#137. Can losing a friend be overlooked in our culture? What happens when the friend who knew you best is gone? And why are there so few resources to help with this kind of grief?

This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to explore grief, asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.

Loss #65 of 101: Loss of a friend

In this episode, we meet Hannah Rumsey from Chicago. She's the founder of Friends Missing Friends, a community she created for people navigating the loss of a friend. And Hannah’s work grew out of her own story, when in 2015 her best friend Lauren died suddenly.

Hannah shares about the deep bond she and Lauren had, Lauren’s incredible zest for life, and the devastating way she first learned of her death - while posting a birthday message on Facebook.

Together, we explored the unique challenges of grieving a friend, and why this grief can feel invisible or minimised, how few resources exist for friend-loss grief, despite how common it is, and the surprising ways healing, and hope, can unfold over time.

This is a heartfelt and open conversation about a form of grief that isn’t often acknowledged, yet touches so many lives.

And for listeners who enjoyed my behind-the-scenes episode on how to make a podcast - there's a little bonus in this episode - some unedited audio that shows just how in sync Chris and I are with our questioning. 👌

For more about Hannah, Friends Missing Friends, and her podcast:
https://www.friendsmissingfriends.com
https://www.instagram.com/friendsmissingfriends
https://www.facebook.com/friendsmissingfriends
http://friendsmissingfriends.com/griefgroup

Podcast: https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/friendsmissingfriends

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How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.

#136. (We'll... we've actually done 226 episodes in total. You'll hear me talk about the annoying decision around episode numbering in this 226th episode!)

This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.

This episode is a little different. No blog, no interview, no Chris, and no focus on loss. It’s just you and me, pulling back the curtain for a behind-the-scenes peek at how I create this podcast.

I often get asked:
- What does it really take to produce an episode?
- Can podcasting make money?
- How do you find guests?

Today, I’m answering those questions (and more) while walking you through my own process of hosting, producing, and publishing a show.

Plus, if you’ve ever thought about starting your own podcast, this episode will give you a real sense of the time, effort, and resources involved. As well as some lessons I’ve learned along the way.

A huge thank you to everyone who supports this podcast and helps keep it going.

Special gratitude goes to our “I Love The Silent Why” members and above, on Buy Me a Coffee, who not only get a shout-out on the website but deserve a mention here too: Evelyn Calaunan, Peter Ellis, Jackie Waring, Diane Fopp, Greg Williams, and Emily Luckham. You’re amazing, and I’m so grateful for you.

Thanks also to those who support through one-offs or other levels on Buy Me a Coffee, and of course to everyone who tunes in each week. I truly couldn’t do this without you.

To learn more about the show, about Chris and me, our childless journey through loss, Herman, and everything else, visit: www.thesilentwhy.com

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What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com

Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy

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How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.

#135. How do we accept, and live with, a life we never really wanted?

Welcome to another My Why Blog episode - where I share the audio version of my latest blog post. But in this case, it’s actually a re-release of the most popular blog episode I’ve ever put out (to my surprise!).

If you’ve been listening a while, you’ll know I usually pause podcasting in August to focus on writing and other projects. But this August is a little different, and I explain why in the intro.

If you’d rather read the blog, you’ll find it here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/acceptingalifeidontwant (with the video and song links included).

This post grew out of a rather heavy Easter weekend, when I found myself asking questions like:
What if life never turns out the way we hoped?
If acceptance feels impossible, how do we ever begin to heal and move forward?

I suspect more people than we realise are quietly wrestling with these same questions. Grieving the life you imagined, and learning to accept the one you have, is not easy. And while I don’t claim to have figured it out yet, I’m convinced it’s a vital step if we want to keep moving forward.

You can explore more blogs to read, or listen to, here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/blog

A few examples:

What happens if I let go?:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/whathappensifiletgo

Disappointed with life:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/disappointment-with-life

You're not the only one:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/yourenottheonlyone

Navigating Mother's Day when you're childless:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7a23238b/navigating-mothers-day-when-youre-childless

Lost Inside, where am I? (my experience with PMDD):
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/lostinside

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How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.

#134. Let's chat... about finding hope after feeling hopeless as a young widow.

Welcome to another Let’s Chat episode, where instead of continuing our 101 Types of Loss list, I (Claire Sandys) sit down with guests who have expertise and personal insight into different aspects of loss.

In this episode, I have the pleasure of talking with Rachel Powell from Colorado. She’s a life coach, speaker, author, and founder of Hope Speaker, where she supports widows in moving from a place of hopelessness and loneliness to one of healing, and confident steps forward.

Rachel lost her husband, Andre, to suicide in June 2019, and she was left raising four children: their two-year-old daughter and three of her biological nieces and nephew.

In this conversation, Rachel shares how hard this journey was for her and the darkness that led her to attempt to take her own life.

But as a person who's passionate about hope, we also talk about how she found hope again, what part her Christian faith has played in her healing, and why she now speaks so passionately about her experience.

Rachel’s faith has been a big part of her healing, and while we don’t often delve into religion on this podcast, it’s important to see the different ways people find hope through grief. This episode is a powerful reminder that faith in God doesn’t guarantee an easier path.

Rachel offers wisdom and encouragement for all of us — whether you’ve experienced partner loss or are simply wondering what that journey might look like.

