The Velvet Rage

Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World

By: Alan Downs Ph. D

Narrated by: Alan Downs Ph. D

The most important issue in a gay man’s life is not “coming out”, but coming to terms with the invalidating past. Despite the progress made in recent years, many gay men still wonder, “Are we better off?” The byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, rejection, and anger - a toxic cocktail that can lead to drug abuse, promiscuity, alcoholism, depression, and suicide.

Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author’s own journey, and the stories of many of his friends and clients, Velvet Rage addresses the myth of gay pride and outlines three stages to emotional well-being for gay men. The revised and expanded edition covers issues related to gay marriage, a broader range of examples that extend beyond middle-class gay men in America, and expansion of the original discussion on living authentically as a gay man.

©2005, 2006, 2012 Alan Downs (P)2012 HighBridge Company

Amazing

This book finally provided me answers to questions I have been asking over a lifetime.
A

Life changing

Honestly helped me really cope with my sexuality and improve the relationships in my life.

Powerful...Enlightening...Inspiring

This book was truly amazing! A must read for all who seek truth and purpose

Great book.

I’d been told about this book and am thankful I’m going through it. It’s written specifically for gay men. It’s an eye awakening self improvement book by a gay psychotherapist. He covers what he calls the different phases we all go through to hopefully become a healthy authentic man in healthy authentic relationships. It is definitely worth while. I’d definitely encourage others to read or listen as I am.

A Must Read For Every Gay Male!

Life changing, a book that must be read by every gay man upon coming out - this book will give you self insight like nothing ever will.

Wonderful Material, Boring Narration

I found the information in Alan Downs’s The Velvet Rage very interesting. And much of what he described about growing up gay in a homophobic society resonated with my own experience. Unfortunately, Downs fell victim to that temptation most sensible authors resist: narrating his own book. Dreadful idea. The author’s relentless monotone made for a rather soporific listen, despite the great content.

Each chapter gets better and more relatable.

When my psychiatrist recommended this book, the title made me roll my eyes as i thought, this is going to be the gayest book i have ever read. I had another book, The Body Keeps Score, to complete before i was going to start this one and i could not have been happier i didnt read them in the opposite order. TBKS was a tough, clinical and emotionally heavy behemoth and i was i need of something relevant and engaging to read next to help balance my mind.

The first few chapters seemed to include descriptions of sex that almost seemed like they were attempting to be erotic instead of informative and i was immediately worried about my mom and sister who were planning to read TVR as well. They ares very liberal but they get awkward at overtly gay sex talk and i didnt want them to have that affecting what they took away from the book. Thankfully the sex talk faded out of focus and what was left was a great balance of clinical information with proven results told through people who all seemed to be just like me in some ways. I am going to re-listen to this again with my husband to see what he takes away from it!

A Full Understanding of My Gay Self

Alan Downs did something that I didn't think was possible in this book. He broke down the struggles of being a gay person in this world and gave us some steps for making the most of the life we have left on this world. If I could I would buy this book for every single gay person on this planet because I believe our community needs this book and all it's advice more than ever right now. It's sad to think there are gays out there that may never hear this wisdom that Alan Downs speaks in this book. I for one will do my best to spread this knowledge as far and wide as I can. Being a YouTuber and public figure myself I plan on telling people about this book as often as I possibly can. He literally answered some of the questions I had no idea how to ask to get the answers.

very knowledgeable-

this is a great book for parents of a gay child to read. I feel so much more knowledgeable now.v

Deep, helpful, healing and life-changing

I have read the book and listened to the audiobook of The Velvet Rage quite a few times over the years.

There is so much in this book and it is so deep that different aspects become more available and understandable at different stages of life.

I found the Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) sections extremely helpful and practical.

Very grateful that I found this book. Thank you so much to the Author.