-How and why do codependents often try to NOT have needs?

-What do defense mechanisms like suppression have to do with neglecting our needs?

-If you suppress your needs, what can you do to stop and start honoring them?

Welcome to Episode 168! In this episode, I will share about my futile attempt to not have needs, especially in my marriage, in the first few weeks of motherhood! Tell me I’m codependent without telling me I’m codependent: I pretended to not have needs! You’ll hear me discuss defense mechanisms then expand on one of the more common in codependents: suppression. I wrap it up nicely by sharing an anecdote in hopes it will help you understand and know you are not alone. It’s a must-listen episode!

Support and connect:

Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Connect! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about topics you’d like me to discuss or to hear more about my psychotherapy services, coaching, and other offerings.

More details on this episode:

We begin with our usual check-in.

I then reflect on codependency in my marriage (and how I have naively thought I was not codependent with my husband).

How does this relate to my experience with early motherhood? I describe my regression into a familiar defense mechanism: suppression. I provide a description of defense mechanisms and share about the more common ones: displacement, denial, and projection.

We shift to what suppression looks like in codependents and why we often use it as a defense mechanism: to avoid mental pain, unacceptable feelings, and unacceptable behaviors.

We conclude with an anecdote from my experience as a new mom where I tried to not have needs. There was an absence of needs. Thankfully it wasn’t sustainable and I’m not being a codepend-mama. I hope the example helps you know you are not alone.

Thanks for listening!

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With love,

Marissa

-What is an ‘emotionally immature parent?’

-How can codependency develop in the child of an emotionally immature parent?

-If you have an emotionally immature parent, what can you do to change the relationship?

Welcome to Episode 167! This week, I’m joined by Michelle Charime, LMFT, to discuss the world of the emotionally immature parent. Michelle educates us on what an emotionally immature parent is, including a breakdown of the types of behaviors that their children take on: emotionally sensitive and externalization. Michelle highlights the ways that children in these families can develop codependency with their parent and describes the short-term and long-term consequences of this dynamic. We conclude with hearing Michelle’s suggestions for how a codependent adult child in this situation can change their relationship with their emotionally immature parent. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: email marissa@codependummy.com

Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More deets on this week’s guest:

Michelle Charime, LMFT (pronounced Sha-reem) is a psychotherapist based Los Angeles, CA who specializes in Codependency and Trauma. She helps burnt-out people-pleasers and deep-feelers trust and prioritize themselves so they can live their most authentic and rewarding lives. Prior to private practice, she gained nearly 10 years of experience in community-based organizations working with individuals facing homelessness and mental health concerns. Fun Fact: She has had not one, but two email exchanges with Irvin Yalom.

www.languageofhealingtherapy.com

In this episode, you will hear Michelle and I discuss the following questions:

1. Her definition of codependency: an over-reliance and an over-dependence for one’s psychological, emotional, and physical needs on another individual.

2. Her own codependent experience: Michelle describes growing up with emotionally immature parents which led her into toxic relationships.

3. What does it mean to describe a parent as an 'emotionally immature parent? Michelle describes that emotionally immature parents have a diminished capacity for reflection and compassion for their children. They often neglect their emotional needs and can emotionally abuse their children by not engaging in emotional discussions.

4. The enmeshed dynamic between adult children and their emotionally immature parents. They put their parents first and take responsibility for their parents’ emotions.

5. Michelle describes the 2 types of adult children of emotionally immature parents: the internalizers (they are emotional, sensitive, reflective people) and the externalizers (have a victim mentality, feel angry, impulsive, and engage in aggressive behaviors). The latter often become emotionally immature parents as well.

6. We conclude with hearing Michelle’s suggestions on how to change one’s relationship with an emotionally immature parent. Michelle suggests 1) acknowledging your parents is who they are; 2) understand you cannot change them; 3) focus on yourself; 4) grieve the parent you needed; 5) incorporate a community to support yourself; and 6) start creating healthy boundaries.

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• What was it like to give birth as a codependummy?

• How was I a codependummy during my birth?

• How was I NOT a codependummy during my birth?

Welcome to Episode 166! I’m back after giving birth to my baby–so sorry it took 104 days/15 weeks since the last episode aired. In this episode, you’ll hear me share my birth story. You’ll hear the ways I was a codependummy and ways I was NOT a codependummy during my birth experience. I hope it resonates with you–whether you have had a child or not–and you can reflect on how your anxiety, self-consciousness, and the internal rules you have for how you can behave impact you during big life events (like giving birth!). It’s a must-listen!

Support and connect:

Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Connect! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about topics you’d like me to discuss or to hear more about my psychotherapy services, coaching, and other offerings.

More details on this episode:

We begin with me checking in. Like I say in the episode, I’m sorry it took so long.

You’ll then hear me recount my birth story–my experience of giving birth to my baby boy.

I conclude with a reflection on ways I was and ways I wasn’t a codependummy during the experience.

PLEASE:

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Review.

Subscribe.

And share this episode with someone who you sense will resonate with it!

We need more ratings on Apple and Spotify. Thank you in advance! And please subscribe on Youtube so you get alerted of new episodes the second they drop.

With love,

Marissa