We’re taught to toughen up, care less, harden ourselves. But you probably already know that none of that actually works. It doesn't make us safer or more confident, it just sends us into a tug of war with ourselves. In this episode, April unpacks the powerful middle ground — where softness and self-respect can live together — and shares a story that reframes what real strength can look like.

• Why “toughening up” disconnects you from your instincts
• The trap of believing softness equals weakness
• How we confuse fear-based posturing with strength
• The difference between the performance of confidence and genuine grounded power
• What it looks like to be clear without being cruel
• How to listen to your body’s cues instead of overriding them
• The third option between collapsing and attacking
• Why real safety lives in self-trust, not force.

• Softness isn’t vulnerability to harm — it’s your internal compass.
• If you have to try to force someone to respect you and treat you well- you're dealing with a completely different problem.
• Power isn’t making others bend to your will; it’s knowing you can have your own back in any room you walk into.
• Discernment comes from staying connected to yourself and listening to your emotions, not armouring up and shutting down.
• 
  

• Join the Bold as Love Collective Experience (starting January)
• Learn more about the program
• Connect with April on Instagram / Email

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

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Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

In this episode of Is It Me or Is It Them?, I walk you through two real-life friendship situations - one that led to a soft, productive conversation, and another that crashed and burned - to help you understand how to make this decision with more clarity and self-assurance.

This episode is especially for you if you tend to overthink conversations, carry resentment quietly, or struggle with knowing when to address something versus adapting your expectations.

• When the hurt or frustration “lingers” and why that’s an important signal
• Why waiting before responding (instead of reacting) can change everything
• What it actually means to “clear the air” — and what you’re really asking for when you do
• A real example of speaking up that led to reassurance, repair, and deeper understanding
• A second example where speaking up led to defensiveness, shutdown, and another problem to be solved.
• How to tell if you’re truly letting something go — or just going quiet and resentful
• Why not every relationship needs the same standards
• How boundaries are often about what you will do differently moving forward
• Letting go of personalization when someone’s behaviour is about their own patterns
• Deciding who still gets a seat at your table — and on what terms
• 
  

If this episode resonates, you’ll love the work we’re doing inside The Bold as Love Collective— a small, intimate coaching collective for women who want to:

• stop overfunctioning and overgiving
• navigate hard conversations with steadiness and clarity
• set boundaries without guilt or explosion
• feel more self-trust, confidence, and integrity in their relationships
• 
  

👉 Learn more here.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

Are your expectations a little unrealistic? If you’ve been feeling that pressure to be endlessly composed, endlessly capable, endlessly “fine” — this episode is for you.

We’re talking about the real reason perfectionism shows up (hint: it’s not a personality trait). It’s an old survival strategy your nervous system learned a long time ago… one that might be quietly running your life today.

Inside this episode you’ll hear:

• why your self-criticism spikes when you make a mistake
• how old patterns of people-pleasing and “getting it right” still shape your reactions
• the one question that shows you whether a standard is actually yours — or conditioning
• how perfectionism disconnects you from yourself and your relationships
• what to do in the exact moment you feel the trap door of shame start to open

I also share a real-life story about a mistake I made last week — and how easy it is to fall back into old patterns unless we consciously choose something different.

Perfectionism isn’t about being better.

It’s about feeling safer.

And once you understand that, everything softens.

If this conversation hits close to home…

You’ll love the work we’re doing inside The Bold as Love Collective, my intimate coaching circle for women who want to stop overthinking, stop over-functioning, and start showing up with truth, steadiness, and self-respect — in every relationship they care about.

We start in January, and early registration is now open.

Join us here → [link]

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

Have you been feeling the urge to reach out to that old friend you took distance from? As we move into the holidays it can be tempting to re-connect— send a quick message, extend an invite, or reopen the door with someone we’ve drifted from. But how do you know whether it’s a relationship worth revisiting… or one that’s better left gently in the past?

In this episode, we help you decide whether to re-engage with an old friend, or keep your distance. You’ll hear some important questions you need to ask yourself, real examples, and a grounded look at the difference between healthy discomfort and unhealthy self-abandonment.

