Episodios

  • Unexpected Darkness, Then a Healing She Didn’t Think Existed — Katie’s Journey

    Unexpected Darkness, Then a Healing She Didn’t Think Existed — Katie’s Journey
    Nov 27 2025
    Welcome back to another episode of the Dancing With Depression podcast. I’m your host, Adam Turner, and today I get to share a conversation with someone I met during a pivotal time in both of our lives.Katie and I crossed paths completely by chance. She was finishing her time in the residential program at HopeWay, and I had just started Intensive Outpatient Therapy. The odds of us ever meeting were slim—almost like lightning striking twice in the exact same spot. Yet here we are. Group therapy gave us the chance to learn pieces of each other’s stories, and in doing so, we developed a genuine respect for one another’s openness. There’s something almost surreal about hopping on a Zoom call with people you’ve never met, only to find yourself forming a quick, unexpected connection.Katie is a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, and a talented photographer. But what makes her story so impactful is the depth and honesty with which she shares her experience with anxiety—how she first recognized it, how it shaped her life, and how it eventually contributed to depression. Her story is one many people will recognize, even if the circumstances differ.What I appreciate most about Katie is that she shares her journey not for attention, but to help others feel seen, supported, and empowered. From the day I met her, she’s been an advocate for helping people find the courage—and the resources—they need to take that next, and often first, step toward healing. So it wasn’t a surprise that she agreed to join me on the podcast, but I was genuinely excited for this conversation. You’ll understand why once you hear how openly and thoughtfully Katie reflects on one of her most vulnerable experiences.I’m grateful she trusted me with her story to share with you.“Now, let’s hear from Katie herself, as she opens up about her journey, what she learned, and how taking care of herself became the first step to being there for the people she loves.”-----------------------------------------------------Adam Turner (00:01)Hi, Katie. Katie (00:03)Hi, Adam. I'm doing a pretty good today. I'm recovering from a cold, but other than that, ⁓ I'm doing pretty good. Adam Turner (00:04)How are ya? Good, you sound great. It's great to see you. It's been a little while, yeah, yeah. So I'm glad we got a chance to get together. ⁓ Obviously, you know, we met in probably a way that we probably never thought we would have met. ⁓ And, you know, got a chance to get to know each other a little bit through sharing and processing and so on. But ⁓ I wanted to have you come and Katie (00:15)Yes, about a month or two. Sure. Adam Turner (00:41)share a little bit of your experience, your journey, certainly just kind of reconnect and ⁓ see if we can't help some other folks through their journey as well. Does that sound good? Katie (00:57)Yeah, that sounds great, Adam. I'm excited to share. Adam Turner (00:59)Awesome. So again, as I mentioned, you know how we met, but I want to first start off with like where things started for you ⁓ on your journey and what that looked like. Where do you have a time like where you remember kind of like first feeling of either feeling off or something just wasn't the norm? Katie (01:24)Sure. Yeah, so I guess it was around this time last year. I just started noticing that I was a little bit more achy, was having some trouble sleeping. ⁓ Little things would stress me out here and there. ⁓ I kind of did what I call like a medical tour of different doctors saying like, just, feel kind of off, ⁓ you know, and we ran a bunch of tests and all of them are coming back pretty, pretty normal. ⁓ And so Christmas came around and we celebrated the holidays with my family. And then come January, you know, I was looking around and thinking life's, life's pretty good right now. ⁓ And then one night I went to bed and I could not sleep. ⁓ And one night turned into three nights turned into eight nights. And when I could sleep after that here and there, I would just continue to wake up with what I thought were heart palpitations. I didn't know if it was something hormonal. And I would wake up in the middle of the night and just lay on my kitchen floor and hope that it would stop. ⁓ And now what I'm coming to know that those actually were were panic attacks. And I would have them each night throughout my sleep. They're actually, ⁓ they're called nocturnal panic attacks. And they are really difficult because nothing brings them on. ⁓ And there's not a lot you can do in the middle of the night to make them go away. And they just come one after another. ⁓ So after that, I started, ⁓ you know, seeing a therapist, started seeing a psychiatrist trying to figure out what this might be. And I initially started on, you know, low dose SSRIs and another medication. And I just, I felt kind of out of it. ⁓ So I still thought maybe there's some kind of psychological piece to this that...
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    44 m
  • Practical Skills for Everyday Mental Health

