What happens when the person you love most goes quiet—not yelling, not fighting, just... gone?

In this episode, Todd Creager addresses one of the most painful patterns in relationships: silent punishment. It's not always intentional. You've been hurt, so you pull back. You turn away. You go cold. It feels like self-protection, but to your partner, it feels like rejection.

Todd shares the story of Ken and Terry, a couple stuck in a cycle where defensiveness led to withdrawal, and withdrawal led to loneliness. Terry stopped trying because Ken kept dismissing her feelings. Ken felt alone because Terry stopped reaching out. Both were protecting themselves—and both were suffering.

The turning point? Terry did something small but significant. Instead of leaving the room during their next argument, she stayed. She sat on the couch with her back turned, still struggling, but physically present. That one act of silent presence—not silent treatment—opened the door for their first honest, soft moment in months.

Todd explains why conflict doesn't always need to be solved through talking. Sometimes connection starts in the body. The silent cold shoulder feels like control. Silent presence feels like repair. When you stay in the room—not to punish, but to witness—you're telling your partner: I'm still here. I'm still open.

This episode offers practical guidance on recognizing when you're withdrawing as punishment versus self-protection, and how to use non-verbal communication to repair your relationship. Todd walks you through what it looks like to let your body say "I'm still here" when your words can't.

📥 FREE RESOURCE:

3 Ways to Reconnect Without Talking More Get my free guide here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/12nB56OixUXF1AdDhZEu3oowYrcoA5puCpG0gbUdn4Eg/template/preview

📥 Say YES to a Better Relationship: Enroll in the Loving & Connecting Masterclass and get lifetime access to powerful, science-backed strategies that turn conflict into connection—on your schedule. https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...

What happens when you freeze up during a difficult conversation with your partner—when your mind goes blank, your voice disappears, and you can't find the words? Todd explains why shutting down isn't a weakness. It's your nervous system trying to protect you from emotional overwhelm.

In this episode, Todd breaks down the freeze response and why it happens. When your body shuts down, your partner might interpret it as disinterest or rejection. But that's not what's really going on. You're not choosing to withdraw—your nervous system is trying to help you survive an emotional flood. Todd shares the story of Martine and Larry, a couple who struggled with this pattern for years. When Larry would get expressive about his frustrations, Martine would completely shut down. The more desperate Larry became to connect, the deeper Martine would retreat.

Then Todd taught Martine something different. Instead of disappearing completely, she learned to stay present in her body through simple grounding techniques: pressing her feet into the floor, holding a warm cup of tea, placing her hand on her heart, and maintaining eye contact with Larry. She didn't say a word, but Larry felt her presence for the first time. That shift changed everything.

Todd reminds us that healing doesn't always come through talking. When your nervous system is frozen, words won't come—and that's okay. What you need is more safety. Safety in your body, safety in the relationship, and safety to feel without having to fix anything. When you can stay in the room energetically, you begin to rewire that freeze response and reclaim your sense of choice.

If you or your partner shuts down during conflict, this episode offers practical tools you can use right away. You don't have to perform connection—you just have to allow it.

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...

Does every conversation with your partner turn into a back-and-forth where nobody feels heard? You're not alone—and you're probably not doing anything wrong. You just care deeply about being understood.

In this episode, Todd breaks down why defensiveness shows up in relationships and what it's actually doing to your connection. When you defend yourself, even with good intentions, your partner doesn't hear clarification—they hear rejection. The result? More intensity, more frustration, and zero resolution.

Todd shares the real story of Rob and Jody, a couple stuck in a cycle of miscommunication. Every time one spoke, the other immediately explained their side. They weren't trying to fight—they were trying to be heard. But instead of playing catch, they were both throwing tennis balls in the air with nobody catching anything.

Here's what shifted everything: Rob stopped defending himself mid-conflict. Instead of talking, he paused, took a breath, and reached out his hand. No words. No explanation. Just presence. Jody softened immediately and opened up more than she ever had before.

That moment changed their relationship because they learned something most couples miss: your partner doesn't need your defense. They need your presence.

