Secondary gain is the reason you keep pulling back every time things start working. Not because you're lazy. Not because you don't want it. But because your subconscious is getting something from keeping you exactly where you are.

In today's episode, I'm walking you through the exact process I use with my 1:1 clients to find what causes self-sabotaging behaviours, the NLP techniques I use to uncover subconscious patterns running underneath, and the four prompts that will help you figure out what your secondary gain actually is.

I'm also sharing a personal story from when I was a kid doing song and dance competitions that I only recently connected to why I pull back from visibility in my business.

If you've ever asked yourself, "why do I self-sabotage when things are going well," this episode is going to hit differently. Grab a pen. You're going to need it!

1. What is secondary gain?
2. Why do you self-sabotage when things are going well even when you've done so much work on yourself?
3. The subconscious patterns I recently discovered underneath my visibility behaviour.
4. How to find the exact moment your secondary gain kicks in using NLP techniques.
5. What causes self-sabotaging behaviours after a wave of momentum?
6. The four-step process to uncover your self-sabotage patterns, secondary gain behind them, name it and start to shift it.

1. Find the pattern

1. What is the exact moment it happens for you?
2. What was going right before you pulled back?

Find all the journal prompts at https://rebeccahaydon.com/podcast/your-self-sabotage-has-a-payoff-that-you-dont-know-about-heres-how-to-find-your-secondary-gain

1. Apply to work with me
2. The Subconscious Membership
3. Come say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTube

1. 199. What Are You Gaining from Staying Where You Are?
2. 132. Harnessing the Reticular Activating System to Turn Dreams into Reality
3. 117. Moving Out of Victim Mentality

Every single boundary in business I ever broke, I could justify. I told myself I was being responsive, being committed, being a good coach... But underneath all of that? I was terrified. Terrified that if I wasn't always available, people would leave. That if I said no, I wasn't valuable. And those people pleasing tendencies didn't start in my business. They started way before that, in a subconscious programme I picked up before I was seven years old.

In today's episode, I'm walking you through my own boundary journey, from answering client messages at ridiculous hours to scaling a business by 70% the year I had my daughter Ivy, all in roughly 24 work hours a week. I'm sharing with you why your subconscious is literally wired to trample your own boundaries, why you keep saying one thing and doing the opposite, and the five types of boundaries with clients and in your life that actually allow you to hold more without burning out.

If you keep stretching and stretching and wondering why something always breaks, this episode is for you! Ready to learn how to set healthy boundaries? Tune in now!

1. Why your people-pleasing tendencies are the real reason your business boundaries keep crumbling
2. What your brain has to do with why you can't hold boundaries in business (and no, it didn't start with your last client)
3. How I went from answering messages at ridiculous times to scaling a business by 70% on less than 24 hours a week
4. Why every boundary in business you break is actually teaching your subconscious that you can't be trusted
5. The five types of boundaries you need if you want to scale without your sanity jumping out the window
6. How to reprogramme your subconscious mind what business boundaries mean to you so holding them stops feeling terrifying
7. Why your clients will actually respect you more when you learn how to set healthy boundaries, not less
8. The one small thing I want you to do today if you're ready to set boundaries for yourself and actually hold them this time

1. Apply to work with me
2. The Subconscious Membership
3. The Subconscious Institute
4. Come say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTube

1. 188. How I’m Using Hypnotherapy to Build a 7-Figure Business
2. 119. Setting Boundaries vs Holding Boundaries

You worked all day. You're knackered. And yet when you look at what actually moved the needle in your business… nothing. Welcome to productive procrastination! The sneakiest self-sabotaging cycle I see amongst women business owners. You've had results. You know the strategy. So why do you procrastinate on the exact things that would grow your business?

In today's episode, I'm walking you through the five signs that you're stuck in productive procrastination, why your subconscious is choosing "busy" over revenue generating activities, and what's really underneath the surface (say hello to fear of visibility and expansion).

But guess what? You don't need another plan, another system overhaul, or more clarity. You need to understand why your subconscious won't let you do the thing you already know works. And once you see it, you can't unsee it. I'm also sharing exactly how to start breaking these patterns and building real momentum in business this week, not next quarter. Ready? Let’s break the patterns!

1. Why does productive procrastination feel like you're winning when you're actually standing still?
2. The 5 signs you're stuck in productive procrastination (and how to spot this self-sabotaging cycle before it costs you another quarter).
3. You had a great month, so why are you suddenly pulling away from revenue-generating activities?
4. "I just need to get organised first," that's how your fear of being seen is quietly running the entire show.
5. You already know the strategy, so why do you still procrastinate? (Hint: it's not a discipline problem, it's a subconscious pattern).
6. The one question to ask yourself the moment you catch the productive procrastination pattern in action.

1. Apply to work with me
2. The Subconscious Membership
3. Come say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTube

1. 255. Why You Can't Get Clear On Your Next Business Move (And How To Finally Decide)
2. 245. Why You Procrastinate (And What Your Subconscious is Really Protecting You From)