Parents aren’t the only ones providing co-regulation — we need it too. In fact, connection is a biological imperative for every nervous system, including yours. When you’re raising kids with big, baffling behaviors, the imbalance in reciprocity can be exhausting, isolating, and even grief-inducing. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to do this alone, and there are real, meaningful ways to find the connection your nervous system longs for.

In this episode you’ll learn:

• Why co-regulation isn’t just for kids — it’s essential for parents too
• How predictability and cues of safety help you know where to find connection
• Why imbalance and grief in parenting make sense — and what to do with them
• How communities (even online ones!) can be powerful sources of connection and safety

Resources Mentioned on the Podcast:

• When Connection Isn’t Safe- Oppositional Series Part 3 {EP 158}
• When Connection Isn’t Safe- Oppositional Series Part 4 {EP 159}

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/biologicalimperative

The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain!

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion

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Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Your child’s behavior isn’t telling you the whole story. Their behavior is telling you just the story their nervous system is writing in that moment.

This week, let’s continue my deep dive into my conversation with Deb Dana (episode 233), exploring how polyvagal theory offers us the hope of rewriting the nervous system story.

We’re going to talk about the power of believing our children when they tell us the story of their nervous system and steps we can take to help them rewrite that story (if needed).

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why “story follows state” and how this helps us understand our children’s accusations, defensiveness, or “overreactions.”
• How to resist getting swept into your child’s dysregulation tornado, so you can hold onto compassion (for them and yourself).
• Practical ways to reframe behavior- like lying, defiance, and opposition- as nervous system responses instead of “badness,” and how that shift helps to rewrite their story…and why that matters.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/rewriting

The Club is welcoming new members now until Friday!

Head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub for details and to join us!

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:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems often means that parents and caregivers are living in a state of chronic chaos and danger. Even if the behaviors aren’t ‘that bad,’ it’s dysregulating to live with someone in chronic protection mode.

In this episode, I take a closer look at how polyvagal theory helps us understand the nervous system’s longing for safety—even when life feels overwhelming—and how parents can increase cues of safety even in the midst of ongoing stress.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why neuroception continuously scans for cues of safety and danger, and how that shapes whether we live in connection or protection mode.
• How to use the “inside, outside, between” framework to notice and intentionally increase cues of safety in daily life.
• The hopeful truth that cues of safety from relationships, pets, and nature can eventually be internalized—giving us safety that lives within us, always.

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Felt Safety (Inside) {EP 161}
• Felt Safety (Outside) {EP 162}
• Felt Safety (Between) {EP 163}

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/chronicprotectionmode

The Club is welcoming new members now until Friday!

Head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub for details and to join us!

:::

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

What if dysregulation isn’t the problem?

I know I know- that’s really hard to wrap our brain around! At least, it was for me.

In this episode, I continue the conversation from last week’s interview with Deb Dana and take a deeper dive into one of her most powerful insights: that dysregulation is simply part of being human—and it’s the absence of repair that becomes the real challenge.

But I think for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors, we need to pause and explore that a little more. Because- in your home- dysregulation is a real problem!!!

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why dysregulation is a natural part of being human, and how polyvagal theory reframes it with compassion and hope
• The difference between dysregulation itself and the behaviors that can emerge from it
• How offering repair—even when it isn’t received—can create powerful shifts in your child’s nervous system and in your own

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Polyvagal Theory as a Path to Hope: Regulation, Repair, and Connection with guest Deb Dana {EP 233}
• The Club – my online parent community with resources, events, and connections!!!!
• The Attachment Series - eBook
• Free Resource Library

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/polyvagalhope

The Club is welcoming new members now until Friday!

Head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub for details and to join us!

:::

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Polyvagal theory isn’t just a theory- it’s a way of living that can transform how we show up for our kids, ourselves, and everyone around us. I’m SOOOO excited to introduce you to Deb Dana! Together, we explore how understanding our nervous systems brings hope, deepens connection, and makes repair possible even in the messiest moments.

In this episode you’ll learn:

• Why polyvagal theory is truly a theory of hope and how it can reframe your parenting challenges.
• How to increase cues of safety and decrease cues of danger—for you and your child.
• The essential role of repair in building connection, even when your child can’t (or won’t) receive it right away.

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• https://www.rhythmofregulation.com/

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/DebDana

The Club is welcoming new members now until Friday!

Head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub for details and to join us!

:::

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

When kids swear, it often feels jarring, disrespectful, or even threatening. But swearing isn’t about defiance or being a bad kid- it’s a clue about the state of your child’s nervous system. Swearing might mean your child is overwhelmed, dysregulated, or struggling to find their real voice.

Of course, understanding the behavior isn’t excusing the behavior. BUT! When we understand where the behavior is coming from, we get much better and more effective ideas about how to address it.

In this episode, we explore what’s really going on beneath the swearing, why it might be possible to consider that swearing isn’t inherently bad, and how parents can respond in ways that build regulation, connection, and felt safety.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why your own reaction to swearing is the first thing to explore, and how to regulate through it
• What swearing might really be communicating, including pain, overwhelm, or a need for control
• How to scaffold emotional expression so your child learns to use their real voice instead of cussing
  
  
  

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• • Regulated Does Not Equal Calm {EP 31}
  • Boundaries with Connection Part 1 of 3 {EP 111}
  • Boundaries With Verbal Aggression with Juliane Taylor Shore {EP 115}
  • How I've Strengthened my Psychological Boundaries {EP 117}
  • Match The Energy, NOT the Dysregulation {EP 155}

Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/swearing

The Club is welcoming new members now until Friday!

Head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub for details and to join us!

:::

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

I’m so excited to introduce you to someone who has deeply influenced my work- Deb Wesselmann! Deb is a pioneer in integrating EMDR therapy with family therapy for children with early attachment trauma. In this episode, we chat about how Deb (and her colleagues) developed her attachment-focused EMDR model, why slow bilateral stimulation is so effective for complex trauma, and what it really means to create a secure holding environment for both kids and their parents. We also talk about the importance of therapists and other helpers doing their own work in therapy.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why Deb’s model of attachment-focused EMDR has transformed how we support children with early trauma
• The importance of helping both parents and children process trauma for lasting healing
• How bilateral stimulation, safety, and co-regulation come together in this powerful family therapy mode

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Learn more about Deb Wesselmann and her work: https://debrawesselmann.com/
• Register for Deb's upcoming online training in Attachment-Focused EMDR: https://debrawesselmann.com/#emdr-therapy
• Stay tuned for Deb and Christine Mark-Griffin’s upcoming EMDR workbook for kids, releasing in 2026!
• Learn more about EMDR Therapy: https://www.emdria.org

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/emdrfamilytherapy

The Club is welcoming new members now until Friday!

Head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub for details and to join us!

:::

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) isn’t about being overly sensitive. It’s about a nervous system that experiences rejection as danger. In this episode, I explore RSD through the lens of relational neuroscience, attachment, memory, and regulation. Whether you see this in yourself or your child, this episode will help you understand why rejection feels so big, and what actually helps.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why RSD reactions are so intense and how they’re rooted in memory and nervous system states
• How attachment experiences shape our sensitivity to rejection
• What actually helps when RSD shows up (for you or your child), including co-regulation and self-compassion

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Trauma, Memory, & Behavior: Part 1 {EP 90}
• The Neurobiology of Toxic Shame {EP 119}
• 1% Better Is Enough. {EP 166}
• All Behavior Makes Sense {EP 198}

Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/rejectivesensitivity

The Club is welcoming new members now until Friday!

Head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub for details and to join us!

:::

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)