If you've been stuck in defend-and-repeat mode, Todd walks you through exactly what to do next time the urge hits. Pause. Soften your body. Reach out in a nonverbal way. When you make connection more important than being right in that moment, the entire dynamic can shift.

Ready to stop the cycle?

Download Todd's free guide: "Three Ways to Reconnect Without Talking"—practical tools that stop arguments without needing to explain, solve, or talk more here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/12nB56OixUXF1AdDhZEu3oowYrcoA5puCpG0gbUdn4Eg/template/preview

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...

In this episode, relationship expert Todd Creager shares the real story of Sam and Barbara—a couple who came to him with "communication problems." But what they actually had was something deeper: a years-long Cold War fueled by the need to be right.

After four decades of working with couples, I can tell you this pattern shows up everywhere. Smart, successful people who've built their lives on being right suddenly find that same skill destroying their most important relationship.

Here's what we talk about:

• Why the need to be right functions like an addiction
• The "Be Like Me" trap that keeps couples stuck in conflict
• How different personality types create complementary values (not obstacles)
• The shift from "I need you to agree with me" to "I want you to feel understood by me"
• Building emotional muscle to handle disagreements with grace
• What it actually looks like when couples choose connection over correctness

This isn't about learning to agree more with your partner. It's about something more powerful: developing the strength to prioritize understanding over validation.

If you and your partner keep circling the same arguments, if you're exhausted from explaining yourself, or if you just want to feel truly heard—this episode is for you.

Resources mentioned:

📥 FREE RESOURCE: 3 Ways to Reconnect Without Talking More
Get my free guide here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/12nB56OixUXF1AdDhZEu3oowYrcoA5puCpG0gbUdn4Eg/template/preview

📥 Say YES to a Better Relationship: Enroll in the Loving & Connecting Masterclass and get lifetime access to powerful, science-backed strategies that turn conflict into connection—on your schedule. https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...

Here's a podcast episode description optimized for podcast platforms and Todd's brand voice:

Episode Title: How to Stop Bickering: The Real Problem Isn't Communication

Short Description (for podcast apps that limit characters): Constant bickering isn't a communication problem—it's a nervous system problem. After 20+ years working with couples, I share why "just communicate better" is terrible advice and what actually breaks the cycle.

Full Description:

You know that moment when you realize you've had the same argument for the third time this week? Not even about anything important—just that familiar dance where one person brings something up, the other gets defensive, and within minutes you're both exhausted and further apart than when you started.

Here's what nobody tells you: more talking won't fix it. Better communication techniques won't fix it. Because when you're already in reactive mode, your brain literally can't access the parts responsible for empathy and perspective-taking.

In this episode, I share the story of Rick and Diane—a couple married 25 years who came to me stuck in what I call the "bicker-escalate-disconnect" loop. They didn't save their marriage by learning to communicate better. They saved it by learning to slow down their nervous systems first.

In this episode:

• Why your brain can't process your partner's perspective when you're defensive (it's neurological, not a character flaw)
• The speed problem that keeps couples stuck in the same arguments
• What's actually happening underneath the bickering (spoiler: it's not about the dishes)
• Why disconnection feels easier—and why that's the biggest trap
• The one skill that actually breaks the cycle (and it's not what you think)
• How Rick and Diane reconnected without needing to talk more, solve more, or explain more

If you're exhausted from the same fights and wondering if there's a way out, this episode will show you where to actually start. Hint: it's not with better words—it's with a calmer nervous system.

Resources mentioned:

📥 FREE RESOURCE: 3 Ways to Reconnect Without Talking More
Get my free guide here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/12nB56OixUXF1AdDhZEu3oowYrcoA5puCpG0gbUdn4Eg/template/preview

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...

In this revealing episode, relationship expert Todd Creager tackles the profound identity crisis that occurs when infidelity is discovered. If you've betrayed your partner, you're not just facing relationship damage—you're confronting fundamental questions about who you are.

Todd guides listeners through five essential questions for identity rebuilding: Who am I now that I've betrayed my values? Can I become trustworthy again? Is change possible? What does recovery look like for serial betrayers? And do I need professional help?

