When Our Adult Children Walk Away Podcast Por Dr. Janet Steinkamp EdD arte de portada

When Our Adult Children Walk Away

When Our Adult Children Walk Away

De: Dr. Janet Steinkamp EdD
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My story. Reflecting my experiences, observations and perspective - in my words.

In the early spring of 2019, under the coercive influence of her abusive gatekeeper partner, in the heart of the global pandemic and after several years of trying to sort through our erratic relationship, my (young) adult daughter made the heartbreaking choice to cut all communication with our family.

I understand now that for a very long time, through her high school and college years, she tried to get her messages across to me. I recall instances when she asked me to listen, pay attention, and understand her better, to accept her evolving boundaries, to recognize her as an emerging adult, and to adjust my communication style to be more respectful of her emerging adulthood. She needed and expected a change in our relationship, in our boundaries, and in my recognition of her as a young woman. I didn't take her seriously and didn't listen to learn. I listened to respond, explain and convince.

It took many months after she went no-contact for me to cycle through my grief. Like you, I experienced disbelief, anger and hopelessness before I could begin to recognize and accept my role in the reality of our circumstances. Even then, as I began to take responsibility for my contributions, my pain, confusion and hopelessness were often overwhelming.

As difficult as it is to admit. I've come to accept that my contributions to our fractured relationship played a substantial role in her vulnerability to the charm of a narcissist. In her case, he was also her supervisor. The inherent power differential, her desire to please her boss, and her need for income positioned her perfectly to be manipulated and controlled. Eventually, she succumbed to his advances, and the rest is history.

Today, I humbly and gratefully report that my daughter, our family and I have reconnected. My daughter found her voice and the inner strength to leave a toxic and dangerous relationship, pack up her children, and return to our family. After extensive therapy and with strong family support, Brianna (she prefers Bri) often consults with me as I coach estranged parents and adult children who want to understand their circumstances and embrace their new emerging self-awareness.

My name is Dr. Janet Steinkamp, and the reason for this podcast is simple. During the long, dark hours of my isolation and desperation, I decided to use my education and professional (and personal) experience to help people struggling to understand their communication style, interpersonal behavior and estrangement circumstances. I now coach people through their darkest hours, isolation, and desperation to find hope and look toward the future, to grow despite and because of their estrangement, and find strategies that help them prepare to repair their relationship.

When you are ready to walk through the hot coals of self-reflection toward self-discovery - to prepare for repair - I'm here to walk alongside you. In each episode of the When Our Adult Children Walk Away podcast, we explore topics relevant to all who hope to reconnect with an estranged adult child or who are estranged from their parents. The material in each episode relates explicitly to the messy and exhausting fresh hell of estrangement.

When Our Adult Children Walk Away podcast, blog, interviews, group conversations, and 1:1 coaching are at your fingertips. Though I can't promise reconnection, I can and will help you find clarity, purpose and strength as you prepare for opportunities to reconnect. WOACWA offers a judgment-free space to face and explore the unbearable.

© 2025 When Our Adult Children Walk Away Ciencias Sociales Crianza y Familias Desarrollo Personal Relaciones Éxito Personal
Episodios
  • Peeling the Onion Layer 2 - Cutting into the 7 layers of coercive abuse

    Peeling the Onion Layer 2 - Cutting into the 7 layers of coercive abuse
    Oct 5 2025

    Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

    You’ll peel back the second layer of the coercive-control “onion” and learn seven concrete ways control shows up: isolation, monitoring and surveillance, degradation and humiliation, control over everyday life, gaslighting, threats and intimidation, and rules with punishments. You’ll hear real-life examples (from “just preferences” to silent treatments) and why these patterns so often lead to estrangement.

    Most importantly, you’ll get calm, practical guidance on what you can do right now—how to keep communication gentle and consistent, how to avoid confronting the partner (and why that matters), and how to signal a safe haven without adding pressure. If you suspect coercion in your adult child’s relationship, this episode gives you language, lenses, and next steps—at a pace that protects connection.

    **All stories are an amalgamation of stories shared by clients and podcast listeners.

    Related Episodes
    • Peeling the Onion One Layer At a Time (Layer 1) - Overview of Coercive Control and Estrangement — the foundation for this series; defines the dynamics and why they escalate.
    • Peeling the Onion One Layer At a Time (Layer 3) Gatekeepers & Coercive Control Navigating “gatekeepers” without triggering coercive abuse and further estrangement.

    #FamilyEstrangement #CoerciveControl #EstrangedAdultChildren #ParentReconnection #Gaslighting #ParentalAlienation #ParentChildReunification #FamilyCommunication #EstrangementGrief #ReconnectionStrategist #EstrangementExpert #DomesticAbuseAwareness #AdultChildRelationships #FaithFamilyHope

    Support the show

    For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

    The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

    The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.
    Más Menos
    32 m
  • Peeling the Onion One Layer At a Time (Layer 1) - Overview of Coercive Control and Estrangement

    Peeling the Onion One Layer At a Time (Layer 1) - Overview of Coercive Control and Estrangement
    Sep 21 2025

    Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

    In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away, Dr. Janet Steinkamp helps you peel back the first layer of the topic of coercive control. If you’ve noticed your estranged adult child suddenly changing their identity, distancing from family, or echoing words that don’t sound like their own, you may be witnessing coercive influence at work.

    You’ll learn what coercive control looks like and why it is so pervasive in parental estrangement, why it’s so hard to detect, and the seven key warning signs to watch for—like social isolation, gaslighting, and control over daily life. More importantly, you’ll gain encouragement and practical strategies for keeping the light on in your relationship without fueling the coercive partner’s power.

    This is about giving you clarity and hope as you navigate the painful reality of estrangement while still holding space for love, trust, and reconnection with your child.

    Mentioned Episodes

    • When Communication Becomes a Power Struggle: Power, Influence, Gaslighting & Coercive Control
    • Future mini-series: Seven Aspects of Coercive Control

    Suggested Reading: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/it-is-all-coercive-control/202508/when-estrangement-masks-abuse

    #familyestrangement, #estrangedadultchild, #coercivecontrol, #parentreconnection, #estrangementexpert, #parentalalienation, #adultestrangement, #repairingrelationships



    Support the show

    For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

    The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

    The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.
    Más Menos
    12 m
  • When the Green Monster Rears Its Head: Jealousy and Estrangement

    When the Green Monster Rears Its Head: Jealousy and Estrangement
    Sep 7 2025

    Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

    Jealousy is a natural emotion, and still, it can complicate an already painful estrangement.

    In this thoughtful episode, Dr. Janet helps parents and adult children understand the role jealousy plays in their strained or fractured relationships.

    Parents, you’re not alone in this. Estranged adult children also tell us they experience jealousy. But the experience for parents and adult children is different.

    What does jealousy have to do with estrangement? And pointedly, how can jealousy hinder our ability to establish healthy and respectful communication?

    Listen in to hear compassionate insights and consider practical examples.

    This episode offers tools to recognize, manage, and move through jealousy in healthy ways.

    Past episodes referenced in this conversation:

    • The Continuum of Estrangement
    • Friendly Advocate or Flying Monkey (Short)
    • What is the Difference: Gaslighting vs Reframing

    Support the show

    For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

    The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

    The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.
    Más Menos
    28 m
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