When I was growing up, there was a cult-like therapy called EST (Erhard Seminars Training), which couples and singles could attend. I subsequently learned that it became Landmark Forum. I mention it because when I think of retreats, having never attended one, they always feel mysterious and somewhat secretive. Still, I know plenty of people who regularly go on retreats, and I know now how beneficial it can be to switch off from the world for several days and absorb whatever knowledge is being imparted.

Kanya Ford, my guest on this week’s podcast, hosts a couples retreat called Fools in Love Couples Retreat. Here, couples can take a break from their usual environment and address relationship issues. The retreat includes purposeful activities, community meals, and opportunities for couples to support and learn from each other. Each year, she introduces new elements to keep the sessions fresh and interesting.

The retreat lasts from Thursday or Friday to Sunday afternoon. As she explains during our conversations, emotions can run high during the retreat, with happy tears, sad tears, and frustration. The motivation for attending the retreat varies, from reigniting sexual passion to seeking help before marriage. The retreat is open to a diverse mix of people, and the average age of attendees is between 35 and 45. What particularly fascinated me about her retreat is that she tends to keep them below ten people so each couple is able to spend quality time with Kanya and the other participants, as well as with each other.

In addition to the retreat, Kanya offers one-on-one coaching and group classes called Mind Phucked (I love this!), which focus on utilising the mind to set the body free in relationships. These classes include touch yoga, pleasure mapping, and deep stretch exercises. Kanya emphasises the importance of maintaining intimacy and connection in relationships, especially in the senior years.

00:00 Introduction to the Fools in Love Couples Retreat

01:24 Digging into Relationship Nuances at the Retreat

04:06 Addressing Emotions and Apologies at the Retreat

05:13 Motivations for Attending the Retreat

15:13 Utilising the Mind in Group Classes

You can find Kanya at:

https://loveandintimacy101.com/

https://www.instagram.com/coachkay101

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

In this episode, I have the pleasure of chatting with Denise Renye, who is a sexologist, sex therapist, yoga therapist, and psychedelic therapist. We dive into the fascinating role of psychedelics in the lives of older adults and how they can enhance intimacy and help manage pain. Denise shares her insights on being a psychedelic therapist and how she guides individuals in integrating their experiences into everyday life.

We also discuss the importance of communication in relationships and how psychedelics can open up new avenues for exploring desires, boosting both emotional and physical connections. It’s a heartfelt conversation that underscores the need for greater awareness and access to professionals in the field of sex therapy. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Denise Renye and her multiple titles

03:21 Integration of psychedelic experiences

06:18 Enhancing relationships through psychedelics

12:43 Breaking down boundaries in relationships

19:28 Using sensual activities to enhance intimacy

25:54 The importance of sensate focus technique

32:00 The need for awareness and access to sex therapy professionals

Dr. Denise Renye

Licensed Psychologist* Certified Sexologist * Psychedelic Assisted Therapy and Integration * Certified Yoga Therapist

https://WholePersonIntegration.com

Darlaine Honey is a Sexual Health Advisor working with Berkshire Healthcare and lives in Surrey, South of England. Having been diagnosed with lobular breast cancer, she is also an advocate for Breast Cancer Now on the workflow task force plus Breast Cancer Now / Ann Summers/My ViV collaboration for sex after breast cancer.

During the COVID lockdown, Darlaine and some friends formed the charity Lobular Breast Cancer so that other women could learn more about it.

As is evident from our discussion and from previous discussions I’ve had with those working in the area of sexual health, both in the UK and in the US, there’s not enough being done to support older people to have a healthier and happier sex life.

There’s an assumption that sexual health advisors are there to support younger people. At the same time, the stats reveal that more older people are presenting with STDs than ever before, thanks to escalating divorce rates and the opportunity through dating apps and elsewhere for sexual encounters.

I also learned, towards the end of our conversation, of the impact of drugs used to treat breast cancer on women’s sexual health and was shocked to discover how they may contribute to vaginal atrophy and a significant decline in libido and sensitivity, none of which patients are commonly told when undergoing treatment.

My friend Sam Evans, who runs a sex toy shop called Jo Divine, has spoken via her social media channels about ‘medical misogyny’ and, in talking with Darlaine, it’s clear how much more needs to be done to ensure women receive the information we all deserve to make educated decisions about our overall wellbeing which includes our sexual health.

If you’d like to learn more about Darlaine’s work, you can reach her on LinkedIn.

Show your support for Lobular Breast Cancer here:

https://lobularbreastcancer.org.uk/darlaine-honey/

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. Paid subscribers support my ongoing work to help older people have a healthier, happier sex life and receive an additional subscriber-only post per week.

Gigi Raven Wilbur is an American bisexual rights activist and writer. They have a bachelor's degree in philosophy and a master's degree in social work.

I suspect 50 Shades of Grey has contributed to confusion around what BDSM entails and how it can be used to enhance one’s intimate life. I recall upon reading it and all the publicity that ensued upon its publication that there was outrage from those within the BDSM community that their lifestyle choice should be portrayed so inaccurately. Even my kids who knew I dabbled in this world said at the time, “You should go on TV and tell them it’s not like this!”

The fact is that BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism) has many benefits as Gigi and I discuss during this podcast. It can enhance one’s intimate relationships by enabling conversations that touch on consent, power dynamics, pain and sometimes how this may relate to earlier trauma. It can, without any penetration being involved, transport its participants to altered states of consciousness, sometimes called sub-space. And it can be playful, imaginative and fun. In my experience, people I’ve met in the lifestyle are some of the most open and considerate people I know, for whom consent is paramount and pleasure is key.

