Sometimes, your kids can handle frustration or disappointment with ease, and other times the exact same challenge sends them into meltdown mode. This can feel really baffling! Why are they so inconsistent?

Well, part of that difference comes down to their window of stress tolerance.

In this episode, you’ll learn

• What the window of stress tolerance is and how it connects to your child’s Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brains
• Why widening the window matters for learning, relationships, and everyday life
• Practical ways you can help your child (and yourself!) expand the window through connection, playfulness, noticing the good, and self-compassion

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like? {EP 81}
• Scaffolding is a Form of Co-Regulation {EP 82}
• Boundaries with Connection Part 1 of 3 {EP 111}
• Felt Safety (Inside) - Part 1 {Ep 161}

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/windowoftolerance

Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Have you ever smiled while you were seething inside? Or told your child “it’s fine” when it absolutely wasn’t? That mismatch (incongruent affect, we’re gonna talk psychology mumbo jumbo) isn’t just confusing. It’s a cue of danger- to your child’s nervous system AND to yours!

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why kids are biologically wired to trust their caregivers and what happens when their neuroception contradicts the words they hear.
• How “faking calm” backfires, and why matching energy without dysregulation is a more effective way to bring safety.
• How growing your window of tolerance and strengthening your owl brain helps you stay regulated while feeling big, hard feelings.

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/incongruentaffect

Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion

:::

The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors turned TWO! 🥳

So, we’re having a party right here on the podcast.

Parties have gifts, so I’m offering three “gifts” for you- a little help around three behaviors that are still SO BAFFLING!

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why regression (aka “acting like a toddler”) is actually a sign of your child’s nervous system falling down the protection mode pathway, and a few ideas of how to respond
• What’s really happening when your child is inconsistent with their skills (sometimes they can, sometimes they can’t!) and why that doesn’t mean they’re being manipulative.
• How to make sense of your own baffling behavior (like yelling or doing the things you swore you wouldn’t do)...and a couple thoughts on what you should do about it (you won’t be shocked by my recommendations)

We’ll also celebrate the community this book has created and how the ideas in it continue to ripple out through parents, professionals, and kids all over the world.

If you’ve found something helpful in Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors, I’d love for you to join the celebration by sharing your favorite takeaway, leaving a review, or gifting the book to a friend.

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Resources included in the blog summary go here

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/happybirthday

Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion

:::

The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Understanding behavior helps us actually solve the problem, leads to compassion, and actually helps behavior to change, but first we must understand why we are so afraid that understanding behaviors means we are excusing "bad" behaviors.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• The difference between understanding behavior and excusing behavior
• Why understanding behavior is important
• What are our fears about understanding behavior
• What leads to behavior change
• The importance of compassionate boundaries

Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion

:::

The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Parents aren’t the only ones providing co-regulation — we need it too. In fact, connection is a biological imperative for every nervous system, including yours. When you’re raising kids with big, baffling behaviors, the imbalance in reciprocity can be exhausting, isolating, and even grief-inducing. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to do this alone, and there are real, meaningful ways to find the connection your nervous system longs for.

In this episode you’ll learn:

• Why co-regulation isn’t just for kids — it’s essential for parents too
• How predictability and cues of safety help you know where to find connection
• Why imbalance and grief in parenting make sense — and what to do with them
• How communities (even online ones!) can be powerful sources of connection and safety

Resources Mentioned on the Podcast:

• When Connection Isn’t Safe- Oppositional Series Part 3 {EP 158}
• When Connection Isn’t Safe- Oppositional Series Part 4 {EP 159}

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/biologicalimperative

Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion

:::

The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Your child’s behavior isn’t telling you the whole story. Their behavior is telling you just the story their nervous system is writing in that moment.

This week, let’s continue my deep dive into my conversation with Deb Dana (episode 233), exploring how polyvagal theory offers us the hope of rewriting the nervous system story.

We’re going to talk about the power of believing our children when they tell us the story of their nervous system and steps we can take to help them rewrite that story (if needed).

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why “story follows state” and how this helps us understand our children’s accusations, defensiveness, or “overreactions.”
• How to resist getting swept into your child’s dysregulation tornado, so you can hold onto compassion (for them and yourself).
• Practical ways to reframe behavior- like lying, defiance, and opposition- as nervous system responses instead of “badness,” and how that shift helps to rewrite their story…and why that matters.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/rewriting

Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems often means that parents and caregivers are living in a state of chronic chaos and danger. Even if the behaviors aren’t ‘that bad,’ it’s dysregulating to live with someone in chronic protection mode.

In this episode, I take a closer look at how polyvagal theory helps us understand the nervous system’s longing for safety—even when life feels overwhelming—and how parents can increase cues of safety even in the midst of ongoing stress.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why neuroception continuously scans for cues of safety and danger, and how that shapes whether we live in connection or protection mode.
• How to use the “inside, outside, between” framework to notice and intentionally increase cues of safety in daily life.
• The hopeful truth that cues of safety from relationships, pets, and nature can eventually be internalized—giving us safety that lives within us, always.

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Felt Safety (Inside) {EP 161}
• Felt Safety (Outside) {EP 162}
• Felt Safety (Between) {EP 163}

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/chronicprotectionmode

Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

What if dysregulation isn’t the problem?

I know I know- that’s really hard to wrap our brain around! At least, it was for me.

In this episode, I continue the conversation from last week’s interview with Deb Dana and take a deeper dive into one of her most powerful insights: that dysregulation is simply part of being human—and it’s the absence of repair that becomes the real challenge.

But I think for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors, we need to pause and explore that a little more. Because- in your home- dysregulation is a real problem!!!

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why dysregulation is a natural part of being human, and how polyvagal theory reframes it with compassion and hope
• The difference between dysregulation itself and the behaviors that can emerge from it
• How offering repair—even when it isn’t received—can create powerful shifts in your child’s nervous system and in your own

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Polyvagal Theory as a Path to Hope: Regulation, Repair, and Connection with guest Deb Dana {EP 233}
• The Club – my online parent community with resources, events, and connections!!!!
• The Attachment Series - eBook
• Free Resource Library

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/polyvagalhope

Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)