For more about Rachel, and the resources we mention, visit:

www.hopespeaker.com
Faceboook: https://www.facebook.com/HopeSpeakerRachelPowell
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hope_speaker/
Free Resources: www.hopespeaker.com/library

If you are interested in working 1:1 with Rachel for widow support, learn more at www.hopespeaker.com/coaching

To contact Rachel: Connect@hopespeaker.com

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What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com

Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy

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How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.

#133. “Grief isn’t sad – because it reminds you to make the most of today.” Curious about how Richard has reached this conclusion after losing his wife? Hit play and find out.

This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to explore grief, asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.

Loss #64 of 101: Loss of a wife

In this episode, we meet Richard Smith, whose wife Heather died of breast cancer in 2014, leaving him as a solo parent to their three children, aged 15, 14, and 11.

Recorded on the exact anniversary of Heather’s death, Richard opens up about the past 11 years of navigating his grief as a widower, the evolving nature of loss, and how he keeps Heather's presence alive in a way that continues to shape his life today.

In this conversation, we explored the emotional journey of losing a partner (while raising grieving children), how grief has changed for Richard over the last decade, the difference between sadness and grief, and why Richard sees grief as a meaningful part of life.

This episode is a profound reflection on love, loss, and resilience, offering comfort and perspective to any of us facing grief.

More on Richard:

His blog about telling his children their mum is dying: https://www.sueryder.org/blog/richards-story-telling-our-children-their-mum-was-dying/

The Pensions Dashboard: https://www.dashboardideas.co.uk/about/

Richard's straight line walk across the UK in 2019: http://www.52inbritain.co.uk/

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What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com

Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy

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How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

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#132. Life is hectic. Sometimes we simply need to stop for a moment. And that’s what this short episode is all about.

Oh, and the beautiful sounds of the Mediterranean Sea that I recorded when we were in Cyprus.

Welcome to The Silent Why podcast, here to help you navigate loss and grief, and possibly... find hope.

These very short, episodes will pop up every now and then to help you take a moment to check in and see how you're really feeling.

Less than 7 minutes total, including 2 minutes of time for you and you alone - join me (Claire Sandys, podcast host) in an imaginary place and allow yourself to press pause on life for a short while.

And for this episode, I'm asking you to sit on the beach with me in Cyprus, in front of the Mediterranean Sea, as the water laps at our feet, and just take a moment to pause.

Send us a text

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What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com

Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy

Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter

How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.

#131. Let's chat... about where the love goes when someone dies. Can you still be 'in love' if it's not reciprocated? Does it eventually fade? Or die?

Welcome to another Let’s Chat episode, where instead of continuing our 101 Types of Loss list, I (Claire Sandys) sit down with guests who have expertise and personal insight into different aspects of loss.

In this episode, I have the pleasure of talking with David Kelly from Hertfordshire, who works as a Community Engagement Coordinator at Rennie Grove Peace Hospice Care.

David reached out after a previous conversation Chris & I had on the podcast about love and grief. We’d asked: Where does the love go when someone dies? David offered such a thoughtful response on an Instagram message that I invited him on the podcast to explore it further.

David shares from both personal experience - having lost his wife, Beverly, to cancer - and his deep understanding of grief models. Together, we unpack questions around love after loss: Does it stay the same? Can it fade? What does it mean to continue loving someone who’s gone? How does it work when we find new love? Can you love two people with all your heart?

This is a thoughtful, moving conversation about grief, love, and how we try to make sense of both.

Links from David for more information on what he shared:

Dual Process Model: https://whatsyourgrief.com/dual-process-model-of-grief/
Tonkin’s ‘Grow Around Grief’ Model: https://whatsyourgrief.com/growing-around-grief/
Continuing Bonds Theory: https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-concept-care-continuing-bonds/
Grieving Beyond Gender: Understanding diverse grieving styles by Kenneth Doka & Terry Martin - https://amzn.eu/d/et82Zgh
Grief and gender: https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-and-gender-a-preamble/

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What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com

Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy

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How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.

#130. Not all losses are bereavements. Sometimes they follow a diagnosis and impact someone for the rest of their life, like with our guest in this episode.

This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to explore grief, asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.

Loss #63 of 101: Loss through chronic illness - Lupus

In this episode, we meet Olivia Abousaid - a grief coach based in Los Angeles who lives with the autoimmune disease Lupus. Olivia shares the lesser-seen grief that comes with chronic illness - losses that don’t always get named or acknowledged.

We explore the impact of Lupus on daily life and identity, the challenging task of letting go of independence and learning to ask for help, navigating invisible grief as both a coach and a patient, the mental weight of “shoulds” and societal expectations, and finding agency and hope amidst physical limitations.

From missing out on sunny afternoons with friends to facing the fatigue that alters routines and dreams, Olivia’s story speaks to anyone who has experienced loss through ill health, medical diagnosis, or an unexpected change in life’s trajectory.

This is a powerful conversation about learning to grieve what’s gone, while choosing to hope in what remains.

To find out more about Olivia, visit: www.pact-coaching.com

www.instagram.com/pact_coaching

https://linktr.ee/pactcoaching

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thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com

Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy

Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter

How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods

Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.