“Toxic family systems are run like a cult,” says Dr. Sherrie Campbell, a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in family estrangement and toxic relationships. She joins Dr. Z this week to talk about the lasting damage narcissistic family members can inflict—not just on the immediate family but also on extended relatives and friends. Sharing insights from her own experience with toxic parenting, Dr. Campbell explains the roles of the golden child and the scapegoat, pointing out the often overlooked pressure on the golden child as well as the emotional burden carried by the scapegoat.

Dr. Campbell also addresses the stigma surrounding family estrangement and how guilt and shame often follow the decision to cut ties with toxic relatives. This episode touches on the emotional uncertainty that comes with estrangement and shows the importance of self-acceptance and rewriting one’s personal story to move from victimhood into empowerment.

Tune into this episode as Dr. Campbell and Dr. Z share practical tips for healing and navigating these complex relationships, leaving listeners with the hope that a more authentic, fulfilling life is possible beyond the toxic family dynamics.

Quotes

• “When you have two grotesquely self-centered parents, they’re already competing with each other before the children are born for power. And then when the children are born, they then compete for power in that aspect as well… The most toxic person in the family dynamic is the least confronted. So you would think that it would be the most confronted, but they’re the least confronted because everybody else is in fear. So without fear, there cannot be any control. Toxic family systems are run like a cult.” (03:11 | Dr. Sherrie Campbell)
• “Sick families need a scapegoat to externalize their issues onto, so they never have to confront or look at themselves.” (15:08 | Dr. Sherrie Campbell)
• “I always say to people, when you’re talking about patterns of family dynamics, there’s a ‘dance.’ And when one person in that dance goes left instead of right, it throws the entire system off balance. When you have the healthy person in the family, whether it’s an aunt, uncle, sister, brother, it doesn’t matter—when they go left instead of right, the whole system gets thrown off balance.” (15:17 | Dr. Z)

Links

Connect with Dr. Sherrie Campbell:

www.facebook.com/sherriecamobellphd

https://www.instagram.com/dr.sherrie/

https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.sherrie

Dr. Sherrie's Tedx Talk: https://youtu.be/deyHwDkG7oc?si=CkgnoNZ05dBS6y4G

Sherapy Sessions podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/sherapy-sessions-cutting-toxic-family-ties/id1591691842

Adult Survivors of Emotionally Abusive Parents: How to Heal, Cultivate Emotional Resilience, and Build the Life and Love You Deserve: https://amzn.to/3XEnfCD

https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/

https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/

https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/

https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist

Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel

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Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“The decision to go no contact with a parent is a last resort. It is a last resort of self-protection against years of manipulation and abuse,” says Dr. Z. She explains how going no contact means cutting off all forms of communication—calls, texts, and social media—and is a decision that is typically made only after enduring long-term emotional pain. It’s a decision never made lightly, as it often comes with feelings of tremendous guilt, grief, and loss.

In this episode, Dr. Z sheds light on the societal pressures that make it difficult for people to understand why someone would sever ties with a parent. She emphasizes that it’s not the adult child’s responsibility to fix a relationship with a narcissistic parent, particularly when that parent refuses to take accountability.

Dr. Z also touches on the importance of behavioral consistency when going no contact, warning that inconsistent boundaries can actually increase the chaos. She outlines the manipulative tactics that narcissistic parents might use to regain control, such as guilt trips or recruiting other family members to pressure the person back into communication. Breaking no contact, she warns, usually offers only a temporary relief before the abusive behavior resurfaces.

Dr. Z offers reassurance to those children who have made the difficult decision to go no contact. She reminds listeners that protecting their mental health is a courageous, yet difficult, step. Seeking peace and clarity is essential, and they are not alone in this journey.

Quotes

• “A decision to go no contact is not a decision that is made overnight. It is not made in direct response to an argument that you had. It’s not even in direct response to a ton of arguments you’ve had. The decision to go no contact with a parent is a last resort. No child, no child ever asks to be in a situation where they need to make a decision to have a parent in their life or not.” (03:28 | Dr. Z)
• “Going no contact with a narcissistic parent is your last effort to walk away with some sense of peace for yourself and your own family.” (14:11 | Dr. Z)
• “If you have gotten to the point where you have set no contact with a parent who is a narcissist, you have done nothing wrong. I’m sure you have thought about this for a very long time. And the fact that you did it, does not make you a bad person. It doesn't make you a bad child. It makes you incredibly brave to put your mental wellness first in such a horrific situation.” (34:04 | Dr. Z)

Links

https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/

https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/

https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/

https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist

Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter

Register for my virtual workshops here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops

Order my workbooks! http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“When we talk about narcissistic abuse, we understand that this form of abuse is very nuanced and hard to identify as an outsider,” says Dr. Z. This episode dives into the emotional and complex challenge of supporting someone in a narcissistic abusive relationship, as Dr. Z unpacks the intricate dynamics at play.

