• Liches Get Stitches

  • Liches Get Stitches, Book 1
  • By: HJ Tolson
  • Narrated by: Ella Lynch
  • Length: 8 hrs and 23 mins
  • 4.3 out of 5 stars (155 ratings)

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Liches Get Stitches  By  cover art

Liches Get Stitches

By: HJ Tolson
Narrated by: Ella Lynch
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Publisher's summary

Evil stirs in the forest of Downing, spreading blight across the ancient boughs.

Busy with troubles of her own, Maud the village witch just wants to be left alone. Peace and quiet should be easy enough when you're dead, right?

Wrong. Reborn as a powerful lich, Maud is suddenly faced with the attentions of all the righteous heroes, holy clerics, and nosy neighbors of the realm. Now, instead of whiling away the days in her garden with her cat and her knitting, Maud must figure out how much force is required to crush a man's spine, the proper storage solution to keep a spoiling cadaver, and how best to display the remains of the fallen for maximum scare.

Liches Get Stitches is a very grisly slice-of-life progression fantasy featuring people mulch, head bouquets, revenant geese, and some very deadly embroidery. Undead paradise never looked so good.

©2021 HJ Tolson (P)2022 Podium Audio

What listeners say about Liches Get Stitches

Average customer ratings
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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Ella Lynch KILLS it as Maud

I read this book back when it first came out on kindle, and I loved it then, and I love it now. This feminist deconstruction of your typical progression fantasy is equal parts witty and hysterical, and casting Ella Lynch to voice Maud is PERFECTION. I always imagined Maud to have a very cute voice, and Ella Lynch delivers. The black comedy is made even funnier this way. If you've ever wanted to leave the world behind to be a fashionable goth witch doing arts and crafts in a charming little cottage in the woods, then this story is for you. If you've ever wanted to commune with the dead and dance by the light of the full autumn moon, then this story is for you. And if you've ever wanted to just go absolutely ape**** on all the men who've ever patronized you in your life, then this story is for YOU.

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4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    2 out of 5 stars

Leveling up in a cheery British accent

I wasn’t paying enough attention to the summary, which did in fairness disclose that this is a progression fantasy. LitRPG, cultivation and progression fantasies generally aren’t my thing unless there’s also action, plots, or character development beyond simply becoming a more powerful being,

Sadly, there’s no engaging mystery, no clever banter, no meaningful antagonist or supporting characters. It’s just Maud, the former hedge witch and now powerful Lich learning how to blend needlework and necromancy. Redshirt lords and knights pop in to utter a dunderhead line or two, demonstrating they are bad, and then with a whisper Maud sucks their soul. Bibity-boppity, blink and you’ll miss it: they’re dead. Yawn.

The narration is darling. The writing is cozy (no sex or F bombs). But it was forgettable.
I was hoping for fun adventure and fantasy, but the concept peaked for me at the summary.

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3 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

funny, dark and a cat. what more could you want

loved Jenkins the cat. Maud is brilliant.

it's a surprisingly good story. which I really enjoyed. if you enjoy dark British humour then I think you will really enjoy this story too.

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2 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

loved it

What a great lichy slice of life story! I love that it is a light hearted tale about a creature so sinister! I'm looking forward to the second one! :)

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1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Amazing

I was very pleasantly surprised by this book. It was funny tale of woe. The narrator did a fantastic job a brought story to life. The only complaint was it was to short. I will be buying the next book.

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1 person found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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A Joy from Start to Finish

Somehow, despite there being blood, guts, and necromancy in virtually every chapter, I would still describe this book as "charming." The author did a wonderful job of making me love a traditionally unlovable character and I can't wait for the next book in the series. The narrator also did an excellent job and really helped to sell the story.

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1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Grab this book

loved the whole story, characters are fun and following a newly born lich who doesn't know basic magic is refreshing compared to the normal op magic user trope. Hope this continues getting narrated in follow-up books. can't wait for 2nd book already. Need more books like this imo.

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1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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  • K
  • 03-04-24

Terrible Story, Excellent Reader

The initially sympathetic MC goes full-blown, complete psychotic evil within literal pages of the intro. I have absolutely no interest in listening to more of this drivel, and can tell by the gradually sinking reviews of the sequels that no one else wants to read this, either.

That said, the reader was excellent and literally the only reason I finished listening to this book.

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Darkly wonderful

Funny, exciting and morbidly fascinating.
Manages to make it's undead protagonist relatable and endearing.
Excited to listen to more in the series.

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Mind bend

The lich acts like a stereotypical undead lord and then like a hermit girl then back again without ever really questioning if her personality has changed at all from her unintentional undead change over and left me with an odd feeling of "is this cute?" as she arranged flowers and heads on pikes and pet her cat while enjoying a rainy day

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