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Dancing With Depression

Dancing With Depression

De: Adam Turner
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Welcome to Dancing With Depression. This is a podcast dedicated to opening up the conversation about mental health, focusing specifically on depression. I was diagnosed with depression in 2015. I've realized how crucial it is to talk openly about this topic, breaking its stigma. Like taboo subjects such as income, politics, or religion, depression should not be off-limits. Through sharing my journey, from my upbringing to my personal experiences and moments of vulnerability, I aim to convey that it's okay to feel this way. We are not alone, and most importantly, we did nothing wrong. Depression doesn't confine itself to a specific upbringing, socio-economic status, or background. I hope my stories encourage others to share their own experiences, highlighting how depression affects not just individuals but their loved ones as well. Every day with depression is different for me. Some days, it's a mild waltz; other days, it can start with a tap dance, shift into a Salsa, and by noon, I’m a Ballet dancer – leaping, bending, lifting (the weight of my depression), and balancing myself on the tips of my toes all while spinning rapidly. I invite you to join me as we navigate the complex dance with depression together, all while striving to Take The Lead!© 2025 Adam Turner Higiene y Vida Saludable Psicología Psicología y Salud Mental
Episodios
  • The Group I Didn't Know I Needed

    The Group I Didn't Know I Needed
    Oct 2 2025
    Welcome back to another episode of Dancing with Depression. I'm Adam. And today I want to talk about something I never thought I would talk about. Group therapy. Or as I said at the time, group therapy. OK. So let me rewind just a little bit. On July 22nd, I felt like I was drowning at work. Now, I'm sure we've all felt overwhelmed before. You know, that feeling of spinning your wheels, crossing one thing off of your to-do list, only to have three more things show up. But this felt different. Everyday responsibilities, mounting stress, and the weight of trying to hold it all together, it just became too much. And I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. The next day, July 23rd. I found myself sitting with my psychiatrist and after that conversation, I made the decision that I've never made before. I submitted a claim for short-term disability. I didn't fully understand what that even meant or what came next. I didn't fully understand what that meant or even what came next. I just knew one thing for sure. The way I was living wasn't working. My hope was that some time away from work might just help me catch my breath. You know, maybe reset. How? I had no clue. I just knew I couldn't keep going the way I was. As I started planning what time away would look like, both my psychiatrist and therapist suggested something I hadn't even considered. A mental health clinic. Now that was definitely not part of my plan. Mostly because let's be honest, I didn't have one. So I did what most of us do when we're unsure of something. I did a Google search. And it was like I was choosing a restaurant while on vacation. And I went straight to the reviews. The clinic that had been recommended had received a 3.6 out of five stars, with 113 reviews, which I felt was a significant amount to gauge what kind of facility this would be. Now, I don't know about you, but I tend to jump straight to the bad reviews so that one, I could determine if it was worth going any further. But I also, think, was subconsciously building my exit strategy as to why this wouldn't be a good fit. But I read probably 10 different reviews. And I realized that there wasn't anything that consistently stood out. There were some challenges I'm sure people experience, but they seem to be very isolated. And many of them were about the food not being that great. That's. Wasn't going to be strong enough for me to to say no. And. I always remind myself that especially when you're reading other people's experiences and reviews that there's always two sides to every story and the truth usually lands somewhere in between. So I decided to move on and check out the website, learn a little bit more about the different programs that they had to offer. And I read they had three options. The first one was residential. The second one was PHP. And the third one was IOP. So the website breaks down what each of those programs consist of and Essentially, the residential program is that of what it sounds. You're living on their facility, which happens to be in 30 minutes away from where I am. But you're there for 30 days and you are in full day group therapy. You have weekly psychiatrist and therapist sessions, and then they have weekend activities like yoga or journaling or ARP. The second option was PHP, which is partial hospitalization. Again, you're going to their facility. It's a structured day, so you're there from 9 o'clock in the morning till 4 in the afternoon, Monday through Friday. But you go home. And the third option is IOP, which is intensive outpatient. It's much more flexible. I learned later on that a lot of people step down and kind of use the IOP to transition from a residential program into kind of going back into their normal routine. The way I viewed IOP was I could still be at home and that was what was comfortable for me. My initial reaction with regards to residential was no way. And the funny part was I said to myself, I'm not mentally ready for residential. Yeah, not mentally ready for mental health treatment. Sounds ridiculous, but this is also the same guy that admitted that he stopped taking all of his medications cold turkey. So. That's where I was at. I landed on IOP. As I mentioned, it felt like the safest choice. I could be in my own home and honestly. I didn't go in with big expectations or goals on what I was hoping to get from therapy, I just knew that I had to do something. And like everything within the medical or healthcare systems, there was forms that I had to fill out. There was screenings and evaluations to ensure that I could benefit from the program. And eventually I did end up getting the call that I had been accepted and I was scheduled to start August 15th at 9 a.m. In the days leading up to that, my mind was racing and asking questions like, is this really happening? Is this going to help me? How did I even get here? But first day came and those questions shifted from curiosity to a full on panic....
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    21 m
  • Walking Beside Anxiety and Depression - A Partner's Perspective