    Practical Skills for Everyday Mental Health
    Nov 21 2025
    The Dancing With Depression Podcast is brought to you by KazCM, where CM stands for content matters. Because content brings people together.Welcome to the Dancing with Depression podcast. I'm your grateful host, Adam Turner. In this episode, I'm sharing some of the tools I learned during my time in group therapy. And how I was able to put them into practice almost immediately. These tools changed the way I thought, felt, and handled everyday challenges that not too long ago felt completely overwhelming.The best part, I actually noticed a difference. And just to be clear, I didn't Google my way through managing depression. These tools came from trained professionals. One of the first things we did was process. That means talking through what's been weighing on you, noticing how it's affecting your thoughts and emotions and working together to make sense of it.You lead the pace. And the goal is to increase awareness and strengthen your ability to cope. But once you process what's next, that is exactly what we're diving into today. I'm grateful to be joined by Darby Danko, a licensed clinical social worker. I've only known Darby a short time with the knowledge, clarity, and compassion she brings to her work.[00:01:56] Already made a meaningful impact on me. I deeply respect her expertise, and I'm grateful she's here to share some of it with all of us. Darby walks us through the basics of cognitive behavioral therapy, referred to as CBT and Dialectical Behavior Therapy, DBT, what they are, how they work. Why they can become powerful tools for managing depression, anxiety, and those emotional ups and downs so many of us struggle with.[00:02:37] If you've ever wondered what these therapies look like in real life, or how to actually use them to start living again, this episode is a great place to begin. Let's take the next step together and bring Darby into the conversation._______________________________________________Adam Turner: So joining me today is Darby Danko. She is a licensed clinical social worker and she is going to be joining us and sharing with us some information on some of the tools that she taught me related to CBT and DBT, and we'll talk a little bit more about that 'cause some of the jargon.[00:03:21] But welcome, welcome, welcome. How are ya? [00:03:24] Darby Danko: Thank you, Adam. I'm good. It's so good to see you and excited to be here with you. [00:03:29] Adam Turner: Awesome. So good to see you too. It's an interesting situation, like I think people after we talk will think, oh, we've known each other for so long, but I think we knew each other for about, uh, I don't know, 65 days.[00:03:41] Does that sound about right? [00:03:43] Darby Danko: That sounds about right. [00:03:45] Adam Turner: So glad that you know, we get an opportunity to really firsthand see what it is that you do, and then I get an opportunity to share with you how helpful it was because coming into the situation, I really genuinely had no idea what to expect, what was gonna happen, and also the different dynamics behind it, right?[00:04:10] Because. You have a group of people. Right. Can you tell me a little bit about what that's like, having somebody new come in to a group setting and, and what you are trying to do in that particular situation? [00:04:27] Darby Danko: Yeah, absolutely. So group therapy is actually something that I have such a, a deep respect for and I truly, truly love.[00:04:34] So we have folks come in, of course, it's a whole new group of people. Lots of new faces, especially within, we do groups on campus and virtually, but you're stepping in in a really vulnerable time in your life with a lot of other people that you have never met. So really, my first goal is to give a warm welcome as we have folks come in and really just acknowledge the anxiety that comes with starting something new and then helping to create a sense of warmth and connection and a welcome, and that's always been what I prioritize on the front.[00:05:04] So. [00:05:06] Adam Turner: I kept hearing these initials, C-B-T-D-B-T, and I saw your face light up 'cause you know the value. But for those that aren't familiar with it, what could you say, like a brief explanation, high level of, of what those are and, and maybe even how they differentiate from each other. [00:05:30] Darby Danko: Yeah, absolutely, and you are far from alone.[00:05:33] Oftentimes in therapy speak. There are so many acronyms for everything, but I'll tell you a little bit about each of them. CCBT stands for cognitive behavioral Therapy. And really the, the premise of CBT is looking at how our thoughts, our feelings, and our behaviors are all interconnected, right? So how I'm thinking impacts how I'm feeling, how I'm feeling impacts my behaviors and so forth.[00:05:58] I mean, so really the goals with c Bt high level are to be able to first acknowledge right, our thinking patterns, then to be able to question them. And then lastly, kind of that next ...
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    36 m
  • The Question I Couldn't Answer

