In today's episode, I'm diving deep into one of the most important questions I get: when there's been a discovery of infidelity, when do we need therapy? What kind of therapy? What makes sense?

I'll be blunt with you - I think you always need therapy after infidelity. Here's why: it's so painful that emotions completely take over. Friends or family may not always be the right people to go to during these times because they have their own feelings. When you're in that stress mode, in that survival mode, you really can't see what's really going on underneath it all.

In this episode, you'll discover:

• Why we need to understand what's going on inside - that's where the real issues are
• The truth about people who cheat (spoiler: they're not bad people, but they are hurt people)
• Why someone might not know how to communicate their problems in a relationship
• What the betrayed partner really needs from therapy
• The kind of therapist you should look for (and the question most people never think to ask)
• Why therapy needs to work on both past wounds AND present skills
• What real success looks like in infidelity recovery

I share insights from my "Healing Infidelity From the Inside Out" approach and explain why it's not as simple as "people that cheat are bad people." They're people who have had a lack of resources in how to regulate their emotions or communicate well.

For example, if someone never saw their parents communicate about problems, how are they supposed to know how to say "I'm unhappy with the way our marriage is going, let's work on it"? Their healthy choices are limited.

I also talk about my own 41-year marriage and how even I have more options now for dealing with conflict than I did before I worked on my own wounds and core issues.

Key takeaways:

• A skilled therapist won't put simplistic ideas on complex problems
• You want someone who has worked on themselves and gone through some things
• The best therapy goes deeper and works with trauma (because it's almost always part of the problem)
• Success isn't just that the person doesn't cheat anymore - you want to become better than you were

Whether you're the betrayed partner needing support and empathy, or the person who betrayed needing to develop better options, this episode will help you understand what to look for in effective ther

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...

One of the most common questions I get from betrayed partners: "Todd, do I need to separate from my partner to get clarity? Do I need to separate to have self-dignity?" And I completely understand why people ask this.

When you discover infidelity, your nervous system goes into shock. You can't think straight. You're so agitated by your partner's presence that all you want to do is cry or hit or scream. And here's what I know for sure: you cannot go back to business as usual like nothing happened. That would be betraying yourself.

In this episode, I talk about the different types of separation that can help you heal - physical, emotional, and sexual - and why most couples I work with don't physically separate but still need space in some form.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• Why going back to "business as usual" is actually betraying yourself

• How infidelity shocks your nervous system and why you need to calm down first •

The difference between physical, emotional, and sexual separation

• Why most couples don't physically separate but still heal successfully

• How to set clear rules if you do decide to separate temporarily

• The hyper-attachment and hypersexual response that some people have after betrayal

• Why you might need to stop having sex while you heal

• How to be your own person instead of acting out of fear of losing them

• What healthy separation looks like versus just avoiding your feelings

I share stories from my practice about people who needed different types of space - some went to stay with supportive family, others created emotional boundaries while staying in the same house. The goal is always self-regulation so you can get clarity about what's right for you.

And here's something important: if your partner can't handle you taking space to heal - if they threaten to go back to the affair partner because you're not making things nice for them - bye-bye to that person. A truly remorseful partner will support your need to regulate your nervous system.

My "Healing Infidelity From the Inside Out" approach isn't about quick fixes. It's about growing through the crisis so you have more options, more maturity, and become healthier individuals.

💜 Healing From The Inside Out: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity-inside-program
💜 Infidelity First Aid Kit: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/infi

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...

After you discover infidelity, everything changes. The sacred boundary around your couple has been ruptured by secrets, and now you need to rebuild it from the ground up. But what does that actually look like day-to-day?

In this episode, I walk you through the specific boundaries that are needed post-discovery so that healing can happen and your relationship can thrive again. And I need to be clear about something right up front: if you're the one who betrayed, you don't get to keep your "privacy rights" anymore. Not now. Maybe later when your partner's nervous system calms down, but right now? Total transparency is the price of rebuilding trust.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• What boundaries really are and why infidelity violates them so deeply

• How secrets rupture the sacred boundary around your couple

• Why the betrayer has to go way beyond normal to prove they're safe

• The right way to end an affair relationship (hint: your partner needs to witness it)

• When changing jobs is necessary for healing

• Social media boundaries that actually work after betrayal

• Why complete access to phones, computers, and bank accounts is non-negotiable

• How to tell real threats from anxiety-driven fears

• The difference between being controlled and helping someone feel safe

I share a story about a teacher who gave up his job of 25 years at a school where he was highly respected because that's where his affair partner worked. His wife wasn't comfortable with him staying, and he understood. That's the price you sometimes pay to resacralize—make sacred again—the boundary you have with your partner.