    Walking Beside Anxiety and Depression - A Partner's Perspective
    Sep 25 2025
    Welcome back to another episode of Dancing With Depression.I want to start with a quick update on where I stand after several months of being off my anxiety and depression medication. I’m happy to say that some small but meaningful improvements have shown up—I’m taking more showers, and when my laundry is done drying, I actually fold it and put it away. Small wins matter.But it hasn’t all been easy. Anxiety still creeps in—especially at work—and depression still rears its ugly head. The toughest part is, I rarely recognize it in the moment. For example, not too long ago, I told Bobbie I was thinking about selling everything in my man cave—my vinyl records, my favorite movie posters, and even my sports jerseys. Bobbie gently asked if it was really what I wanted, or if it was my depression talking. After some reflection, I realized she was right—it was depression.That moment connects to another experience I had while listening to music. A lyric jumped out at me: “But I can’t be your only remedy; tryin’ to save you, gon’ kill me.” It’s from the song “Dear Alcohol” by Dax, with that line sung by Carly Pearl in the remix. If you haven’t heard it, go check it out—you won’t be disappointed. That lyric stood out to me because of a specific conversation Bobbie and I had just a few weeks prior. Which brings me to today’s episode. What you’re about to hear is a conversation between Bobbie & I, which took place two months after the initial conversation where Bobbie so accurately describes it as “Giving it to me…” a very difficult—but necessary—moment where Bobbie shared where she was in our relationship: what she was missing, and what she needed if I couldn’t provide it. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to listen to, but it was also honest and truthful. And yes, it happened on my birthday—but for me, that was just a coincidence that showed how important it was for her to get it out.So, with that context, let’s jump in.In the last episode, I invited you to walk in my shoes as I shared what it was like to stop taking medication cold turkey. This time, I want to turn things around. Today, I invite you to walk in the shoes of my wife, Bobbie. She’ll be sharing her perspective on what it’s like to live with—and love—someone with a mental health diagnosis. She’ll talk about the challenges she’s faced, what she needed in order to keep supporting me, and how she decided whether our foundation was strong enough to withstand the tornado of my anxiety and depression.Before we begin, let me tell you a little about Bobbie. She spends her days caring for patients as a dental hygienist. Now, I know some of you might cringe just thinking about going to the dentist, but trust me—there’s something different, something special, about Bobbie’s abilities. And I’m not just saying that because I’m her husband. The patient reviews back it up. And besides, I’m not just her husband—I’m also her patient.Over our 9 ½ years of marriage, one thing has become clear: Bobbie doesn’t speak just to fill the silence. When she shares something, it’s because she’s thought it through. So when she told me she had something important to share, I knew I needed to pay attention.And the truth is, Bobbie’s knowledge in this area has always been ahead of mine. While I can clear out a sports-related Jeopardy category, she’s the one who has the science and chemistry answers locked down. I still can’t pronounce half of the prescriptions I’ve been on, but she sounds like a pharmacist.Her compassion and understanding carried us far, but eventually, she reached a point where she needed to ask me directly: was I going to stay in survival mode, or was I ready to put in the work—for us?This is that conversation, recorded two months after that pivotal moment. Let’s listen.--------Start of audio DWD S2 E3 – A Partners Perspective 2 of 3I think you mean what happened that I decided to have the conversation. What put me over the edge. don't know what put me over the edge, but I just felt like I care about our relationship and if it was gonna continue, it couldn't continue to go on the way that it was. I couldn't continue like we were and I care enough that I wanna address it and not let it die. And so we're obviously addressing my anxiety and depression and you know, I think we've talked about this, that we show what we want to show. And there's things that you're dealing with that I might not have realized in the moment. So what are some of the things that you deal with? ⁓ The conversation was just a check-in. I think if you are not open and honest with your partner, then you don't really have a relationship. So if I'm not telling you how I feel... What are we doing? And it was kind of where I was at. I couldn't continue to do what, quote, we were doing, because we weren't doing. I was struggling alone, trying to hold everything in, because you ...
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    32 m
  • Unmedicated: Facing Depression Without a Prescription

