Summary

Heather tackles listener questions in this episode:

1. How to initiate a conversation with a spouse about concerns regarding their use of porn.
2. How much of a pregnancy risk is there when a condom rips during sex?
3. How do sex toys influence men's concept of sexuality?
4. It seems like sex educator and coaches on social media encourage semen retention--why would this be & is it advisable?

Themes Addressed

sex therapist, ethically non-monogamous, support group, porn use, sexual behaviors, desensitization, neural pathways, behavior change, presence, awareness, sexual communication, sexual repertoire, sex addiction, high libido, existential kink

Join my Intro to Internal Family Systems (IFS) workshop https://shorturl.at/eS5rL this Wednesday for the chance to master your emotions, improve your relationships and get hot seat coaching with me!

In this episode, me and Todd Baratz (@YourDiagnonsense on IG) have a very REAL discussion on romantic relationships--the good, the bad and the ugly!

And be sure to check out his new--and very personal--book "How To Love Someone Without Losing Your Mind!" which is out in stores now!

Todd's Book - https://amzn.to/4euSJmp

Todd's IG - https://www.instagram.com/yourdiagnonsense/

🫂Are you non-monogamous or exploring non-monogamy? If so, join Heather's ENM Support Squad Wednesdays at 4pm Eastern starting on July 24th. You can register here --> https://www.eventbrite.com/e/922588806957?aff=oddtdtcreator

🧑‍🎓We are looking for a podcast intern (must be 18+)! Email hello@heathershannon.co if you're interested.

📱Download Heather's new iOS app here: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/heather-shannon-therapist/id6476728826

ABOUT THE EPISODE

Hey, lovely listeners! Today we’re tackling some deeply interesting listener questions about vaginismus, guilty pleasures, and sexual fantasies. Trust me, you don't want to miss this one--my cat even makes an appearance! 🌟🐾

We're chatting about practical strategies for managing vaginismus, letting go of guilt when it comes to pleasure, and exploring when sexual fantasies are helpful and when they're actually preventing connecting with your real life partner. Whether you're on the road or walking your dog, tune in for some enlightening and heartfelt advice. 💫

What You'll Learn:

🌬️ The importance of natural breathing and pelvic floor relaxation.

🌸 Navigating the sensitive topic of vaginismus and its emotional impact.

💭 What to do when you're attracted to your partner in your mind, but not in practice.

🤔 The importance of feeling emotionally safe when it comes to sex.

🪞 The beauty of letting go of shame and fully enjoying your pleasures.

Click play and let's make this episode of "Ask A Sex Therapist" a highlight of your week! 🎧❤️

00:00 Announcements including courses and community forum.

06:14 Difficulty achieving pleasure and anxiety over intercourse.

09:58 Options for treatment for vaginismus and resources.

11:58 Males have diverse sexual preferences and beliefs.

15:43 "Existential Kink" explores embracing and transforming shame.

19:31 Understanding and supporting partner with erectile dysfunction.

22:29 Emotional safety is crucial for libido.

24:28 Difficulty with sex might stem from emotions.