This isn't about being micromanaged or controlled. It's about helping the person who was betrayed feel safe again. That's what this is all about.

My "Healing Infidelity From the Inside Out" approach isn't about quick fixes. It's about growing through the crisis so you have more options, more maturity, and become healthier individuals.

💜 Healing From The Inside Out: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity-inside-program
💜 Infidelity First Aid Kit: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/infidelity-first-aid

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...

One of the most painful questions I get asked: "Todd, how do I forgive my partner after they cheated on me?" It feels like a monumental task when you've been so hurt, so tossed around, so dishonored by your partner's secrets.

Here's what I want you to know right up front - you don't have to forgive. That's totally up to you. But if you can, it makes you feel better because forgiveness is really about the person forgiving, not the person being forgiven.

In this episode, I walk you through the two different paths of forgiveness after infidelity: when you stay with your partner and when you don't. Each path looks different, but both require you to feel the pain before you can let it go.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• Why you don't have to forgive (but why it might help you)

• The two situations where forgiveness makes sense

• How to forgive when you're not staying together

• What it looks like when a partner is actually safe to forgive

• Why infidelity is a symptom, not the core issue

• How to talk to the protective part of you that doesn't want to forgive

• Living in the world of probability instead of demanding certainty

• Why forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event

You can't let go of pain that you don't feel. You got to feel first. It's like a tight fist and then you just let it go. Maybe you do that a thousand times, but you start to enjoy the feeling of being open again.

Whether you stay or go, I want you to give yourself permission to soften the wall, loosen the ties, and be open to have the love you deserve.

My "Healing Infidelity From the Inside Out" approach isn't about quick fixes. It's about growing through the crisis so you have more options, more maturity, and become healthier individuals.

💜 Healing From The Inside Out: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity-inside-program
💜 Infidelity First Aid Kit: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/infidelity-first-aid

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...

In this episode infidelity expert Todd Creager discusses one of the hardest questions you're grappling with right now: How do you know when your partner who betrayed you is actually becoming safe again?

You thought they were trustworthy before, and then your whole world got turned upside down. I hear this all the time from my couples - "I never thought my partner would be capable of doing that." So how do you recognize real change when you see it? This is such an important question, and I want to share with you what I've learned from working with so many inspiring couples who've walked this healing journey.

Here's what you'll discover in this episode:

• Learn the real reasons why people cheat in the first place - it's not what most people think, and understanding this is crucial for recognizing genuine change
• Discover the specific signs that show your partner is learning to regulate their emotions in healthier ways and why this is the key to lasting transformation
• Understand how true healing looks when your partner starts opening their heart to you more and learning to depend on you in healthy ways
• Find out why real safety comes when your partner learns to be both uplifted and soothed by YOU instead of seeking that regulation elsewhere
• Get the concrete behaviors to watch for that indicate your relationship dynamics are genuinely shifting toward deeper connection and trust

Todd has seen it happen many times - people who betrayed learning to regulate differently, opening up more, and truly enjoying their partner in ways they never did before.

There's no 100% guarantee in life, but there comes a point where there's a very high probability that person will not cheat again.

Todd wants to help you recognize what that looks like so you can make the world safer for love. Tune in, and let's talk about this together.

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...

What happens when your partner hasn't just cheated once, but multiple times?

If you're dealing with serial infidelities, I know you're asking yourself some really painful questions: "What's wrong with me?" "Why do they keep cheating on me?" "Was any part of our relationship even real?" And here's the thing - after decades of working with thousands of couples, I have some answers that might surprise you.

In this episode, you'll discover:

Why multiple infidelities are never about you, the betrayed person - and I mean never, not once in all my years of practice has it been about the betrayed partner

The real reason why people become serial cheaters, and how understanding the "parts" of a person can help you stop personalizing their betrayal

Why the love in your relationship was real, even with all the pain and deception - and how to separate the part of them that acted out from the part that genuinely loved you

How to rebuild your self-worth when it feels completely shattered, starting with learning to "unblend" from your partner's destructive behavior

Why it's completely normal and even admirable that you still love them after everything they've put you through

Look, I know this is incredibly painful territory.