Narcissists often start with a phase known as “love bombing,” which can make it hard for friends and family to spot the red flags early on. This initial charm gradually gives way to isolation and control, leaving the person feeling confused and trapped in the relationship.

Dr. Z sheds light on the subtle tactics narcissists use to distance their partners from their support networks and systematically dismantle their sense of self. For those watching from the outside, it can be incredibly frustrating and heartbreaking, often leaving them wondering, “How can I help without pushing them further away?”

Instead of confronting your loved one, which could inadvertently strengthen the narcissist’s hold, Dr. Z recommends offering steady, unconditional support. She highlights the importance of being a consistent presence, creating a safe space for them to return to when they’re ready to break free. Through practical advice and empathetic guidance, Dr. Z emphasizes that patience and persistence are essential in helping your loved one eventually escape their abusive relationship.

Quotes

• “Coercive control is very difficult for somebody on the outside of the relationship to identify.” (02:40 | Dr. Z)
• “Narcissistic abuse, especially that kind of coercive control, is often not visible to the outside world, even to those closest to you. What people on the outside are really starting to see is this very slow, insidious stripping of their loved one’s self-identity. It’s not sudden; it’s gradual. This started from day one, in the love bombing stage.” (15:50 | Dr. Z)
• “Since your loved one is being manipulated, controlled, and abused—and as the relationship progresses, so does the abuse—that will happen. That’s a given.” (16:59 | Dr. Z)
• “That’s a horrible feeling. A truly horrible feeling—watching someone you love slowly start to slip away from who they are, and from you as well. What you need to do, and as difficult as this is going to be, is to stay connected with them no matter what happens in their relationship. No matter how different or disconnected they become, do not disconnect from them.” (32:19 | Dr. Z)

Links

https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/

https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/

https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/

https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist

Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter

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Order my workbooks! http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“If you and your partner are experiencing friction, consider whether there are things going on in your lives—whether it’s a few really big chronic issues, a lot of little constant acute issues, or a mix of both—that could be contributing to this,” advises Liz Earnshaw, a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified Gottman therapist, and founder of A Better Life Therapy.

In this episode, Dr. Z shifts the focus from narcissistic relationships to the everyday stressors that impact healthy partnerships. Joined by Liz, known for her popular Instagram account “@Liz Listens” and her books “I Want This to Work” and “Till Stress Do Us Part,” they delve into how external pressures can fuel relational friction.

What are the stressors in your life that might be affecting your relationship? Liz encourages couples to identify and list these stressors, a simple yet effective practice that can lead to greater empathy and cooperation. She also discusses different partner types—such as avoidant or indifferent—and shares concrete strategies for improving communication and setting healthy boundaries within your relationships.

Liz introduces a structured approach to managing stress, helping couples distinguish between what they can shed, prevent, or adapt to. By aligning actions with core values and addressing how conflict avoidance with others can impact the relationship, she provides a roadmap for couples looking to strengthen their bond. These insights offer a practical guide for anyone aiming to build a resilient partnership rooted in clear communication, empathy, and intentional choices.

Quotes

• “The first piece I think is really important is if you and your partner are experiencing friction, consider whether there are things going on in your lives—whether it’s a few really big chronic issues, a lot of little constant acute issues, or a mix of both—that could be contributing to this.” (05:10 | Liz Earnshaw)
• “What I’ve noticed with the couples I’m working with is that they're mismanaging the amount of stress they bring into their lives without considering the long-term repercussions. A lot of this stems from saying yes to too many things and putting immense pressure on ourselves to do more, accumulate more, and live a big life.” (20:20 | Liz Earnshaw)
• “One thing I think is really important for people to do is to consider their North Star. What I mean by that is, where are you and your partner heading as a family? Where do you want to be? This has a lot to do with your values. For example, if your North Star is to create a safe and secure family, build a stable financial future, or live an adventurous life, it should reflect what you and your partner value as a family—your combined family values.” (35:19 | Liz Earnshaw)

