

Tommy Buns Delivers

Tom Segura wrote and recorded a fantastic audiobook. If you listen to YMH, you will feel right at home.

I take away a few things from this audiobook.
1. Tom Segura and co. are masters of recorded audio. The book is produced better than the vast majority.
2. Tom’s story should inspire you. The guy, just like most of us, believed at some point in our lives that we were average or below average. He, unlike most people, took initiative. He did what he wanted. That set of ballsy actions and a little luck has made him an extremely successful comedian.
3. Top Dog is missed and Top Dog was loved in the way only a father can be loved.

I hope John Stankey knows

that his cell service sucks a dead dogs dick in a dusty driveway.

Great

Already a fan of Toms other work so I wasn’t surprised to enjoy listening to his new book. I’m not sure how the experience would be different if I had read it but being told the story by Tom himself definitely makes it better for sure.

Bro. I've never laughed so hard ...

Bravo, Jeans. I've never laughed so hard at a book in any format. This was a fantastic compilation of stories. I've been a mommy for years so many are not new, but you brought them alive again. I'll absolutely listen to this multiple times. DO NOT START AT BEDTIME! YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SLEEP! 👖

Doesn't Miss

Tom has been putting out comedy in many different forms for years and has never missed. In fact, it has all overdelivered. This is no exception.

High and tight, Jeans.

If you enjoy tommy buns in any capacity, this will be well worth your time. He is hilarious as always, and has some of the greatest story telling you will ever experience. His jeans are high, tight, and if you want to move in, move in. Can’t recommend this highly enough.

Thank you Tommy!

I’m a stay at home mom. You have no idea how badly I needed this to start a summer with a 9 and 11 year old out of school. I’m team jeans for life but this was absolutely amazing! The way he reads the book is sooooo good! So engaging!!! Thank you!