I never thought I'd see the day that I'd be happy for getting ghosted, but here we are. It's almost like the only way to truly get over your fear of rejection and abandonment is to get repeatedly rejected and abandoned. In other words, the only way out is through, and this is me finally getting to the other side of my breakup. The deep pain it caused pushed me to learn more about attachment styles, not just from how they behave in their adult life, but where that behavior comes from. By finally coming to a deeper understanding, do I really see that people's coping mechanisms have a lot more to do with them than they have to do with you. We can be so quick to internalize people's rejections as indications that we are inadequate, but sometimes it can be because we're so impactful that we leave a mark they don't know what to do with. In any case, this is me leaving shame and blame behind and finally owning the skills I always needed to be healthy in relationships. If ghosting got me more stable self-worth, honed emotional regulation skills, healthier communication understanding, deeper wisdom on attachment, the ability to recognize my own and others' cognitive distortions and emotional reasoning impacting their logic when in a triggered state, greater discernment to be stronger than my need, diversifying my needs, and finally come back to myself in a way that I'll never abandon myself again - then I guess it was a win. Sometimes painful consequences are necessary to shake you out from behaviors that are out of balance so you will finally be motivated to make the necessary changes - and that was definitely the case for me. Now that I have really felt and processed and learned the lessons from this breakup, I'm finally ready to move on and let it all go. Hope it helps you do the same.

In the beginning of me learning emotional regulation, I didn’t really know how to “feel my feelings” - like what did that even mean or look like? I put together this short little audio guide to give you a real time example of how I emotionally regulated today - putting blueprint for the anxiously attached overview into a real life practicum. When we get more into interrupting the cycle, I’ll have different situations to work off of, but since this was relevant now, wanted to give you an example of what emotional regulation really looks like in your day to day life in practice - not just theory. Hope this helps!

For some, breakups are just, "he's not for me, I'm over it." They mean it and they move on. For me, it's, "why did this happen? What did I do? How are they seeing me? Why won't they come back?" And then I go and do a doctorate analysis on the "why." I find it extremely hard to let go even when the person has proven to not be a good fit for me. Now instead of asking myself why they left, I'm asking myself why do I do this at all? In this episode, I explore why it's so hard for an anxiously attached - a person who fears abandonment and loathes rejection - to move on. In the moment it can feel like your whole world is crashing down, but what if everything was simply just coming together? What this breakup was just a mirror to get you to see the more profound lessons your soul needs to learn in order to find and keep the love you truly desire.

Dealing with emotionally immature parents and partners can feel like you're fighting for your life. You desire close and meaningful connection, but it feels like it's just a matter of time where the other shoe is going drop and you'll be the one blamed. It can feel like you're constantly in fight-or-flight mode and don't know how to break through the walls of constant emotional explosion or emotional stonewalling. We see all the ways they're hurting us, and they don't seem to see any of it. It's frustrating and invalidating and it can feel impossible to know what the right thing to do is. This episode and graphic series explores the themes of emotional immaturity in our relationships and how they are often mirrors for us to explore where we still need to grow and evolve in our emotional maturity. Very often what we see being mirrored to us is what we often engage in. How we judge our parents is very often what we are presenting and we often find ourselves in the same dynamics our parents modeled with our partners. While it may seem them changing is your best bet at resolution - the control really lies in you controlling yourself and using these conflicts as an opportunity to become more emotionally mature yourself. Only by owning your own ways can you hope to see any positive changes, regardless if they ever meet you halfway. We think it's about them, but it's really about us.

Following my breakup, I really wanted to make sure I was learning all the lessons I needed to learn to not only pick a better partner in the future but also be a better partner in the future. I started to realize that the majority of my part in our issues were around communication and understanding where I faltered not just in what I said, but the larger picture of my attachment wounds being activated. In an effort to learn how to manage my fears and maintaining bonding connection, I wanted to explore the best practices for resolving conflict with your partner with respect to their attachment style and gender. I also wanted to understand how to unlock vasopressin bonding to ensure communication wasn't just effective in resolving conflict but also deeply bonding in the long run. I wanted to use my communication errors as a template to figure out where and went wrong and how I could have improved. This episode highlights my key takeaways from my research and offers reframe to how I would have handled each situation differently now that I have the tools.

I've always struggling with this horrible, aching sense of emptiness. The only way I can really describe it is a black abyss that comes over me and fills me with a sense of dread. I know I've gone through how to feel all different feelings, but this emptiness was one I could never really feel the "cure" for. I found it purposeless and strange and no one else seemed to understand the feeling I was having. I was always told to just do xyz, but after years of traveling, relationships, amazing jobs, and endless highs of life, there was never anything that could fix it. In this episode, I recap a recent enlightening conversation with a friend where she explained to me the power in surrender and letting go of control - a kind of release that can only come from the knowledge that God truly has you. She explained to me that only once you really see your vulnerability as a blessing for God to step in, rather than seeing it as a source of powerless, dread, and allowing it to fuel your desire to control will I be truly free. I'd heard surrender and let God many times throughout my life, but for some reason this was the lock and key to make it hit different. Since this conversation happened, I've finally felt peace. I've finally felt space, and it's the only thing that's interrupted my hyper-fixation on my recent breakup. I finally feel ease, calm, peace, contentment, and I just wanted to bring that to you, too.

Breakups are hard. There's no way around that. You think this person is a dream and you're finally closer to finding your person only to find it crumbling beneath your feet. When there's no real closure, the person chooses to ghost and quickly replace you with someone you wonder if any of it was ever real. You feel shaken with distrust for yourself, all your trust issues resurface, and you wonder if you'll ever find true love. I'm in that same boat now. I thought I finally picked well after a long string of heartbreak, only to find he was just like the rest. It's taken some time and a whole lot of tears, but I finally created a way to move on. Instead of focusing on the heartbreak, I'm seeing all the ways this relationship was put in my life and to grow and change me into a person better equipped to recognize the real thing when it comes and how to show up best for it. Come with my on this journey of heartbreak, while I navigate moving on from it, setting new standards of engagement, and seeing it all as an opportunity to reconnect and become my higher self.

We all know that our thoughts drive our emotions and behavior, but what's even more critical to understand is distinguishing the validity and truth or falsehood of our thoughts and beliefs. I've found that the majority of arguments we have with other people isn't necessarily a difference in values, but a difference in perspective and how each other is viewing a situation. Often our thoughts can become distorted by our previous traumas and subsequent fears, and we may try to regain control based on a lie. The lies we believe can permeate our being and cause us to act in self-preserving ways that harm others, such as ego-defensive behaviors. As a result, we not only see breakdown in our interpersonal relationships, but also breakdown in how we see ourselves. Discerning truth and lies and being able to focus on the higher truths (which I touch on in truth 101) is essential in truly being able to handle life and relationships that moves toward health and healthy coping. In this episode particularly, I use a recent painful breakup to illustrate how distortions can cause irreparable damage, but how you can focus on the larger truth to still move forward and onward towards your highest growth.