Links

Connect with Liz Earnshaw:

elizabethearnshaw.com

https://www.instagram.com/lizlistens/

Til Stress Do Us Part book: https://amzn.to/4dSHpPP

I Want this to Work book: https://amzn.to/3X3JXnw

Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman:

https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/

https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/

https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/

https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist

Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter

Register for my virtual workshops here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops

Order my workbooks! http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“A lot of people don’t realize that there’s narcissistic abuse occurring in friendships because we don’t really think of it in that context,” says Dr. Z. When we talk about narcissistic abuse, it’s usually in the context of intimate or family relationships. This week, Dr. Z highlights an often-overlooked reality: it can happen in friendships too, and it can be just as insidious and psychologically damaging.

Dr. Z reveals that just like within intimate relationships, narcissistic friendships also begin with love bombing efforts. These may include excessive attention and adoration, gifts, and constant communication very early in the friendship. This helps to craft the illusion of the perfect friendship. Initially, you may feel as though this person is your twin soul. You can’t fathom how you ever existed without them up till now. However, over time, the love bombing ceases and they begin to engage in manipulative and passive aggressive behaviors. For example, they may undermine your success, not offer support when it’s most needed, or try to one-up you. A narcissistic friend will dominate conversations, often unloading their issues onto you without offering any real support in return.

Another red flag Dr. Z points out is the use of silent treatments. This can leave you feeling confused and anxious, wondering for days what you did wrong. Narcissistic friends will consume your time, drain your energy, and possibly even your finances. It is their goal to isolate you from your existing friends and family so that you become increasingly dependent on the friendship. Dr. Z also touches on how narcissistic friends demand you meet their emotional, physical, or financial needs. And when you don’t comply? Expect guilt trips, gaslighting, silent treatments, and character bashing.

This episode isn’t just about recognizing these abusive patterns; it’s also about finding a way out. Dr. Z shares practical advice on setting small, manageable boundaries and slowly reconnecting with your other relationships and interests.

Escaping a narcissistic friendship is tough, but as Dr. Z reassures, it’s absolutely possible. The key is to focus on your well-being and remember that the narcissistic abuse you endured is never your fault. .

Quotes

• “One of the things that narcissistic friends hate is seeing you succeed. They do not like your success because, for them, it doesn’t involve the narcissist, and they don’t have control over it. Success is a step towards autonomy, which they view as a threat. They see it as competition—something we’ll discuss separately—and a barrier to getting supply.” (06:59 | Dr. Z)
• “Narcissists in friendships will align themselves with people that benefit them in some way.” (22:32 | Dr. Z)
• “Do not waste any breath or energy trying to defend your character when a narcissist is trying to smear it. That’s exactly what they want. The best thing to do is ignore it, not defend it, and let it ride out. The more you engage, the more control you’re giving up and handing over to them.” (34:16 | Dr. Z)
• “Healthy friendships do not involve constantly trying to one-up each other. They don’t involve making the other person feel horrible about themselves, being rude, or not talking to them for no reason. True, healthy friendships are a two-way street. Sometimes one person needs more, and the other needs less, and it goes back and forth. You respect each other, respect each other’s feelings, and you’re there for each other. If you can’t be there for someone, they understand that it’s not malicious.” (39:28 | Dr. Z)

Links:

Get my FREE breathing exercise here http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter

Register for my virtual workshops http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops

Books:

Find Your Calm http://www,drjaimezuckerman.com/books

Find Good Habit http://www,drjaimezuckerman.com/books

Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman:

https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/

https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/

https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/

https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“I thought I met the man of my dreams, and he turned out to be one of the biggest con men in history,” shares Benita Alexander, a highly accomplished journalist and executive producer. In this episode, she joins Dr. Z to recount her harrowing experience with love fraud at the hands of Dr. Paolo Macchiarini. Benita’s story, featured in the Netflix documentary “Bad Surgeon: Love Under the Knife” and the Wondery podcast “Dr. Death,” serves as a chilling reminder that even the most intelligent and successful individuals can fall victim to the manipulative blueprint of narcissists.

