When Our Adult Children Walk Away Podcast Por Dr. Janet Steinkamp EdD arte de portada

When Our Adult Children Walk Away

When Our Adult Children Walk Away

De: Dr. Janet Steinkamp EdD
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My story. Reflecting my opinions and perspective - in my words.

In the early spring of 2019, after several years of trying to sort through our erratic relationship - and under the influence of a gatekeeper partner - my (young) adult daughter made the difficult choice to cut all communication with our family.

I know now that she tried for a very long time to get her messages across to me - years - without success. I remember times when she explained that she needed me to listen and know her better, accept her new and evolving boundaries, recognize her as an emerging adult, and modify my communication style to be more respectful. She needed and expected change. I didn't take her seriously and didn't listen to learn. I listened to respond, explain and convince.

It took many months after she went no-contact to cycle through my grief. Like you, I experienced disbelief, anger and hopelessness before I could begin to accept my role in the reality of our circumstances. Even then, as I began to take responsibility for my contributions - the pain, confusion and hopelessness were often overwhelming.

As difficult as it is to admit. I've come to accept that my contributions to our fractured relationship played a substantial role in her vulnerability to the charm of a narcissist. In her case, he was also her supervisor. The inherent power differential, her desire to please her boss, and her need for income positioned her perfectly to be manipulated and controlled. Eventually, she succumbed to his advances, and the rest is history.

Today, I humbly and gratefully report that my daughter, our family and I have reconnected. My daughter found her voice and the inner strength to leave a toxic and dangerous relationship, pack up her children, and return to our family. After extensive therapy and with strong family support, Brianna (she prefers Bri) often consults with me as I coach estranged parents and adult children who want to understand their circumstances and embrace their new emerging self-awareness.

My name is Dr. Janet Steinkamp, and the reason for this podcast is simple. During the long, dark hours of my isolation and desperation, I decided to use my education and professional (and personal) experience to help people struggling to understand their communication style, interpersonal behavior and estrangement circumstances. I now coach people through their long dark hours, isolation, and desperation to find hope and look toward the future – to grow despite and because of their estrangement- and find strategies that help them prepare to repair their relationship.

When you are ready to walk through the hot coals of self-reflection toward self-discovery - to prepare for repair - I'm here to walk alongside you. In each episode of the When Our Adult Children Walk Away podcast, we explore topics relevant to all who hope to reconnect with an estranged adult child or who are estranged from their parents. The material in each episode relates explicitly to the messy and exhausting fresh hell of estrangement.

When Our Adult Children Walk Away podcast, blog, interviews, group conversations, and 1:1 coaching are at your fingertips. Though I can't promise reconnection, I can and will help you find clarity, purpose and strength as you prepare for opportunities to reconnect. WOACWA offers a judgment-free space to face and explore the unbearable.

© 2025 When Our Adult Children Walk Away Ciencias Sociales Crianza y Familias Desarrollo Personal Relaciones Éxito Personal
Episodios
  • Rebuilding Trust: How Estranged Moms Can Reconnect- Episode 2

    Rebuilding Trust: How Estranged Moms Can Reconnect- Episode 2
    May 11 2025

    Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

    This episode is a follow-up to our Mother's Day conversation—and it's all about what to do next. If you’ve been blamed, shut out, or accused of things that hurt to hear… this one’s for you.

    We’ll walk through how moms can start rebuilding trust when a relationship with their adult child is fractured or strained, especially when they're not sure how to begin. Each point helps build a roadmap to reestablish communication channels, listen actively, and build a truth-based relationship. Learn how to respond with humility, strength, and real change.

    We’ll talk about:
    ✔️ How to recognize, stop overstepping and start respecting boundaries
    ✔️ When to apologize—and how to do it without making things worse
    ✔️ Why listening (really listening) is more powerful than defending
    ✔️ What to say—and what not to say—when trust is broken

    You’re not alone. You don’t have to be perfect. If you’re willing to do the work, there’s hope for reestablishing a respectful and healthy connection. 💛

    #EstrangedParents #MomsRebuildingTrust #EmotionalHealing #GriefSupport #MentalHealth

    Support the show

    For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

    The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.


    The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.
    Más Menos
    24 m
  • When Mother’s Day Hurts: 10 Reasons Our Kids Pull Away

    When Mother’s Day Hurts: 10 Reasons Our Kids Pull Away
    Apr 15 2025

    Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

    Mother’s Day can bring up a lot of emotional turmoil, can trigger our grief, and can shine a light on the empty chair at the dinner table - especially when your relationship with your adult child feels broken or distant.

    In this episode, we’ll examine 10 reasons adult children who are or have been estranged say they step back or walk away from their moms. We'll also consider how you might respond to open the door instead of pushing them further away.

    We’ll talk through:

    ✔️ What estranged adult children mean when they bring up things like “control” or “favoritism”.

    ✔️ How to respond without getting defensive—even when it hurts

    ✔️ Ways to show empathy, take responsibility, and rebuild trust

    ✔️ What accountability actually sounds like in real-life conversations

    This isn’t about blame—it’s about understanding. It’s about getting honest, staying humble, and taking steps toward a healthier relationship, even if that road is long.


    Support the show

    For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

    The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.


    The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.
    Más Menos
    37 m
  • Close But Different: Rejection vs Dejection

    Close But Different: Rejection vs Dejection
    Apr 1 2025

    Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

    If you’re experiencing some degree of estrangement, you have almost certainly experienced the sting of rejection and the emotional gut punch of dejection. When some part of our involvement in our relationship is rejected, we can become overwhelmed by disbelief, anger, hurt feelings and despair. In this episode, we’re breaking it down. Rejection is the action – the delivery of the message. It is what happens when someone shuts you out—it’s external. Dejection? That’s the inner impact - the emotional crash, confusion, and heartbreak that lingers.

    We’ll talk about how these emotions show up in estranged family relationships. In future and related episodes, we’ll explore how to handle both to keep you moving forward. If your messages of love and attempts to be supported have been dismissed or perceived to be harmful in some way, and if you’ve ever felt shut out or disappointed, take a listen!

    Support the show

    For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

    The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.


    The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.
    Más Menos
    21 m
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