Imagine this scenario: A new Neil Breen joint drops, and you beg your mom to take you, and she tells you, “We have Neil Breen at home,” before firing up A Talking Cat?! on streaming. That’s exactly what this movie is. But for some reason it’s not without charm; come for the talking cat, but maybe stick around for a while, throw your feet up on the ottoman while you’re working on coding, and wolf down a couple trays full of cheese puffs. We’re not saying that A Talking Cat?! Is a good movie. In fact, it’s QUITE THE OPPOSITE (Chris). However! We’re all glad that we exist at the same time as this pile of trash because it proves the point that if you’re willing to throw resources at a project, no matter how stupid, nobody’s going to stop you.

Let’s get into it, shall we?

A close to catatonic cat continuously yet cautiously converses, communicates, and confers with cringy characters who collide concurrently causing catastrophe, then confusion then a crappy conclusion! Home-kitchen caterer can’t cater without kid labor! Ignoring your offspring’s alarming audio hallucinations! Psycho susan’s raw-dog removal and hotel pan handoff! Programmer’s pile of pilfered puffs! Susan’s Pantry Country Catering? Ass worship and dirt-pipe milkshakes! Rob’s on-air meltdown over technical issues that totally weren’t his fault, problematic post-production predictions, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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Boy, oh boy… this week, we get into Timecut, A.K.A. Rob’s “Rosebud.” This sci-fi slasher is a turd of the highest order, rife with time-travel inspired junk science, the worst kind of nostalgia baiting, and frequent trips to Olive Garden to let audiences know that Olive Garden is, in fact, a real restaurant that you can help shareholders earn money with if you get the chicken alfredo and cheesecake with extra strawberries. They must have eaten at Olive Garden, like, seven times!

But wait, there’s more!

Trade-in teenager time travels to a tiny town’s traumatic timeline of teen termination to tamper with today, trying to tweak timetables to turn around tomorrow! Trouser hams! Leaving out local law enforcement! Millennium Member Berry nostalgia mining! Fucking over future father by disappearing his other daughter! Butter Fingering time boxes! Too many Quinns! Prime sluts! Cavalier clutch fucking, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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Hold up… it’s still bad movie week isn’t it? Then why in the name of John Woo’s BUTTHOLE are we buring 90 minutes of sweet, sweet podcast runtime talking about Face/Off? 93% on Rotten Tomatoes, Chris. What the hell?!

There's a lot to talk about because this movie is an insane time capsule that perfectly articulates the height of ‘90s action movie excess. It’s illogical, but who cares? It’s overacted in a way that’s both operatic and absurd, but, also, who cares?

Face/Off fucking rules, and I’m willing to die on this hill. I think Chris is too. Bob only sent us a complaint about the runtime in the group chat because he’d rather watch Quiz Show, so the Jury’s still out on him.

Time to yell!

Dissimilar stubborn supposed studs swap sockets, skin, sneers, stubble, and sideburns so that the savior could stop sabotage while the sadist slays civil servants and shares the sheets for spousal snuggling! Snuffing a ciggie on sleeping Castor! Policeman’s partner doesn’t pick up on penis replacement! Non-consensual face removal! Dead child changeouts! Caucasian tan-line semantics! Castor Troy’s ass-crumb trail! Fucking magnet prisons?! Chris peeing during the closing credits, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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Last season, “Life On the Line” won the title of Worst Movie ™, and it’s thanks to the star-studded collaboration between John Travolta and Devon Sawa working as linemen (LINEMEN!). This season, we bring Fred Durst into the mix (again, kinda) with The Fanatic; also starring John Travolta and Devon Sawa but they hardly do any line work at all!

Let’s fucking gooooo!

A fan of a famous film fellow and a friendly female photographer focus on and follow folks for nefarious fulfillment! Chris and Rob’s poo parallel! Nonsensical and infrequent narrator! Security suggesting strangulation is acceptable! Hobby shop host helps Moose hop halfway through the queue! Rob’s embarrassing, deep-cut Limp Bizkit knowledge! Half-assed autism acting, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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This week we talk about John Carter! The movie that didn’t have Jared Leto but so desperately wanted to (it would have sucked anyway). It seems like a copycat movie, but that’s an anachronistic take once we get into the nitty gritty, so let’s do it!

Yelling!

Giants, Deja, and Jeddaks join John on a Jihad, journeying to a juggernaut of jousting javelins, just so Johnny can jangle his jewel! Alien animal cruelty! Jumpin’ John’s abrupt abductions! Junk astronomy! Native American martians! White savior saving the savages? Baking out baby Barsoomians! Bald guys in disguise! The Jeddak of Helium? Bumbling and unbelievable worldbuilding! Roman soldiers with fur! Creatine beans, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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Paul Bart: Mall Cop! Wow, what a movie!

Here we go.

Fat fella flunks a field test final, forcing the flabby fatso to fend off foes at a food court, flingin the fleshy full-figured fucker, fracturing fixtures and frontage. Preeminent pipe logic problems! Boomer humor for the lazy consumer! Poking fun at single parent passed on by pudgy expat! Porky pranks for the entire picture! Sandler’s just-competent-enough Farley Surrogate? Bob’s Pahud bazooka! Inconsistently crashing through glass, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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This week, we take over the HOV lane with Carpool; the family comedy that wants so badly to be edgy, but ultimately fails because it’s trying to capture the minds and hearts of a younger audience. The end result is a movie that’s got really great pacing and sense of cause and effect, but has just a little too much Tom Arnold for comfort.

Here we go!

Clingy carny criminal cajacks and kidnaps kids, is caught by a Karen cop, and continues to cut and run, causing chaos constantly! Child abduction breast reduction! Arnold almost always averts attention away from aiming automobile! PC police prevent piss-poor P.T. Barnum from profiting! Factory circus? Improper tube logic, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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This week, we take a bite out of Munchie; Gremlins' very own B-movie version of Mac and Me. This also marks our 200th episode. We celebrate by hitting rock bottom, and we plan to sink even lower in the coming weeks!

Here we go!

Double Doms on the pod! A garbage Gremlins and Ghoulies grift where Gage gallavants with a geezer, a girl, and a greasy grotesque gargoyle, getting even with grungry guys, his guardian’s gullible gal pal, and a goon who’s gatekeeping at a grade school! Detectives detain doctor who destroys doughnut shop! Family films firing squad! Muppet Megophilia! Main character/mustache man mother makeout staredown! A fridge with tits! Doug Funny daydreamin’! Greedy Gage getting granted gratuitously without gratitude, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

www.theworstmovieevermade.com