    Unmedicated: Facing Depression Without a Prescription
    Jul 25 2025
    Welcome back to another episode of Dancing With Depression. Today’s conversation is one that’s deeply personal, raw, and vulnerable. We’re diving into the effects of medication—what it’s like when I’m on it, and what happened when I decided, on my own, to stop taking it.Before we begin, I want to make something very clear: these are my personal experiences. If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, please seek professional help. You can call 1-800-950-NAMI (that’s 1-800-950-6264) or text NAMI to 62640. You're not alone, and there are people who care and want to help.There’s a saying that I think is the perfect framework for this episode:“Don’t judge someone until you’ve walked in their shoes.”So, today, I invite you to walk in mine.----The DecisionA few months ago, I made a decision—not recommended by a professional, not thought out, and definitely not the smartest one in my 49 years on this earth—to stop all of my medication. Yup, cold turkey.And when I say “all,” I mean ALL:My anxiety and depression medicationMy diabetes medicationMy cholesterol medicationLet me pause and give you a second to ask the question that everyone asks me when I tell them this: “Why?” “What were you thinking?”And my honest answer is:I don’t know.I just knew I was tired of feeling like a numb little bug. Of going through life like a robot. Sure, the medication was working—it was helping my anxiety and depression—but I didn’t feel like myself. I wasn’t folding laundry, wasn’t showering regularly, wasn’t picking up the phone to call people I love. I wanted to do these things, I had internal conversations about doing these things, I even said how beneficial they would be…but no action followed.Even joy started feeling… muted.----The CrashThe first sign something was wrong? I was keeping myself awake until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. I’ve always been a night owl, but this was different. I’d be up at 2, 3, 4 a.m., not because I was energized—but because I was trying to keep my brain busy until it just gave out. I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts.And here’s where I need to tread carefully. The thoughts I was having were about death, but not suicide. I was struggling with the concept of life and death—grappling with existence itself. It's hard to explain, and maybe I’ll try in another episode once I can wrap my brain around it a little better. But it was scary, and heavy, and consuming. I’d like to add that this moment was part of my crash, and if I had chosen not to share it, only a select few would have known. But not everyone has that luxury.Society today is quick to pull out a phone and record a developing situation, hoping it “goes viral.” Maybe this name rings a bell, maybe it doesn’t—but what comes to mind when I say Delonte West?Delonte West was a professional basketball player in the NBA. He played for the Dallas Mavericks, Boston Celtics, and Cleveland Cavaliers, earning just over $16 million over the course of eight seasons. His story perfectly reflects the saying, “Don’t judge someone until you’ve walked in their shoes.”In 2022, a video of Delonte West went viral showing the former NBA player panhandling in a gas station parking lot. The overwhelming majority of the comments focused on how much money he had made during his career, as if being an NBA player somehow protected him from “being human.” People judged him without knowing he was battling addiction and had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.We have access to an endless amount of information, yet we still haven’t mastered the ability to understand what is happening in someone’s life—much less why it’s happening.We have to do better. I encourage you to do better…----A Glimmer of GoodNow, I won’t say there weren’t any positives. The biggest one? I was reintroduced to my emotions. I cried when watching the video of a soldier come home and surprising his family. You know the ones I’m talking about….– I ugly cried watching the Disney/Pixar movie - Inside Out – nothing like a good cry!That emotion had been missing for years, often times I questioned if it would ever reappear. It did & I’m glad!And I’ve restarted my diabetes and cholesterol meds. ----The Ripple EffectWhat I didn’t realize at the time was how much this decision impacted not just me—but everyone around me.1. WorkLet’s start with work. In sales, hitting quota isn’t just about personal pride—it directly affects your manager’s income. When I stopped my meds, my performance dropped. I missed my quota for months.Many managers would’ve written me off. “Burnout,” they’d say. Or “maybe he’s looking for a new job.” But my manager? He noticed something was off.He didn’t pry. He just said, “I’m here if you need anything.” And when I finally told him what I was going through—he didn’t judge. He listened. That didn’t...
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    15 m
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