    The Question I Couldn't Answer
    Nov 14 2025
    Welcome back to another episode of Dancing with Depression. I'm your host, Adam Turner. And in today's episode, you're going to hear a voice that might be new to you, but one I first heard around September, 1975. It's a voice that started softly, full of encouragement, support, and love. But as I found my own voice over the years, hers had to get little louder to be heard, often times having to remind me that wisdom, which she had, came from experiences which I hadn't yet had. And if by chance she didn't have a previous experience to draw from, her go-to was, because I said so, and until you start paying the bills, that's all you need to know.Think you know who it is? Well, if you haven't figured it out yet, today's special guest is my mom, who we'll hear from momentarily.So how did we get here? Well, when I started opening up about my depression, I found reflection to be an integral part of better understanding why I was feeling the way I was. How time and experiences were bringing old memories and emotions into sharper focus. That was true for me, and as I've learned, it was also true for my mom.The conversation between my mother and me actually started in the most ordinary way possible. I was at a routine doctor's appointment. My doctor was going through the standard list of questions — my family history of cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure — and then came the one about anxiety or depression or any other mental health diagnosis.That's when it hit me. I didn't know the answer. So, before I left the parking lot, I called my mom. Thought it was gonna be a quick conversation, just to ask if we had any history of depression or if she'd ever taken medication for it, so I could update the doctor during my next visit.But that one simple question opened the door to a much deeper discussion about how she viewed her mental health decades ago and how time and reflection have given her a new understanding of what she was going through back then.So without further ado, let's get into it. A heartfelt, honest conversation between mother and son._______________________________________________ Adam Turner (00:01)Hi, Mom.Alan (00:02)Hi, Adam.Adam Turner (00:04)⁓ you're so nice now that we're recording. That's so lovely. ⁓ Are you ready for this?Alan (00:07)Thank you.Yes, Adam.Adam Turner (00:17)Okay, so we were talking the other day and I was asking you a question about specifically depression, mental health and so on. And you started to answer and then kind of went back. Can you share just a little bit about what you were thinking about when I was asking you that?Alan (00:28)Yes.I don't remember. You were asking me about what again?Adam Turner (00:47)if you had taken any medication specifically for depression.Alan (00:50)⁓Yeah. Well, I think I told you that I had been on something that the doctor prescribed. And at the time, I didn't think I was depressed. And I told him that. But ⁓ he apparently must have thought I was or something was going on.And now that I look back on it, I think I was at some point not depressed enough to want to do myself any harm, but there were certain things going on in my life at the time. And I think that's kind of what was causing it, going kind of...Adam Turner (01:46)Mm-hmm.Alan (01:48)crazy.Adam Turner (01:50)So, I know you've had a lot of things, different things that it could be, but do you remember specifically what was going on around that time?Alan (02:00)Well,I'm thinking that some of the things that were going on was your father and I were having some difficult times. ⁓ I thought, I really thought our 13th wedding anniversary was going to be it.⁓ he, I don't remember exactly some of the things, but he moved out of the house. ⁓ we had some properties that we owned right across the street from where we lived. And he said he needed to.do that. And I, you know, I didn't really understand at the time. And he went over and he stayed out in one of the empty apartments that was across the street. And you know, he was right across the street. So wasn't like if I needed him, he was, you know, he was within reach. But it still made me feel really bad.I says, what did I do? I don't know what I did. I know there was things going on and we went for ⁓ marriage counseling.And we had been to marriage counseling probably about four times at least within our, not all at that time, but kind of throughout.Adam Turner (03:54)Mm-hmm.Alan (04:00)One of the times we went to marriage constantly was to a rabbi.And he was, he was, I thought he was really wonderful. I don't know, I'm not sure what your father thought, but I think he liked him. And we, like I said, we had gone a few different times and each time we went, things seemed to be okay for a while.And I think what the turning point for me was.When I got sick, when I got really sick in 2009.Adam Turner (04:45)Sick with what?Alan (04:46)the multiple myeloma.I knew then that your father was going to be by my side. Sorry.He ...
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    35 m
  • From Drowning to Dancing – My Return to Work

