I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die

Finding Hope in the Darkness of Depression

By: Sarah J. Robinson, Holly Oxhandler - introduction PhD LMSW

Narrated by: Sarah J. Robinson

A compassionate, shame-free guide for your darkest days

“A one-of-a-kind book . . . to read for yourself or give to a struggling friend or loved one without the fear that depression and suicidal thoughts will be minimized, medicalized or over-spiritualized.”—Kay Warren, cofounder of Saddleback Church

What happens when loving Jesus doesn’t cure you of depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts? You might be crushed by shame over your mental illness, only to be told by well-meaning Christians to “choose joy” and “pray more.” So you beg God to take away the pain, but nothing eases the ache inside. As darkness lingers and color drains from your world, you’re left wondering if God has abandoned you.

You just want a way out.

But there’s hope.

In I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die, Sarah J. Robinson offers a healthy, practical, and shame-free guide for Christians struggling with mental illness. With unflinching honesty, Sarah shares her story of battling depression and fighting to stay alive despite toxic theology that made her afraid to seek help outside the church. Pairing her own story with scriptural insights, mental health research, and simple practices, Sarah helps you reconnect with the God who is present in our deepest anguish and discover that you are worth everything it takes to get better.

Beautifully written and full of hard-won wisdom, I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die offers a path toward a rich, hope-filled life in Christ, even when healing doesn’t look like what you expect.


* This audiobook edition includes a downloadable PDF of appendices from the book.

Critic reviews

“Robinson’s soothing tips and sage advice should go a long way toward helping those in need of assistance.”—Publishers Weekly

It's ok to struggle!

"our faith is not based on the actions of God, but rather the character of God"

Breathtakingly beautiful and raw

If you are someone who has struggled with mental illness or maybe you’ve walked along side someone who has than this book is for you. I Love Jesus, But I want to Die is breathtakingly raw, Sarah’s ability to open up about her experience is beautiful and brave. I feel that mental health has been a taboo topic in the churches for far too long. Sarah brings us into her world of suffering and hope: showing us that it’s okay to struggle with depression and that you’re not alone. You are not a disappointment and you are worthy. Absolutely a must read, I cannot thank Sarah enough for putting her story out there for all to hear, she is a blessing and I believe that this book is going to change a lot of lives.

First book I've finished in a long time

Truly heart warming, touching, and insightful. Sarah provides great tools to help to navigate mental illness with the understanding that this is not a one-stop, microwave process. It was inspiring and lovingly told. Thank you for sharing your experience so vulnerably.

Ok for awhile, just didn't click

A female author would of course write an extremely female focused book that left me hitting the 10 second forward button couple times an hour. Told myself I bought the book so I'm gonna find some value for me. Thought it might still have something that clicks. Just got so psych, with a little bible tossed in, gimmicky I had to stop halfway through when a paragraph just hit me so wrong I rolled my eyes and huffed. Not for me.