Gigi is also deeply involved with the BDSM world. Today, she advocates for the healing, cathartic, and spiritual power of BDSM as founder and Sacred Harlot of Aphrodite’s Temple. This modern-day sex temple provides sex-positive education and a sex-positive sacred play space for adults. Gigi’s book is called The Dominant’s Handbook: an Intimate Guide to BDSM Play. Gigi wrote the essay Walking in Shadows: Third Gender and Spirituality about her intersex identity.

If you’re interested in exploring this further, check out these links:

The BDSM Interest Evaluation - https://www.ravenslairleather.com/free-offers

The Dominant’s Handbook - An Intimate Guide to BDSM -https://www.ravenslairleather.com/ravenslairbooks

Adult Bedtime Stories - https://rss.com/podcasts/adult-bedtime-stories/

A friend suggested that I celebrate Episode 100 of this podcast by reuniting my former co-hosts, Peter Marriott and Zoe Kors. Since Peter and I started recording the podcast in June, much has changed - some of it good and some not-so-good.

For a start, Peter moved to Sheffield, where he had been a lecturer at the University for many years. He is rekindling old friendships, making lots of new ones, and dabbling in the local kink scene.

Zoe, meanwhile, is on the verge of launching a new course, Practical Intimacy for Couples, is writing her memoir (!), and, from the sound of it, has a full roster of clients.

I’m also juggling the increasing demands of hosting this podcast alongside my new role as UK Sales & Marketing Director for Firmtech, singing and co-facilitating Startup School for Seniors.

I hope you enjoy this particular episode. And if you appreciate the work we all have put in, please consider becoming a paid subscriber, which will help contribute to the running costs while helping to enhance and support the sex lives of older people. :)

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

I met Mo in Las Palmas six months ago when she told me about her desire to open a co-working space there. Well, it opened two weeks ago! So, I decided to take the opportunity to talk to her about her dating life while on a six-day trip there.

Although there’s more than a 10-year age gap between us, we share our frustration and the problems that come with trying to find a partner using an app. As someone who has tried various apps over the years, I've become increasingly frustrated with the superficial and ineffective nature of online dating. It seems I’m not alone, as multiple articles have been published recently about their ineffectiveness.

While Mo comes from the ‘Hot or Not’ days, and my history dates back to a very early dating site/erotic magazine called Nerve, we have noticed how swiping reduces people to their physical attributes and tries to ‘gamify’ the whole experience. The matching algorithms feel so shallow as if they're more focused on looks than actual compatibility.

Another major problem is the lack of meaningful communication. It's become so common for people to simply "ghost"—disappear without any explanation. This is incredibly disheartening and makes the whole dating process feel like a draining chore rather than an opportunity to find a genuine connection.

Mo and I agree that in-person interaction is so important in dating. There's an energy and chemistry that can't be captured on a screen.

This episode gets at the heart of our frustrations with modern dating. I hope it encourages listeners to approach finding a partner in a more holistic and authentic way rather than relying solely on these flawed dating apps. The right connection is out there; we just have to be willing to try to find it!

I met Leora Lightwoman by chance at the launch party for Monique Roffey's new book, Passiontide, which I highly recommend as a great summer read. Leora's name had come up over the years within the tantra community, so I was delighted when she booked to come on the show and talk about her work. Softly spoken, Leora exudes calmness, which explains why she is highly sought after by those who want to deepen their intimacy and connection with their partner.

Tantra has had a negative reputation over the years, and I know from speaking to many "tantric practitioners" that its definition can vary greatly from person to person. As someone who has explored this practice and enjoyed techniques I've read about in the classic "The Art of Sexual Ecstasy" by Margot Anand and learned from practitioners such as Jahnet Delight, I was pleased to learn that Leora had studied with Anand, which suggested we would be on the same page discussing tantra.

During our conversation, Leora delves into practical tips for using tantra, easy exercises for beginners, and what couples can expect when they come to her for relationship counselling.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported weekly newsletter. If you believe that maintaining a healthy and happy sex life in later years is important, and you want more people to feel confident about exploring sexual pleasure as they age, consider becoming a subscriber.

Buy Leora’s Book, Tantra: The Path to Blissful Sex, here.

You can find Leora here:

https://diamondlighttantra.com/

https://www.facebook.com/DiamondLightTantra

I love to learn what motivates those working in sex education and as sex therapists/sexologists to choose this career path. For Austin Cresap, who works as a sex educator and sex therapist in Seattle, Washington, it was through numerous conversations with her grandma, now in her eighties.

Since training, she has become her grandma’s go-to person for discussing her intimate life, and Austin has, in turn, focused on the older generation as an aspect of her work.

There’s no cut-off date when it comes to learning about sex and intimacy. However, there is a shortage of information and interest from doctors in how to navigate one’s sex life when older, especially when it comes to people who may live with chronic pain or have a chronic illness. And it’s people such as Austin who can advocate for those who shy away from having uncomfortable conversations with medical professionals.

As Austin and I acknowledge, so many messages exist about what is or isn’t acceptable to do in later life. The more we can smash those taboos, reframe what older life can look like and embrace who we are, warts and all, the more we can continue to enjoy sex in a way that feels good for us.

You can find Austin at her website: www.icameheretotalktherapy.com

Instagram/TikTok: @icameheretotalk

You can find the accessible sex toy Austin recommends here: https://www.pushmobility.com.au/products/luddi-ziggy