Drawing from decades of clinical experience, Todd offers a compassionate yet honest roadmap for those looking to rebuild after betrayal. He explains how recovery isn't just about stopping behaviors, but about becoming curious about all parts of yourself and finding new ways to meet your needs without secrets or betrayal.

Whether you've betrayed once or multiple times, this episode provides practical insights for moving from compartmentalization toward wholeness, from shame toward integration, and from secrecy toward authentic connection.

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...

If you've been unfaithful to your partner, you're probably drowning in one question: "Why did I do this?" And if you're the betrayed partner, you desperately need to understand: "How could they do this to me?"

In this episode, I'm talking directly to people who've cheated—though I want betrayed partners to listen too. Because understanding what drives infidelity isn't about excuses. It's about getting to the truth of what's really happening beneath the surface.

After decades of working with people on both sides of betrayal, I've learned something that might surprise you: The person who cheats isn't broken or fundamentally bad. But they are deeply disconnected—from themselves, from their partner, and from the values they thought they held.

I'm breaking down five critical questions every person who's been unfaithful needs to answer:

1. Why did I do this, especially more than once? I explain how infidelity often begins in childhood (yes, really) and how we learn to regulate emotional energy in ways that eventually sabotage our relationships. You'll hear about the "never enough" part—that wounded younger self that operates separately from your conscious values.

2. Am I broken, addicted, or just selfish? Let's get real about these labels. I walk through what each one actually means and why the real issue is disconnection, not moral failure.

3. Was I trying to escape something in myself or the relationship? The honest answer is usually yes. I talk about how people use infidelity to escape pain—whether it's inadequacy in other life areas or the discomfort of being fully present in a relationship.

4. How do I stop this pattern? This is where we get into the real work. I share why trying to bury the part of you that cheated makes things worse, not better. You'll learn about the two-step process: awareness of your parts and processing the underlying pain through approaches like EMDR trauma treatment.

5. Do I even deserve to be forgiven? I separate this into two questions: Can your partner forgive you, and can you forgive yourself? The answers are different, and both require you to do the work first.

What Makes This Episode Different:

I'm not here to shame anyone or offer simple answers. Infidelity is complex. The reasons people cheat are rooted in unprocessed emotional wounds, learned patterns of self-regulation, and disconnection from pa

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...

In today's episode, I'm diving deep into one of the most important questions I get: when there's been a discovery of infidelity, when do we need therapy? What kind of therapy? What makes sense?

I'll be blunt with you - I think you always need therapy after infidelity. Here's why: it's so painful that emotions completely take over. Friends or family may not always be the right people to go to during these times because they have their own feelings. When you're in that stress mode, in that survival mode, you really can't see what's really going on underneath it all.

In this episode, you'll discover:

• Why we need to understand what's going on inside - that's where the real issues are
• The truth about people who cheat (spoiler: they're not bad people, but they are hurt people)
• Why someone might not know how to communicate their problems in a relationship
• What the betrayed partner really needs from therapy
• The kind of therapist you should look for (and the question most people never think to ask)
• Why therapy needs to work on both past wounds AND present skills
• What real success looks like in infidelity recovery

I share insights from my "Healing Infidelity From the Inside Out" approach and explain why it's not as simple as "people that cheat are bad people." They're people who have had a lack of resources in how to regulate their emotions or communicate well.

For example, if someone never saw their parents communicate about problems, how are they supposed to know how to say "I'm unhappy with the way our marriage is going, let's work on it"? Their healthy choices are limited.

I also talk about my own 41-year marriage and how even I have more options now for dealing with conflict than I did before I worked on my own wounds and core issues.

Key takeaways:

• A skilled therapist won't put simplistic ideas on complex problems
• You want someone who has worked on themselves and gone through some things
• The best therapy goes deeper and works with trauma (because it's almost always part of the problem)
• Success isn't just that the person doesn't cheat anymore - you want to become better than you were

Whether you're the betrayed partner needing support and empathy, or the person who betrayed needing to develop better options, this episode will help you understand what to look for in effective ther

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...