    From Drowning to Dancing – My Return to Work
    Nov 7 2025
    Welcome to the Dancing With Depression podcast, I am your grateful host – Adam Turner. As mentioned in the last episode, I am going to share what returning to work was like after being away for 60 days! I will share what changed, what stayed the same, how I felt the night before & what actually happened when I logged back into work at 9 a.m.The reason for my 60 day “staycation” was due to what I can only describe as drowning. I was overwhelmed with work, marriage, my inability to figure out what life was – dare I say “my purpose”. I was asking myself questions that, not only could I not answer, but I was having a difficult time comprehending where the questions were coming from. Having to remind myself that 9 months earlier, I stopped taking my prescribed by a professional medication for anxiety & depression – cold turkey! So for years I hadn’t really addressed my concerns…like what was I going to do for a living over the next 15-20 years? I didn’t want to remain in sales, I hadn’t wanted to be in sales for over 10 years!!! I knew this wasn’t uncommon as many of my high school & college friends had pivoted to different careers…most of them sharing the challenges, but grateful for their decision.So after trying to do things “my way” and it not working, I was looking for help. That help came by way of my therapist & psychiatrist. I filled out the paperwork and submitted my short term disability claim…the next morning I called my then boss and shared that I would be out of work, I would send him an email with accounts that needed to be contacted, & let him know if there was anything he needed I would do my best to get it for him.My original thought was I’d be out for like 2 weeks, in that time I would “reset” – get caught up…whatever that meant. I didn’t have a plan…the only “plan” I had was to try my absolute best not to think about, worry about anything work related. I had ruined plenty of vacations in the past with the need/desire to stay connected – as if I was so important (thought is laughable now).I spent the better half of the first 10 days doing absolutely nothing…I had all the time in the world and a “honey do” list with painting, cleaning the garage, changing light bulbs, just to name a few – yet nothing was checked off. I did manage to fill out the paperwork to partake in group therapy…but even after I was accepted – I had to wait another week before I could start. I’m not sure where it came from but I was able to get a little momentum and cross a few things off that never ending honey do list.So I attended group therapy, learned about CBT & DBT – went through a couple of ADHD meds in order to find something that helped me concentrate…and after 15 sessions I said my goodbyes and headed into the weekend preparing myself for “The Ultimate Comeback”.I was surprisingly calm leading up to my return – I wasn’t spending a lot of time wondering what would happen, and put my focus on reassuring myself that whatever did happen I would know how to OR find a way to get through it. It’s NOT that I wasn’t nervous or concerned..I just realized, my previous pattern would be me using a lot of energy worrying about what might happen, and not having enough energy to deal with what ACTUALLY happened. Yeah that was a valuable nugget of insight I picked up in group!!!Since I hadn’t been real good at disconnecting in the past coupled with never being away from work for that length of time, I was curious about how people would react – would I still remember my passwords (I have like 10 of them for different systems), and just overall what had changed while away. The 1st day really didn’t feel any different, from a 30,000 ft. view – we had the same meetings scheduled, same sales projections had to be submitted – now when I took a closer look there were several noticeable differences…Some people were no longer with the company, many of my accounts had been reassigned, and oh how could I forget this – I CAME BACK TO A NEW MANAGER!!! As I so eloquently put it when asked to describe my 1st day back…a lot of things changed and at the same time nothing had changed.Over the next few days I had a couple challenges with my anxiety and depression, but with the teachings Hopeway provided along with group therapy I came back with a few tools in my belt I didn’t have in the past – and they worked beautifully.For those preparing to transition back into work…my 1st recommendation is take it one day or a couple of hours at a time. Putting all of your energy into trying to stop what you think might happen vs. using a small percentage of energy directly at what is actually happening will get you so much further. Do you feel like I’m making that “easier than it sounds”? Well that is what I would have thought, before learning those tools I mentioned earlier – and you can do the same!I have to remind myself that ...
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    10 m
  • The Group I Didn't Know I Needed