Benita met Macchiarini during a vulnerable period in her life. His charm and apparent empathy quickly drew her in, leading to a whirlwind romance. However, as their relationship progressed, red flags began to emerge, which Benita initially dismissed due to Macchiarini’s convincing explanations.

Dr. Z and Benita explore the psychological impact of such a profound betrayal, emphasizing the difficulty of recognizing, and escaping from, a narcissistic abusive relationship. They discuss how factors such as intelligence and success do not necessarily immunize one from becoming vulnerable to this type of abuse. Benita’s courageous decision to go public with her story underscores the need to raise awareness about the dangers of people like Macchiarini, who exploit their victims’ trust for personal gain.

Exploring the complexities of narcissistic abuse, the insidious nature of love bombing, and the resilience required to rebuild one’s life after such a traumatic experience, this episode serves as both a cautionary tale and a source of inspiration for those who may find themselves entangled in similar situations.

Quotes

• “Any narcissist’s worst fear is the collapse—falling from the pedestal, their reputation being destroyed.” (36:35 | Benita Alexander)
• “It takes so much courage for a woman to come forward and expose herself like that. And then, on top of it, to get attacked—it’s the reason people don’t talk about this kind of thing. That’s what’s so concerning to me because if we stay quiet and if women don’t feel comfortable enough to come forward and talk, it’s going to keep happening. These people—narcissists, con artists, sociopaths, whatever you want to call them—count on you being quiet. They count on you being too embarrassed and humiliated to talk. That’s why the lies keep escalating, because they don’t think they’re ever going to get caught.” (58:59 | Benita Alexander)
• “I think it’s also important to realize—very, very important—not to blame yourself. I mean, what was your crime? You fell in love. You wanted to trust the person you fell in love with, and that’s a very normal thing. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were vulnerable. When you’re vulnerable and you fall in love, there’s a reason they say love is blind. But you never expect something this extreme to happen. You never expect someone to be lying to you about literally everything." (01:05:41 | Benita Alexander)

Links

Connect with Benita Alexander:

https://www.benitaalexander.com/

Follow Benita Alexander on Instagram and Tiktok: @benitaalexander_official

Listen to her podcast on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFkA9DcX8W0&t=457s

Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman:

https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/

https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/

https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/

https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“In a narcissistically abusive relationship, sex can become a tool of weaponry, a tool of control,” declares Dr. Kate Balestrieri, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist. In this episode, she joins Dr. Z to unpack the intricate relationship between sex and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

Dr. Balestrieri, founder of Modern Intimacy and host of the “Get Naked with Dr. Kate” podcast, delves into the subtle tactics of sexual coercion and emotional manipulation commonly used by someone with NPD. She discusses how, within these relationships, sex is used as a tool to seek validation, power, and control. The conversation also touches on the function and impact of infidelity and pornography in these relationship dynamics.

Listen to this episode of Next Up: Narcissism to get a deep and insightful look into the role of sex within Narcissistic Personality Disorder, offering valuable strategies for those who are affected by this type of abusive behavior.

Quotes

• “In a narcissistically abusive relationship, sex can become a tool of weaponry, a tool of control. It becomes bait, a way to keep someone suctioned into the relationship. It provides a false sense of security and can be a bomb used to perpetuate the cycle of abuse.” (03:13 | Dr. Kate Balestrieri)
• “When we understand narcissism, we recognize that it’s really about the person, organized in this fashion, trying to prop up a sense of self that they can feel okay about. At its core, narcissism is rooted in shame and self-loathing. Narcissists cope with these feelings by projecting various manufactured images. Sex becomes another tool they use to prop up that image for themselves and the world. It becomes a way for them to gain supply, attention, validation, control, and power.” (05:34 | Dr. Kate Balestrieri)
• “We have to remember that narcissism is a condition of objectification. With a fragmented sense of self, they objectify everyone in their life; everyone serves a purpose to bolster them up. For someone partnered with a narcissist, their partner serves a particular function. One of the key elements of objectification is instrumentality, where the person becomes an object or instrument for serving the narcissist.” (24:36 | Dr. Kate Balestrieri)

Links

Connect with Dr. Kate Balestrieri:

TikTok @drkatebalestrieri https://www.tiktok.com/@drkatebalestrieri?lang=en

IG: https://www.instagram.com/drkatebalestrieri

Website: www.modernintimacy.com

Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman:

https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/

https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/

https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/

https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm