-What is an ‘emotionally immature parent?’

-How can codependency develop in the child of an emotionally immature parent?

-If you have an emotionally immature parent, what can you do to change the relationship?

Welcome to Episode 167! This week, I’m joined by Michelle Charime, LMFT, to discuss the world of the emotionally immature parent. Michelle educates us on what an emotionally immature parent is, including a breakdown of the types of behaviors that their children take on: emotionally sensitive and externalization. Michelle highlights the ways that children in these families can develop codependency with their parent and describes the short-term and long-term consequences of this dynamic. We conclude with hearing Michelle’s suggestions for how a codependent adult child in this situation can change their relationship with their emotionally immature parent. It’s a must-listen!

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More deets on this week’s guest:

Michelle Charime, LMFT (pronounced Sha-reem) is a psychotherapist based Los Angeles, CA who specializes in Codependency and Trauma. She helps burnt-out people-pleasers and deep-feelers trust and prioritize themselves so they can live their most authentic and rewarding lives. Prior to private practice, she gained nearly 10 years of experience in community-based organizations working with individuals facing homelessness and mental health concerns. Fun Fact: She has had not one, but two email exchanges with Irvin Yalom.

www.languageofhealingtherapy.com

In this episode, you will hear Michelle and I discuss the following questions:

1. Her definition of codependency: an over-reliance and an over-dependence for one’s psychological, emotional, and physical needs on another individual.

2. Her own codependent experience: Michelle describes growing up with emotionally immature parents which led her into toxic relationships.

3. What does it mean to describe a parent as an 'emotionally immature parent? Michelle describes that emotionally immature parents have a diminished capacity for reflection and compassion for their children. They often neglect their emotional needs and can emotionally abuse their children by not engaging in emotional discussions.

4. The enmeshed dynamic between adult children and their emotionally immature parents. They put their parents first and take responsibility for their parents’ emotions.

5. Michelle describes the 2 types of adult children of emotionally immature parents: the internalizers (they are emotional, sensitive, reflective people) and the externalizers (have a victim mentality, feel angry, impulsive, and engage in aggressive behaviors). The latter often become emotionally immature parents as well.

6. We conclude with hearing Michelle’s suggestions on how to change one’s relationship with an emotionally immature parent. Michelle suggests 1) acknowledging your parents is who they are; 2) understand you cannot change them; 3) focus on yourself; 4) grieve the parent you needed; 5) incorporate a community to support yourself; and 6) start creating healthy boundaries.

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