This week, we cast our stones at 2001’s The Glass House, a movie about a family with the last name Glass, who literally live inside of a glass house. SYMBOLISM!!! WOW! In this psychological mystery thriller, there is no mystery and there are no thrills. The only thrill I got was when I unsuccessfully attempted to drown myself after watching it. What a turd of a movie.

GLASS HOUSE! WHITE FERRARI! LIVE FOR NEW YEAR'S EVE!!!

Surviving siblings sequestered by sinister surrogate stewards, stripped of any semblance of safety, swimming sexily, stalling stolen sports cars, sleuthing in shadows, and slaying in the sunlight. The obvious Skarsgard semen switcheroo! LeeLee sausage fest? “So mom and dad are dead, that sucks!” Mr. Big from Fucky in New York wants to bang Helen Hunt’s Clone! Ruby’s scary mommy dream! Color coordinated Apple laptop outfit! Swiss chard shoulder belts! Foster daughter mattress overdose! Equestrian overlap, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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This week, Chris and Rob engorge themselves with rage as they unpack 2003’s Hulk. That’s right, long before the MCU, we had to watch this pile of MC-Poo. Iron Man was only a glimmer in Jon Favreau’s eye, and he hadn’t yet mustered the courage to bust a nut on Kathleen Kennedy’s impatiently throbbing bosom, Edward Norton was working on The Italian Job or something, and the world hadn’t totally gone to shit yet. But after watching this punisher, we can’t say that things were better back then either; we’re just looking at the past through rose colored glasses as we march endlessly forward into oblivion.

Anyhow… here we go…

Eric Bana’s Bruce Banner bludgeons and bumbles bureaucrats and bomb brigadiers by bellowing through battles, beating off to Betty, and blasting bombs with his bare hands! Slurry and Sherri! The Hulk is made of starfish? Frogs on overdrive! Touching the emotional West Wing! Betty the malignant bitch! Glen, the military-adjacent snooping pussy! Running tests on the Bruce Juice ™! Bruce’s goose gets cooked! Bong-smoking nanomeds! Enter Commander Daddy and Papa Nolte! They made some choices! Unsanctioned pitbull and pomeranian pummeling! Rocky Mountain Surface Hulk?! Dick math incentive semantics! Hog-hiding Hulk shorts! Nightmare lab-tech trigger tanks, and much, much more on this week’s Episode of The Worst Movie Ever made!

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This week we get into 2007’s Bee Movie, because it’s time to bee like that. Get it? Bee? Hahahahahahahah! Good one! Well, we guess seeing is BEE-lieving! This is basically the whole episode. Bee puns. It’s really bad, but our show is really good. If you’re already here, you know this though.

Jerry jams his jowls jauntily and jovially while ginning up jokes and japes! A woman boning a bee! Intimidating stingers on the pollen jocks! Barry Seinfeld! Crumb Guy and Finger on the Helmet Dude! Barry decides to bail! Over-Bee-Actions! Do they brush their hair with honeycombs? John Goodman’s big, juicy piece, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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This week we get into Jiu Jitsu, a Nicolas Cage movie about what would happen if a movie studio spent $25 million on what they thought was a captivating cross between Predator and Power Rangers, with just a sprinkle of Mortal Kombat, all combined to rake in less than $100k at the box office. Stunt choreography is pretty cool though.

Let’s fuckin’ gooooo!

Amnesiac army agent allows for asteroid aura to assemble an array of arrogant alien assassins after an atomic accident aims to annihilate all allies! Storm Trooper Shurkiens! Getting stitched by two Japans! Going to battle with a sleep needle! Swedish wheat semantics! What kinda tagonists we talkin ‘bout? Brax’s attacks lack honor! Poet warrior space man! Missed opportunity for invisible jungle bubble! Jam him in the heal hole! Big booty Brax blade attacks Cage’s ass, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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This week, we’re doing a little redux in the form of 1987’s Over The Top. The reason we’re doing this episode a second time is because it’s a double elimination. That’s right, you have to do it twice for it to count. Stallone’s got the balls, and his son’s got a big ass pussy that needs to be whipped into shape if he’s ever going to grow up to be a proper man. How do you become a proper man, you ask? Steak. Trucks. Arm Wrastlin’. And defeating Smasher.

Let’s get into it, shall we?

arrogant archetype in arrears adventures with anchor actually arriving at armlock action arena attaining actual achievement! Hawk hustling Smasher! Wake up and workout routines! The 80iest song that could be! Michael is a total Redditor! Pinewater soap transportation! Mike blows Pinball Punk away! Hawk grew up in the diner scene! Grandpa’s goons kidnapping on his behalf! Low-valence VIN investigations! Shittin’ business, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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This week, we bring in the new year with 1993’s Champagne and Bullets. A movie that shows its namesake with the sheer amount of champagne and bullets it presents to you, the viewer. This is classic Worst Movie Ever Made territory… think The Room, Miami Connection, Samurai Cop, Birdemic, and Neil Breen. It’s not “so bad it’s good,” it’s “so awful it’s amazing.” Seriously, Champagne and Bullets is such a punisher that we had to take a week off to regroup before talking about it.

So let’s shimmy slide into this, shall we?

Rick's rightful retribution against rival responder for restitution and reckoning while ridiculous risquee romance and repugnant rape ruckus results in a rubbish resolution! Deep Throated Douche Bag Detectives! Cowboy cops caterwauling with Cindy! Improper porch swing semantics! Some statements need to be hooded? Tits on the rocks! Mr. Fringe Fuck Benefit has no class, and my buddy can speak Hamlet!!! Polyester puppets! Huckleberry philosophy, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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This week, we get into Home Sweet Home Alone… SIXTH HOME ALONE MOVIE!!! Yes, there’s six of them. This one stars Fat Harry Potter, and a bunch of reliably adequate comedians who make sucking on a tailpipe seem like the best way to celebrate Christmas becuase they're working with the worst screenplay ever penned to paper.

This one’s a punisher, so buckle up…

McAllister mayhem? Mauling marv? Macauley's micro machines? More like marmalade muffin munching moppet majorly misfires with mismanaged mansion mischief! Fuck the British! Unimaginative reimagining! Frankenstein’s Monster’s Vagina? Pete Holmes! Bandits getting billiard bashed! V-R-U-Serious?! Yellow-bulb Bob over here, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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This week we get into the holiday spirit by watching Santa With Muscles. It’s about Santa. With Muscles! Anything outside of that, we’re not so sure. This is our third movie on the pod to feature Hulk Hogan, but the first one that doesn't show him ripping a car door straight off its hinges.

Maybe the car doors were the friends we made along the way …

Hardly a Hollywood holiday hit has Hulk Hogan hurling hoodlums, heaving haymakers at henchmen, and having half the har-hars as the Holocaust! Orphan impropriety! Children cheering for virtuous violence! Clause Cunnilingus! Bob knows a crystal expert! Strokin’ during cave time! Mad scientist mafia! Ragtag researchers ransacking! Hogan hops in a hummer with his holiday horde! Deputy bazookas? Angels laughing at the damned! Exploding rose hands, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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