You're probably feeling like your world has been turned upside down, and you're questioning everything you thought you knew about your relationship. But I want you to know that there is hope, and there are real answers. This is the first part of what will be a multiple-part series on dealing with serial infidelity, and I'm going to walk you through this step by step.

Because at the end of the day, I'm here to help make the world safe for love - and that includes helping you heal from this betrayal.

My "Healing Infidelity From the Inside Out" approach isn't about quick fixes. It's about growing through the crisis so you have more options, more maturity, and become healthier individuals.

💜 Healing From The Inside Out: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity-inside-program
💜 Infidelity First Aid Kit: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/infidelity-first-aid

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...

Have you ever noticed how your partner can turn you into a defensive teenager faster than anyone else on the planet?

Hi everybody, this is Todd Creager. Picture this: You're a successful adult who handles boardroom meetings, manages a household, and navigates life's challenges with confidence. But then your spouse gives you some feedback, and suddenly you're feeling like a scared 6-year-old who's about to get in trouble.

If that sounds familiar, this episode will change everything for you.

As I approach my 42nd wedding anniversary this August, I'm sharing one of the most powerful discoveries I've made in four decades of marriage—a simple question that has saved my relationship more times than I can count.

Today's confession: Last month, I scratched our car backing out of the garage. My first reaction? Pure panic. Not because of the damage, but because I was terrified to tell my wife. In that moment, I wasn't a 67-year-old marriage therapist—I was a scared little boy who didn't want to get "in trouble."

Sound ridiculous? Maybe. But it's also completely normal.

In this deeply personal episode, you'll discover:

🎯 The one question that instantly shifts you from defensive and reactive to calm and connected (I reveal the exact moment this saved my marriage 30 years ago)

🎯 Why intimate relationships trigger us like nothing else can—and the surprising reason your partner activates your "younger parts" more than your boss, friends, or even family

🎯 The step-by-step process I teach clients to catch themselves before they say something they'll regret (this works even in the heat of the moment)

🎯 How to repair when you've already acted from that wounded younger place—and why these repairs can actually strengthen your relationship

🎯 The relationship dance we all do and how to stop being victims of patterns you're unconsciously co-creating together

Here's what makes this different: I'm not giving you theory from a textbook. These are confessions from someone who's been married for 41 years and has worked with thousands of couples. I'll share my most embarrassing moments—like feeling panicked about disappointing my wife or getting defensive when she points out something I forgot.

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...

Todd's sharing a conversation that could completely change how you think about betrayal and recovery.

He recently interviewed Lora Cheadle, a betrayal recovery coach and attorney who discovered her husband's 15-year affair. What drew him to Lora is that she speaks from a deeper place about infidelity—challenging the rigid ideas that keep people stuck rather than helping them heal.

Here's what we explore together:

Why betrayal uncovers hidden truths about how we've been "performing" in life instead of expressing our authentic selves—and why this awareness is crucial for genuine healing

The game-changing shift from asking "Why did this happen to me?" to "What is this here to awaken in me?"—this single question can transform your entire recovery journey

Why infidelity was never about you but rather your partner's maladaptive coping mechanism, and how understanding this frees you from false responsibility and shame

The difference between being victimized (which absolutely happened) and staying stuck in the victim role—plus how to write a completely different narrative for your life

How betrayal can break generational patterns and help you become truly "self-possessed" instead of seeking external validation

Lora and I are very like-minded in our approach. We're not minimizing the real pain of betrayal—Lora herself was on the floor sobbing for weeks. But we're showing you there's a path through this that leads to genuine empowerment and self-discovery.

As Lora powerfully shared: "You were victimized—that's a fact. But being a victim is a role, and you can play that role until you're 80 years old. I get one life to live here, and I'm living it from an empowered place."

If you're struggling with infidelity or know someone who is, this episode offers a compassionate, no-shame approach to healing that integrates mind, body, and spirit.

Connect with Lora Cheadle:

Website: https://loracheadle.com/
Free Resource: https://lorachead

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...