27:32 Free dirty talk guide for podcast listeners.

~~~

GET THE INTIMACY AUDIT FREE MINI COURSE (discover what’s blocking YOUR sex life!)

https://heather-shannon.mykajabi.com/intimacyaudit

APPLY FOR HEATHER’S INTIMACY INFUSION PROGRAM

https://HeatherShannon.co/video-page

HEATHER’S WEBSITE

https://HeatherShannon.co

ASK A SEX THERAPIST INSTAGRAM

https://instagram.com/askasextherapist (Join the podcast’s broadcast channel!)

HEATHER’S INSTAGRAM (new!)

https://instagram.com/SexTherapistHeather

YOUTUBE CHANNEL & VIDEO VERSION OF PODCAST

https://youtube.com/@askasexcoach

SIMILAR EPISODES

• 071: The Top 5 Sex Blockers - https://pod.fo/e/22a9d3
• 079 Listener Q & A - https://pod.fo/e/23dfe4

THEMES EXPLORED

sex therapy, libido, masturbation, sexual intimacy, erectile dysfunction, vaginismus, endometriosis, internal family systems, podcasting course, sexual censorship, non-monogamy, sex education, sexual anxiety, clitoral orgasm, dilator therapy, pelvic floor physical therapy, sexual pleasure, relationship intimacy, fantasy during sex, sexual arousal, shame and stigma, attachment...

Loved this episode? Leave us a review and rating here. https://podfollow.com/AskASexTherapist

*****

Ever thought about being in a throuple? Regardless of whether it's for you, I bet you're curious about this unique relationship structure!

Tune in with Heather's guests, Dr. Rachael Meir and her partners Aaron and Casey for a truly unique episode.

Get answers to your questions like:

• Is sex always a threesome?
• What's the biggest perk of being in a 3-person relationship?
• How do they handle living in a world made for 2-person relationsihps?
• Is doing household chores really easier with 3 people?

Plus, find out what monogamous people can learn from polyamorous relationships!

*****

WORK WITH HEATHER:

Apply for a free Intimacy Breakthrough Call to learn about Heather’s coaching services.

LET’S CONNECT! FIND HEATHER HERE ⤵️:

Heather’s Website - https://HeatherShannon.co

@AskASexTherapist Instagram

Heather’s YouTube - Check out the video version of this podcast & more! - https://www.youtube.com/@AskASexCoach

SIMILAR EPISODE

Episode 13 - Is monogamy realistic? https://pod.fo/e/166e5e

CONNECT WITH OUR GUESTS!

@TriadAndTrue TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@triadandtrue?lang=en

@TriadAndTrue IG - https://www.instagram.com/triadandtrue/?hl=en

Dr. Rachael Meir Website - https://www.drrachaelmeir.com/

🎧 Hey there, curious minds! Are you wondering if you're simply blessed with a high libido or if you have a sex or porn addiction? Or maybe you've been wondering if your partner's porn behavior is healthy. Today, I unpack the differences between having a healthy, high sex drive and what it looks like when things turn into a compulsion.

I'll also sprinkle in some tips on how to balance that fiery drive without letting it take over your life. This is one episode will finally offer you clarity on what is problematic and what is simply hot and spicy. 🌶️

Tune in to Discover:

- The difference between a high libido and sex addiction

- How to identify if sexual behaviors are interfering with your life

- The role of shame and stigma in compulsive behaviors

- The benefits of self-acceptance and open communication

- Treatment options and resources for those who need it

Time Stamps:

00:00 Intro to podcast and today's topic

04:40 Physical health and mental well-being affect sex drive.

08:54 Understanding sexual needs, communication, and signs of addiction.

11:43 Embracing mindfulness, and a healthy lifestyle.

15:09 Moderate porn consumption can enhance sexuality.

19:02 Using sex or masturbation as stress relief.

20:40 Sex and love addicts Anonymous's dating rule.

24:11 Rehab center options and resources for addiction.

Episode Links:

Heather's Website - https://HeatherShannon.co Book a free Intimacy Breakthrough Call, grab Heather's freebies, check out podcast transcripts and more!

Podcast Instagram - https://instagram.com/AskASexTherapist Join the broadcast channel to vote on podcast topics!

Leave a voicemail question for our next Listner Q & A episode or give podcast feedback for Heather - https://HeatherShannon.co/podcast

Submit an anonymous sex question for our next Listener Q & A episode - https://heathershannon.co/ask-a-sex-question/

Themes and Keywords We Explore

sex addiction, high sex drive, compulsive sexual behavior, sex therapy, porn addiction, certified sex therapist, AASECT, out of control sexual behavior, internal family systems, mindfulness, impulsivity, masturbation, sexual stigma, dopamine, risky behavior, emotional dysregulation, 12-step groups, SMART recovery, sex therapists, rehab centers, sexual validation.

Click "Follow" to subscribe to the show! Don't miss future episodes on being in a throuple, sexual astrology, listener Q & A and more!

👉 https://podfollow.com/AskASexTherapist

Show Summary

In this delightful episode of "Ask A Sex Therapist," I interview the legendary Dr. Betty Martin about the magical realms of mindful touch and the captivating Wheel of Consent. And she makes me cry, LOL! 🥹

🌟 Dr. Martin shares her experiences and teachings from decades of touching people. As we explore her book The Art of Receiving and Giving, let's explore a place where boundaries are respected, desires are honored, and pleasure is celebrated. 🌈

Join us as we learn about the transformative power of intentional touch and the art of giving and receiving with openness and authenticity. Your sex life is about to get a major upgrade!🌺

What You'll Learn:

🛞 Discover the concept of "the Wheel of Consent" and its profound impact on understanding giving and receiving in physical touch.

🤗Uncover the dynamics of touch within relationships through the lens of Dr. Betty Martin's insightful quadrants - serve, accept, take, and allow.

🙏 Learn how past conditioning and experiences can hinder our ability to ask for what we want and embrace our desires with confidence.

⏳ Explore the transformative potential of the "Three Minute Game" in healing past wounds and building trust in setting boundaries and expressing needs.

💡 Gain insights into the importance of non-sexual touch and affection in fostering intimacy and connection in relationships. 💫

✨ Press play for some essential knowledge when it comes to sensuality, sex and touch! 🎧💖

Time Stamps

00:00 Wheel of consent: A recurring, focused practice.

04:02 Difficulty in receiving limits our ability to give.

11:01 The wheel of consent: 2 questions, 3 minutes.

17:49 Learning to notice and accept personal boundaries.

26:54 Touch is a primary human need, not sex.

30:20 Interpreting body language and its impact. Matrix design.

33:18 Setting boundaries during physical intimacy conversation.

37:06 Realizing my eroticism belongs to me.

39:05 Chiropractic office transitioned to interactive sex coaching.

43:39 Grateful for amazing work on the wheel.

Heather's Links

Heather's Website - https://HeatherShannon.co Book a free Intimacy Breakthrough Call, grab Heather's freebies, check out podcast transcripts and more!

Podcast Instagram - https://instagram.com/AskASexTherapist Join the broadcast channel to vote on podcast topics!

Leave a voicemail question for our next Listner Q & A episode or give podcast feedback for Heather - https://HeatherShannon.co/podcast

Submit an anonymous sex question for our next Listener Q & A episode - https://heathershannon.co/ask-a-sex-question/

Dr Betty Martin's Links

Dr Martin's Website - https://bettymartin.org/

Wheel of Consent Book Website - https://wheelofconsentbook.com/ Grab a free chapter!

Themes and Keywords

Dr. Betty Martin, sacred intimate, surrogate partner, safety concerns, wheel of consent, workshops for sexuality professionals, boundaries, limits, physical intimacy, non-sexual touch, cuddling, making out, sexual acts, pleasure, intimacy, body positivity, somatic sex educator, communication, asking for what you want, past conditioning, verbalizing desires, challenges, transitions, eroticism, vulnerability, integrity.

Enjoy this episode of wild audience questions (and I have more we didn't even get to!)

1. A husband dealing with disability turns to porn and his wife wants to know how to handle it.
2. A husband who isn't getting any at home tries to join a gangbang . . . but it doesn't go according to plan.
3. She loves her boyfriend, but he's got some odd behavior when it comes to sex and she wants some help navigating his surprising behavior.

Want to submit a question to be featured on our next Listener Q & A episode?

1. Leave a voice message at https://HeatherShannon.co/podcast. You can even use a fake name!
2. Write-in a totally anonymous message at https://heathershannon.co/ask-a-sex-question/

P.S. Sorry for the late release time of this episode--we had a problem with the editors and had to switch last minute! If you are an experienced audio/video editor and want to take over production of this show, email Heather at HeatherShannonLCPC@gmail.com ASAP!

🔥 Ever wondered what’s behind your deepest sexual fantasies? This week on Ask A Sex Therapist, Artemisia De Vine joins Heather to chat about erotic fantasies. Artemisia, with her extensive background as a professional dominatrix and sex worker, helps us understand when it feels safe to explore fantasies by getting past our own internal protectors. It’s about finding that balance between the taboo and what feels acceptable to us. Tune in and learn how you can make your fantasies a reality!

👂 What you'll learn:

- The psychological underpinnings of common sexual fantasies

- How exploring these desires can lead to profound states of consciousness

- The importance of the ego and desire in shaping our erotic experiences

- Strategies to embrace and integrate your fantasies for healthier intimacy

- Artemisia's unique perspective on overcoming societal guilt and shame linked to sexual preferences

Timestamps for some of the key moments in our conversation:

• 01:45 - Artemisia Divine's unique introduction to the world of sexual fantasy
• 08:34 - Overcoming societal and religious impact on sexuality
• 15:22 - The vital role of presence and psychological understanding in sexual experiences
• 23:50 - Decoding the complex symbolism of personal sexual fantasies
• 29:18 - Combining fear and desire within fantasies to achieve balance
• 37:55 - The transformative potential of sexual fantasies in relationships
• 42:44 - The intricate workings of Artemisia's "Divinery Method"
• 51:22 - Emotional aftershocks: Navigating arousal and shame
• 58:17 - Dissecting cuckolding fantasies: Importance of the "antidote"
• 67:00 - The connection between sexual fantasy and spiritual journey

🎧 Don't miss this enlightening exploration into the complexity of human desire - press play now!.

GET THE INTIMACY AUDIT FREE MINI COURSE (discover what’s blocking YOUR sex life!)

https://heather-shannon.mykajabi.com/intimacyaudit

APPLY FOR HEATHER’S INTIMACY INFUSION COACHING PROGRAM

https://HeatherShannon.co/video-page

HEATHER’S WEBSITE

https://HeatherShannon.co

ASK A SEX THERAPIST INSTAGRAM

https://instagram.com/askasextherapist (Join the podcast’s broadcast channel to weigh in on future topics!)

HEATHER’S INSTAGRAM (new!)

https://instagram.com/SexTherapistHeather

YOUTUBE CHANNEL & VIDEO VERSION OF PODCAST

https://youtube.com/@askasexcoach