    The Group I Didn't Know I Needed
    Oct 2 2025
    Welcome back to another episode of Dancing with Depression. I'm Adam. And today I want to talk about something I never thought I would talk about. Group therapy. Or as I said at the time, group therapy. OK. So let me rewind just a little bit. On July 22nd, I felt like I was drowning at work. Now, I'm sure we've all felt overwhelmed before. You know, that feeling of spinning your wheels, crossing one thing off of your to-do list, only to have three more things show up. But this felt different. Everyday responsibilities, mounting stress, and the weight of trying to hold it all together, it just became too much. And I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. The next day, July 23rd. I found myself sitting with my psychiatrist and after that conversation, I made the decision that I've never made before. I submitted a claim for short-term disability. I didn't fully understand what that even meant or what came next. I didn't fully understand what that meant or even what came next. I just knew one thing for sure. The way I was living wasn't working. My hope was that some time away from work might just help me catch my breath. You know, maybe reset. How? I had no clue. I just knew I couldn't keep going the way I was. As I started planning what time away would look like, both my psychiatrist and therapist suggested something I hadn't even considered. A mental health clinic. Now that was definitely not part of my plan. Mostly because let's be honest, I didn't have one. So I did what most of us do when we're unsure of something. I did a Google search. And it was like I was choosing a restaurant while on vacation. And I went straight to the reviews. The clinic that had been recommended had received a 3.6 out of five stars, with 113 reviews, which I felt was a significant amount to gauge what kind of facility this would be. Now, I don't know about you, but I tend to jump straight to the bad reviews so that one, I could determine if it was worth going any further. But I also, think, was subconsciously building my exit strategy as to why this wouldn't be a good fit. But I read probably 10 different reviews. And I realized that there wasn't anything that consistently stood out. There were some challenges I'm sure people experience, but they seem to be very isolated. And many of them were about the food not being that great. That's. Wasn't going to be strong enough for me to to say no. And. I always remind myself that especially when you're reading other people's experiences and reviews that there's always two sides to every story and the truth usually lands somewhere in between. So I decided to move on and check out the website, learn a little bit more about the different programs that they had to offer. And I read they had three options. The first one was residential. The second one was PHP. And the third one was IOP. So the website breaks down what each of those programs consist of and Essentially, the residential program is that of what it sounds. You're living on their facility, which happens to be in 30 minutes away from where I am. But you're there for 30 days and you are in full day group therapy. You have weekly psychiatrist and therapist sessions, and then they have weekend activities like yoga or journaling or ARP. The second option was PHP, which is partial hospitalization. Again, you're going to their facility. It's a structured day, so you're there from 9 o'clock in the morning till 4 in the afternoon, Monday through Friday. But you go home. And the third option is IOP, which is intensive outpatient. It's much more flexible. I learned later on that a lot of people step down and kind of use the IOP to transition from a residential program into kind of going back into their normal routine. The way I viewed IOP was I could still be at home and that was what was comfortable for me. My initial reaction with regards to residential was no way. And the funny part was I said to myself, I'm not mentally ready for residential. Yeah, not mentally ready for mental health treatment. Sounds ridiculous, but this is also the same guy that admitted that he stopped taking all of his medications cold turkey. So. That's where I was at. I landed on IOP. As I mentioned, it felt like the safest choice. I could be in my own home and honestly. I didn't go in with big expectations or goals on what I was hoping to get from therapy, I just knew that I had to do something. And like everything within the medical or healthcare systems, there was forms that I had to fill out. There was screenings and evaluations to ensure that I could benefit from the program. And eventually I did end up getting the call that I had been accepted and I was scheduled to start August 15th at 9 a.m. In the days leading up to that, my mind was racing and asking questions like, is this really happening? Is this going to help me? How did I even get here? But first day came and those questions shifted from curiosity to a full on panic....
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    21 m
  • Walking Beside Anxiety and Depression - A Partner's Perspective

    Walking Beside Anxiety and Depression - A Partner's Perspective
    Sep 25 2025
    Welcome back to another episode of Dancing With Depression.I want to start with a quick update on where I stand after several months of being off my anxiety and depression medication. I’m happy to say that some small but meaningful improvements have shown up—I’m taking more showers, and when my laundry is done drying, I actually fold it and put it away. Small wins matter.But it hasn’t all been easy. Anxiety still creeps in—especially at work—and depression still rears its ugly head. The toughest part is, I rarely recognize it in the moment. For example, not too long ago, I told Bobbie I was thinking about selling everything in my man cave—my vinyl records, my favorite movie posters, and even my sports jerseys. Bobbie gently asked if it was really what I wanted, or if it was my depression talking. After some reflection, I realized she was right—it was depression.That moment connects to another experience I had while listening to music. A lyric jumped out at me: “But I can’t be your only remedy; tryin’ to save you, gon’ kill me.” It’s from the song “Dear Alcohol” by Dax, with that line sung by Carly Pearl in the remix. If you haven’t heard it, go check it out—you won’t be disappointed. That lyric stood out to me because of a specific conversation Bobbie and I had just a few weeks prior. Which brings me to today’s episode. What you’re about to hear is a conversation between Bobbie & I, which took place two months after the initial conversation where Bobbie so accurately describes it as “Giving it to me…” a very difficult—but necessary—moment where Bobbie shared where she was in our relationship: what she was missing, and what she needed if I couldn’t provide it. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to listen to, but it was also honest and truthful. And yes, it happened on my birthday—but for me, that was just a coincidence that showed how important it was for her to get it out.So, with that context, let’s jump in.In the last episode, I invited you to walk in my shoes as I shared what it was like to stop taking medication cold turkey. This time, I want to turn things around. Today, I invite you to walk in the shoes of my wife, Bobbie. She’ll be sharing her perspective on what it’s like to live with—and love—someone with a mental health diagnosis. She’ll talk about the challenges she’s faced, what she needed in order to keep supporting me, and how she decided whether our foundation was strong enough to withstand the tornado of my anxiety and depression.Before we begin, let me tell you a little about Bobbie. She spends her days caring for patients as a dental hygienist. Now, I know some of you might cringe just thinking about going to the dentist, but trust me—there’s something different, something special, about Bobbie’s abilities. And I’m not just saying that because I’m her husband. The patient reviews back it up. And besides, I’m not just her husband—I’m also her patient.Over our 9 ½ years of marriage, one thing has become clear: Bobbie doesn’t speak just to fill the silence. When she shares something, it’s because she’s thought it through. So when she told me she had something important to share, I knew I needed to pay attention.And the truth is, Bobbie’s knowledge in this area has always been ahead of mine. While I can clear out a sports-related Jeopardy category, she’s the one who has the science and chemistry answers locked down. I still can’t pronounce half of the prescriptions I’ve been on, but she sounds like a pharmacist.Her compassion and understanding carried us far, but eventually, she reached a point where she needed to ask me directly: was I going to stay in survival mode, or was I ready to put in the work—for us?This is that conversation, recorded two months after that pivotal moment. Let’s listen.--------Start of audio DWD S2 E3 – A Partners Perspective 2 of 3I think you mean what happened that I decided to have the conversation. What put me over the edge. don't know what put me over the edge, but I just felt like I care about our relationship and if it was gonna continue, it couldn't continue to go on the way that it was. I couldn't continue like we were and I care enough that I wanna address it and not let it die. And so we're obviously addressing my anxiety and depression and you know, I think we've talked about this, that we show what we want to show. And there's things that you're dealing with that I might not have realized in the moment. So what are some of the things that you deal with? ⁓ The conversation was just a check-in. I think if you are not open and honest with your partner, then you don't really have a relationship. So if I'm not telling you how I feel... What are we doing? And it was kind of where I was at. I couldn't continue to do what, quote, we were doing, because we weren't doing. I was struggling alone, trying to hold everything in, because you ...
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    32 m
  • Unmedicated: Facing Depression Without a Prescription

    Unmedicated: Facing Depression Without a Prescription
    Jul 25 2025
    Welcome back to another episode of Dancing With Depression. Today’s conversation is one that’s deeply personal, raw, and vulnerable. We’re diving into the effects of medication—what it’s like when I’m on it, and what happened when I decided, on my own, to stop taking it.Before we begin, I want to make something very clear: these are my personal experiences. If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, please seek professional help. You can call 1-800-950-NAMI (that’s 1-800-950-6264) or text NAMI to 62640. You're not alone, and there are people who care and want to help.There’s a saying that I think is the perfect framework for this episode:“Don’t judge someone until you’ve walked in their shoes.”So, today, I invite you to walk in mine.----The DecisionA few months ago, I made a decision—not recommended by a professional, not thought out, and definitely not the smartest one in my 49 years on this earth—to stop all of my medication. Yup, cold turkey.And when I say “all,” I mean ALL:My anxiety and depression medicationMy diabetes medicationMy cholesterol medicationLet me pause and give you a second to ask the question that everyone asks me when I tell them this: “Why?” “What were you thinking?”And my honest answer is:I don’t know.I just knew I was tired of feeling like a numb little bug. Of going through life like a robot. Sure, the medication was working—it was helping my anxiety and depression—but I didn’t feel like myself. I wasn’t folding laundry, wasn’t showering regularly, wasn’t picking up the phone to call people I love. I wanted to do these things, I had internal conversations about doing these things, I even said how beneficial they would be…but no action followed.Even joy started feeling… muted.----The CrashThe first sign something was wrong? I was keeping myself awake until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. I’ve always been a night owl, but this was different. I’d be up at 2, 3, 4 a.m., not because I was energized—but because I was trying to keep my brain busy until it just gave out. I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts.And here’s where I need to tread carefully. The thoughts I was having were about death, but not suicide. I was struggling with the concept of life and death—grappling with existence itself. It's hard to explain, and maybe I’ll try in another episode once I can wrap my brain around it a little better. But it was scary, and heavy, and consuming. I’d like to add that this moment was part of my crash, and if I had chosen not to share it, only a select few would have known. But not everyone has that luxury.Society today is quick to pull out a phone and record a developing situation, hoping it “goes viral.” Maybe this name rings a bell, maybe it doesn’t—but what comes to mind when I say Delonte West?Delonte West was a professional basketball player in the NBA. He played for the Dallas Mavericks, Boston Celtics, and Cleveland Cavaliers, earning just over $16 million over the course of eight seasons. His story perfectly reflects the saying, “Don’t judge someone until you’ve walked in their shoes.”In 2022, a video of Delonte West went viral showing the former NBA player panhandling in a gas station parking lot. The overwhelming majority of the comments focused on how much money he had made during his career, as if being an NBA player somehow protected him from “being human.” People judged him without knowing he was battling addiction and had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.We have access to an endless amount of information, yet we still haven’t mastered the ability to understand what is happening in someone’s life—much less why it’s happening.We have to do better. I encourage you to do better…----A Glimmer of GoodNow, I won’t say there weren’t any positives. The biggest one? I was reintroduced to my emotions. I cried when watching the video of a soldier come home and surprising his family. You know the ones I’m talking about….– I ugly cried watching the Disney/Pixar movie - Inside Out – nothing like a good cry!That emotion had been missing for years, often times I questioned if it would ever reappear. It did & I’m glad!And I’ve restarted my diabetes and cholesterol meds. ----The Ripple EffectWhat I didn’t realize at the time was how much this decision impacted not just me—but everyone around me.1. WorkLet’s start with work. In sales, hitting quota isn’t just about personal pride—it directly affects your manager’s income. When I stopped my meds, my performance dropped. I missed my quota for months.Many managers would’ve written me off. “Burnout,” they’d say. Or “maybe he’s looking for a new job.” But my manager? He noticed something was off.He didn’t pry. He just said, “I’m here if you need anything.” And when I finally told him what I was going through—he didn’t judge. He listened. That didn’t...
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    15 m
  • My Father, His Depression, and the Lessons I Carry

    My Father, His Depression, and the Lessons I Carry
    Jul 25 2025

    In this deeply personal Season 2 premiere, Adam Turner sits down with his father for an honest and emotional conversation about depression, resilience, and reflection across generations. From childhood illness to antisemitism, from the classroom to the synagogue, Adam’s father shares the moments that shaped his mental health—and how he managed to show up anyway as a teacher, husband, and father.

    This episode is more than a story—it’s a powerful reminder that depression doesn’t always look like what we expect. Through music, long drives, theater, and faith, Adam’s father found ways to navigate his darkest moments. And in doing so, he kept a promise to his children that shaped Adam’s own journey with depression.

    Key Discussion Points:

    • How childhood health struggles and school experiences planted early emotional wounds
    • Facing antisemitism in education and community life
    • The emotional toll of teaching and the transition into retirement
    • Finding solace in music, fishing, acting, and service
    • How depression affects relationships—and how counseling can help
    • Parenting through depression and keeping promises that heal across generations

    Key Takeaways:

    • Depression can build over decades and resurface in surprising ways
    • Coping mechanisms—like music, nature, or storytelling—can offer powerful relief
    • Talking about pain doesn’t just bring healing—it passes on strength
    • A parent’s quiet consistency may become a child’s lifelong anchor
    • Retelling our stories can shift shame into legacy

    Join the Conversation:

    Have you had a conversation like this with a loved one? I’d love to hear your reflections. Email me at: dancingwithdepression@yahoo.com

    Until next time, remember: when it comes to depression, Take the Lead.
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    33 m