• How duty and obligation can both connect and confine us
• How to tell when a relationship brings more stress than support
• Why we need to think of our time and energy as "investments"
• How the people around you shape who you become
• Some key questions, like: Has anything actually changed?
• Getting honest about your standards and what you are willing to put up with

1. What’s driving the urge to reconnect — guilt, habit, or expectation?
2. Do you have the capacity to carry someone who brings weight instead of warmth?
3. What kind of relationships do you believe in surrounding yourself with?

You can love someone, care about them, and hold fond memories — and still choose distance. Protecting your peace can be an act of honesty, not rejection.

I'm reopening The Bold as Love Collective — a three-month coaching circle for women who have a tendency towards overthinking, over-functioning, and over-giving, and want to feel calmer, clearer, and more grounded in their relationships and conversations.

If you want to feel more seen without performing and more heard without raising your voice, check out all the info here and DM with questions.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

If you’re wrestling with the choice to go to the family event or finally opt out of the chaos, this episode is for you.

Today we explore how to decide whether you should go, skip it, or do things differently this year.

You’ll hear questions, reflections, and practical guidance to help you get honest about what you’re walking into, what it will cost you emotionally, and what you actually want or need.

What usually happens when you show up?

Why do the same dynamics keep repeating?

And why does it take days to recover afterward?

Who are you showing up for really?

What are the unrealistic hopes that keep you stuck in the same toxic loops?

How to get honest about what usually happens, without minimizing or sugarcoating it.

Why certain people hit your deepest buttons

How old wounds get activated

And how that plays into the dread and emotional overwhelm you feel

Setting clear intentions for yourself

Showing up in a more detached, grounded way

Not engaging with the people who drain you

Choosing arrival and exit strategies that support you

Honouring your own bottom line

It’s not only:

pretend everything’s fine and keep performing…or

cut everyone off and keep your distance.

There’s also the thoughtful middle path: deciding how to engage on your own terms.

• see the situation more clearly
• get honest about what’s actually happening and what you need to be okay
• understand your emotional reactions
• protect your peace
• choose a path that honours your wellbeing and your desire for connection
• 
  

If you want my help sorting out your specific situation—whether to stay, go, or set a plan for navigating it differently—you can reach out any time.

📧 Email: april@lovelossproject.com

📷 Instagram: @with.love.april

If this episode resonates, please share it with someone who might need it this holiday season.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

Have you ever replayed a conversation - picking apart what you said, how you said it, or wishing you’d handled it differently? Maybe a mistake or embarrassing moment left you spiralling for days into shame and self-loathing?

There’s a big difference between self-reflection and self-attack. One is productive. The other is just punishment.

✨ Self-reflection sounds like:

“What was happening for me in that moment?”

“What need is being brought to my attention?”

“How could I do this differently moving forward?”

🔥 Self-attack sounds like:

“I can’t believe I did that again.”

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Omg I am such an idiot.”

In today's episode I'm sharing 3 questions you can ask yourself to move out of unproductive self-attack and into healthy self-reflection- and then let it go.

If this episode resonates, share it with someone who might need a softer way to look inward — and don’t forget to subscribe to Is It Them or Is It Me? for more conversations about boundaries, relationships, and the moments that shape who we become.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

When life is moving a mile a minute, it’ might feel like you just want to get in your car and get away for a few days. But you don’t need to book a vacation or escape your life to get back in control. You can shift the energy in the moment, right where you are. And really, this is where our healing actually happens, right here, right now, in how we take control of ourselves on a moment by moment basis.

In this episode, I share three powerful ways to get grounded and in control, even when everything around you feels chaotic:

• Managing your energy with Spoon Theory – a practical way to understand your limits and use your resources wisely.
• Taking charge of your thoughts and self-talk – how to stop the inner spiral and slow down.
• Being responsible for the energy you bring into a room – how to stop adding to the negativity and reset your energy quickly.

Think of this episode as a reminder that you don’t need to overhaul your your whole entire life—you may just need a few small, intentional shifts to feel more calm and grounded right now.

💌 Want more support like this? Sign up for my newsletter to get more tips, tools and resources.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.