Introducing Now I See: Eye Opening Stories from the Formerly Faithful. Hosted by Amber White, a former Fundamental Baptist, this show features guests sharing their stories of leaving their strict faith systems and rebuilding their lives on their own terms.

Episodes air bi-weekly on Sundays beginning April 9, 2023.
For more information, visit: nowiseepod.com

Welcome to Now I See, friends. In this inaugural episode, I’m doing my least favorite part of this entire podcast journey so far- telling my own story. It’s vulnerable, open, and I talk about things that I’ve kept pretty close to the chest for the last thirteen years.

I’m honored to be joined by guest interviewer (and one of my dearest friends), Jenna Graham, while she takes my spot as host. Together, we delve into my former world of rural Christian fundamentalism, homeschooling, one of the strictest Bible colleges in the country, and my eventual departure from it all.

*Content Warning: This Episode Contains Mention of Sexual Assault*

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Growing up surrounded by the beauty of the natural world, singing songs with family, and not worrying about money might sound idyllic, but is it worth the freedom of choice?

In this episode, I’m joined by Kelda Harrison. Kelda is a mother, business owner, and co-host of the Skin and Blister podcast. She’s also a former faithful who rebuilt her entire life after leaving a strict fundamentalist Christian commune at 19.

Tune in to hear Kelda’s story, how she left, what she’s struggled through, and why it’s all been worth it.

CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains a conversation about domestic violence. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please visit or share the resources linked below.

NOTE: Kelda still has family living on the commune, so we do not mention its name in this episode, and we use very careful language around it. We ask that you not mention any names or titles in the comments for this show or any of the social media channels.

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• CDC Violence Prevention Report
• Psychology Today Article on The Familiarity Principle
• Pisgah Legal Services (WNC Resource)
• Help Mate (WNC Resource)
• Family Justice Center (WNC Resourse)
• National Domestic Violence Hotline
• National Resource Center on Domestic Violence
• Custody Peace Instagram Page 

In many fundamentalist churches, severe discipline for children is just part of everyday life. It’s preached from the pulpit, and fundamentalist child-rearing books are littered with it. But what about those in the church who experience abuse most of us couldn’t even imagine?

In the church that Sam, Debbie, and I grew up in, it turns out that it’s sometimes swept under the rug and the bulk of the shame is placed on the victims to bear. In this episode, we discuss their experiences, how they were handled by the church, and how they’re doing now (hint, it’s pretty damn amazing).

CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains mention of several forms of abuse including sexual abuse of a minor.

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Being the child of a Southern Baptist minister in a tiny Appalachian town doesn’t come without pressure, especially when it’s the church the previous generations of your family built from the ground up. It’s even more complicated if you’re gay and you’ve been taught that it’s a disease you need to hide.

In this episode, David Cornett shares his story of reckoning with this upbringing and his experiences with education as both a student and, now, a teacher. Together, we discuss the power and expansion that education can have in the post-faithfulness journey, the gratitude we have for our respective educations, and how classrooms are being (and have been) affected by the influence of religious extremism.

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Working through the fear instilled in you by a fundamentalist institution is often a lifelong struggle for those who decide to leave. The fear and self-doubt runs deep, and learning to embrace yourself and the world takes time, practice, and a lot of unlearning. But it also makes for some pretty excellent jokes.

In this episode, I’m joined by Celeste Hensley, former Bob Jones University Student, future nurse, and an undiscovered comedian. Together, we talk and laugh heartily about some of the strange, ever-changing rules we’ve encountered and unpack the way we learned to be afraid of the world, ourselves, and God.

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Therapy isn’t usually something you hear about in strict religious circles. Medication is often put down and things like depression, anxiety, and mental illness are attributed to a sin nature or a lackluster trust in God. Many folks who leave these religions have little knowledge of what therapy is and how it can help them understand what they’re going through.

In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Chacy Agnello, founder of Free Bird Psychological Services. Dr. Agnello shares her experience working with patients that come from extremist backgrounds. She also shares a wealth of knowledge and leaves us with advice on how to begin (or continue) the post-faithfulness journey.

• Read Leaving the Fold by Dr. Marlene Winell
• Read The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk
• Read Educated by Tara Westover
• Read Unfollow by Megan Phelps-Roper
• Get on Dr. Agnello’s Waitlist (SC residents & women only)

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The one time in scripture we see Jesus get violently angry, it’s in a church- a church selling goods for profit and treating it like a business. This story is so well known, it got a moment in Andrew Lloyd Weber’s Jesus Christ Superstar. And yet, we still see news story after news story, documentary after documentary, about churches abusing their power and putting profit before people.

In this episode, I’m talking with my dear friend Brandon Lokey who spent decades committed to the Southern Baptist Convention. Together, we have an informative conversation about his experience with church as institution, what brought him to the choice to leave, and how he sees his faith and church now.

• Read a Book that Impacted Brandon on His Journey: Searching for Sunday by Rachel Held Evans
• Read a Book About Women and Church: The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth by Beth Allison Barr
• Read a Book About Homosexuality In (or not in) Scripture: God and the Gay Christian: The Biblical Case in Support of Same-Sex Relationships by Matthew Vines

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