If I Don't Laugh, I'll Cry

How Death, Debt, and Comedy Led to a Life of Faith, Farming, and Forgetting What I Came into This Room For

By: Molly Stillman, Kristin Hannah - introduction

Narrated by: Molly Stillman, Lisa Larsen

Read by the author.

Some people have life all figured out. This book is for the rest of us.

Molly Stillman has lived the type of life that when shared, people stop in their tracks and ask “Wait, what happened?” Molly’s mother, Lynda Van Devanter Buckley, served as an Army nurse during the Vietnam War and wrote the bestselling memoir Home Before Morning. When Molly was seventeen, Lynda passed away after an eight-year battle with an autoimmune disorder due to her exposure to Agent Orange. Four years later Molly turned twenty-one and unexpectedly inherited a quarter of a million dollars from her mother’s estranged family’s estate. Through “retail therapy” and a long series of grossly irresponsible financial decisions, Molly found herself broke with over $36,000 in credit card debt less than two years later. Shame, guilt, and embarrassment set in.

With aspirations of a career in comedy, Molly used humor to mask the pain and brokenness she felt, believing that if she looked joyful and put together on the outside, it would eventually be true on the inside. Instead, she spent the next few years depressed, lonely, and feeling alienated from those closest to her. But an unlikely call with a compassionate credit counselor, meeting the spreadsheet-loving man who eventually became her husband, and a surprising visit to a church started her on a path that changed everything.

If I Don’t Laugh, I’ll Cry offers humor and hope to all of us who have struggled to reconcile the life we are living with the life we thought we wanted to have. Molly will bring you into the tension of feeling both joy and grief and show you that every broken, messed up story has a purpose, and it’s possible to gain everything if you’re willing to surrender it all to Jesus.

Wow what an impact on my life

When I first started this book, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Was it going to be comedy or tragedy? I discovered that it was both.
Molly, your story is so close to my own… I was in awe that you had written this book for me. I can’t thank you enough. Your book has been an inspiration and a healing blessing for me. God bless you.

I laughed and I cried!

I loved this book! I could not stop listening! Molly is such a great storyteller, and hearing her tell her story herself makes it all the better. The book is raw and vulnerable, and a true testament to the faithfulness of the Lord.

Thank you for sharing your story

We all should tell our story cause they’re not our stories. They’re his stories. His timing is all always perfect and thankful you read the book yourself.

intentional vulnerability that leads others to the truth

We all need a savior and this book illustrates God's patient grace with tears, laughter, and reality.

Beautiful, Vulnerable, Funny

I heard about this book from listening to an Enneagram podcast that Molly was interviewed on. I also am a 2 wing 3 so I wanted to hear her story. The beginning part about the Vietnam War was challenging for me to hear about, but I enjoyed the story more and more as I continued to listen. Molly is hilarious and I loved hearing her voice share her story. Her comedy sketch characters were truly funny. There were several raw, heart clenching moments as well. My favorite part was the bank lady phone call. 💗 💗💗 Thanks, Molly, for your vulnerability! It’s a beautiful story.